having a bad day

[misslonelyheart]

Hi,

 

Has anyone please got any words of comfort for me. I need them right now.

 

My boyfriend left me just over three months ago and although I had hoped we would get back together, I am trying to move on, trying to meet new people, do new things, it is not helping me.

 

I am desperately unhappy, I am so lonely...I hate my life.

 

Right now i feel that i have no joy in my life and have nothing to look forward to. everyday is a pointless day of just getting up, going to work, coming home and going to sleep, and so on. I feel that I can't talk to anyone anymore...I have talked them to death about it and I feel that they think that I should have moved on by now and they are all fed with hearing about it.

 

I was so happy with my life and it has all just been ripped away from me and I can't see an end to the misery I feel.

 

How do you really stop loving someone that you love more than anything else in the world just because they stopped loving you?

 

sorry, having a very bad day.

[DN]

The only comfort I can offer is to tell you that it will get better.

 

You have been deeply wounded and, just like a physical wound, it takes time to heal. And just like a physical wound it takes longer if you poke at it. So try not to do that.

[SilverManic]

It's hard and it can take years to get over but all it takes is time. It will get better, just concentrate on things to improve your life and get where you want to go. Don't let anyone get in your way! You can do anything if you try!

Good Luck,

~S.

[lonelylulu]

don't worry. my situation is worse than urs. my bf dumped me. ignored me. i'm failing in school. i live by myself. all alone. but i just gotta stand up and be strong. don't worry. nothing lasts forever, which means bad days won't last forever!

[misslonelyheart]

Thanks everyone,

 

It is just very hard, not only dealing with the emotional side of things, it is hard dealing with the everyday things.

 

we lived together for 4 of the 4.5 years we were together and suddenly living alone is frightening. I am scared that I won't be able to handle things if they go wrong with the flat, dealing with the landlord, etc.. I am a shy person and dealing with people is hard for me. I am also worried about coping financially now that I am having to pay the rent and bills on my own on one salary.

 

It hurts to know that my ex does not have any of these things to think about. He left me but I am the one that has all the practical, financial and emotional problems to deal with but he has nothing to worry about. I suspect that he has left me for someone else and his life has carried on as normal...he has a new girl to do all the things with that we used to do, he has someone to come home to after work, he has someone to share problems with, he has someone to talk to, he has someone to do things with at the weekend....

 

I have nothing now.

[DN]

You have your life - you have your determination and courage and you have the knowledge that you can start again. You know it will be hard but you know you can do it. You have the strength within you - so summon it up and start to build again. Just like the tsunami victims did when they were left with nothing.

 

The human spirit can be indomitable - yours as well.

[may55]

I know how you feel. I went through something similar in a 5 year relationship. We lived like we were married and then...he left me, starting dating someone else right away, left me with debt, the dog, and a broken heart. It took A LONG time to get over it. In some ways I am still not, even though it's been over 2 years. I did finally start dating someone else again... of which may end too!

 

But I did get throught it, and even now, on the brink of another breakup, I am a hec of a lot stronger. This kind of thing will change you forever. You will not be the same, but you will be better. And if you can learn from this and deal with this, you will have so much more to offer to someone else in a new relationship.

 

You will have some very dark times, comfort yourself, take care of yourself, give yourself some slack. Get into something you have always wanted to do. I ended up going back to school and am now finishing my masters degree! I also ended up buying a whole new wardrobe and new hair style!

 

You just need to realize and accept that this is gonna hurt and maybe for awhile, but you WILL feel better again and will be happy again. I promise. And you will find love again.

 

Find your own mantra to live by, start something fun and interesting. Become someone you want to be. Become more of yourself. It's hard when you lose someone so close to you, part of you goes with them. I know. But you are still here and you are not going anywhere! So start living!

 

Ice cream, glasses of wine with girlfriends, long walks, good music, and pedicures are always helpful! Good luck! And HANG in there.

[shockeddismayed]

Hi,

 

How do you really stop loving someone that you love more than anything else in the world just because they stopped loving you?

 

sorry, having a very bad day.

 

That's a great point! How do you stop doing that?

 

I remember feeling and saying the same thing... but after months of healing, here are the only two possibilities I've come up with:

 

1) You realize that YOU deserve to be in love with someone who loves you back. In fact you KNOW this in your core. The fact that they don't return your love, by definition, means that there is a truer and better love out there for you. Be happy that it will find you!

 

2) You acknowledge the fact that you are a very loving person... this is a good thing... and so you realize that in being such a loving person, it is possible to move on and STILL have some love in your heart for the old flame... but you also realize that you have so much love to give, that it would be a TOTAL WASTE of your gift to not look for someone else to share it with.

 

Both of these require you to acknowledge your own self worth... and that is the MOST important thing toward recovery.

 

You don't like your life right now? Sit and think about ONE THING in your life (other than him) that you would like to change. How might you go about doing it? Think of a strategy and then DO IT.

 

Start with something small... can be as simple as repainting a bedroom wall. Do that next weekend and then move on to the next thing.

 

Before you know it, slowly, your living arrangements, your job, your friends and relationships,... any and all of these things will have changed for the better.

 

So don't sit on the sidelines.... you have the power to do this!!!!

 

S&D

[shockeddismayed]

I just read the rest of the thread.

 

You are getting good advice. Two more quick things:

 

1) Never apologize for having a down day... these are early times for you... you are allowed to feel this way. You really are. The important part is to treat yourself well when you are down (minimizing the booze/drugs) and then do something to help it pass... something productive... like exercise.

 

2) I hear you on the concerns about the flat... this is a common problem after a breakup. But consider two things... a) looking for a smaller, better flat for one person... something you can make YOUR OWN, or b) consider getting a room-mate (preferably in a new flat). You might be surprised what friends you have who are ready to have a room-mate again. And it will give you someone to talk to about things (topics other than the breakup preferably)

 

Good luck.

 

S&D

[sam_i-am]

Yhea i know what it is like to have a bad day i have at lest on a week.

[CarterJonas]

Hi,

 

I also had a 6 year relationship come to an end over a year ago now. It was very difficult at first, especially the first few months, but as time will pass you will feel better.

 

What you have to remember is that your routine has been changed now. It will take some time for you to adjust. You are right in going out with your friends, also a sport will help you. What you must not do too much is dwell on things, sometimes we just have to accept that we wern't compatible.

 

Having been where you are, I know you will feel better soon, but you will have to work at it goodluck

[fIIsion]

I know what you are going through right now. Its been only 4 weeks since I broke up with my g/f of six years.

Each day seems like endless torture, going to work, coming home, not being able to concentrate on anything. Have talked to my friends endlessly, I'm sure they are starting to get a bit bored by now.

 

The pain is sometimes too much to bare, you think of all your past memories and being with that person, but you can't because they seem so distant, almost like they have become a different person. You wonder why they have become so heartless, you feel like they don't care anymore and of course you imagine if they will ever come back to you.

 

Like what everyone else has said, its hard, very hard and some days will be worse than ever, but time as they say is a great healer. For the first week, I used to cry myself to sleep each night, that has already stopped.

You need to focus on yourself, do things to occupy your mind, stop wondering if they will ever phone. Soon you will become stronger and see that other person in a different light.

Don't get me wrong, if my ex wanted to get back tomorrow, I probably would, but as times goes on, that desire will lessen.

[h_b_k_02]

They will call when you no longer care, somewhat of an unwritten cosmic force .

[Rainz]

Don't be too hard on your self. It is very , very hard and you will have moments and days where it will just feel like everything is a struggle. Allow you self to go through the motions of the emotions...that's the only way you can truly heal. Spoil yourself, eat what you want, watch what you want, lay around in bed and feel mopey if you want, cry it out.

I understand how you feel when you've talked your friends and everyone out that they must think that you're "over it" by now!

Get a new hairstyle, buy some new clothes, just do whatsover you have to to get by. You will start to feel like yourself again.

[solosoul]

In many ways you are still waiting for a rebirth in that same paradise, you have to move on, i know this is the same thing everybody has been saying but look at what you are doing to yourself, their is no point girl he did what he did and left u stranded in a desolate place but look you have all the love and care to give and not to that freak but someone who deserves to be a part of you wonderful life, you have so much to give why do you want to waiste all that on someone who does not want it, sure you love him and all but what do u want to do go depriving a rose of water and sunlight just because it has thorns that is how it is you are a lovely person i bet to seek happiness one has to travel through great sorrow that is the path you are on now, embrace the situation move forward dont dwell in sorrow your happiness means a lot to you and even more to your loved onesn the ones you care about and in return they care about you to.

donot deprive this world of your love it means more to us then you will ever know, i mean what i say.

[misslonelyheart]

Thanks again everyone,

 

You really are a nice bunch of people....why the heck can't I meet a man like the ones on here!!!

 

Your kind, supportive words really have made a difference to me. It is still early days for me but it is so nice to know that when I am really down about things, I can post on here and get support.

 

I feel that my split is now old news to my family and friends and they are sick of hearing about it

 

Not sure I will able to trust anyone with my heart again though.

[nix]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this but believe me I know exactly how you are feeling as I am feeling pretty much the same. Not sure what advice to give as I need it as much as you do!

 

What I find so harsh about splitting up with someone is the fact that everyone expects you to just get over it and move on…like you say you feel that they are sick of hearing about it! Saying that I have a friend that will listen to me and understands me totally and the reason for this is because she has felt the same pain.

 

I think if you talk to people who haven't experienced the same pain then they can't relate properly to just how devastated you actually feel. If you say its like being bereaved after someone you love died then they think you've gone mad! But in reality it is very similar only if they died you wouldn't feel so rejected because they would still love you!

 

This is why this forum is so great because everyone here has been through or are going through the same pain as us. As much as it saddens me that so many people are feeling like this it provides a great source of comfort and understanding which I find helps immensely.

 

Healing takes time and for me I feel like I'll never fully heal or get over my ex but with the support I deal with it, day by day. I still feel like my world has ended and like there is no point to anything and some days it takes all my energy just to get up in the morning but this is life…no one said it would be easy and boy is that true!

 

Not sure if that was any help at all really, just my perspective on things. Hope you have a good day…if you feel low just think to yourself that there are worse things happening in the world and come here for support whenever you need it.

 

[tman]

Hey my first post!!! (been on this board for the past 8 months and gained much support and advise without actually posting, for which i feel really guilty. But I now feel that it is only fair that i give back to the commmunity from which i gained loads from....so hi guys).

 

 

It hurts to know that my ex does not have any of these things to think about. He left me but I am the one that has all the practical, financial and emotional problems to deal with but he has nothing to worry about. I suspect that he has left me for someone else and his life has carried on as normal...he has a new girl to do all the things with that we used to do, he has someone to come home to after work, he has someone to share problems with, he has someone to talk to, he has someone to do things with at the weekend....

 

 

i was in the same position, probably not with the financial and emotional stress, but with a sense of feeling that she was in an easier place than me i,e people to talk to, something to do, guys after her. But the one thing that got me through and made me positive was my ego (sounds funny huh?). As an egotistical person there were two opposing egos within me. One that wanted my gf back and one that would refuse to let her or anyone else see that i was down or beaten. That second ego,... thank God i had it. Please girl, be positive feed that 2nd ego inside you, i believe we all have it, love yourself, show him you have a life too. Make things happen for yourself cos if you dont no one else is going to do it for you.

 

I have a right to say this (there goes my ego), cos i have been so low, made a fool of myself, begged, cryed etc.... so dont feel that "oh he has not been there"... (nc for 6 months now, together for 3.75 years)

 

The best thing is that it will give you a sense of strength and pride that you could pick yourself up and fight. It will impress him (might not bring him back but will certainly make sure he will feel a loss), it will set you up to take the next relationship with him or someone else in your stride, with less worries and maybe one day you could give someone else advice which for me is the greatest outcome of my break up with my ex.

 

One more thing, like everyone says it wont be easy, but yes you know that infamous line, "things will get better with time"..... (i so used to hate that line and was determined to prove it wrong, but it got me too). You do have to work at it though, but not too hard get the balance right and you wil see a new you and show yourself that you have it in you.

Goodluck girl.

[misslonelyheart]

Thanks tman,

 

Sorry you are going through it too.

 

Some days are good, other are bad and some are really, really bad!

I just still find it hard to imagine my life without him. I drift through life at the moment and then it will suddenly hit me.."this is it, he will not be a part of my life anymore, he's gone forever" and it makes me very sad.

 

I hate that "in time, things will be better" line too...you just can't believe it because your feelings of loss are so strong but things are getting better, slowly but surely.

 

I also hate being told that "things happen for a reason" and "something good comes from bad"- god, that one really annoys me!! I was really happy and now I am not - what good is there in that?

 

I am at the anger stage at the moment which is helping and I can't wait for the time when I no longer think about him.

 

I hope everything works out for you

 

Good luck!

[tman]

(Wow 2 posts in i week after being a spectator for 7+ months now)

 

Hows it going misslonelyheart?

 

I hope the good days are beginning to out-number the bad, or at least the ratio is improving and that you have been feeding that ego!!!

 

Remember..."something good comes from bad"-....,he he.... joking i know how much you hate that saying lately.

 

Its very funny that after i made my first post on enotalone, (as i felt that i needed to give back to the community that has helped me so much.) The ex contacts me for the first time in 6 months (good karma? mmmm).

 

Yep she broke nc.

 

Wow!!! When i saw that email, boy did i go dizzy.

 

She emailed me about some money i owe her. Why now? i tried to pay her back before but she wouldn't accept. 6 months nc and now an email for money. she did say she felt bad asking and that it seemed cold and she needed it. (she also stated how she heard how i got a good job, earning loads and which involves alot of tavel..., i still keep in contact with her sister through email)

 

What do i do? Reply straight a way? Bend over backwards to get the money to her? i can afford it but not for another 2-3 weeks as i have just paid off my overdraft, paid for a holiday and need it for a few events/outings i have organised with friends. Do i ask to meet her? mail her a cheque? transfer it to her a/c? Not Pay Her At All?

 

The biggest question i ponder about is, is she just after the money or is this away for her to initiate contact? I really dont want to overanalyse this or get my hopes up especially after beginning to really get over her.

 

For now i shall sleep on it. What do you guys make of this?

[misslonelyheart]

Hi tman,

 

I am doing ok, the good days are beginning to outnumber the bad, but just the occasional off day, but that is normal I suppose.

 

How are you doing?...It must be strange to have contact all of a sudden after 6 months. It is too hard to tell whether it really is about the money or an excuse to contact you..could be a bit of both.

 

If you tried to give her the money before and she refused, I wouldn't be in too much of a hurry to give it to her now. Be cool and be pleasant but wait a few days before replying saying that you haven't got the money at the moment but will send her a cheque in a week or two - it is none of her business whether or not you now have a well paid job and can or can't afford it.

 

I think that if you handle it in a pleasant, friendly way, you win whatever the reason is for her contacting you - if it is just about the money, then you are being honest about not being able to give it to her now but will as soon as you are able and not trying to be difficult but if she is using it as a way to start contact again, being friendly and cool about everything will only make her more likely to want to reconcile if that is what is on her mind...everyone on here will tell you not to beg, plead, chase, etc.....just be cool!

 

Hope it goes well. keep us posted 8)

[tman]

You give good advice my girl! It shows you know yourself how to deal with the matters at hand, I guess its just hard to give ones self advice and follow it.

 

For some odd reason i am not really as phased by her contact as I thought I would be. I will be taking my time, playing it cool and friendly but in a manner where she will hopefully be able to tell she has no power over me any more, even if I do want to get back with her.

 

I hope you yourself are doing better and things are looking up.