Husband or daughter

[LaHermes]

Listen, OP. Whether you have a family member or no family member to go to is quite beside the point. A different matter entirely is that you don't want to go!

If he isn't (despite what he agreed) leaving, then you must take that step.  He can't stop you, short of kidnapping you.  I won't even ask if you have actually seen a lawyer, and what did s/he advise. Did you actually check out and get the necessary information from those links I put up?

Please be truthful with us at least!

You are an adult. You can do as you please.

 

[Hollyj]

14 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I don't have a family member to go to.

You don't  have anyone?   What would you do if he were beating you?  Where would you go?  Does your elder son work?  Start looking for a place to live.   So many excuses.

Stay with him, but get your innocent kids out.  

 

[boltnrun]

More and more excuses. 

Like I said earlier, go ahead and stay with the abuser you love so much but get your kids out of there. Do not attempt to force them to visit you or to spend time at the abuser's home.

That way you can continue to be abused as much as you like but your poor, innocent children won't have to be subjected to this awful man or watch him abuse you.

[LaHermes]

3 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

What would you do if he were beating you?

How naive of you to ask Holly.  She would still stay with him. 

You don't think for a moment, do you, that she'd call the police!

OP. Your future may lie under the floorboards of the house.  You wouldn't be the first, or the last. And yes, I am trying to shake you into some kind of reality.

[Mommy1995]

6 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Listen, OP. Whether you have a family member or no family member to go to is quite beside the point. A different matter entirely is that you don't want to go!

If he isn't (despite what he agreed) leaving, then you must take that step.  He can't stop you, short of kidnapping you.  I won't even ask if you have actually seen a lawyer, and what did s/he advise. Did you actually check out and get the necessary information from those links I put up?

Please be truthful with us at least!

You are an adult. You can do as you please.

 

Yes, I did and I don't qualify for free attorney fees.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

 I don't qualify for free attorney fees.

You don't seem sure you wish to divorce. Can your exhusband take the younger son?

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Mommy1995 said:

Yes, I did and I don't qualify for free attorney fees.

So you translate that into you can't leave?

Look, we get it. You love and want your abuser so you're choosing to stay with him despite losing your children.  He means more to you than they do. 

Just the title of this thread says it all.

[LaHermes]

OP.  You have some excuse at every turn! 

You don't want to leave this sad excuse of a "man".  If you think you don't deserve anything better than this overpowering "charmer", then so be it.

 

[Mommy1995]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

So you translate that into you can't leave?

Look, we get it. You love and want your abuser so you're choosing to stay with him despite losing your children.  He means more to you than they do. 

Just the title of this thread says it all.

The title was just something I thought of to get attention so people would read it.

[Mommy1995]

I think he would kill me if I tried to leave.  He just took out a life insurance policy on me

a couple weeks ago.

[Hollyj]

8 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

How naive of you to ask Holly.  She would still stay with him. 

You don't think for a moment, do you, that she'd call the police!

OP. Your future may lie under the floorboards of the house.  You wouldn't be the first, or the last. And yes, I am trying to shake you into some kind of reality.

You are right, my friend.  

I don't think she wants reality.   I don't know that I believe that she reached out to the relevant agencies given by posters, as they would have given her options for her living situation.  When there is a will, there is a way.  

[Hollyj]

2 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I think he would kill me if I tried to leave.  He just took out a life insurance policy a couple weeks ago.

He can't collect if he kills you.   Did he get one on himself?

[boltnrun]

Just now, Mommy1995 said:

I think he would kill me if I tried to leave.  He just took out a life insurance policy a couple weeks ago.

He can't kill you if he can't find you.

Did the hotline you called indicate they can provide housing at a shelter?  You know they won't disclose your location.

Also, you said he hasn't hit you.  Now you say he might kill you? And you said you believe he will change, what happened to that?

Sorry but this seems like more excuses to stay. 

Pack up your children and let them live with their father if you're that frightened but choose to stay anyway. That way they won't witness it if your wonderful husband chooses to do something that bad.

[LaHermes]

1 minute ago, Mommy1995 said:

I think he would kill me if I tried to leave.  He just took out a life insurance policy a couple weeks ago.

Well, well. Maybe it  time to bring the authorities into  the picture. 

How do you think he proposes going about killing you?  You do know that murderers get long jail time for killing others.  Maybe he is so insane and dangerous that he doesn't even realise what would happen if he killed you. Does none of this frighten you into just leaving.

 

[LotusBlack]

59 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

So I went home last week after one day of reading these replies and I flat out told him I want a divorce.  Within an hour he had convinced me to stay with him.  I can't get away from him.  He'll never allow it.  

That’s fine then. At least release your kids so that they can get away from you both. You’re both toxic - he because he is abusing and you because you’re addicted to it.

You could get away so easily if you really wanted, but you don’t really want to. That’s fine. You’re in denial about your own addiction to this man and his abuse. But let your poor children go.

[LaHermes]

6 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

The title was just something I thought of to get attention so people would read it.

I most sincerely hope, OP, that you are not making up this stuff.  Because I can assure you it is not entertaining, at all. 

There is nothing original about a title which says "Husband or Daughter". 

[Mommy1995]

Making this up?? Really??  

[LotusBlack]

27 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I think he would kill me if I tried to leave.  He just took out a life insurance policy on me

a couple weeks ago.

And yet in one breath you get indignant at us for expecting that he cannot change. Then in the next you admit you think him capable of murdering you.  I’m sorry, OP, but every time you post something it is in direct conflict with a statement you made previous to it.

[LaHermes]

You tell me then, OP! Read back the entire thread and tell me how it sounds to outsiders (us)! I mean your offhand replies to the excellent advice and support given here. 

 

 

[Mommy1995]

2 minutes ago, LotusBlack said:

And yet in one breath you get annoyed at us for expecting that he cannot change. Then in the next you admit you think him capable of murdering you.  I’m sorry, OP, but every time you post something it is in direct conflict with a statement you made previous to it.

I know that.  It's because he puts crap in my head and makes me think differently.  I was never annoyed at anyone.

[LaHermes]

No one can MAKE you do or THINK anything.  OP.

Stand on your own two feet and please, please level with us. 

 

[DancingFool]

Just now, Mommy1995 said:

I know that.  It's because he puts crap in my head and makes me think differently.  I was never annoyed at anyone.

Stop lying to yourself and put down the crack pipe. You are addicted to hope the same way an addict is addicted to meth. Yes, they know it is destroying them, their life, their relationships, and eventually it will be their demise....buuuuut....addiction.... You are literally in the same place. Making excuse after excuse.

How many attorneys did you contact? 1, 2, 10, 20, 50? Yes, if you are serious about leaving, it can take that many before you find someone who is competent and willing to go to bat for you. If you reached out to legal aid and they said that you don't qualify....it's because YOU have enough $$$ to live and pay bills. It might not be the lifestyle you want, but it's enough. 

Stop making excuses. Your 19 year old child....figured out how to live on her own because she was desperate enough to get away from abuse. What's your excuse as a full grown adult? Can't leave him or can't leave the convenience? Be honest for once in your life.

[LotusBlack]

18 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I know that.  It's because he puts crap in my head and makes me think differently.  I was never annoyed at anyone.

Stop blaming him already! He is what he is, but you are fully aware of it and had you not been aware of it before then you sure were educated by the posters on this thread about his behaviour (and yours, for that matter) not being acceptable or appropriate. You have been made aware and I suspect you were always aware, as you have the ability to recognise it as being “crap” and “brainwashing”. Those who are unaware are not even aware they are unaware. However, despite that, you keep staying. So get on with it then, but let your children leave.

Will you sign your rights away or are you going to continue subjecting them to both yours and your husband’s abuse? Yes, I know it is harsh to say such a thing to you, but you are knowingly letting this happen to your kids and preventing the boys from leaving. You convinced them to stay in a dangerous environment with emotional blackmail and manipulation just the same way your husband does to you. It’s a cyclical pattern that you are feeding into and perpetuating.

[Hollyj]

We have all advised you of the same way, and I know that you got similar advice from at least one other site.  If you have no intention of leaving-but only making excuses-what are you seeking from us?

[Hollyj]

This whole thread is unbelievable.