is my coworker flirting with me??

[mgirl]

Hi JAH,

 

I would call somebody "my love" if i liked them in a friendship way, but not necessarily as a romantic gesture. As we've said before, you need to clarify this with her. It is now the perfect opportunity to ask her in private what she meant by that comment and to say that you have been getting some confusing/strange signals from her and you want to clarify. It sounds like she is abusing her position as your team leader.

 

Apart from that, you have to stop torturing yourself. You need to wrap this up and move on.

 

Good luck!

[JustAHuman]

Thanks for you response mgirl

 

You know, on a second thought, I don't even know why I'm posting about this, I mean, I know what she wants and I'm sure she knows what I want, it's just that one of us need to make the first move.

 

Thank you anyways

[mgirl]

You've got to stop flip flopping and just go for it!

[Tigris]

I agree with mgirl you're staying in limbo. Not going forwards or backwards. You can't stay there forever.

 

Talk to her and find out what's going on. Or just go ahead and ask her out. One way or the other you'll soon find out where you stand.

 

Good luck and take care.

 

 

 

[novaseeker]

I would call somebody "my love" if i liked them in a friendship way, but not necessarily as a romantic gesture.

 

Really?

 

I can't really imagine iin a million years those words being used in a neutral way, or calling a non-romantic friend "my love", but I guess this just emphasizes that we all hear language differently, and hence the need to speak directly rather than taking verbal clues ... because I, for one, would never take being addressed as "my love" neutrally.

[JustAHuman]

Hi everyone, it's me again.

 

On friday I was having a bad day at work and I was very upset. She came over to my desk to ask me something and she was kind of teasing me, but in a flirty way. My response wasn't that good actually and I'd say I was rude to her...she didn't get mad at me, though.

 

Later, I told her that I was sorry about earlier, and she said that it was ok, that she was having a bad day too, etc...and as she was leaving she said 'I love you still' and I said'I love you too'

 

That was nice, i think, and what can I say, I smile when I think about it.

[Tigris]

Well done.

 

The relationship should develop now.

 

Good luck and take care.

 

 

[PavPPZ1]

Ok, a lot of girls have been discussing this issue for a while now, first off; Justahuman, your encounters with this woman are enchanting, I am mesmorized and I have not even seen either of you. It seems like you two are indeed inlove with one another on a very sensual level.

 

The both of you are obviously very sexually attracted to one another. Considering that both of you are at work, its difficult to over come the initial boundry of your professionalism. Think if both of you were naked in a bed together, would there be any of this difficulty? I doubt it.

 

Here is what should happen, the two of you need to go out for drinks. This will lower your inhibitions, which will result in the two of you kissing, you will start kissing in your car. This will lead to possibly a hotel, where you will slowly begin to corress eachother, and look deeply into eachothers eyes. Again this will all happen and you will have no control over it. I will not go any further, but you get what I am saying.

 

You have spent months dreaming of this woman, from a realistic standpoint as much as this is great it is a huge weight in your life, you neeed to get it out of your way, and have sex with this woman.

As a guy we have to go through these things on a daily basis. Just the same way that women are difficult to read for you, they are just as difficult to read for a guy. But obviously there are not the same hurdles, you work together and even though I think two women dating and doing stuff is very sexy, to you it might be intimidating and scary/or not. Either way I think you should do what your heart desires. It is passion and passion should not be ignored.

[Cadence308]

AMEN, PavPPZ1!!! Your scenario was starting to get me hot. I, too, am enchanted by JustAHuman's story. As much as she has been posting on this site for months now about this topic, I think she is very enchanted by this woman and it is clear that they are very sexually attracted to one another.

 

So, JustAHuman, do what PavPPZ1 has suggested and ask her out to drinks to lower the inhibitions and then go from there. Good luck and keep us posted!

[Tigris]

I agree with Ballys ask her out!

 

To be honest I don't know how you two have managed to stay apart for so long? It would drive me crazy!

 

Waiting impatiently for your next instalment.

 

Good luck and take care.

 

 

 

[JustAHuman]

Hey guys, it's been a while and just wanted to thank you all for your support.

 

Well, after what happened back in october, I wanted to act on my feelings for this woman, I had everything prepared to tell her what I feel for her, but I chickened out. I started to think about my guy and the beautiful relationship we've had so far and I just decided not to do it.

 

Everything's been pretty much the same between us, the same eye contact and all those stupid things. I'm just tired of it.

 

She was sent by the company to another country for one month, and when she was supposed to come back I went on vacation and I'll be back in a few days, it's been almost two months without seeing eachother and I feel relieved, time away from her has been great.

 

I was trying to get pregnant but I had to stop for health issues, now I'm ok and I'm working on it again . I must admit I still have feelings for her, but she's getting married in june and I want to start a family, so I better leave things the way they are.

 

Thank you guys again.

[Cadence308]

Oh, my gosh! I read your thread again, hoping something hot happened. I am so disappointed!

 

But, if it's where your heart is that's the important thing.

 

GL with everything!

 

Ballys

[JustAHuman]

Sorry to disappoint you Ballys, really, I actually feel disappointed too, but, you know, now that I decided to move on with my life I feel much better, I mean, I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

 

To tell you the truth, I was waiting for something to happen between us, and then think about getting pregnant, but, it's not worth it, neither my guy nor me deserve that, we want our baby and we're working on it.

 

It may sound that I gave up, but no, I'm just letting things flow. I came to the conclusion that when you hang on to that which you want, you're not allowing it to move through you, you actually stop the flow.Everything happens for a reason and I'm thankfull she was sent to my path.

[Tigris]

Like Ballys I too am disappointed, however, I hope everything works out for you with your guy.

 

Good luck and take care.

[JustAHuman]

Ok, so yesterday I came back from my vacation.

 

She ignored me during most part of the day, and about an hour before leaving, we locked eyes and we both smiled. She came over to my desk right away and asked me about the trip. She said that she loved my hair and then we talked about how she was gone for one month and when she came back I'd left for another month.

 

Then I gave her a couple of souvenirs, she was very excited. We looked into eachother's eyes and she started to get closer to me. I thought she was going to kiss me and ended up giving me a hug. She thanked me, said a couple of things about the souvenirs and all of a sudden gave me another hug.

 

While we were hugging eachother I said: I'm glad to see you again; and she said: I'm glad to see you too. Then, I noticed she was blushing and was smiling nervously.

 

I loved her reaction, it was very especial and spontaneous. She smiled all the time and seemed very excited.

 

At this point I really don't know what to do, whatever my decision is I'll keep you guys posted.

[UT]

Okay. I can't try to ignore this anymore. I disagree with everyone else. I do not think you should take your guy. You seem so in love but not able to open up to each other anymore. Your actions, everything you two do points in the direction of love. Work associates don't say "I'm glad to see you" or "I've missed you" even if they do. It’s inappropriate. What you have is most probably a crush... not a crush. This was a crush 3-4 months ago now it’s love and both of you seems to want to act on it but no one has the courage. sometime it's time to stop hiding and being scared, If you don't at least try this will hunt you for as long as you two meet and work together.

 

There will always be a sexual tension and that tension can be fatal for any relationship you have with your current spouse and even for your friendship with this woman. If you still think a lot about this woman, try to see how far it can go. You can choose between the securities of a relationship with a man you say you love but seemingly not enough to keep your thoughts on him alone or you could take this woman out and see what happens. There are no warranty only hope for love.

 

In ten years from now, who do you think you would be happiest with? You can have a family with this woman as well. Sexuality isn't really an obstacle anymore. You can have children anyway. Don't think about what would be best in the eyes of others but best in your heart, but hurry up. You only have until June. Don’t make the same mistake of lost love you always see in the movies.

 

On her wedding night: You will cry, but don't let it be tears of sadness because you gave up the one you truly loved because you thought this was what she really wanted, but let it be tears of happiness from at last having your woman, your love, your wife, the one you've longed to have for so long.

 

--------------------------

Sorry to have disagreed with most people but honestly I think she should take this once in a lifetime chance to be happy. Gender doesn't really matter. Love does.

[mgirl]

Okay, JAH, i have actually logged on just so i can answer your post!

 

For so long now, this has been going on. I truelly think you are at the stage where you need to verbalise something. Remember when i suggested some months ago to (take her aside) and ask her where you stand with her because you have been getting some funny "signs"?! Well, now is time to act (sorry i am so full-on, but that's just me ).

 

Like UT said, you only have until June if she is getting married.

 

The only other thing i can think of why she has been so intimate and friendly is that sometimes people are just like that. I go through stages when i really want to reach out and connect with other human beings and i am quite forthcoming with them.

 

As i said before, it is time to act soon. Take her out to lunch, get to know her outside of the office. Isn't the suspense killing you?

 

If it were me, i would want to get it over and done with soon because i wouldn't be able to stand not knowing.

 

Best of luck and keep us posted

 

m

[JustAHuman]

Yes I know, I only have two months to decide what to do, I've wasted so much time...

 

We've never hugged before, in fact, I didn't expect that reaction from her, I can tell she did miss me. The second hug was so especial, and her blushing and that nervous smile...It seemed she didn't even care there were people around us.

 

And you know mgirl, she's not like that with anyone, you never see her being so affectionate with anybody, not even with me even though we've been flirting for so long.

 

I'm in such a dilemma right now

[JustAHuman]

I'm working tomorrow and she will be there too...I was thinking that I might ask her out for a coffee during lunch time...

[mgirl]

Well, you only have two months so i would get cracking if i were you! The coffee idea sounds good .

[Zimetra]

I agree with UT. Staying with your guy, getting married and having children would be the most obvious and somehow the easiest way. But it would mean being unfair towards him, AND being dishonest towards yourself. This guy really loves you and cares for you - you certainly love him too, but you also use him as an "interim solution", until you find the courage to take the step towards the future you want deep inside. - You said you love him but you have always wanted to be with a woman. What will happen in 3 years, 5 years, 10 years? Will you fall in love with another woman, will you leave him, and the family will break apart? If you are honest towards yourself and him now, it will hurt both of you but you will cause less damage.

 

Sorry if my words sound harsh, but I have been following this thread like UT has, and I felt some straight talk was necessary. - Regardless of my sexual orientation (hetero) I have been in a similar situtaion twice, where I had to decide against a stable, secure relationship b/c I felt I was just not being honest with myself.

 

I wish you all the best!

Zimetra

[dj_sugar]

go for it mate, she sounds interested to me

[Cadence308]

Justahuman, looking back through this thread, this has been going on for almost one year now. It has been eating away at you and you have been logging into the site to keep us posted. You have feelings for this woman and it appears that she has feelings for you. Like UT said, you have two months to figure out what you want. Ask her out and see what happens and take things from there. Things are only going to get more complicated from here on out.

 

GL!

[itsallgrand]

Wow. This is better than any movie I could rent! Except...it constantly teases and never satisfies.

 

Let us know what happened! You can begin charging admission and make some money out of the deal.

 

I hope you asked her out. I have to admit: I'm developing a wee crush on Patience reading this thread.

Direct communication is the way to go: especially now for you!

Going out for coffee is sooo easy.

 

Do you think it's possible that you are more attracted to the fantasy aspect of this relationship? I mean, the fact that it has gone on this long and never developed past flirting kind of tips me off in that direction.

You certainly can't call it love yet. There have been no 'reality checks' to deal with.

 

In a way, that would simplify things for you a whole lot. If it is the drama and fantasy that is attracting you, you can deal with that easily and target your need elsewhere.

 

Anyways, wishing you the best of luck. Whatever you choose to do.

[JustAHuman]

First off, thank you all for replies. It's starting to scare me how you guys know me so well now.

 

Well, I didn't have the chance to invite her for a coffee, but I did something very bold if you consider that it came from me.

 

She was sitting behind me and we talked on and off during the whole day. I bought a necklace for her during my vacation, nothing expensive, but very beautiful and I thought she would like it. I forgot to give it to her the other day and I thought that giving it to her after that would make more than obvious what my intentions are...so that's exactly what I did.

 

She looked surprised, in a good sense though, but didn't give me a hug or anything since we were not that close to eachother, and it seemed she was trying to control herself. We talked for a couple of minutes and as we were talking she watched my mouth, I watched hers, and we locked eyes for a couple of seconds and smiled without saying a word.

 

We locked eyes a few times and smiled at eachother after that( that's always good), and I find that we're getting closer and more confortable with eachother.

 

What I think is that anyone would be able to understand the message that I was trying to convey based on what I did today,and to reinforce it, before I left I went to her desk, gave her a couple of candies and said bye. Then we made eye contact fron accross the room.

 

And to answer to your question itsallgrand, I think you're somewhat right about the fantasy aspect of this relationship, but I also think that after such a long time it could also develop into love . Deep inside I wish you're right, it certainly would be easier for me...and, better than a movie you could rent?? Is this thread that interesting??

 

What do you think?? Were my actions clear enough?? Did I do the right thing?? I personally think it's up to her now.