is my coworker flirting with me??

[JustAHuman]

Thank you all for your support!

 

Patience, I do get enough attention from my guy, he loves me and he really cares about me, it's just that I've always wanted to be with a woman and I really thought that this woman was 'the one'.

 

I'm just gonna try to do what you guys suggested and I'm gonna try to keep it professional...but oh God!!!, it's sooo difficult. When she comes to talk to me, she stands real close and I perceive her smell and it drives me crazy, and if she smiles at me I just give up.

 

Oh, and today a co-worker told me that he thinks she's in love with me because of the way she looks at me and her behaviour towards me. This is so frustrating and confusing

[mgirl]

It's bizarre that somebody else picked up on her vibe. I bet that makes you feel like you could have been right all along?

 

If she's really in to you let her make the move. You are doing all the right things by looking after yourself. The rest is up to fate.

 

I wonder what the marriage is about then?

[patience]

JAH,

 

Whether she has feelings for you or not, she is getting married to someone! This would be a real mess for you to get into!

 

Have you ever seen her with her fiance? How does she act around him? Have you ever seen her at a club? Does she flirt with everyone?

 

I have known women like the one you are describing, and I have to say ***DANGER*** STAY AWAY!!! They love to flirt, they get off on how people respond to them. She can probably tell that you are attracted to her, and she is milking it. Don't be naive here. A woman can tell when another woman is into her...there is a really strong vibe that just can't be denied.

 

Remember what you said about how she treats people? Why on earth would you want to get involved with a woman who is mean to others? Who betrays her fiance?

 

If she was truly in love with you, she wouldn't be with him. Seriosly, come one, don't fall for crap like that!

 

You have a crush on her, it's obvious, and that's okay...but don't act on it unless you want to mess up your relationship with your boyfriend and quite possibly jeopardize your job. This woman could turn it all around and say that you harassed her!

 

This woman is not trustworthy...her behavior screams this out loud and clear.

 

ughhhh! women like this really frustrate me...female players are worse than male players IMHO!

[Cadence308]

Female players...I've heard guys say women are bigger players than men are. I can see it and maybe have experienced it.

 

I agree with mgirl that you need to look out for #1!

 

And patience had some great points, a woman knows when someone is into her and maybe this woman is milking your attention for all it's worth. Ignore her and see what happens. It will most likely drive her nuts because she won't be getting the attention from you that she's used to. And she sounds dangerous. Just keep it professional...it's the best thing you can do for yourself personally and professionally.

 

But do keep us posted! I'm thinking if I can make it to Pittsburgh and stand next to you so that you can perceive my scent that you might like it!

[JustAHuman]

Don't worry Patience, I know that this could get messy and I'm not gonna act on my feelings , but, you know, when you are into someone like this, it's really hard to forget about the whole thing, especially when your crush keeps flirting with you. I've never seen her with her fiance, but she's seen me with my guy and she acts very weird, she avoids me and doesn't even look at me, as if she doesn't know who I am.

 

She's been flirting a lot, smiling at me, and today I had my hand on the back of my chair, she passed by me, moved the chair, said 'I'm sorry', put her hand on my hand and let it move gently...I mean how can I move on if she keeps doing that kind of things??

 

Mgirl, I know it's true, I mean, It's so obvious, but as I said, I think I better stay away from her, even if she tries to approach me.

 

And Ballys, I bet your scent would drive me crazy too

 

Anyway, it's too recent, so I guess I've got to be patience. Thanks for your concern.

[Cadence308]

I'm sure it is tough to just be professional when this woman is around. You are attracted to her and she is coming onto you like a dog in heat! (no pun intended!)

 

Ultimately, you are an adult and can make your own decisions so you are going to do what you want to do, whether or not it's morally the best thing to do. Just remember that there are other people involved here (your bf and her bf) and I think that is the bottom line.

 

Maybe next time she is so flirty with you you should come out and ask her, "I heard you just got engaged," just to see her response. I would start doing stuff like that if you can't just be professional. Let her squirm a bit.

 

I have no idea what my scent is like and there's no woman to validate it for me since I haven't been with anyone yet.

[patience]

Why don't you just talk with her? This situation is clearly bothering you, so just talk with the woman and ask her directly why she keeps giving you so much attention. Let her know that it makes you feel uncomfortable, if that is the case.

[JustAHuman]

You know, sometimes I think she's not a bad person. Consider this, I'm also in a stable relationship with a man and I've been also flirting with her.

 

I mean, I know she's known all along that I'm in a relationship. For one reason or another she's seen me kissing my guy (like today), but it's not my intention to hurt her, and if I'm saying this, it's because after she's seen us kissing, she would act as if she's jealous, and I don't really wanna make her feel that way.

 

I mean, I'm not a bad person, but still I'm acting this way...just like her?

 

We met just 6 months ago...I've been with my guy for quite a few years...I don't know for how long she's been with her boyfriend.

 

I don't know, I guess I'm just doing too much thinking ...but, do you get what I'm trying to say??

 

As for saying that I heard she's engaged, actually it's a very good idea, thank you Ballys

 

And Patience, I've thought about talking with her, but I'd need to sum up the courage to do it.

 

*sigh* sometimes I wish she could see this post...don't ask me why, I think you already know the answer.

 

Oh, and I'm sorry for my grammar and if it doesn't make any sense what I said, I'm just tired...I'm off

[JustAHuman]

"Natasha, to love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. thereforeeee, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, thereforeeee, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."

 

(Woody Allen, Love and death, 1975)

 

I just wanted to share this, It's just brilliant ...now I'm off

[patience]

Have you considered that perhaps you are flirting with her because it is "safe" to some extent. Neither of you are single, so you know that nothing can really come of this unless you cheat on your boyfriends.

 

I still think you should talk with her, before you drive yourself mad thinking of all of the 'what ifs' going around and around in your head.

 

I worked for a long time in a predominantly female environment, and I call tell you that this sort of thing went on all of the time...especially between women with boyfriends/husbands. Women generally like attention. When it is just fun flirting for both, fine, but when one or both of the women start to develop real feelings for each other, it can get really messy.

 

If you really do like her, and if this is more than a crush, if you really think she is someone you would want to get to know outside of the workplace, then you owe it to yourself to talk to her. How she responds will be very telling.

[JustAHuman]

 

I still think you should talk with her, before you drive yourself mad thinking of all of the 'what ifs' going around and around in your head.

 

If you really do like her, and if this is more than a crush, if you really think she is someone you would want to get to know outside of the workplace, then you owe it to yourself to talk to her. How she responds will be very telling.

 

What should I tell her???....and how can I get her alone??, I mean, some people 'know' that I'm into her and they have told me that she's into me, so I kinda feel inhibited.

 

I'm looking for a job ion my field...should I wait until I quit my current job and talk to her then?

[patience]

If it was me, I would simply ask to talk with her after work. If she freaked out just from me asking to talk, then I would know to step back, and frankly I probably wouldn't waste any more time on her. I would probably think "game player" and avoid her like the plague! If she agreed to talk, I would have an open, honest conversation with her about my feelings, and my observations. I would also ask her some clear questions, such as, "why do you flirt with me so often?" Now, keep in mind, that's me! I am a very direct person, and I've already gone through the whole coming out process.

 

I don't know what would be right for you. You have to figure that out.

 

...but why wait?

[Cadence308]

I think patience has a great idea. If she gets upset that you want to talk or acts freaked out then you have your answer and hopefully that will give you enough motivation to keep things only professional. On the other hand, you are both adults and maybe she might talk to you and both of you can be honest with each other. I think suggesting talking after work is a great idea.

 

Let us know what happens!

[mgirl]

If it was me, I would simply ask to talk with her after work. If she freaked out just from me asking to talk, then I would know to step back, and frankly I probably wouldn't waste any more time on her. I would probably think "game player" and avoid her like the plague! If she agreed to talk, I would have an open, honest conversation with her about my feelings, and my observations. I would also ask her some clear questions, such as, "why do you flirt with me so often?" Now, keep in mind, that's me! I am a very direct person, and I've already gone through the whole coming out process.

 

I don't know what would be right for you. You have to figure that out.

 

...but why wait?

 

Patience, you rock! Will you marry me?

 

I've got an idea. Instead of asking her why she "flirts" with you, ask her why she "stares" at you all the time. Say something like, "i've noticed you looking at me lately, is there any reason for this?" That way you are not putting her on the defence by "assuming" she is flirting with you and you are putting the ball in her court.

 

In fact, i am going to do the same with somebody who has been "looking" at me a lot lately too. I'm sick of it. If somebody has something to say, they should say it to your face. I have no time to waste.

 

Patience, i still want to marry you

[patience]

*blushing*

 

I've got an idea. Instead of asking her why she "flirts" with you, ask her why she "stares" at you all the time. Say something like, "i've noticed you looking at me lately, is there any reason for this?" That way you are not putting her on the defence by "assuming" she is flirting with you and you are putting the ball in her court.

 

That's a good idea.

 

In fact, i am going to do the same with somebody who has been "looking" at me a lot lately too.

 

woo hoo!!! Good for you mgirl! Never waste time on what might be, or could be! Go for what already is!

[mgirl]

Yeah, it's a good idea. Then you can ask from there whether she's interested... like you (JAH) could say:

 

"I have noticed you looking at me lately... is there something going on"? And see what she says. Depending on what she says, you could elaborate and say, "it's like you like me or something". Just act dumb.

 

I'm going to give it a go with this girl that i sometimes work with. It has really been annoying me on principle, seeing as though she was complaining about me behind my back, saying that i "never smile"... What is that all about?

 

But i have Patience now, so what am i worrying about \ .?! Only kidding, *mgirl stops relentless flirting *

[JustAHuman]

Well, nothing has happened since wednesday last week, I saw her on saturday and today and she seemed cold and distant. We just aknowledged each others presense and that was it.

 

Honestly, I'm tired of making just eye contact...what am I getting?? nothing!!

 

Today I tried to approach her, but she was again cold and distant, I mean, she knows that I have feelings for her, or at least that I like her, and I know she knows, because I make sure that she catches me staring at her. On the other hand, I think sometimes I act exactly as she does.

 

I'm just gonna take each day as it comes. If we are supposed to have any kind of relationship, then it will happen.

 

I'm thinking about writing her a note...what do you think?

 

I just wonder what she thinks about this whole situation ...I wont kiss my guy again in front of her, maybe that's making her feel unconfortable?

[JustAHuman]

Hi everyone, this is just a little update to let you know how I'm doing. I've been trying to keep things professional with this woman and trying to avoid any contact with her. I know she's noticed my behaviour towards her has changed and in the last month we've been cold and distant with each other.

 

Now, here's the thing, on wednesday, while I was at my desk and she was walking, we held eye contact like never before...it was for about 4-5 sec (an eternity) and then she smiled at me. I smiled back at her but I got nervous and looked away. Later, she came over to my desk, I was talking to a co-worker and I was talking too fast, she just laughed and said 'You amuse me whenever I come here', I said why?, and she said 'I'm sorry, I don't know, you just amuse me, but in a good sense, though', and touched my arm. What does this mean??

 

This is so confusing and overwhelming, and I have to see her almost every day.

[Cadence308]

Her touching you is a sign that she likes you. She acted jealous when she saw you kissing your boyfriend.

 

It sounds to me like you are developing feelings for her that are very intense. I'm not sure what kind of advice to give you. Do you want to try dating girls for a while? If so, you should express this to your bf and ask this woman out.

 

It sounds like things are not going to get easier with her since you two work together. You have tried the no contact thing and tried to keep your distance, but you are analyzing everything between the two of you.

 

So, this comes down to, what do you really want?

[JustAHuman]

Well, I don't really want to date girls, I mean, she's the only one I like right now. What happened on wednesday was completely unexpected, everything was going back to normal and I was feeling ok, it was just different and even more intense.I don't think I'm overanalyzing what happens, I mean, we've been seeing each other almost every day, we say hi, we aknowledge each other, and I was kind of forgetting about the whole thing, but we've never looked at each other the way we did that day. During the last month she wouldn't really talk to me or look at me in the eye and was being rude again, but everything changed out of the blue in just a few minutes. But, I don't really understand what she said later to tell you the truth, I don't really know wht I want, however I'm trying to get a job on my field, and when that happens, I wont have to see her again and everything will be back to normal

[Cadence308]

Is that what you want, to not see her any more? If that's it, then just tell her that what she's doing is making you uncomfortable.

 

It just sounds like a mutual attraction, that's all. I didn't mean that you are over-analyzing things and that it was all in your head. I only meant that this has been on your mind for some time and things seem to be heating up again between the 2 of you and that you should decide if this is something that you want to act on.

[JustAHuman]

Don't get me wrong Ballys, It didn't bother me what you said and I do appreciate your help. I don't really know what I want, but something tells me that it's better to stay away from her...certainly, that's not my heart talking.

 

Anyway, I guess I just wanted your opinions on this. Now I'm off and I'll be back if something extraordinary happens. Thank you all for your invaluable help.

[skyblue]

Hey there, just read the thred and am intrigued. lol.. this lady obviously is attracted to you. Not sure what her game is but maybe she is not as sinister as you may think. Why not arrange somthing out of work, like with a few colleagues, (so doesnt look like a date)drinking, bowling or whatever, just anything that will give you a chance to get to know her a bit more?. Also... why not hint to her that your thinking of leaving and see how she reacts to it?.. if she's all interested in you, you'll definitely get a reaction to that!.Just look at her face..

[Tigris]

I agree with Skyblue.

 

You won't know what's going on until you talk to her properly. Once you find out you can decide what to do.

 

Good Luck.

[JustAHuman]

Hi everyone!

 

About a month ago I decided to move on and everything was pretty much 'normal' at work, then, friday last week, she came up to my desk and said 'do you need any help my love?', with a flirty smile. I wasn't expecting that since I didn't even have my hand up, so my answer was a flat 'no'.

 

she's been staring at me a lot and she's confusing me again. Why would she call me 'my love'...she's never done that before...

 

Your thoughts on this would be much appreciated.