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As a narcissist, how do I have a satisfying relationship?


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I’m a narcissist, leaning more towards covert. Though my husband had issues, one (far from the only!) reason I wanted to leave him was that he’d initially made me excited by checking all the boxes of the admiration I wanted- proposing with a fancy ring, showing plenty of PDA to make me feel loved around family and friends, going on fancy vacations with me- but once I “accomplished” all this and was left with day-to-day life with him, I got bored. I promptly became involved with a very high-status and rich guy. I love associating with him; I feel special. He also makes me feel special because he is very difficult to “handle”; he says he isn’t sure he’s ever capable of love again, but if there’s anyone in the world whom he’d love, it would be me. This attitude means that even small positive gestures from him give me a tremendous high: I reckon I must be extremely special if I cause him to break down his stone-cold nature.

He went through a random phase recently of becoming very religious and saying we couldn’t have sex outside of marriage, then totally withdrawing from me and spending basically all his time either at the office or home alone (I know he was actually home alone, not with another woman, bc I have a friend who lives next door to him and other reasons). I decide I’ll start moving on. One night he wants to meet for dinner; I cry a bit about how much I loved him and he says that he’s just haunted by past breakups and just doesn’t think he can do it again. I say “well I guess that’s it,” but suddenly he’s back constantly wanting my attention and to make plans. I’d mentioned talking to a new guy, so he asks to come over, then he asks me more about this new guy while HE has sex with me. We then have a nice candlelit dinner etc.

I feel this man is also a narcissist; he gets a high from my attention when he knows I’m forsaking him for other options (and I’m honestly super attractive and successful myself). I realize I could find many men, very quickly, without this man’s issues. But I DON’t WANT TO. All I want to do is figure out how to keep this “relationship.” So here’s my question- since I’m clearly a narcissist and prefer unhealthy choices, how do I ever find a “happy” relationship?! Because all I seem to want is to keep this man, who seems so much like me, in my life.

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You can have a healthy relationship if you only associate with those who think, act and write just like you.

 

There are a few narcissists in my family tree which include relatives and in-laws. I've noticed that they are very compatible with those who know how to play their same mind game. :eek: I'm not compatible with them because my values and standards are about dignity and integrity. I'm respectful and polite towards them yet keep them at a safe, frosty distance. Those are my enforced healthy boundaries. It works. :smug:

 

If you want to keep your current relationship with him, you have to know his quirks, his personality and alter yourself in order to have a harmonious relationship with him.

 

The man you're involved with has baggage and he's still bitter from his past breakups. He hasn't recovered and if and when he recovers, it will take a long time.

 

Take it day by day. Some days will be better than others. Or, both of you should seek professional help to sort out what both of you want and work together in your relationship. It sounds like both of you are very insecure which needs to be addressed.

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