I don’t know what to do anymore

[Susie williams]

Where do I even begin..okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now, and we’re expecting our first baby together in feb. He already has a child from a pervious relationship, and they haven’t been together for about 4-5yrs now. The child’s mother is in a committed relationship herself, when she found out I was pregnant it seemed to break her heart, just completely devastated..he then through text said to her “you think I wanted this..my own sister doesn’t even know about it”. Even though my getting pregnant was completely intentional. But him saying that makes me question everything. We currently live at his mothers, and plan on moving out together very soon. A week ago her and her current boyfriend were going through it and he told her through text again that “He was sorry he knows how that feels, blah blah blah, and he feels like him and I are just roommates and there are no feelings or connections”. I confronted him about it and started to pack my things to leave and told him “if he wants to be with her then he should be I understand they have a child together and were once a family so I wouldn’t blame him for wanting that back”. He told me that he wanted us, his child and our baby to be a family and that he didn’t want to be with her. So of course I stayed and that was the end of it. I asked why he would even say something like that? And if he meant it. He said he didn’t mean it and didn’t know why he said it. But I know it’s bull***. I just don’t know what to make of the situation. I’m scared to bring it up again. But were getting our on home together and I’m just really scared I’m making a huge mistake and I don’t want to look or feel anymore stupid then I do now. I just need advice. 

[arjumand]

First, you move out of his mother's house and you don't move in with him. This relationship is going nowhere, he is not committed to you and there is no future. You arrange -- in a legally binding manner -- child support and you work at coparenting in a healthy way, keeping in mind that your terrible relationship should have no bearing on the child's relationship with their father. Your child does not need to be raised in the midst of this nonsense. 

Second, you figure out your support system because having a baby as a single mother is hard even with a second parent around. Further, he sound very flaky, so I would not count on him to be present and available all the time. In addition to friends and family look into single-parents support groups, etc. 

Third, you figure out why on earth you thought that making the biggest commitment in your life -- having a child -- was the right thing to do with someone you had known for three months. This is bad decision making and you know it. This can never happen again. If you want to have a child WITH a partner then you build a strong, trusting, worthwhile relationship and then you have a child. You don't just bash in blindly and hope that it will turn into a fairy tale. 

Good Luck and I hope you have a happy, healthy baby. 

 

[Kwothe28]

Why did you intentionally made the baby with the guy you know for only 8 months and who is still stuck on his ex gf? Did he ever planned on marrying you? Or even her? Or he just plans to spread his seed on every girl he meets without commiting and that you all will be one big happy family?

We, our lives, are all consequences of our choices. Now you have to live with yours. He is the father of the baby so he needs to be included if he wants in that. But you, you need to get out from somebody who says that wants you but texts his ex wife how you mean nothing to him. She is also special case if she is really "devastated" that he will have a baby with somebody else, that means that in some way they are still together and that at the very least they have a feelings for each other or even worst probably even are casually lovers even now. So, fine mess you got yourself into. Protect yourself until it progresses to even worst degrees. Under any circumstances dont go into anything financial with that guy unless its a child support. Go live on your own if you can and raise that kid. Untangle that mess before its trully too late.

[Lambert]

Well, OP... This guy is showing you who he is. 

Do you have some where else to go? 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Susie williams said:

He said he didn’t mean it and didn’t know why he said it.

He is full of equine manure. 

He meant it, and he said because he evidently still harbours hope that they will get back together someday. He only backtracked when he got caught. I'm sorry, Susie, but this man does not love you and is not excited about this baby. I have to ask, why did you set out to get pregnant with a guy you haven't dated very long? 

3 hours ago, Susie williams said:

I’m just really scared I’m making a huge mistake

I'm afraid that you are. You would be a lot wiser to find a place of your own and make a plan to co-parent, that is sanctioned by the court. This isn't going to end well and you already know that. He does not want this and it will end sooner or later. I would not hang around until that day comes when he says he wants to break up - because that is where this is inevitably going, sadly. Start making arrangements today to separate and find your own accommodations. 

Turn to family and friends. Start cultivating your own support network and consult a good attorney about protecting your child's rights. 

[Rose Mosse]

I think he loves both of you but he's going about it in a very cowardly way. If he can't have her, he will have you and if things are rough with you, he has ex as an emotional safety net. You know this situation isn't sustainable. 

Find support and some stability. Decide whether you want to keep being with someone who repeatedly deceives you and whom you distrust. It doesn't sound like he's done enough soulsearching and perhaps the end of his previous relationship with his ex is not something he's processed fully. He met you and you seemed to fill a void.  

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Susie williams said:

 I have been dating for about 8 months now, and we’re expecting our first baby together in feb. 

Does he pay child support and have visitation? How is their co-parenting arrangement?

Is he working? Why does he live with his mother? How old is he?

Are you working? Where did you live before you started dating?  Do you have friends and family nearby?

Does he tell you all this or do you go through his phone?

It seems more about the instability of your relationship and way too much way too soon than whether the mother of his child cares whether you're pregnant or not.

A man who lives with his mother and won't use condoms so that after 20 weeks dating there's a pregnancy is certainly no catch.

Don't worry about her, worry about yourself and how you are going to support yourself.

 

[boltnrun]

How many kids does he have with how many different women? And is he paying child support for all of them? If he can't even afford to provide a home for his various children and their mothers, why is he going around impregnating all these women? Seems very irresponsible. Not to mention, he doesn't even want to be with you in a relationship.

See if there's family member you can stay with. Make sure you are working to help pay expenses. You'll also need a court order to figure out child care and baby expenses, not to mentioned cost of actually having the baby.

And for the future, be choosy about who you procreate with. You are choosing the father of your children. Choose more wisely next time.