is my coworker flirting with me??

[JustAHuman]

 

She even said to me one day when she didn't see me until the afternoon: "I missed you this morning".

 

I might use that one next time I see her

[JustAHuman]

PLEASE!! someone help me to understand this woman...she's...indecipherable!!. I just don't know how to read her. Today she ignored me all the time. We didn't have the chance to talk, but I tried to make eye contact and as far as I know she never looked at me. I mean, I'm in love with that woman, I just can't take my eyes off her and I expect her to do the same. What can I do???, she's sending mixed signals and I'm confused. If this is gonna be so difficult, I think I'm gonna stick to men

[mgirl]

Lol . Oh dear. Maybe she's sending mixed signals because she feels uncomfortable around you because you are making her nervous! Or maybe she has other things on her mind. I know that when i have things on my mind, regardless of whether the/a person i am interested in is in the room, i am distracted no matter what. No amount of spunk factor will make me look at them!

 

It seems the only way you are going to know anything about her is to get to know her either in the office or outside. I wouldn't write her off until you know the deal with her. It's just as hard with guys isn't it?! Maybe they're not as complex, i don't know . But i know what you mean, about the 'giving up' factor...

[Cadence308]

Sounds like she's playing games or could have something on her mind, like mgirl suggested.

[JustAHuman]

Oh no!!!, I'm not giving up. I wanna kiss her, I wanna hold her, I wanna make love with her, and I'm gonna do whatever is necessary to make that dream come true.

 

On tuesday, she was walking to the lunch room and walked right by me, she was ignoring me, but I stared at her, she looked at me and we both said hi.

 

Later, she was talking to someone behind me, she started to walk to the opposite direction and looked back towards me while walking. Why did I notice that?...well, I looked back towards her too That was sooo hot!!. For the rest of the night she kept looking over at my desk.

 

Yesterday, she walked right by me and looked at me over her shoulder and smiled. Then, I was on the computer and she came over to my desk to help me. She was standing next to me and leaned forward to grab the mouse. Her...'you know what'...was literally up against my knee (I had my leg crossed and she's kind of short) and her brests almost on my face (I moved away, that's why it didn't happened ).

 

Later, I came back from my lunch and she said 'you sound so winded, were you running or something?', and stared down my brests briefly and smiled. She was standing really close to me, talking and we looked into each others eyes intensely.

 

I think I have a chance with her, but I've noticed that when she talks to me she's no longer using that 'sweet' intonation that I mentioned at the beginning, weird, eh?

 

So...what do you guys think?

[kaboom]

I would say time has come for drastic action, and you are both in the same situation!

She can't be sure whether u like her or not, and she doesn't have the balls to ask you, and you can't be sure whether she likes you or not, and u dont have the balls to ask her!

its pretty obvious she's a les, just ask her out! u get turned down, well that sucks balls for you, but at least u'll know what's going on!

Damn, too much "balls" in this post... must be becaue of the golf hehehehe

[Sapphire695]

Hey, JustAHuman - I'm in the same boat you are! Did you ever notice when she ignores you if there are other people or "certain" people around? Sometimes my girl (crush) and I will ignore or only say hi to each other and that's it if other people or "certain" people are around. Even if we don't acknowledge each other in front of co-workers, we still glance and look at each other.

 

If I were you, I would just make it a point to say "Hi", even if you're the one that always has to say it first. You guys defintely have to get on a more confortable friendly level first. I have it easy with my girl because even if I can't think of anything to say (I can think of so much to say to her and then when I'm talking to her I can go blank), she always says something...even if it's just something flirty like "I missed you....", or she mentions the nice weather. We always talk when we have the opportunity.

 

Good luck and just keep saying Hi and that should progress to a more contant talking level and then go from there.

[patience]

Friends often do lunch, so the easiest thing to do is ask her to lunch. If she is interested in getting to know you better, and is not just playing games, she'll say yes. If she makes excuses or says no, then you know you have a player (or a verrrry insecure woman) on your hands, and either way, you don't want that.

 

Don't stay in the 'crush' zone for so long...step up to the plate if you are seriously interested in this woman.

[JustAHuman]

Well, actually we are always surrounded by co-workers, but yes, she ignores me when there are 'certain' people around.

 

Besides, it seems that some people have noticed that there's something 'going on' there. They look at us suspiciously and the other day she was wearing a rainbow belt and one of my co-workers asked me if she was a lesbian

 

So, basically, I think we feel somewhat inhibited or at least I do, but I'll have to figure out what to do if I want a relationship with her.

 

Thank you all for your interest

[Cadence308]

She was wearing a rainbow belt??? This means she's definitely a lesbian. Did her belt also have pink triangles all over it?

 

I had a lesbian professor once who used to wear rainbow reading glasses. Nothing against rainbows, but they were hideous!

[JustAHuman]

No Ballys, no triangles.

[kaboom]

U know the pink triangle thing actually has very dark origins? That symbol was first used to set homosexuals aside in nazi concentration camps. Most homosexuals were executed.

And here u have us today, using it as a means to publicize our homosexuality! people are weird.

In any case yeah, a rainbow belt is pretty much of a givaway.

Cheers!

[Sapphire695]

The other day when I was outside my office bldg. on my cell phone, the girl I like was leaving to go home and she walked by me and looked directly at me and said "Come on, let's go home" while motioning for me to come. I was thinking to myself damn, I wish I didn't have to work another half hour!...LOL Would you take that as flirting? It could have been innocent because we sometimes walk in together, so she could have been kidding to the fact that I was still in work and wasn't it time for me to leave since I came in the same time she did that day?! But, wouldn't she say "Time to leave" instead? OR, there could've been an underlining flirty message with the "let's go home" line.

[Cadence308]

Yes, it sounds like she was flirting. I would have been like, "Okay," and started following her just to see what her reaction would have been. Then I would have said, "No, just kidding. I have to work another half hour, but what are you doing later???"

 

You are analyzing everything now. You really need to make a move soon. I think the more emotionally involved you become the harder it may be to get over her if she doesn't reciprocate. She is giving you a lot of signs. You already know who each other is, you have a line of dialogue going, there's flirting. Now all you have to do is invite her to lunch or coffee.

 

Let us know how it goes!

[mgirl]

The other day when I was outside my office bldg. on my cell phone, the girl I like was leaving to go home and she walked by me and looked directly at me and said "Come on, let's go home" while motioning for me to come. I was thinking to myself damn, I wish I didn't have to work another half hour!...LOL Would you take that as flirting? It could have been innocent because we sometimes walk in together, so she could have been kidding to the fact that I was still in work and wasn't it time for me to leave since I came in the same time she did that day?! But, wouldn't she say "Time to leave" instead? OR, there could've been an underlining flirty message with the "let's go home" line.

 

Oh my gosh... was that you? Pity you had to work an extra half an hour... I was really looking forward to taking you home .

 

Only kidding. Sounds like she was flirting though...

[JustAHuman]

Well, a few things have happened. On tuesday, a co-worker told me that she has a boyfriend, they live together and he proposed to her on saturday.

 

What can I say???

 

I also have a boyfriend and she's seen me with him, but this woman just 'stole' my heart and, seriously, I wanted to start a relationship with her. I think she just likes to play games and I've decided not to play that game.

 

Today she came over to my desk and kept flirting. She said 'I like how that t-shirt looks on you' and then she said something that tells me she's well aware of what I wear.

 

I feel desillusioned. Why does she keep flirting with me??? I think this is getting messy.

 

Anyway, I'm just gonna live my life with my guy, he loves me, I love him and he doesn't deserve this. What was I thinking and what is she thinking???

 

Can anyone give me a hand with this??

[JustAHuman]

I'm angry and sad, I don't wanna cry!!! but I know I will...This is ridiculous, why am I feeling like this??? I hardly know her!!

[mgirl]

Oh shuzbut, welcome to the world of le crush.

 

I don't know why she is flirting with you... it is quite strange. She obviously needs attention, which probably means she is insecure and needs the attentions of others to feel worthy. Hmm, how to "get her back"?

 

If she has any incling towards women and she is getting married, leave her to her miserable life. If she is playing games, you don't need to do anything, just withdraw and look after your own feelings. She'll be playing with herself soon enough, maybe even literally.

 

If i were you, i would pull the plug on her silly little games. Everything she says to you, turn into a work situation. Example: next time she compliments you on your clothes, or tries to engage with you in a personal way, thank her graciously, look at her as if to say, "do you have anything else to say because I AM BUSY", as if you are politely waiting for her to leave and then continue with your work, not missing a heart-beat, like she is merely a distraction to your very important day.

 

She will hate it because she will not be getting what she wants from you. Turn the tables and make it your way. You call the shots. You are working, you are busy and she is distracting you. And then if you feel like crying, do it when you get home.

[JustAHuman]

Thank you mgirl, those are the words I needed. Now that I think about it, she may be bi...just like me...anyway, I'm not playing her game and I'm not gonna cry for her. Period.

[Cadence308]

Everything she says to you, turn into a work situation.

 

This is what my crush did to me to rip my heart out!

 

I have to admit that I was shocked when I read the update. I thought for sure you would be emailing us telling us you got laid.

 

Some people do have low self-esteem and need the attention of others and it sounds like she was getting what she wanted from you. But, that doesn't mean that she's not bi or that she isn't attracted to you.

 

Now that you found out that she has a bf I think I would do as mgirl suggested because I can see this getting messy since you also have a boyfriend. It is going to be hard to turn off your feelings since you two work together. But, you need to just keep things professional and act like she is a distraction to your busy day and your busy life.

 

GL and let us know how you are coping!

[JustAHuman]

Well, I got the day off and I've been sleeping all the time, I don't wanna think about her and and I'm glad I didn't have to see her face today.

 

Actually, I don't know what's the deal with her, why does she wanna flirt with me?? Yesterday when she made that comment about my t-shirt she also said '...and you have another one, but it's a different color...orange, right??'... and I've only worn it once!...Why did she noticed that??...I guess we all know the answer, but she's getting married, so what the *@#$ is she thinking??? Maybe she wants some lesbian action before getting married.

 

Thank you guys for your support.

[patience]

JustaHuman,

 

Are you in an open relationship with your boyfriend? Does he know about your attraction to women? You know, it may be a good thing that nothing happened, because that could have all blown up in your face.

 

Bi-sexual women often have boyfriends or husbands, and yes, sometimes they still have girlfriends too. Sometimes their guys know what they are doing, sometimes not. Open relationships are difficult at best. Are you polyamourous? Is that something you could handle? Or do you want to be in a monogamous relationship?

 

If you don't feel for your boyfriend the way you felt with her, why stay with him? That's not exactly fair to him. Have you thought of being single for awhile so that you can explore your attraction to women without hurting anyone in the process? (including yourself) As a single woman, you could go out and date bi and lesbian women so that you can really explore who you truly are.

 

This woman sounds somewhat flirty, but also she sounds friendly. Is it possible you read too much into her behavior because you have an attraction to her? A lot of women flirt for attention and for validation. She could be a player, she could be a very manipulative person. She could have been toying with you. It's hard to say without having witnessed anything though, y'now. Count your lucky stars you didn't sleep with her, because you could have gotten your heart broken. There are women out there who will use you the same way a guy would, and you have to look out for that. Personally, I'd stay far, far, FAR away from a flirty bi-sexual married woman unless you are into that sort of thing.

 

I'm sorry that you got hurt...but I'm really glad you didn't get hurt even worse.

[JustAHuman]

You guys are great, really

 

Patience, I think that you are like my conscience you know??

 

Well, I'm not in an open relationship with my boyfriend, we've been together many years and I admit that I've had crushes on other women, but I've never acted on those feelings. This woman has something that made me consider that option.

 

I think he suspects, especially since this woman appeared in my life a few months ago.

 

I'm not polyamorous, I've been in a monogamous relationship with my guy for many years...I just developed feelings for this woman...but I still love him, he is a wonderful man and we've had a great life together, is just that my feelings for this woman are so intense that I was convinced that looking for a relationship with her was the best decision I could make. And I was wrong.

 

At the beginning I wasn't attracted to her, let's say that she's not my 'type', she would be kind of rude, sometimes friendly, but then I noticed her behaviour towards me started to change. I even told my boyfriend that it seemed a female co-worker had a crush on me. She was always looking at me, she started to act flirty and it was like that for a month or so before i started to develop feelings for her, maybe because of the attention she was giving me.

 

And yes, I think that if nothing happened is for the best.

 

It's gonna be difficult, we work together, you know, and I'm gonna have to see her face almost every day...*sigh* it's not FAIR.

 

Thank you all for your support, you are great. I'll let you know how I'm doing

[patience]

justa,

 

You know, the more you share about this woman, the more I think she is really not someone you should get too close to, even as a friend. There are too many red flags.

 

Just keep it professional at work. You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to. Protect your heart, and do what you think is right for you. If she starts to hassle you, or cause you problems, speak to a supervisor or something. She has no right to harass you at work. If you feel uncomfortable with her advances, say something to someone. Sometimes when players are ignored they start to lay it pretty thick, just to get a reaction out of you. I don't know if she is like that, but guard yourself just in case. Time will tell.

 

She was always looking at me, she started to act flirty and it was like that for a month or so before i started to develop feelings for her, maybe because of the attention she was giving me.

 

I've had that happen to me. Sometimes it is hard to resist so much attention from someone, especially if you are curious to start with! It is good that you are seeing this situation a little more clearly now. It is so easy to get caught up in the illusion of an attraction. Sometimes intense feelings are rooted in fantasy, not reality.

 

Are you getting enough attention from your boyfriend? If not, talk to him about that. Sometimes attractions to others outside of a relationship signal problems that need to be resolved.

 

Good luck and take care!

[Cadence308]

patience does have great advice.

 

I just wanted to add that my crush that I had came onto me in much the same way you are describing with your co-worker. I posted about my crush many months ago about an older woman, like double my age that was doing the same things. I thought I was straight until this happened and I'm now still trying to get over her. I'm not sure what happened, but I think she has a gf and I moved. She broke my heart, that's for sure. Sometimes I find myself wondering if she is a player, if she ever had feelings for me, or if she just had low self-esteem and liked the attention I was giving her, or if she was trying to get the straight girl that she thought was beautiful to fall for her. She really hurt me.

 

So BE CAREFUL! Now that you know she's engaged and you don't know what her agenda is and she keeps laying on the flirting, I would do as patience suggested; be professional.

 

Keep us posted!