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Friendship Issue


heartbroken84
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I just sent her this message: Hello! After some thought, I am really bothered by the our chat regarding the bag situation. Some things were said that didn’t sit well with me. I’d like to kindly return your house key and move on in effort to alleviate stress. I’m happy to mail it you, whatever works. 

She said” I had a really hard time with the situation too so I respect that“ 

It has not been easy maintaining friendships. I often find myself building relationships with women that are nice and interesting but toxic.

 

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You were upset about the bag but I think you came across as accusing your friend (and the pet) of being responsible for your purse. That's why she was defensive in the first place. Since we're talking about tone here, it goes both ways. If you hadn't come at her possibly in the way you did, this wouldn't have escalated or there wouldn't be talk of ending friendships.

Don't react so quickly next time when something like this upsets you. Take a day to think it over and talk to the other party the next day if needed. 

Either way, I'm sorry to hear about your bag strap and difficulty finding a replacement. I like tried and true items so if there's a brand or manufacturer I like it bothers me to when it can't be replaced readily. 

 

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On a more practical side, now that the friendship has been severed, a torn-off/cut off bag strap can be easily fixed by a shoe repair workshop. Here they can fix anything made of leather, so it is not that your whole bag is to throw away. 

I would not have asked for 250$, the price of a new bag, because yours was not brand new, and as I said the strap can be repaired for a fraction of the bag price. 

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2 hours ago, East4 said:

On a more practical side, now that the friendship has been severed, a torn-off/cut off bag strap can be easily fixed by a shoe repair workshop.

Yes! Invest in a quality repair from a local craftsman. Your bag will have beautiful added character, and you will put money directly in the hands of the worker (instead of into the hands of a fatcat paying slave wages to some poor soul in a third world country!)

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I dunno, with all due respect, seems to me that both of you are very crude. Yes, she didnt offer apology but she did offer to pay for the damages her animal did. But somehow its not enough because she should have apologized and you have to go to troubles of cashing her check? Do you even see how both of you have troubles expressing yourself better and being "stuck ups" toward each other?

Would her offering an apology made you feel better to, for example, forgive her bunny for eating your bag? Or would you still demand monetary compensation? Which she did offer btw

What I am trying to say is that we cant always have our way. Especially in a situations where its really not her fault her bunny eat through your things. Which you should be careful because you were sitting and your friend wasnt even there so its really not her fault. She offered to pay, take her on that offer. There is really no need to blow all this out of proportions just because you want an apology. Dont get me wrong, apology would be nice thing to do. But again, both of you are crude so take her on the money and put it behind you.

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Sometimes friendships run their course and things like this show us it's time to step away. 

You both expressed disappointment and frustration with what happened. Now just let it be...

If you seem to always make friends with a lot if toxic people, you really should look at what criteria you set for someone to be your friend.

Many times when we have conflict, we need to look more closely at ourselves. She may be a drunk or brash or something but she was all these things before the bunny incident, no?

While I agree, in a court of law, if your pet causes damage, you will be responsible. But this was an unfortunate accident with an old bag. So to expect full price from a friend, that wasn't even there?

that might be too much. You need to take some responsibility for yourself, too. 

 

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14 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Speaking from a lady who loves her handbags, with all due respect, you're in the wrong here.  Whether it was your forgetfulness or having no knowledge about animals chewing objects, it's your fault that you inadvertently left your purse on the coffee table in the first place.  That was your negligent risk with your purse whether it was expensive or not.  It's not the bunny's fault nor your friend's fault.   It could've been a different object and the bunny still would've chewed it. 

I agree.  You offered to pet sit.  I will be pet sitting this weekend for the first time in decades - cat and hamster (my son's job but I will help him) - if you offer to pet sit then you take the risk of the pet getting into your property- she is not there to supervise.  You are.  It's your responsibility.  I'm sorry.  I also have some nice things like this and if I go to pet sit or visit near a pet I keep watch on my items (I never take my handbag off -I have a cross body bag and never take it off not because of pets but anything can happen if you're not home, if there are kids around, etc).  There's a great Sex and the City episode on point sort of and it's entertaining google Carrie forced to leave her shoes.  

I don't think she owed you for the bag.  She would have if she was home and she didn't warn you the bunny was out of the cage, etc.  I'm sorry you're upset.

 

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I think you are very entitled.  She could pay for a replacement strap for the purse, but $250 is over the top if the rest of the purse is fine.  Rabbits dont  know that humans can bee foolish enough to spend that kind of money on a purse then leave it laying where an animal can chew on it.  This is on you because you didnt put your purse somewhere safe.

The rabbit should be in a cage to protect it and to stop it from peeing or pooping around her house and from damaging other people's stuff.

The drama here is over the top.  A lawyer??  Seriously?  

 

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1 hour ago, melancholy123 said:

I think you are very entitled.  She could pay for a replacement strap for the purse, but $250 is over the top if the rest of the purse is fine.  Rabbits dont  know that humans can bee foolish enough to spend that kind of money on a purse then leave it laying where an animal can chew on it.  This is on you because you didnt put your purse somewhere safe.

The rabbit should be in a cage to protect it and to stop it from peeing or pooping around her house and from damaging other people's stuff.

The drama here is over the top.  A lawyer??  Seriously?  

 

I did not ask for $250...I told her the bag was valued at $250. I told her I would try to find a replacement bag or repair the strap. She was the one who said she would pay $250. Later when I found a used bag online I asked if she could chip in for half which is $40. 

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1 hour ago, heartbroken84 said:

I did not ask for $250...I told her the bag was valued at $250. I told her I would try to find a replacement bag or repair the strap. She was the one who said she would pay $250. Later when I found a used bag online I asked if she could chip in for half which is $40. 

So what is the problem, then?

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6 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

So what is the problem, then?

She’s still shocked that I even made this an issue. She feels like I should have not mentioned the damage. She just kept saying it’s an animal and it has destroyed her belongings too. On top of that she brought my finances into the mix and expected that I have ample means necessary to replace the bag.

It left me feeling guilty and ashamed. It’s the things she said that were hurtful. 

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16 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

Not to minimize your question, but  I think the best course of action would be to pick your battles, and take the lesson with you.

Why put yourself through this much stress into something you can't control?

Yes, I have depression and a very sensitive nature. When people say negative things about me it really hurts. I’m honest and fair person.

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3 minutes ago, heartbroken84 said:

Yes, I have depression and a very sensitive nature. When people say negative things about me it really hurts. I’m honest and fair person.

Be fair then and don't subject others to your hypersensitivity.  And decline jobs or favors like pet sitting which often require someone with a thicker skin - meaning depending on what it entails it requires a level of trust, a discussion often about money/rates, and can involve judgment/concerns about how the person's home was treated/left, etc.

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I mentioned to a friend of mine I was going to reserve the pet sitter I normally hired to check on and feed my cat while I was away. He insisted he was willing to do it as he only lived a couple of blocks away. I told him I was fine with hiring the pet sitter but he insisted again.

I specifically told him I needed her to be visited twice each day, morning and evening, be fed and given water and some attention, and could he please just shoot me a quick text to let me know she was OK as she was a senior cat. Well, it got to be 10:00 pm and I hadn't heard anything from him so I texted him to ask how my cat was doing. And he responded "I'm going over there right now!!" He hadn't even gone over at all! And when I got home late the next evening my cat was completely out of food and water. He hadn't shown up the second day either.

Instead of berating or complaining to him, I just knew going forward that I could never trust him to watch my cat ever again. I did go away a few more times and he offered again but I politely declined. I saw no need to end the friendship over it, but I did need to draw boundaries and manage expectations.

I think you'll need to do the same with this friend.

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12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Be fair then and don't subject others to your hypersensitivity.  And decline jobs or favors like pet sitting which often require someone with a thicker skin - meaning depending on what it entails it requires a level of trust, a discussion often about money/rates, and can involve judgment/concerns about how the person's home was treated/left, etc.

Absolutely agree, thank you.

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4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I mentioned to a friend of mine I was going to reserve the pet sitter I normally hired to check on and feed my cat while I was away. He insisted he was willing to do it as he only lived a couple of blocks away. I told him I was fine with hiring the pet sitter but he insisted again.

I specifically told him I needed her to be visited twice each day, morning and evening, be fed and given water and some attention, and could he please just shoot me a quick text to let me know she was OK as she was a senior cat. Well, it got to be 10:00 pm and I hadn't heard anything from him so I texted him to ask how my cat was doing. And he responded "I'm going over there right now!!" He hadn't even gone over at all! And when I got home late the next evening my cat was completely out of food and water. He hadn't shown up the second day either.

Instead of berating or complaining to him, I just knew going forward that I could never trust him to watch my cat ever again. I did go away a few more times and he offered again but I politely declined. I saw no need to end the friendship over it, but I did need to draw boundaries and manage expectations.

I think you'll need to do the same with this friend.

That’s very wise, thank you.

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2 hours ago, heartbroken84 said:

She’s still shocked that I even made this an issue. She feels like I should have not mentioned the damage. She just kept saying it’s an animal and it has destroyed her belongings too. On top of that she brought my finances into the mix and expected that I have ample means necessary to replace the bag.

It left me feeling guilty and ashamed. It’s the things she said that were hurtful. 

Well I am shocked too that you made this an issue! A rabbit is a wild animal and should not be expected to act like a domesticated cat or dog.  I expect she thinks you were pretty hurtful too.  If you sever this friendship because of a chewed strap then that's pretty pathetic.  Like others said, a shoemaker can craft a replacement strap for you.

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7 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

 A rabbit is a wild animal 

No, it isn't. At least, not domesticated rabbits kept as pets.

The issue here is about the lack of responsibility for the actions of ones pet. If you think it's about a torn strap, I'm a frayed knot.

 

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58 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Well I am shocked too that you made this an issue! A rabbit is a wild animal and should not be expected to act like a domesticated cat or dog.  I expect she thinks you were pretty hurtful too.  If you sever this friendship because of a chewed strap then that's pretty pathetic.  Like others said, a shoemaker can craft a replacement strap for you.

 If she has a wild animal, she should put it in a bunny hotel rather than ask her friends to bunny sit. I pet sit for dogs and cats, they’ve never chewed up my belongings. This bunny has some kind of issue if it immediately decides to chew a visitors purse that was set on a coffee table. Maybe it’s pissed that their owner left them alone in a house? Or maybe it’s territorial? That is not my fault and she did a poor job of letting me know her bunny will tear up my stuff.

Also, she compensated me $25 in the past, she hasn’t paid me for a prior visit to which she told me now that I left hay all over the floors and didn’t think I should be compensated for that visit. She never admitted it until I asked about the delay in compensation. I didn’t know where to find a vacuum or dustpan and broom in her home. When I asked about compensation for this current visit she said she’d give me $20 stating that she gave me $25 before because she was being generous. She asked me two days before Thanksgiving to bunny sit, stating she forgot she’d be gone for 2 days and was wondering if I could check on bunny. I don’t even live in her city and was doing this out if good. She doesn’t want to put her bunny in a uncomfortable setting like a hotel and wants her bunny at home in his comfort environment. I get it, but if the bunny is not really a pet and a wild animal...well she should make it very clear, it will chew belongings, beware. Or pay up and put the bunny in a hotel or hire a pet sitter. Or put the bunny in a kennel for the pet sitters and reiterate that bunny needs to be monitored when out of kennel. 
 

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1 hour ago, gamon said:

No, it isn't. At least, not domesticated rabbits kept as pets.

The issue here is about the lack of responsibility for the actions of ones pet. If you think it's about a torn strap, I'm a frayed knot.

 

We’ve got an argument on who is responsible: the owner knows their pet or the pet sitter who isn’t aware of the pets destructive nature. It’s now wild animal sitting. I feel like as a pet sitter, destruction should always be mentioned to owners. And owners should remind pet sitters. 

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2 hours ago, gamon said:

No, it isn't. At least, not domesticated rabbits kept as pets.

The issue here is about the lack of responsibility for the actions of ones pet. If you think it's about a torn strap, I'm a frayed knot.

 

But she's not responsible -she gave the responsibility to the OP as her pet sitter.  She wasn't there.  How is she supposed to know she would leave her expensive purse laying around? Certainly someone should let any visitor know whether their pet has violent or aggressive tendencies -to injure a person -in my building pet owners must tell management before having maintenance people come and secure the animal if they are not going to be home.

OP you chose to take on the job.  You could have said no.  In the future, I would.  My son is doing his first pet sitting job starting tomorrow for our neighbors.  He's going to wear a tuxedo and I a long ball gown that drags on the floor.  Just use common sense and dress appropriately/accessorize appropriately for the job.

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