Would you end things over a statement that was made?

[Lambert]

If you haven't learned this already, never try to build a 'relationship' over the phone or the Internet. That's not getting to know someone, it's fantasy-building. Falling in love with a fantasy 'about' someone is not the same as spending time together to learn who they really are.

 

Use dating apps to set up 'quick meets' over coffee, where you spend 20 or 30 minutes to learn if there's enough chemistry to set up a REAL date. Each agrees to not corner the other on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward with an invite. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if not, no response is necessary.

 

This takes squirmy rejection stuff off the table.

 

If someone doesn't live close enough to meet early, then what should that tell you? Investing in fantasy is for people who live in their heads, not for anyone who's legitimately interested in finding a real-life relationship. Skip that, set up a bunch of quick meets on your way home from work, and if you get stood up, take your coffee with you, and nothing is lost.

 

Most people are NOT our match. That's just natural odds. So approach quick meets as seeking a needle in a haystack, don't overlook red flags (such as angering easily) and hold out for true simpatico rather than trying to force a fit with bad matches. You'll thank yourself later for reserving your time for the RIGHT match, not just ANY match.

 

Head high.

THIS should be pinned somewhere CF!

 

AMEN!

[SherrySher]

I can't say I agree with you, CF and I'll tell you why. I met my husband online. We chatted for over a year before we actually met and we have the best relationship I have ever had in my life.

 

We got on really well online and we felt a very strong connection. So much so, that we finally met in person. It worked in person just as much as it did online.

 

I have also met some of the best friends I ever had, online. Connections of the heart can very well occur online IF you have two people who are genuine and honest, that's the key.

If you have either one of them being dishonest, withholding information or just plain out playing games, it won't work. And the hard part is, to try and tell who is real and who isn't.

 

But in truth, people can be the same in person. I have met people irl, who were time wasters, liars, game players, etc. Meeting irl doesn't mean better.

I think the only thing I would say that is vastly different and that you cannot tell online, is obviously chemistry.

Chemistry is very tricky and you can see someone who is physically attractive but it doesn't mean that when you kiss them, you'll feel anything. And you can't tell that online no matter what anyone says...it's impossible to know until you're in person together.

 

But I wouldn't discount online connections. They can be very real and very meaningful if you have as I said, 2 people who are being 100% honest.

I also don't believe it's a way to live life, obviously. The sooner you can meet someone irl, the better. To have a 'partner' online for more than a year, really is just torture.

So meeting irl is vital for any of it to actually come together properly.

[LaHermes]

Exactly Lambert. A very obvious truth.

 

"never try to build a 'relationship' over the phone or the Internet. That's not getting to know someone, it's fantasy-building. Falling in love with a fantasy 'about' someone is not the same as spending time together to learn who they really are."

 

But hey, people so love fantasy . Anything, including lying to oneself, is better than the cold light of reality.

[Cherylyn]

I agree with you. It would never work. LDR (long distance relationships) rarely succeed for obvious reasons and then on top of that, both of you don't have much in common. Usually, people who relate better share similar political views. Granted, I know there are couples who are compatible despite political differences but most couples share similar views and can relate better due to their shared political affiliations.

 

His outburst, angry reaction and moody temperament are red flags. He could've calmly answered your question as opposed to becoming an emotional hothead. His behavior is alarming. It is a sign of his volatile temperament so beware. I've known people like him and I steer clear for my own permanent protection and safety.

 

Of course no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but it's not an excuse to behave rudely towards others. The "no one is perfect" excuse makes rudeness permissible which is intolerable and unacceptable. The only way it's excusable is if there's humble admittance regarding wrongdoing, apologies and sincere efforts to make amends by improving behavior. Unless those requirements are met with concerted enthusiasm, relationships (including friends and family) tend to flounder into an abyss.

 

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a must and if it doesn't exist for all mutual parties, ALL relationships fail.

 

I would break it off because both of you aren't meant for each other due to personality differences. Both of you have different communication styles not to mention LDRs are awfully inconvenient. LDRs are impractical and unrealistic.

 

He lacks enthusiasm to hang onto a LDR. I think you need to remain realistic, too. Try havimg a relationship with a local man.

[Lambert]

I can't say I agree with you, CF and I'll tell you why. I met my husband online. We chatted for over a year before we actually met and we have the best relationship I have ever had in my life.

 

We got on really well online and we felt a very strong connection. So much so, that we finally met in person. It worked in person just as much as it did online.

 

I have also met some of the best friends I ever had, online. Connections of the heart can very well occur online IF you have two people who are genuine and honest, that's the key.

If you have either one of them being dishonest, withholding information or just plain out playing games, it won't work. And the hard part is, to try and tell who is real and who isn't.

 

But in truth, people can be the same in person. I have met people irl, who were time wasters, liars, game players, etc. Meeting irl doesn't mean better.

I think the only thing I would say that is vastly different and that you cannot tell online, is obviously chemistry.

Chemistry is very tricky and you can see someone who is physically attractive but it doesn't mean that when you kiss them, you'll feel anything. And you can't tell that online no matter what anyone says...it's impossible to know until you're in person together.

 

But I wouldn't discount online connections. They can be very real and very meaningful if you have as I said, 2 people who are being 100% honest.

I also don't believe it's a way to live life, obviously. The sooner you can meet someone irl, the better. To have a 'partner' online for more than a year, really is just torture.

So meeting irl is vital for any of it to actually come together properly.

 

Sher... Not to detail from the OP, but I'm curious... What were the circumstances that you didn't meet for a year? Were you considering yourselves a couple for that year?