Should I date my ex again?

[Jackobe]

I dated this girl, we’ll call her Jane, 3 years ago in my first year of college and this relationship lasted for about 9 months. We were really into each other, but we both didn’t have the best idea about what a good relationship entitled. When the semester was over we decided to not do the long distance relationship thing, being that we were both heading home to different states and then switching schools for the next semester. During the summer I would reach out to jane and we hung out as friends a few times when one of us were in the others area. Turns out by the end of summer, we were going to be attending the same college. When I arrived at the new school I reached out jane with the intentions to start things back up with her. She seemed not too interested in my intentions and would say things along the line of too busy every time I reached out. During this time I met another girl, we’ll call her Ashley,and started to get feelings for her. I ended up dating Ashley for the next 2 1/2 years. During this time, my ex girlfriend Jane would text me once every other month and would even tell me in person that she regrets not being with me. Just a few months ago, me and Ashley broke up for unrelated reasons. After the breakup, Jane started to make hard advances towards me hitting me up almost every day.  One of the days, I gave in and Jane ended up coming over...

It is worth mentioning that Jane is a religious girl and does not have sex. During my relationship with Ashley, we were actively have sex and this is something I enjoy and would prefer to keep in a relationship. Jane has also told me in the past that she will not have sex until marriage and would prefer a guy that is involved in the same religion as herself. I have told Jane that I will not be religious in the near future in my mind, but she now disregards it as a concern.

Another thing worth mentioning is that during my time dating Ashley, Jane proceeded to hook-up(not sex) with half of my close group of friends. Although we weren’t dating and she can do whatever she wants, it would be a lie if I said it did not bother me. I don’t know how I would be if I was hanging out with my friends and my girlfriend and knew that they all have been with her. Could be a personal thing? 
With all of this being said, I have maintained feelings for this girl and we get along really well. She is convinced that I am the one, and that she has waited for me for the past 2 1/2 years. She is a girl with good intentions, but sometimes makes stupid mistakes. We have talked a few times recently about this and she is still full throttle on the idea of us getting back together. I however have built some walls with her and am cautious, being that I have a better understanding of what a relationship entails, while dating Ashley. She has not dated anyone since me. 
Advice?

[Jackobe]

I may have missed a few details but that’s the basic story.

[Rose Mosse]

Good grief. That's a bit hypocritical, don't you think? Not having sex and hooking up (oral sex? heavy fondling? making out?). I think you should cut your losses because Jane is not very consistent and the last thing you need is someone claiming they walk a straight line and is instead doing zig zags. 

Date others. Don't feel limited or pulled back because of nostalgia. You don't have to settle for someone especially when you have reservations like this and it's not fair to the both of you.

[SooSad33]

3 hours ago, Jackobe said:

When I arrived at the new school I reached out jane with the intentions to start things back up with her. She seemed not too interested in my intentions and would say things along the line of too busy every time I reached out

Should you get involved with this one again?  No.

Nothing of your past has changed/improved.  You admitted to her nothing re: your religion will change anytime soon, you've put up walls with uncertainty, etc.

Plus, as said above, she seemed not too interested w/ excuses.

Why do you keep playing her mind games?

You moved on to someone new.. she reacted.. so what?

Do NOT get caught up w/ feelings for two.  That's no good on you.

Keep away from both and work on yourself a while.  Get your head back to good.

 

[Hollyj]

You’re not compatible.  The religion bit will be a big problem,  plus there will be no sex.
 

Put Jane in the past  where she belongs. 

[rchubn]

You kind of answered this yourself. 

 

You don't respect her and you should leave her be. You're asking if you should rebound with this girl but you're weighing it based on her ability to give you sex because she waits for marriage? That insinuates you have zero plans on this relationship turning into a marriage some day and you don't value the relationship enough/find her worthy enough to wait for her. 

Please leave this girl alone. It seems like you want to fool around with whatever/whoever and that you're clearly not interested in the romantic element of a relationship. You clearly don't date to marry (and that's fine) but she clearly does. 

 

This is a no brainer but the second you brought up her worth based on her ability/willingness to have sex with you before marriage, she became someone else's wife...someone willing to wait for her. 

With that being said leave this girl alone and find someone else. Her values reflect someone who clearly wants a romantic/stable/long-term relationship (marriage) and you clearly don't. 

[smackie9]

Religious? give your head a shake. A young hormonal guy like yourself shouldn't restrict himself from sex just to date a girl. Plenty of nice girls out there that like being sexually active too.

[Pleasedonot5]

A point which isn't very clear - is she open to sex now? Another poster criticized you for weighing your decision on whether she would be open to sex with you. I do not think that is fair: sex is a very important part of many relationships. It sounds like that applies to you, too. If she is not open to sex, and you want that in a relationship, it seems like getting back with Jane would not be the best decision for you.

You have a good attitude about her hooking up with your friends. I think it is a little odd or manipulative that she was sleeping around with half your group of friends. Everyone processes grief, pain, jealousy, etc. differently, but in my opinion ordinarily hooking up with an ex's close friends and confidants should be off-limits. It is not unforgiveable, but it is perhaps gives you information on her character and how she reacts when she is grieving. 

My overall advice - trust your gut. If your gut tells you there are legitimate concerns like you have here, then you should listen to it. If those concerns are not able to be resolved through conversation/communication, then you know the relationship is not for you. If they are capable of resolution (i.e., she agrees that in time she would be open to sex, and she acknowledges/etc. how disconcerted you feel about her hooking up with your friends), and if you love her, then perhaps it is worth a shot. 

Keep us updated.

[lostandhurt]

To what end?  Why do you want to date her?  Possible future wife?  Someone to have fun with until it fizzles out?

Explain what you want, not what Jane wants.

You see it all depends on what you want.  Short term dating or long term (forever partner)

Lost