I need to understand.

[Wiseman2]

Sure, but you can stop contacting her and delete and block her. If you see her out with your friend group, say hi, be friendly, but stop pursuing her.

We all hang out all the time, it'd be disrespectful of me to ignore her and not try to connect with her. We ended things on good terms.

[MissCanuck]

I knew we didn't have the chemistry we once had but I didn't know things were that serious

 

You once had? My guy, you dated for a handful of weeks.

 

When the chemistry goes downhill that quickly, there's no future.

[ShySoul]

The best reply I've ever read. You are one in a million mate. Thank you.

 

Squeezyy, I've been there. What I said was what I had to learn the hard way. Hopefully my heartache can make it a little less painful for you.

 

As for being friends with an ex, some people can't make it work. Some people can. Just make sure you aren't doing it as a means to get back with her, which it doesn't sound like you are. Don't force anything, it may be rocky at first. But I'm sure you can do it.

[Batya33]

Squeezyy, I've been there. What I said was what I had to learn the hard way. Hopefully my heartache can make it a little less painful for you.

 

As for being friends with an ex, some people can't make it work. Some people can. Just make sure you aren't doing it as a means to get back with her, which it doesn't sound like you are. Don't force anything, it may be rocky at first. But I'm sure you can do it.

 

But they were together a very short time so they don't even have an established friendship. Hardly an "ex".

[ShySoul]

The thing is we are in the same friends group, and we are all really close so I don't think it's possible not to be friends. We all hang out all the time, it'd be disrespectful of me to ignore her and not try to connect with her. We ended things on good terms.

 

Batya, i'm reading this that they were at least somewhat friends who tried a relationship that didn't work out. They ended things in a positive way, no harsh feelings between them. They were both upfront and honest about their feelings. They spend time together already. And things ended rather quickly, so there wouldn't be a lot of history or emotional baggage to sort out from a long term relationship that could get in the way. This actually sounds like an ideal situation to remain friends in. I don't think he's trying to force anything or create a new friendship, I think he just honestly wants to get along and be friends with her.

 

And by ex I'm using it as a general term for someone you were in a relationship with, no matter how short a time. I guess there could be varying degrees of "ex's" or another term to signify what they were, but I figured I'd keep it simple.

 

Squeezy, as always, you should do what's right for you. What works for one, doesn't necessarily work for everyone else. You've seemed to have a good read on this so far, so trust yourself.

[Batya33]

Batya, i'm reading this that they were at least somewhat friends who tried a relationship that didn't work out. They ended things in a positive way, no harsh feelings between them. They were both upfront and honest about their feelings. They spend time together already. And things ended rather quickly, so there wouldn't be a lot of history or emotional baggage to sort out from a long term relationship that could get in the way. This actually sounds like an ideal situation to remain friends in. I don't think he's trying to force anything or create a new friendship, I think he just honestly wants to get along and be friends with her.

 

And by ex I'm using it as a general term for someone you were in a relationship with, no matter how short a time. I guess there could be varying degrees of "ex's" or another term to signify what they were, but I figured I'd keep it simple.

 

Squeezy, as always, you should do what's right for you. What works for one, doesn't necessarily work for everyone else. You've seemed to have a good read on this so far, so trust yourself.

 

I don't agree because he wants her back. I'd feel the same if he had intense feelings for someone and they'd never gone on an actual date. In the future if he no longer wants her back then maybe. Nothing to do with "open and honest about feelings" - because you can't have an honest or genuine friendship when you want the person romantically and it's unrequited. Mild attraction/mild crush/harmless crush -sure! But that's not this situation.

 

He wrote: I need clearance and I need it really badly. I want to get back with her, I really do, but she basically never wants to get back with me again. This has been so hard on me and I can't really cope with it this way. Give me your opinion on all of this, I'm all ears!!

 

Thank you.

[Wiseman2]

My ex recently broke up with me.

💁🙋🤷🤦🙇🤔🙄🤯💃🕺🏇

Hardly an "ex".

[Batya33]

💁🙋🤷🤦🙇🤔🙄🤯💃🕺🏇

 

I stand by what I wrote. This was a short term dating relationship and it sounds like he had intense feelings. I don't think this "ex" belongs in the same category as someone the person was with for years or married/committed to long term - I do think it's the same in this situation for friendship purposes -because right now he really wants her back. I don't think it's the same as if they were together long term and have the issues that long term exes have that short term usually do not.

 

He also wrote "Ok so I know you have been cold and distant with me this past month"

So apparently for 6 weeks they were enjoying each other and getting to know each other in the context of a romantic relationship. Then for a month she withdrew then broke up with him. CErtainly you can be madly in love with someone after one day but the substance of the relationship was about 6 weeks total. Then a month of distance. Not the same as someone deciding whether pursuing a friendship is worth it when you've been together for years and have a long history, perhaps close ties to each other's families etc - the analysis is different IMHO and this is "hardly an ex" after 6 weeks of steady dating.