What went wrong?

[Shadoink]

I would like to preface this story that recently happened to me with the fact that I have never been in a serious relationship. Being 26 I have just not found a girl that I enjoy spending a bunch of time with outside of the physical aspect of a relationship. Not saying I have not met nice girls just nothing that has had that “spark” that everyone seems to talk about. With that being said I would like to find someone that I have that true intimacy with and I’m tired of the hook up game. 
 

So this all began with a girl that used to train at my gym that I go to. She was a client of one of the female trainers. This is a private gym so it’s always the same people so she became a familiar face. We decided to throw a gym party at the house and so I dm’d her on Instagram to come to the party. She said that she would not feel comfortable going because she no longer trained with the female trainer from the gym and was worried about drama. Months went by and I never reached out until she posted something on her story. I then responded to that story, sparked conversation, and then eventually got her number and set up a hike with her that weekend. 
 

We go on the hike and it went really well. We hiked for 3 hours with her dog and talked the whole time and I enjoyed learning about her. When she walked outside I remember how beautiful I thought she was as I had never really truly looked at her like that. After the hike I walked her back to her house. Now she lives with her parents still and she asked if I wanted to come inside. I declined telling her I had to go meal prep (which was not a lie), plus I did not feel comfortable meeting the parents on the first date. So when I go to say goodbye she gave me this look like she wanted a kiss. I gave her a hug and she held me tightly and I told her I would text her soon to hang out again. She sends me a text about how she had so much fun and wanted to hang out again. Great success. 
 

So the following weekend we make plans to hang out on Saturday night. She’s a big scary movie person so she was gonna come over and watch scary movies with me. So she comes over and we watch 2 movies and when the 2nd movie finished I finally make my move. When I kissed her I felt something that I have never felt with a kiss before. I was actually in awe. And so we basically do everything but sex, I could have had sex but I did not want to rush this because I was really into this girl at this point. We lay there afterwards for hours talking, kissing, cuddling, holding hands. Basically all the stuff that normally have not done with just “hook ups”. She leaves and heads back home, I do the gentleman thing and told her I would stay up till she told me she got home. Once she did she thanked me again for great time and I said I want to see you more often she responded with “I’d love to!” 
 

So the next week we have our normal conversations and on Wednesday I asked if she would like to go to my buddies restaurant on Friday. She had told me that she loves going to new restaurants and trying new foods. My buddies restaurant is phenomenal Greek food and he told me beforehand that if I bring her in we could order whatever and it would be free. Thought this would be a cool date for her. She ends up responding Friday morning telling me she can’t because she is stressed about school starting and getting everything ready for that and she wouldn’t be free that weekend. She also finished her text with “hope you are good and we will hang out soon!” I had no issues with that and told her that I understood and to let her do her thing this weekend so she’s all good and I would talk to her after the weekend. 
 

So Monday comes around and we FaceTime for about 2 hours just talking and making her laugh and a little teasing etc. Goes well. She tells me that she has school starting on Wednesday because of MLK day being on that Monday. Wednesday morning I told her “good luck with first day of school and when your done if you want to come over to the house and hang out and I’ll cook you dinner”. I honestly was just thinking of doing something nice for the girl I was interested in that was stressing big time about school. I get completely GHOSTED. Just shocked I get 0 response from that. A week goes by and I hear nothing. Keep in mind also that the weeks before this she is sending me “good morning” “hope you have a great day” texts. Even sending me good luck texts for my lifts at the gym. Not normal just hook up stuff. 
 

So a week goes by and I finally text her and say “hey what’s up”. She goes back to normal texting like nothing ever happened. So I was extremely confused about that but I don’t want her to think I’m desperate or controlling at all. I am just trying to be cool, calm, and collected. So then I ask if she wants to see me that weekend. She said she was sick in bed and had a COVID test. I felt bad and was very nice to her, but gave her spaces cause she was sick. Don’t talk to her on Sunday but Monday I send her “hope you are feeling better and having a great day”. And once again got no response
 

I am  so confused as to why she did a 180 on me. What did I do wrong? Does anyone have something they could offer? I’m hurting bad from this BS. 
 

Thank you 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Shadoink said:

She ends up responding Friday morning telling me she can’t because she is stressed about school starting and getting everything ready for that and she wouldn’t be free that weekend. . Not normal just hook up stuff. 

She said she was sick in bed and had a COVID test.

It was two dates? Did you have the exclusive talk? Sounds like she's busy with school, seeing others or simply doesn't want to hookup as fast as you do. Try to relax and step back.

[smackie9]

Who knows...could be a million reasons we could guess at. You will just have to wait and see.

[SooSad33]

Not sure of the time span of this.. when did you meet & start arranging things with her?

Seems you got way into her.. maybe she was trying to take things slowly - so no real expectations?

Just give it all some time.. respect she is adjusting to her schooling, etc.

IF she is into you, you'll hopefully hear from her again in the next week.

But, leave it up to her now - ball is in her court... don't YOU be the only one initiating conversation.Also, If she is sick.. it will be a while before you do hear from her.. ( If it is COVID, that will knock you on your butt for at least 10 days +  😞 

[smackie9]

maybe she just wanted to hookup that night...it didn't happen...now she's just busy with other stuff. You are getting too away ahead of yourself. Maybe she just wanted casual.

[LunarUK]

I wonder if she’s worried about going too fast physically? You already did a lot but she may think you now want more and she’s not ready/assertive enough to say. How about asking her out for a coffee or something somewhere public, making it clear that you’ve only got a couple of hours to spare before you have to be elsewhere? Anything to take the pressure off. For me, as someone who prefers to take it slower and has worried about it in the past, it may feel safer to know that it was just a regular date without the possibility of an awkward moment when sex may be expected and having to push back. 
 

She’s clearly interested, otherwise she wouldn’t have responded to you, but something is making a her feel awkward. Take the perceived pressure off. 

[reinventmyself]

you can't go back and redo that last conversation, but seeing that's she seems to be giving mixed signals, I would have told her I hope she feels better soon, to keep in touch and let you know if she is up to going out again in the future.

No sense to keep going back and getting turned away.  But seeing this isn't exactly black and white, you should have made sure that she was aware you would be waiting for her to make the next move.

[Andrina]

So if I read this correctly, you asked her out on 4 occasions and she asked you out zero times. She's made little effort except for occasional texting, and then went an entire week without reaching out at all to you.

Speaking as a woman, that's not how I act when I'm into a guy. I make it crystal clear that I'm definitely interested, plus after a few dates where he's asked me out, I like to put in effort by asking him to an event or over for dinner.

And if I was truly sick, I'd find 10 seconds to text the message that I'm too sick to be texting back and forth, but as soon as I felt better, I'd let him know. I wouldn't leave him hanging and wondering.

It's disappointing when you're into someone and they don't feel the same. I've been there.

When she turned you down, anxious about school, in my opinion, it was her turn to ask you out when it was convenient, if in fact she was interested. You might have gauged her lack of interest a lot sooner. Because there are cowards in the world who will keep responding to texts even if not interested, but won't plainly say: It's been nice meeting you, but I don't feel the chemistry to continue dating. Let the woman make an equal effort, and if they don't, there's your answer.

The right person will match you in how much you like to get together and how much you like to communicate. 

[reinventmyself]

Just a thought and maybe nothing to it, but you mentioned a free dinner at your friends restaurant, you two watched movies and made out.  Your last invite was another visit to your place.  Seeing things went pretty far the first time one can assume it might go all the way the next?  Maybe she's pumping the brakes and  maybe it's the type of dates you are offering that she's declining.   Just curious what her answer might have been if you asked her out on a proper date.

[Tinydance]

Look I know you probably don't want to hear this but it sounds like she's not really super into you unfortunately. It shouldn't be taking a week for her to reply and she only replied because you asked her what's up. She cancelled on your date too which by the way sounded totally amazing! I wouldn't have cancelled going to a nice restaurant for free, especially if I like someone. It kind of sounds like she's slow fading you. She's making excuses and not replying hoping you'll get the message because she's too cowardly to actually tell you she's not interested.

I don't think anything went wrong except that you're super into her but she's just not into you. She obviously thought you were nice so she was giving it a chance to see how it goes and everything. I think it's just a case for her of trying to date but she's not really feeling it.