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Everything posted by LunarUK

  1. Sorry to hear that. It must be so disappointing to feel that he’s pulling away just as you start to relax, be yourself and enjoy his company. You’ve only been dating for a short while so there’s a number of reasons why he may have pulled away, not just you getting cute and gooey. Is he dating other people if you’re not exclusive yet? Does he feel he no longer needs to chase now that you’ve been dating for a few weeks, are already having sex etc. Whilst it’s frustrating, just mirror his actions and don’t over do it. Eg When he messages, you message. Don’t over explain, try to com
  2. Whilst I think she probably did over react, as a woman I think I can understand how she felt. She’d spent the whole day treating you and what she heard was “is that all you’re going to offer me?” and probably came across as being ungrateful. You probably should’ve communicated your needs as a request rather than a demand or expectation. Also I’m concerned about the language you used around her period: It’s not about whether you decide to proceed with caution but whether you both wanted to. By her words, you could clearly hear the underlying message of I don’t want
  3. Thanks for the update Marie29, but I’m greedy and curious! Let us know if you actually go on this next date and whether he keeps just getting to know you, or suggests going to his again. The proof is in the pudding! And good luck 😁
  4. I think that’s the issue here. Ordinarily, it’s very unlikely that you would go to someone’s house on a third date unless it naturally progressed to that very quickly. But in a pandemic? In the middle of winter? There are very few options. But it can be risky for women, so we have to take precautions to feel as safe as possible. Eg go during the day, be clear about how you feel, let someone know where you are, send a friend a screenshot of his profile.
  5. Hey Marie29, I think you made the right call and personally saw nothing wrong with what you said to him. If that’s how you feel and express yourself, so be it. That’s you. I’m lockdown dating too and after two walking dates, my guy asked me over to his instead as there’s not much else to do. I panicked when he asked. I don’t do ONS and was surprised as he hadn’t indicated anything forward/pushy up until that point. I didn’t respond then and there, but when I got home explained that I didn’t feel comfortable/too soon. But his response was amazing: “understand, no rush, so what makes
  6. That sounds like a really positive start. And it’s great that he’s already asked you out on another date. Having said that, I can personally understand why it might seem frustrating as most guys show intense interest at the start, but that’s not always a good indicator in itself. How is the communication been since the date? Is he showing an interest/initiative. Also, consider his background. Where’s he from? I’ve dated people from different nationalities and have often noticed differences in dating etiquette. So what might be slow to you might be normal to him. Keep us posted with th
  7. I wonder if she’s worried about going too fast physically? You already did a lot but she may think you now want more and she’s not ready/assertive enough to say. How about asking her out for a coffee or something somewhere public, making it clear that you’ve only got a couple of hours to spare before you have to be elsewhere? Anything to take the pressure off. For me, as someone who prefers to take it slower and has worried about it in the past, it may feel safer to know that it was just a regular date without the possibility of an awkward moment when sex may be expected and having to push bac
  8. Hi Anonone1, This is a relatively unique and intriguing situation. I know this sounds strange, but I can’t help but think about it from a manager’s point of view in a workplace (bear with me, I know it’s completely different!). For me, I’d focus on having a discussion with her where you would agree on a shared goal and working towards it together without telling her, pressuring her, nor simply leaving her to her own devices. Try asking whether she sees sex in your future together? If so, what would it look and feel like? What things would she like to do to work towards
  9. Good for you for standing your ground. Really hate it when guys are opaque then once they get what they want, ask for FWB. They know what they’re doing - had he been upfront, he knows it would’ve been no. Like @lostandhurt said, this would’ve happened sooner or later whenever you decided to do it (very simple but very good advice - hadn’t thought of it that way before and makes me feel we should be less hung up about timings), so at least you’ve saved yourself some time here. But sorry it didn’t work out and better luck next time. I would say clarify intentions earlier on next time,
  10. And another thing: do be wary of guys who say they wanna go with the flow if what you’re actually looking for is a relationship. I’ve had that line dropped to be before: to me it meant this might grow into a relationship. I later discovered that to him it meant I just want something casual. So do clarify as early as possible before you get too attached. And if the answer is anything less than. “Yes! I’m looking for a relationship”, even if it’s a don’t know/unsure. Treat it as a no and act accordingly until he shows you otherwise.
  11. Hi OP, I don’t really have advice as such, as I’m in a very similar position. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in those values and I find myself doubting myself at times, because it appears to be an unusual stance to take. I’ve had a strict Catholic upbringing, only started dating much later in life and prefer to sleep with people after getting to know them with the intention of having a relationship. Nothing wrong with how you feel at all and in some ways it helps sift the time wasters. All I would say (having, today, finally “given up the goods” myself to a guy
  12. That’s the one. Thank you Kamaurj. I thought I’d broken a rule or something 🙈
  13. Thanks Wiseman2. I tried that but keep getting this message: Sorry, there is a problem You do not have permission to view this content. Error code: 2F173/K
  14. Apologies if this is the wrong place for it (I’m new), but I don’t know if it’s a system error or deliberate but I can’t find one of the posts I started and didn’t get a message/email?
  15. Completely agree Andrina. OP poster did really well setting her boundaries. But as a decent human being, she felt bad/guilt-tripped/gaslighted by his tantrum. Guys like that can really mess with your head and make you doubt yourself. Don’t fall for it, stay strong, and don’t beat yourself up about anything you’ve done.
  16. Thank you SherrrySher. I agree, I shouldn’t allow anyone to treat me this way and I didn’t. As soon as he made that clear, I ended it. What I’ve been faced with since is his futile attempts/retaliation for pushing back and standing up for myself. What I’ve struggled with since is falling for his guilt-tripping and allegations that I’m a bad person for doing so. But I’m coming out of it, and have already blocked him. And I won’t contemplate contacting him again - there’s no way to convince him that I’m not a bad person and there’s no point in even trying. “Respect YOURSELF more”
  17. Ah, I think you’ve misunderstood. I didn’t say that I still wanted to be friends with him. That ship had sailed! I said that I wanted to smooth things over, even though we could no longer be together or even friends. I would never want to get back with him nor could I trust him as a friend. He simply isn’t capable What I was feeling conflicted about was if/how I could actually end things on a better note. But I can see now that that’s not possible and that I have to let it go. I can also see now that it would indeed be masochistic if I were to try to do so because he’s so unreasonable a
  18. Exactly that Boltnrun! I didn’t get that at first and took him at face value, thinking he was just down on his luck and that a supportive relationship would help him. Well I was wrong and know better for next time. I just need to keep telling myself to reject the blame he’s placing on me for ending it and for preserving my boundaries. You’re very understanding - thank you. It’s what I needed!
  19. True to an extent. At the beginning I saw them as “amber” flags and not red ones, because he’d apologise, we’d move on and it was all overshadowed by the bells and whistles of the honeymoon period. After all, my thinking was that they were kinks and we had to overcome language, cultural, and geographical distance challenges. But I get your point, I shouldn’t have assumed that they were just kinks and that it would get better in time. If things are sketchy so early on then it would only get worse and it did. By the time we actually saw each other again six months later, I could immedi
  20. Hi, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. It’s so hard trying to reconcile what someone says with their behaviour, when they blow hot and cold. My advice would be not to feel bad about feeling hurt. That’s OK - let it out, feel the pain and move on. It’ll get better and easier with time. But please, please, please - whatever you do, don’t chase after him. It’s clear that he liked you and you had a good time together. But he clearly didn’t like and respect you enough. Take it as experience and a blessing that it didn’t go any further before that became apparent. Also, tr
  21. And just a bit more context as some of you are asking why I felt bad, tried to smooth things over, etc. Well after the initial break-up, we managed to talk it out and I thought we’d found a different way forward, i.e. friends who spoke on occasion. Although he continued to chase and admittedly we did flirt, but that was it. We weren’t together anymore and I was comfortable with leaving it as that. Then one day when we were messaging and joking around, I sent him a couple of reface images as a joke with his head on a chippendale with cream all over his body and another on a bikini model. H
  22. You’re absolutely right. It takes time but I’ll get there. I’ve blocked him on WhatsApp now but he knows where I live and work so suspect that one day he’ll try to make a reappearance. I’ll be ready! 💪🤐😑🧘‍♀️
  23. I found him physically attractive and his openness, emotions and vulnerability endearing. Little did I know that it his a mean-streak of “victim” rather than someone who truly wanted to help himself. Was probably a rebound attraction compared to my ex who was a robot. And as for conflicts, that only really started towards the end when I kicked back and pulled the draw bridge up. Before that, it was more him whining about life and being over sensitive rather than us getting into battle. And again, the conflict of how it ended is what’s truly troubling me and nothing to do with him, if that m
  24. Wow Hollyj. Kick a girl when she’s down, why dontcha?! I know what you’re trying to say and that it’s with the best of intentions, but trust me - he was extremely charming at the beginning. But now that I look back, it just feels manipulative. He only started to really show his true colours when I pushed back and ended things. If I’d allowed him to use me, I’d still be there with him. We were only together in person for about a month - the honeymoon stage - the rest was long distance. The day he came back, was the day it ended as I walked out. That was when the real manipulation and
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