Should I Break-Up With My Boyfriend?

[Purple Heart]

So, recently, there has been a lot of stuff happening at home. I've been going through therapy because of some childhood trauma and I was just diagnosed with mild-moderate depression and anxiety. Since school ended, I have found that it is really hard for me to be happy and I find myself faking a smile a lot or just putting more effort into being happy.

This has translated a little into my long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. I feel like I just keep bringing him down and nitpicking at things and I don't know why. (I also just started birth control so that could also be a cause of my moodiness... most definitely is). I don't have self-esteems problems, per-say. I actually think quite highly of myself, but recently I've just been down and I feel like I'm just dragging him down with me, and I don't want to do that. He is an optimistic person who is happy all the time and here I am. I know he loves me and I love him so much, but, I just can't shake the feeling that I am the bad guy in this relationship. Despite him telling me I don't only make him sad, and I make him happy a lot, I just can't shake the feeling that he's lying to me a little so I don't feel so bad. He has been there to support me, so far, through my journey through my trauma, but he can't be there like how I might need him to (in a way) since he can't relate (and a lot of people can't). 

He says he's always gonna be there for me and he's not gonna leave me (which is kind of part of what happened when I was younger). I just don't want to be the reason for his unhappiness. He said he's going to support me and walk with me on this journey, but this journey is going south fast.

Majority of this problem and these thoughts happened when all my friends went back home for the summer after our college semester, and I started long-distance with my boyfriend. Long-distance has been really hard, too.

The only reason why I'm on the fence about this is because he's coming visit me next weekend and we won't be long-distance anymore starting in August. So, I was thinking I should see how the semester goes, or how the time when we're physically together goes.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to cause him any pain.

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Purple Heart said:

he's coming visit me next weekend and we won't be long-distance anymore starting in August.

Why not see what happens in August? It seems like you are frustrated being back home bored away from college.

[boltnrun]

27 minutes ago, Purple Heart said:

I just can't shake the feeling that he's lying to me a little

This seems to be a recurring theme with you.  In your other thread you were upset that he "lied" about going to bed when he actually stayed up a couple more hours.

Do you have legitimate reasons to not trust him?  If so, why are you with him?

What do you do to fill your time while you're at home on summer break?  Summer should be a fun time.  I understand you have things you are dealing with, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve some fun.

How about getting together with some friends?  Window shopping, lunch, a film. It will be fun, plus you won't be so reliant on your boyfriend to keep you happy.

[SooSad33]

37 minutes ago, Purple Heart said:

I actually think quite highly of myself, but recently I've just been down and I feel like I'm just dragging him down with me,

Then maybe, at this time, you just can't handle a relationship, so it is best to just be on your own for a while, so you can work through your own issue's - only.

No expectations.. no feeling like you're the one causing problems, etc.

A relationship does have expectations.. and takes your energy, etc.

 

40 minutes ago, Purple Heart said:

I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to cause him any pain.

 

I feel it may be you in pain.  Is not him, but you are still so stuck.. in your head, with negativities etc.

Yeah, it may be kinda okay, once her comes back, closer to you.. or you may just be too stuck, where , inside, you know you will jeopardize this relationship....

As I said, maybe you just need your own time, to focus on yourself.. and get back to 'good'.

 

[smackie9]

These uncertainties coming to fruition is the cost of having relationships. People get hurt, but people do get over it and move on. It is what it is. I believe your depression is doing the talking. Most people would be excited and positive about making this work. Stop being a Debbie downer.

[Purple Heart]

37 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

This seems to be a recurring theme with you.  In your other thread you were upset that he "lied" about going to bed when he actually stayed up a couple more hours.

Do you have legitimate reasons to not trust him?  If so, why are you with him?

What do you do to fill your time while you're at home on summer break?  Summer should be a fun time.  I understand you have things you are dealing with, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve some fun.

How about getting together with some friends?  Window shopping, lunch, a film. It will be fun, plus you won't be so reliant on your boyfriend to keep you happy.

You took just that one lie of out the whole section.

I said. I feel like he is lying to me, saying that I don't make him sad all the time, to spare my feelings. I didn't say anything in this about any of my previous posts. This has nothing to do with them.

I have met with friends but I have no time. I got two jobs this summer to help pay for rent through the year.

[Purple Heart]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

These uncertainties coming to fruition is the cost of having relationships. People get hurt, but people do get over it and move on. It is what it is. I believe your depression is doing the talking. Most people would be excited and positive about making this work. Stop being a Debbie downer.

I'm sorry that me rehashing my childhood trauma is causing me to be a debbie downer and not want to bring someone I love down with me.

[Purple Heart]

1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

I feel it may be you in pain.  Is not him, but you are still so stuck.. in your head, with negativities etc.

Yeah, it may be kinda okay, once her comes back, closer to you.. or you may just be too stuck, where , inside, you know you will jeopardize this relationship....

As I said, maybe you just need your own time, to focus on yourself.. and get back to 'good'.

 

I literally said I don't want to cause him pain. Didn't say he is in pain. I'm fully aware that I am in pain and a lot of it.

I'm considering focusing on me more and my issues. These only resurfaced recently.

[Rose Mosse]

How much of this is pressure and feeling overwhelmed that you may fail his expectations as a partner? You mentioned not wanting to cause him pain and what I'm hearing is you feeling anxious that you might live up to what he expects of you. 

If that's the case is it possible to save this relationship by being more realistic with each other?

You mentioned that he's happy all the time. I find this hard to believe although I do know someone who is perpetually optimistic. This is rare but I do believe it's completely genuine. You may be misinterpreting his moods from afar in the long distance scenario. I'd hold back from any preemptive strikes and big decisions until you are certain that you do not want to have anything to do with the relationship. 

Do keep in mind that back and forth or ending a relationship to take a break isn't the best idea. If you plan on ending it, break it off cleanly so the both of you are free to live or date others without the overhanging cloud or obligation to stick around. It sounds like he's very attached to you.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Purple Heart said:

I didn't say anything in this about any of my previous posts. This has nothing to do with them.

Acutally, it does. 

Relationship issues are usually related. They don't generally exist in separate vacuums; the greater context is important. So, while the concern about his lying was related to a different matter in your previous thread, the common them is the same: you don't trust him. 

You don't trust that he is being honest with you about his feelings and don't believe that he won't hurt you. You see his behaviour through a fearful filter: he's lying about going to sleep, he's lying about how he feels towards you. There is indeed a common thread here. 

If you don't feel you can trust that he wants to be with you, then yes, it is right to break up. But understand this is largely based on your feelings, not his. Maybe it isn't the right time in your life to have a relaitonship, and that's perfectly okay. But I would own that instead of assuming he is lying. 

[smackie9]

13 hours ago, Purple Heart said:

I'm sorry that me rehashing my childhood trauma is causing me to be a debbie downer and not want to bring someone I love down with me.

Sorry if I came off harsh. I meant he will come out of it OK, you don't need to worry so much about others but more for yourself. It's a tough balancing act trying to keep your head above water, when your mental health is at a critical state. It would be best to at least take a break so you can focus on your hurt, and heal.