Friendship Issue

[heartbroken84]

I agreed to check on my friends bunny while they were out of town. I was going on a date after I checked on bunny so brought my nicer leather bag. Left leather bag on coffee table and bunny ate through the strap of my $250 purse. I was shocked and bummer because I had been at her home for less than 30min.

Texted friend and said hey your bunny at my $250 bag we need to discuss this. She agreed to repay for the bag but isn’t empathetic because she would never spend that much on a bag. 
 

Ive been searching online for a replacement bag, but it’s been hard since they don’t make the bag anymore. I found some used ones and let her know that if she could contribute to half of the replacement that be nice. She wasn’t even appreciative that I was trying to lower the costs and only asking to pay for half.

She called and we discussed the matter. I felt manipulated into basically apologising for how I treated her. She was far more concerned about her bunny. And even kind of almost accused me of harming her bunny. She never apologised for her bunny’s behaviour and just said it’s an animal. 

I have the key to her house so I figured o could give it to her and she could give me the money. Her venmo isn’t working so she said she’d give me a check which is annoying because I’ll have to go the efforts to deposit it. 
 

I think most of you will say that this situation shows how it’s time for me to take whatever she offers and just discontinue the friendship. We definitely have different views on money.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, heartbroken84 said:

She never apologised for her bunny’s behaviour and just said it’s an animal. 

She's correct. Do not pet sit for people. No offense but you're being a bit dramatic. It's remarkable she offered to pay for it. 

[DancingFool]

Wow....you are unbelievably entitled and have some serious audacity - did you find that on sale too?

I can't believe she is even willing to entertain the idea that she should pay for your carelessness and yes, you could have killed her pet with that. In her shoes, I'd forget I know you because you are quite the "censored"..... You are literally asking your friend to pay for YOUR negligence.

[gamon]

The bunny is free to roam around the home when nobody is there?

or- did you let it out of it's cage.

This matters.

 

[heartbroken84]

Yes, she lets the bunny roam around freely. 

[heartbroken84]

42 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She's correct. Do not pet sit for people. No offense but you're being a bit dramatic. It's remarkable she offered to pay for it. 

I am no longer willing to pet sit for her. She should just put the bunny in a kennel. 

[heartbroken84]

32 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Wow....you are unbelievably entitled and have some serious audacity - did you find that on sale too?

I can't believe she is even willing to entertain the idea that she should pay for your carelessness and yes, you could have killed her pet with that. In her shoes, I'd forget I know you because you are quite the "censored"..... You are literally asking your friend to pay for YOUR negligence.

Quite the censored what? I think you’re being very rude to me. Please don’t respond to my post.

[Capricorn3]

51 minutes ago, heartbroken84 said:

 Her venmo isn’t working so she said she’d give me a check which is annoying because I’ll have to go the efforts to deposit it.

Geez, at least she's paying and yet you still complain because of all the "effort to deposit the check".  Either take the check or leave it.

[gamon]

She probably should have warned you that the bunny will eat anything it gets its choppers onto. I'm sure your purse wasn't the first casualty.

Her bunny, her responsibility, she should pay for the replacement purse in full.

The friendship is probably over.

Too bad.

 

P.S. You can scan a check into the smartphone app provided by most banks.

[heartbroken84]

13 minutes ago, gamon said:

She probably should have warned you that the bunny will eat anything it gets its choppers onto. I'm sure your purse wasn't the first casualty.

Her bunny, her responsibility, she should pay for the replacement purse in full.

The friendship is probably over.

Too bad.

 

P.S. You can scan a check into the smartphone app provided by most banks.

You’re awesome!

[Tinydance]

Well I do agree that the bunny is just an animal and doesn't have morals or high cognitive abilities. You can't even train a bunny in the same way you can a dog or cat so I don't think you can really say that it's poorly behaved as such. 

That aside though....Just as a gesture of politeness and decency I do think your friend owes you money for the bag. My family always had dogs and if my dog chewed someone's belongings, I would offer to pay just because that's the decent thing to do. 

I also don't think she can make any comment like: "Why did you spend $250 on the bag?" That's none of her business how much you chose to spend on the bag.

[heartbroken84]

2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I do agree that the bunny is just an animal and doesn't have morals or high cognitive abilities. You can't even train a bunny in the same way you can a dog or cat so I don't think you can really say that it's poorly behaved as such. 

That aside though....Just as a gesture of politeness and decency I do think your friend owes you money for the bag. My family always had dogs and if my dog chewed someone's belongings, I would offer to pay just because that's the decent thing to do. 

I also don't think she can make any comment like: "Why did you spend $250 on the bag?" That's none of her business how much you chose to spend on the bag.

Tiny dance, thanks for understanding. My lawyer friend posed the situation of what if her bunny bit me. If someone's animal assault you or your property the owner is liable. If the bunny damaged 2k, I could sue her in court and win. Yes and she spends $60 on bottles of wine and cigarettes which is her choice. We all have our hobbies and passions which should be respected.

 

 

 

[heartbroken84]

1 hour ago, Capricorn3 said:

Geez, at least she's paying and yet you still complain because of all the "effort to deposit the check".  Either take the check or leave it.

I let her know that I wasn’t happy with some of the mean things she said to me and kindly offered to return her house key in the mail. I will no longer accept any monetary contributions to my loss. And no longer interested in a friendship. 

[gamon]

2 minutes ago, heartbroken84 said:

I will no longer accept any monetary contributions to my loss. And no longer interested in a friendship. 

Maybe just settle for a lucky rabbit's foot?

[heartbroken84]

Just now, gamon said:

Maybe just settle for a lucky rabbit's foot?

Thanks for making me smile. I’m extremely sensitive and this situation has caused me much stress. I’ve let it go and I don’t want such a friend that can’t apologise on behalf of her pet. And expects me to be cool. 

[Cherylyn]

No, I don't think you should discontinue the friendship.

Speaking from a lady who loves her handbags, with all due respect, you're in the wrong here.  Whether it was your forgetfulness or having no knowledge about animals chewing objects, it's your fault that you inadvertently left your purse on the coffee table in the first place.  That was your negligent risk with your purse whether it was expensive or not.  It's not the bunny's fault nor your friend's fault.   It could've been a different object and the bunny still would've chewed it. 

Don't allow money and demanding compensation to get in the way of your friendship.  Friendship is more expensive than your purse.  You can replace your purse or strap.  Good friendships shouldn't be discarded just because of a minor argument. 

If you wish to salvage your friendship and make amends, I would text her this, voicemail, in person or phone call:  "I'm sorry.  It was my fault that I left my purse on your coffee table.  You do not owe me any money towards my next purse purchase.  Let's put the past behind us and start anew.  Start fresh.  Thank you.  Sincerely, Your Name."

Then either buy a new strap, buy a purse for yourself or consider it a lesson learned regarding never trusting animals when your back is turned.  

My husband's former bunny chewed through his electrical cords.  Other animals are chewers, too.  Beware. 

[heartbroken84]

Thanks so much for your input and insight. This was certainly a learning lesson in that I will never pet sit or house sit. She made a lot of snide remarks and expected me to act like she would act and accept an “it is what it is” attitude. And stated things such as “I would never ask for that”, “you’re weird with money”, “you make more than me”, “you pay less student debt”, “you have less expenses”, “I would never spend that much on a purse”, “you want other people to pay for things”, “you can’t hike that, it’s too steep for you” “you bought me a birthday meal and I feel like I need to pay you back”. 
 

I just can’t handle such comments being thrown at me. All I really want to hear was a sincere apology. Rather she defended her dear bunny. Well that’s fine, but I can’t handle anyone like this.

[bluecastle]

I can't help but read this and feel that this friendship was on thin ice prior to this incident. Anything to that? 

The reason I say that is because this is, respectfully, a whole lot of drama and spite over...well, over a bunny biting a bag. A nice, semi-pricey bag, yeah, but it's a thing to put things in. Can really only see it escalating to this point, emotionally, if one or both people involved were already looking for some outlet for their dislike and distaste, for a reason to end the friendship.

Sh*t happens, as the old saying goes. This is that. Friends? They don't let sh*t get in the way of what matters. She offered to pay, but her lack of empathy irks? She fails to acknowledge that the used bags you're looking at are cheaper and that irks? Her Venmo issues mean you have to take a photo of a check or put it in the bank and that irks?

I don't mean to minimize your upset—it's real, I get it—but from these seats it's hard to understand exactly why you feel so slighted by any of this unless there was a preexisting condition (e.g. you being unhappy with this friendship) that got enflamed by the adventuresome pallet of a four pound ball of fluff. 

[heartbroken84]

4 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

I can't help but read this and feel that this friendship was on thin ice prior to this incident. Anything to that? 

The reason I say that is because this is, respectfully, a whole lot of drama and spite over...well, over a bunny biting a bag. A nice, semi-pricey bag, yeah, but it's a thing to put things in. Can really only see it escalating to this point, emotionally, if one or both people involved were already looking for some outlet for their dislike and distaste, for a reason to end the friendship.

Sh*t happens, as the old saying goes. This is that. Friends? They don't let sh*t get in the way of what matters. She offered to pay, but her lack of empathy irks? She fails to acknowledge that the used bags you're looking at are cheaper and that irks? Her Venmo issues mean you have to take a photo of a check or put it in the bank and that irks?

I don't mean to minimize your upset—it's real, I get it—but from these seats it's hard to understand exactly why you feel so slighted by any of this unless there was a preexisting condition (e.g. you being unhappy with this friendship) that got enflamed by the adventuresome pallet of a four pound ball of fluff. 

 

[heartbroken84]

I think you’re spot on! We’re not super close friends, but I’m not exactly vibing with her recently. She’s an alcoholic, she’s very brash, a serial dater, and she has I don’t give a crap attitude. And this bunny incident and her defensiveness really truly made me realise I don’t want anyone like this in my life. I’m tired of having friends that think they’re always right. Yes I should apologise but she should too.

[Cherylyn]

43 minutes ago, heartbroken84 said:

I think you’re spot on! We’re not super close friends, but I’m not exactly vibing with her recently. She’s an alcoholic, she’s very brash, a serial dater, and she has I don’t give a crap attitude. And this bunny incident and her defensiveness really truly made me realise I don’t want anyone like this in my life. I’m tired of having friends that think they’re always right. Yes I should apologise but she should too.

Since you're not close friends,  brash,  an incompatible alcoholic and never offered a kind word regarding her pet damaging your purse, then it's better to go your separate ways peacefully. 

[heartbroken84]

3 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Since you're not close friends,  brash,  an incompatible alcoholic and never offered a kind word regarding her pet damaging your purse, then it's better to go your separate ways peacefully. 

Thanks Cherylyn. I agree with you, you should have heard her tone too. It was quite defensive and rude. Time to focus on creating new friendships, and taking care of me. 

[Tinydance]

Well my parents brought me up to be very polite and mindful of other people's feelings. I do believe that if your pet damages someone's property, it's the right thing to do to offer to pay for it and replace it. And I have experience with pets all my life. My family always had dogs.

It doesn't mean that there's any need to have a fight about it or make a big deal, as yes pets are animals and they don't have the morals that people do and don't think about what they're doing. Especially if it's a pet like bunny or rat because they can't be trained to be obedient like dogs. So I don't think you can really blame the owner as the pet isn't trainable and there's not much they as the owner can do to control the pet's behaviour.

I don't see how it's the OP's fault that she simply placed her handbag on the table. She had to put the bag somewhere, right? And she did explain why she brought the nice bag, because she was going on a date. I like to look nice on dates too and wear nice clothes, cute shoes and cute handbag.

I think the best way to solve this would have been for the friend to offer to pay and apologise and then for both people to just move on. It doesn't really seem worth it to end the friendship over a silly accident.

But I agree that it's not right to say: "Why did you spend so much on a bag". That's every person's right how much they choose to spend on their bag. Even if the bag was cheap it's the right thing to do to apologise and pay back. Even if just apologise for the inconvenience because she was going on a date and the bag strap was gone, therefore the bag would fall off. It's just called basic manners and being considerate.

I think ending the friendship over it seems too over the top. Losing a bag strap doesn't seem as big a deal as the friend stealing your money or sleeping with your boyfriend or something lol It was an accident.

 

[heartbroken84]

Can we be friends lol? She didn’t apologise, she’s too stubborn. Good thing I just ended up just going for a walk with my date. In the end it was her tone and inability to understand. I had almost walked away from this friendship months ago when I introduced her to my friend over dinner...She is pro vax and my other friend is anti-vax. She had a couple drinks and started talking politics and blaming anti vax folks for the pandemic....my other friend got so agitated that she left when she went to use the restroom.....That was so bad,

[Tinydance]

6 minutes ago, heartbroken84 said:

Can we be friends lol? She didn’t apologise, she’s too stubborn. Good thing I just ended up just going for a walk with my date. In the end it was her tone and inability to understand. I had almost walked away from this friendship months ago when I introduced her to my friend over dinner...She is pro vax and my other friend is anti-vax. She had a couple drinks and started talking politics and blaming anti vax folks for the pandemic....my other friend got so agitated that she left when she went to use the restroom.....That was so bad,

Well yeah you don't need this kind of drama really. Vax aside, friendships should be smooth sailing and mostly easy.