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Hi,

I have been with my Fiance for coming up to 5 years. He proposed in June 2015. I made it quite clear that I didn't want a long engagement. And we are still aren't married. 

I am 'the breadwinner''I I'veaid for holidays, house bills ... And everything. 

 

But he just will just lives with his mom and dad, who live not far from us most days of the week. 

I do not think it is likely us getting married or having children. I'm 31 and feel my life is not worth very much. 

 

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1 hour ago, LittyvLady said:

But he just will just lives with his mom and dad, who live not far from us most days of the week. 

 I'm 31 and feel my life is not worth very much. 

Sorry this is happening. You need to end it, if you want a future with someone that includes marriage and family.

It seems like he's a manipulative parasite whose faux proposal was intended to live off you rather than his parents.

Once you eject him from your life you'll be much happier.

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Why are you wasting your life with this loser? You really want a lifetime of this?! " I'm 31 and feel my life is not worth very much."   This is of your own creation.   

What are you paying for if he lives with his parents?

Edited by Hollyj
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This guy has the best of both worlds!  He's doing it because he can!  Live with mom and dad, sponge off of you.  Why should he marry you?  He's got a great deal!  If you are finally fed up being taken advantage of, break up, move on with your life, fine a better guy.  

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On 1/10/2021 at 1:23 AM, LittyvLady said:

I'm 31 and feel my life is not worth very much. 

Why would you allow one worthless guy to determine YOUR worth in your eyes?

Why not just skip him, and move forward to find a better match?

We never get any wasted time back to live over again, so it makes no sense to compound one mistake by sticking with it and ruining any more of your time.

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14 minutes ago, LittyvLady said:

Thank you all so much for replying. I am just so worried that come a few years down the line, I will not have found anyone. I didn't see this loneliness happening to me. But I guess I am lonely anyway.

Thank you. 

Problem is that you don't actually have anyone now as we speak.

Please please if you want a family and an normal life, stop wasting your time on a loser and a parasite who is wasting your good years away for nothing.

Dump him today. Heal. Work hard on your self worth and self esteem because you are lacking in that department. Date and have a strong set of standards driven by your new found self worth. You'll meet a man who is a keeper and who genuinely wants you and the life that you want in no time. To find the right relationship, you have to be strong and clear about what you want and ACT ON IT.

Right now.....this parasite manipulated you with a proposal. To be fair, you didn't know he is being manipulative at the time. However, you said that you want a marriage fast....and didn't mean it.....5 years later......here you are....wasting your life on him for nothing. STOP and move on.  Nobody can give you the life that you want except YOU.

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Think about all the great guys you could have met over the last 4 years.  Jeez being alone would be better than this guy.

You will meet someone way better trust me, heck how could you possibly do any worse than this guy???

Time to cut him loose once and for all.

  Lost 

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I know this is kind of out there... but you may want to spend some time, maybe even in therapy, figuring out why you picked this man (who obviously wasn't really ready for being a husband or father to anyone), and then stayed so long 😞.  

If you don't figure that out, you may end up picking someone that still acts somewhat like him again in the future.

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3 hours ago, LittyvLady said:

Thank you all so much for replying. I am just so worried that come a few years down the line, I will not have found anyone. I didn't see this loneliness happening to me. But I guess I am lonely anyway.

Thank you. 

I would rather have no one than have  this.  He is a man child .  Not only would he continually disappoint you, but more importantly your kids.  
 

if you are looking to get married and have kids then why would you continue to hold on to this?  Find someone who can offer you these things.  This guy will always be a huge disappointment. 

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2 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I know this is kind of out there... but you may want to spend some time, maybe even in therapy, figuring out why you picked this man (who obviously wasn't really ready for being a husband or father to anyone), and then stayed so long 😞.  

If you don't figure that out, you may end up picking someone that still acts somewhat like him again in the future.

Great advice!  
 

OP,  I think it is odd that you continue with someone like this if you want to get married and have a future.  He has no money, lives with mommy and daddy, takes money, and has not  followed through.  He is a bum!  Why would you want to share a life with someone like this?  Then,  to do that to innocent kids, is criminal. 

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10 hours ago, LittyvLady said:

Thank you all so much for replying. I am just so worried that come a few years down the line, I will not have found anyone. I didn't see this loneliness happening to me. But I guess I am lonely anyway.

Thank you. 

Figure out what you fear about being alone, and challenge yourself to have a face-off with that fear in order to decide how horrible it 'must' be.

Otherwise, that worry will continue to be your driver--and it will keep leading you into lousy choices in men just to distract yourself from it.

One key benefit of growing comfortable, or even thriving, solo, is that it always offers the potential for a future of happy partnership. 

Settling for someone who makes you miserable does NOT offer that potential, it squelches it, even while it squelches your pride in your most resilient Self.

We each hold unique value. Settling for anyone who does not own the capacity to view you through the right lens--someone who 'gets you'--is not accepting your private job of honoring your own value.

THAT private job is the only thing that can alleviate loneliness and raise your bar for who you'll accept into your life.

Once you get that, you won't have a false 'need' for distraction. You won't settle for anything less than simpatico with a GOOD match, because you won't mind your own company. You'll always have YOU, and you'll never sacrifice yourself to a douchebag.

Head high, and write more if it helps.  

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