Did I overreact by blocking him?

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Jeepgobeep said:

Thank you!! This is what I needed to hear. A lot of these responses weren’t really telling me whether or not I made the right decision, and more chastising me for putting out so early. But yeah, one week to me screams no interest and I just needed to hear that. 

I think it was too risky in many ways to have sex after only meeting him twice.  Nothing wrong with casual sex between two single people, at all -just was never my thing but totally fine!

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Jeepgobeep said:

I’m a CEO and founder of a company, and most men are very intimidated by me.

Nope.  Men  are not intimidated because of your career.  I was at a similar level pre-marriage and kid, many of my friends. Nope nope nope.  Men who are "intimidated" are either very insecure or you're behaving in a way where you don't know how to take off your professional hat and/or you're the bragging type which no one likes. Doesn't sound like you are.  The first question my husband asked me on our very first date was why I chose the career I did because he wanted someone passionate about their career.  I met many many men like him - because men are people - women who are insecure also get intimidated as you described. Not about gender at all.  You're getting in your own way IMHO.

[Jeepgobeep]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Nope.  Men  are not intimidated because of your career.  I was at a similar level pre-marriage and kid, many of my friends. Nope nope nope.  Men who are "intimidated" are either very insecure or you're behaving in a way where you don't know how to take off your professional hat and/or you're the bragging type which no one likes. Doesn't sound like you are.  The first question my husband asked me on our very first date was why I chose the career I did because he wanted someone passionate about their career.  I met many many men like him - because men are people - women who are insecure also get intimidated as you described. Not about gender at all.  You're getting in your own way IMHO.

I mean, as soon as a guy asks what I do they are gone. I don’t even bring it up now, but this info can easily be found online. Mr hot fireman didn’t care and it was so refreshing. 

[Batya33]

Just now, Jeepgobeep said:

I mean, as soon as a guy asks what I do they are gone. I don’t even bring it up now, but this info can easily be found online. Mr hot fireman didn’t care and it was so refreshing. 

You're assuming it's because they're intimidated.  Maybe they find it boring.  Maybe they want someone with tons of free time and typically CEOs don't have tons of free time.  Maybe they're looking for someone who eventually wants to raise their child full time for longer than maternity leave and assume that is not who you are.  

[Jeepgobeep]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I don't know that it was necessary to block him. You could simply tell him "no, thanks" the next time he contacts you asking for sex. But there's nothing wrong with blocking him if you feel you might not be able to resist having sex with him again.

The likelihood of this long distance casual sex encounter turning into a love relationship was pretty slim. And I would also agree he's probably married or in a long term relationship, hence searching for sex partners far away and having a profile with no photo.

If a relationship is what you want then yes, it's fine that you blocked him. No reason to regret what likely would never have worked out the way you hoped anyway.

Oh I would definitely have sex with him again, I do not trust myself at all. 

[lostandhurt]

I know a lot of firefighters and my nephew has been one for a long time and the stories he tells of the cheating antics is terrible.

  Hidden profile, travels three hours to see you, forward with wanting sex, hard to reach later all make me think he isn't divorced.

  As far as you not wanting to do online dating well I hate to tell you that you just engaged in online dating just not with a paid site specific to people looking for relationships.  This guy trolled through women until he found one he thought he could get what he wanted and he did.

  Nothing to feel bad about because you both wanted sex and are consenting adults but I bet if you got the real story it wouldn't be what you had hoped for.

More knowledge for your dating experience.

  He is off to new adventures is my guess.  I am not saying he wouldn't want round two with you but sex is about all you are going to get is my guess.

Lost

PS these guys have a lot of down time between calls so texting back and forth is easy EXCEPT when he is off shift and home with...

[Rose Mosse]

This sounds like a nice albeit risky fling as you didn't know him well or for long. If you've gotten a clean bill of health already (STD tests) then good for you. Otherwise, I'd get checked soon. 

I think he brought out some deeper emotions that you might have pushed down for awhile even though it's been a few years for you since your divorce. I'd be more interested in that, or interested in that depth of feeling, all those emotions, rather than the person himself as he doesn't seem like a good choice of partner. 

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, Jeepgobeep said:

LOL. Yeah I assumed he probably had a wife or girlfriend, or a few girls in rotation.  

Yep, I would imagine it's both. 

There's a reason he seeks out sex from randoms online, and there's a reason he keeps himself hidden until he lands a hit. I don't think this man is single, nor do I think you are the only IG lady he has sex with. 

As such, I would keep him blocked. There's no point in getting mixed up with someone who seems as shady as he does. 

[Tinydance]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Yep, I would imagine it's both. 

There's a reason he seeks out sex from randoms online, and there's a reason he keeps himself hidden until he lands a hit. I don't think this man is single, nor do I think you are the only IG lady he has sex with. 

As such, I would keep him blocked. There's no point in getting mixed up with someone who seems as shady as he does. 

I agree there is something dodgy about this. If he was really single and he's so hot, he could easily go on dating sites or at least hookup sites. But maybe he can't actually do that because he's already in a relationship or dating someone. That's why he has a private profile on Instagram and he just randomly messages women to see who will "bite". People who have nothing to hide don't hide. 

That aside, I think the fact that he was texting a lot, but after sex stopped most likely means that he did just want sex. 

I also think you need to try to act more mature about this. He said immediately he wanted sex, he was honest. You also wanted it and you had sex and you both enjoyed it. I don't think he used you as such because he said upfront what he wanted. If it was just a sex hookup he actually doesn't really owe it to you to keep talking or keep dating you. If you don't want casual sex then simply don't have it. If you do - have it. But I think you need to think about what you really want. Because if what you really want and what you're doing doesn't actually match up, that's when you start to feel bad and insecure.

[Batya33]

13 hours ago, Jeepgobeep said:

Oh I would definitely have sex with him again, I do not trust myself at all. 

So then you know you're not really all in on looking to date with potential for a serious relationship. I mean some who look for a serious thing might still have one night stands or casual sex partners but if after thinking he used you and knowing he lives far away you'd still have sex with him then I don't think you're yet the right person to find the right person given that you don't "trust" yourself.  Do you ever refrain from doing something harmful for yourself even though you really want to - you know like overeating or drinking too much if you know you're going to be driving or with your kids? Like that. Same thing.

[Jeepgobeep]

12 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

I know a lot of firefighters and my nephew has been one for a long time and the stories he tells of the cheating antics is terrible.

  Hidden profile, travels three hours to see you, forward with wanting sex, hard to reach later all make me think he isn't divorced.

  As far as you not wanting to do online dating well I hate to tell you that you just engaged in online dating just not with a paid site specific to people looking for relationships.  This guy trolled through women until he found one he thought he could get what he wanted and he did.

  Nothing to feel bad about because you both wanted sex and are consenting adults but I bet if you got the real story it wouldn't be what you had hoped for.

More knowledge for your dating experience.

  He is off to new adventures is my guess.  I am not saying he wouldn't want round two with you but sex is about all you are going to get is my guess.

Lost

PS these guys have a lot of down time between calls so texting back and forth is easy EXCEPT when he is off shift and home with...

Yup my friend told me they are rampant cheaters! It's too bad, we actually had a lot and common and talked about history and books, overall great conversations. Ugh. 

 

3 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I agree there is something dodgy about this. If he was really single and he's so hot, he could easily go on dating sites or at least hookup sites. But maybe he can't actually do that because he's already in a relationship or dating someone. That's why he has a private profile on Instagram and he just randomly messages women to see who will "bite". People who have nothing to hide don't hide. 

That aside, I think the fact that he was texting a lot, but after sex stopped most likely means that he did just want sex. 

I also think you need to try to act more mature about this. He said immediately he wanted sex, he was honest. You also wanted it and you had sex and you both enjoyed it. I don't think he used you as such because he said upfront what he wanted. If it was just a sex hookup he actually doesn't really owe it to you to keep talking or keep dating you. If you don't want casual sex then simply don't have it. If you do - have it. But I think you need to think about what you really want. Because if what you really want and what you're doing doesn't actually match up, that's when you start to feel bad and insecure.

Yeah I went into it thinking wow hot firefighter, let's have some fun. But then after, I don't know if I caught feels or what, but I wanted more after I didn't hear from him. 

[KGNA]

I think you did the right thing, your gut normally doesnt lie, only you know how he was on the run up to the date so only you know if he was being off after. I get so frustrated when guys think we are stupid and through the "i'm busy card" i've seen it more often than not. 

So just so you know, i would of done the exact same and you shouldn't feel guilt for closing the door cause if you didnt you would of just been sitting then waiting or hoping for him to message 🙂

[Jeepgobeep]

51 minutes ago, KGNA said:

I think you did the right thing, your gut normally doesnt lie, only you know how he was on the run up to the date so only you know if he was being off after. I get so frustrated when guys think we are stupid and through the "i'm busy card" i've seen it more often than not. 

So just so you know, i would of done the exact same and you shouldn't feel guilt for closing the door cause if you didnt you would of just been sitting then waiting or hoping for him to message 🙂

This is exactly why I blocked him! I hated sitting there being like....why isn't he messaging? Will I ever hear from him again? 

[lostandhurt]

My best advice is to be careful who you let into your life even if it is for a one night stand.  ANYONE with a hidden pictures on any site should be avoided at all costs.

  There are a lot of people out there just looking to use others and sometimes harm them.

Please be safe.

I am not a fan of online dating sites but they do help weed out some of the jerks and liars.  You might want to rethink the whole in real life dating thing, everyone is so busy these days many use it as a time saver for meeting someone special.  No reason you cannot do IRL and OLD.

  I hope you made him wear a condom.

Good luck

 Lost

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, Jeepgobeep said:

This is exactly why I blocked him! I hated sitting there being like....why isn't he messaging? Will I ever hear from him again? 

This is why it's best to avoid men like him to begin with. 

He was sketchy from the jump. 

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, Jeepgobeep said:

 I hated sitting there being like....why isn't he messaging? Will I ever hear from him again? 

When you feel more confident about yourself and your attractiveness, you will be able to date in a saner way.

You won't run for last chance long shots avoiding real life and real relationships.

This statement comes from a defensive mindset.

Therapy may help balance out some things and replace self defeating thoughts and behaviors with productive self confidence.

[Jeepgobeep]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

When you feel more confident about yourself and your attractiveness, you will be able to date in a saner way.

You won't run for last chance long shots avoiding real life and real relationships.

This statement comes from a defensive mindset.

Therapy may help balance out some things and replace self defeating thoughts and behaviors with productive self confidence.

Lol what? I am confident and attractive, I just don't want to sit there obsessing over when I will hear from him. How does this correlate with self-esteem? If anything, it highlights my anxiety.

[Batya33]

21 hours ago, Jeepgobeep said:

This is exactly why I blocked him! I hated sitting there being like....why isn't he messaging? Will I ever hear from him again? 

So part of dating for me was accepting that if there is no plan time and place for a next date there is no next date ever.  This could change in the future even the near future but that way I wasn’t “waiting “. I was living  my life and moving on and meeting other people.
 Assume you will never hear from the person again as far as dating if there is no date.  Signs are a waste of time.  There is one sign that matters - and it’s not a sign.  If the man asks you for a date time and place in advance then assume he is interested in going on s date with you. 

[Jeepgobeep]

12 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

My best advice is to be careful who you let into your life even if it is for a one night stand.  ANYONE with a hidden pictures on any site should be avoided at all costs.

  There are a lot of people out there just looking to use others and sometimes harm them.

Please be safe.

I am not a fan of online dating sites but they do help weed out some of the jerks and liars.  You might want to rethink the whole in real life dating thing, everyone is so busy these days many use it as a time saver for meeting someone special.  No reason you cannot do IRL and OLD.

  I hope you made him wear a condom.

Good luck

 Lost

Yes he wore protection. I am not doing online dating, my friends have so many horror stories. I think this guy was just red pilled. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Jeepgobeep said:

Lol what? I am confident and attractive, I just don't want to sit there obsessing over when I will hear from him. How does this correlate with self-esteem? If anything, it highlights my anxiety.

If you were actually confident you wouldn’t react this way.  People who are confident don’t wait around like this and obsess. I am married but I often make new friends.  If the person shows me flakiness or unreliability I might give one more chance but because I know my worth that person will not get the benefit of my attention in the same way . And I won’t “wait “ to see if she bothers to message again. 

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Jeepgobeep said:

Yes he wore protection. I am not doing online dating, my friends have so many horror stories. I think this guy was just red pilled. 

I know of many happy marriages where they first met online.  I met over 100 men in person through online sites.  Only a few horror stories.  I avoided more horror stories by meeting ASAP in person in a public place and being very picky in my screening process (which was a few emails and one or two phone calls but I was very good at detecting red flags.  I also did some Google searches so I avoided meeting men who lied.  I met own pathological liar as did mg friend. She saw him a few times but I only met him once. Thank goodness. 
 My friend got divorced in 2005 and was in her 40s. Married 20 years.  She met her long term boyfriend through an online site.  Lovely person and they dated for 7 years. 

[MissCanuck]

57 minutes ago, Jeepgobeep said:

I think this guy was just red pilled. 

I don't agree.  

I just think he isn't single. 

[Jeepgobeep]

59 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If you were actually confident you wouldn’t react this way.  People who are confident don’t wait around like this and obsess. I am married but I often make new friends.  If the person shows me flakiness or unreliability I might give one more chance but because I know my worth that person will not get the benefit of my attention in the same way . And I won’t “wait “ to see if she bothers to message again. 

You'd give one more chance, but me cutting this off guy right away is not showing confidence? Gotcha.

[Jeepgobeep]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I don't agree.  

I just think he isn't single. 

Red pill advocates having multiple women. This dude mentioned beta males several times. I know the game. 

[LaHermes]

On 9/14/2021 at 11:46 PM, Jeepgobeep said:

I’m a CEO and founder of a company, and most men are very intimidated by me

It that's the case OP, then the "easily frightened" types are not the kind of man you would want in your life!

Just to add:

" Physical/sexual attraction to someone is the most basic of threshold musts in dating. That said, there is a difference between only wanting to date a guy who looks like a trophy and dating a guy you feel attracted to but who may seem average to others."

It is amazing how perceived good looks (very subjective) are deemed to be synonymous with attractiveness.  Attractive people are in an entirely different category, and attractiveness (the "it" factor) is difficult to describe. Very elusive. 

Speaking of trophies, there are (again perceivedly) handsome/good-looking people who have the personality of a lump of rock, and are in no way "attractive".