I ran into my ex today two weeks after we hooked up and he ghosted me

[katmisj]

We broke up 7 months ago and met up 2 weeks ago, had this intense talk about ourselves and sex and then afterwards he didn't really want to chat about wether we'd get together or not and simply left me on read and never replied again. There's not a single day I don't think about this guy, but after he ghosted me I just felt like a weight fell off my shoulders. I felt happy again. I felt energised, inspired. My boyfriend and I ended up chatting and getting back together and our relationship has been better than ever, I feel like I improved a lot and we have just been getting along so well. I'm happy at work, happy with friends, been going to the gym, eating healthy. Just investing in myself and I felt after so many months that I could finally have a go at being happy again.

Until today. Today I went to the beach, where I live it's been cold for months and today was really hot and sunny. I was so excited, finally some sun. I went after work and spent around 4 hours there, alone, grabbed some food, slept under the sun. I had plans to go to the gym later, do prep meal for the week, take a nice shower and see my boyfriend.

Today started thinking about my ex a lot (nothing unusual just more frequent than most days). I'd just get flashes of these moments we had. Hot summer days sitting on his garden smoking and chatting for hours to no end, going grocery shopping, cooking together, singing, dancing. All simple things but a feeling I've never felt around anyone. Anything with this man was exciting. He felt like home to me. 

As I left the beach and went to cross the road, he comes in my direction with a friend. Out of all places, time and people, it just had to be him right there and then. He came up to me and I teased him because he was in work clothes and really dirty (he works at a warehouse) and then instantly shut down again. He asked if I was leaving the beach which I nervously replied "no I'm grabbing something to eat" - which I later realised was my subconscious saying "No, I'll still be around, wanna catch up later?". And then he asked how I was doing. I just answered "I'm doing ok, I need to use the toilet" and walked away from him and he left as well.  But he's just so calm and nice and he has a way of saying things that just sent shivers up my spine. I felt so bad later because I felt like I was a bit rude to him and wanted to send an apology message but I just wanted to get away because I feel weak around him. 

I walked to the tram to go home and started crying. Cried all the way home. Apetite? Gone. Gym? No energy. Didn't meal prep and didn't even make dinner. Spent an hour in the shower crying, bawling. My eyes are puffy and my throat hurts. It just ruined my f*cking day. Sucked my energy. How can he be ok? How dare him ask me if I'm ok? Sometimes I wish he would just hate me. But seeing him genuinely caring about me just kills me. 

Isn't it sad that he's happy to watch the sunset at the beach with his friends when I secretly wish it was me and him? 

I guess before we met after 6 months apart, it still had that feeling that "someday we might get back together", but after he ghosted me 2 weeks ago, I realised we are never. And today was the proof of it. He doesn't love me. He doesn't want me. Surely he cares about me, I can see it in his eyes. But not enough to want to spend the sunset with me. Not enough to be afraid of losing me. Not enough to make an effort. 

I feel like a loser, like he gets to move on and be happy. He gets to go on with his life as if nothing happened whilst I'm still here picking up the pieces. In no way I wish bad upon him, but I'm so sick of feeling this way. I'm sick of not being over him. Sick of dreaming about him, of still loving him even after all this time. I'm sick of these flashes of us kissing and laughing and enjoying each other and feeling like I could love this person for the rest of my life. Sometimes I'll get drunk and my brain will fantasise of us being together in a scenario. I even jokingly told my housemate today that I would pay a considerate amount of money if it was guaranteed I would never feel anything for him or think about him anymore. 

But I know deep down I still love him. And it hurts. And I just can't seem to move on. No matter what I do, hear, practice. When it comes to feelings, I can tell that this guy messes up with my head. I think about him everyday. And when I see him, it's all gone. I'm on my knees again. 

Sorry for the long rant, but today I'm just exhausted. 7 months apart and I still cry my eyes out for this person. It just broke me and I can't ever seem to be as happy as I used to be before I met him. 

[MissCanuck]

Sorry this happened, OP. 

First and foremost, you need to break up with your boyfriend. Your heart and mind are not truly with him if you're this torn up over your ex. It's not fair to your boyfriend, and it's not fair to yourself either. 

Second, you need to end all contact with your ex for good. If you happen to bump into him, nod and keep walking. Block him everywhere, and keep it that way. You will never move on if you don't. 

[Kwothe28]

21 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

First and foremost, you need to break up with your boyfriend.

This. I feel sorry for the guy, you did one sentence about him and the whole story about some doofus who ghosted you. He deserves better then somebody who pines over someone else.

Also, are you really surprised that somebody who ghosted you doesnt really care about you and just asks how are you doing for pleasantry sake? Yes, he gets to move on because he doesnt care. Accept that, be angry about it, anything you need. But get it in your head that he just doesnt care. And that you should change your behavior accordingly. That means no talks other then maybe "Hi" when you accidentaly see him and under no circumstances taking him back for sex or anything else.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you're hurting.  If you run into him again avoid him - just wave quickly or acknowledge and keep going -you chose to interact with him.  How did he ghost you? Was he supposed to contact you after you hooked up? He didn't have to respond to your questions about getting back together -silence =no, no interest.  You're the one ghosting yourself- you're abandoning your own self esteem and values and making yourself into a victim after you choose to interact with an ex.  And yes please let your boyfriend find someone who is actually into him.  I'm sorry you're upset and that you happened to run into him -I know that is hard.

[boltnrun]

I agree, please stop using your current boyfriend for attention when it's your ex you love and want to be with. Break up with him.

As for your ex, he is able to be pleasant because he doesn't have the same feelings you do. So in order to love yourself it's vital you stay away and cut off all forms of communication. Once you do that you can start on the road forward.

[Lambert]

I think in your situation, to heal there is also a component of choosing to do so.

By that I mean stop feeding this sad sack narrative to yourself. 

As someone else mentioned, your focus is this long story about a dope that treated you horribly and 2 sentences about the good you have going for you. 

One run in with this guy and you crap on your whole happiness and plans for day.

That is not indicative of him being so great. It's more indicative of you and your choices.

Why are you choosing to say a user feels like home? 

Regardless of the good times the bad times tell the real story about a person. Everyone is great sitting in the garden, smoking, sweet talking you to have sex... When things get uglt that is the real person. he can't even handle telling you to buzz off. 

Figure out why you would even stop to talk to him.  Screw him! he wants to know how you are?  He's got a set on him. I'll give you that much. 

[Rose Mosse]

Who was the guy that was opinionated and controlling about what you wore and flirted or was chatting up women whom you thought he had some sexual/romantic history with online? Is it your current boyfriend or this ex? 

Things end for a reason. Sometimes memories come back and we tend to look through rose-tinted glasses, remembering the good times, forgetting the bad times. Ride that wave and be a little more realistic about this. Let go. It's fine to tear up but dry your eyes and move on.

[1a1a]

Co signing you need to break up with your boyfriend. 
 

Also I’m sorry your ex bumped the scab, keep working on healing, you will get there (just remember to keep choosing anything but him, even though you miss him, you know that relationship isn’t viable and is gonna bring you pain!)

[Spawn]

You don't sound to be over your ex, don't date for now, be single for a while , work on yourself , shift your thoughts from your ex to you.