Advise needed on what to do

[Carrigan49]

Hello, I need advice on how to make this girl love me.

I've fell in love with this girl on sight ever since she helped me at my lowest this year. About the girl, I've known her since year 7 of High school; we were cool and all like just acquaintances. At one point asked her out in Year 8, though I didn't have any affection for her at all rather just wanted someone. But linking back with her this year, I'm truly in love with her. There is a slight complication with getting to know her better and so, as she suffers from medium social anxiety so its hard for me and other people to approach her. I want to get closer to her physically, but I have no idea how to. Currently though I am in somewhat a good relationship with her as we tend to talk a lot via Instagram; so far we've been talking a lot since March and occasionally video called. But I want to get closer to her in person as talking between a screen is rather boring. I have a feeling she is discriminating me on something though, as when I try to ask her for me to talk to her other friends she just shuts me down. Probably because i'm a straight male liking her, a gender-fluid, pan sexual girl. But please, need advice at this point I just want her in my life.

[SooSad33]

What do you mean, she shuts you out?  Like she doesn't want you to talk to her friends?  Why?

Is she near you enough to meet in person?

How about you just ask her.. 'want to meet up with me soon" We can hang out, take a walk, or grab a coffee/ or something".

 

[Carrigan49]

Yeah, its rather complicated. To get closer to her, I wanna talk to her other friends. When I ask the question if she can help me talk to them she just dodges the question or just ignores it. She is near me enough in person, almost everyday we are in the same class. Currently asked her to hang out a few days ago, but she's currently occupied with study.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Carrigan49 said:

we are in the same class. Currently asked her to hang out a few days ago, but she's currently occupied with study.

Ok, maybe just stay friends for now. Talk to other girls and start asking them to do stuff after school.  Or go out in groups and  invite her along.

[smackie9]

You can’t force someone to like you or be with you. There are no magic words or actions to creat attraction. She is of her own mind and makes her own decisions in who she likes and talks to. When she diverted requests/ ignore you that’s her way of saying no. That is her communication style. She wants to put up barriers? that’s her prerogative. Sorry but this is something you have no control over. You just have to respect her and back off if she doesn’t want to hangout or share her friends, etc. The more you push, the more she won’t have anything to do with you. 

[Tinydance]

So you are a girl and she's a girl? If she's straight and doesn't like girls, you can't change her sexuality. Do you know if she's into females? If not then unfortunately you have to move on. You can't do anything. If she's not straight then why don't you ask her on a date? If she says no - try to move on.

[Rose Mosse]

23 hours ago, Carrigan49 said:

Yeah, its rather complicated. To get closer to her, I wanna talk to her other friends. When I ask the question if she can help me talk to them she just dodges the question or just ignores it. She is near me enough in person, almost everyday we are in the same class. Currently asked her to hang out a few days ago, but she's currently occupied with study.

If she doesn't want to spend time with you, don't ask to talk to her friends instead. It means she's busy if she doesn't want to hang and if she ignores your request to talk to her friends, you're coming across as pushy and weird. 

You've got the right idea not to have an on-screen relationship (it's not real). Meet other girls and drop this one. It's not working out. She doesn't have anxiety. She's just not interested enough with you.

[boltnrun]

Asking to talk to her friends so you can get info about her is very strange. I would shut that down too.

If you want to get to know her better you need to spend time with her. That is, if she would like that.

[Carrigan49]

On 6/15/2021 at 12:32 AM, Tinydance said:

So you are a girl and she's a girl? If she's straight and doesn't like girls, you can't change her sexuality. Do you know if she's into females? If not then unfortunately you have to move on. You can't do anything. If she's not straight then why don't you ask her on a date? If she says no - try to move on.

I probably worded it, wrong. She’s pansexual so she has an attraction to all genders. And I am a male

[Carrigan49]

23 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

If she doesn't want to spend time with you, don't ask to talk to her friends instead. It means she's busy if she doesn't want to hang and if she ignores your request to talk to her friends, you're coming across as pushy and weird. 

You've got the right idea not to have an on-screen relationship (it's not real). Meet other girls and drop this one. It's not working out. She doesn't have anxiety. She's just not interested enough with you.

A valid point, trying to ask to talk to her other friends does sound a bit odd. I had done this to hopefully get closer to her, by speaking to her other friends which would hopefully get me closer to her. But yeah, it is correct i’m rather pushy with it. But I just can’t drop her at all, it’s hard for me to. I started falling in love with her, due to her helping me in my lowest. So it’s hard for me to find someone in my life other than her.

[Carrigan49]

19 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Asking to talk to her friends so you can get info about her is very strange. I would shut that down too.

If you want to get to know her better you need to spend time with her. That is, if she would like that.

Now that I think about it, is rather correct. I only did that as a logical sense, but in reality is just a breach of privacy. I’d love to spend time with her, just the two of us, but I think her social anxiety is hindering it.

[Carrigan49]

On 6/14/2021 at 7:46 AM, smackie9 said:

You can’t force someone to like you or be with you. There are no magic words or actions to creat attraction. She is of her own mind and makes her own decisions in who she likes and talks to. When she diverted requests/ ignore you that’s her way of saying no. That is her communication style. She wants to put up barriers? that’s her prerogative. Sorry but this is something you have no control over. You just have to respect her and back off if she doesn’t want to hangout or share her friends, etc. The more you push, the more she won’t have anything to do with you. 

Probably, one of the greatest advice i’ve seen yet, which thoroughly describes her. She does put up barriers and I breached them. Though my only hope is to sway her really, in a way of which it doesn’t breach her boundaries. 

[Carrigan49]

Thank you, all for guiding me in my current situation. I’ve decided now, not to breach her boundaries such as seeking info from her other friends and so on. Around this week, i’ll ask her if we can hang out. Currently though, our relationship is good, just not physically. Rather on screen, we tend to talk a lot, but i’d like to talk to her in person without her being uncomfortable. Her social anxiety is what restricts me from talking to her in person as she finds it to be uncomfortable around people she doesn’t hang with.

[junebug123]

7 minutes ago, Carrigan49 said:

Now that I think about it, is rather correct. I only did that as a logical sense, but in reality is just a breach of privacy. I’d love to spend time with her, just the two of us, but I think her social anxiety is hindering it.

Don't make excuses to engage in wishful thinking. I've done this on a few occasions and it gets me no where. Look to see if she actually talks to other males, if that's the case then chances are she probably isn't as interested as you and maybe you should focus your energy else where. I guess that's difficult when your crushing hard.

[Rose Mosse]

46 minutes ago, Carrigan49 said:

A valid point, trying to ask to talk to her other friends does sound a bit odd. I had done this to hopefully get closer to her, by speaking to her other friends which would hopefully get me closer to her. But yeah, it is correct i’m rather pushy with it. But I just can’t drop her at all, it’s hard for me to. I started falling in love with her, due to her helping me in my lowest. So it’s hard for me to find someone in my life other than her.

She sounds like a friend, not a girlfriend. If you're not going out on dates with this person, you're not dating. I think you may be misunderstanding the nature of your friendship with her. Leave her alone and pursue other women in school. I say this frankly like you are my younger bro : Don't be weird and creepy about this if she doesn't want to meet with you. She's not anxious. She just doesn't like you that way.