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Abusive, verbally and mentally


Mrsmb78

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I really need some help, I am trapped in the same house as my husband and child since we are supposed to be isolating. The child is mine from a previous marriage but been around my husband for 3 years. I asked for a divorce 4 weeks ago and also in November last year but put it on hold due to my parents taking really ill. My husband has hit me before on my honeymoon- only once but it was really bad and nearly broke my jaw. I stuck it out as I was too embarrassed to have another failed marriage. He has got worse as the months went on and the marriage councillor refused to see him again as he was very angry and would never let me speak.

Fast workwear to weeks ago and it’s been a living hell as I now can’t put the house on the market and he can’t afford to move out. All my money is tied in the house but he signed a pre nup and doesn’t get anything. He has been more verbally abusive than normal and has now started it more so infront of my daughter ‘he calls me , evil bastard’ and lots of other foul names. This all stems from when he moved his adult son into our home and he then told me he had mental issues, was hearing voices and suspected schizophrenia. I was worried for my daughter safety as he was writing stuff in journals saying voices were telling him to do bad things , it caused major arguments- his son also dated or slept with girls at 14/15 when he was 18 and I never felt comfortable with him sleeping in the room next to my teenage daughter. I feel totally trapped and scared and am now worried this will effect my daughter unless he moves out. Is there anything I can do? His son moved out 4 weeks ago but now he is punishing me and making my life a living hell.

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Lawyers are still answering their phones and talking via e-mails as well. Please get several consultations set up and get help. Go for a drive when you do this so you are not in the house and he doesn't overhear what you are up to.

 

What he can and cannot afford is not your problem at this point. You need to protect yourself and your daughter. This means getting proper legal advice on how to get him out of the house immediately. If he dares to hit you, call cops and press charges. He can sit in jail away from you.

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I have got my solicitor drawing up a separation agreement but he’s yet to sign it and send it back, I contacted my solicitor yesterday again and asked her to chase things up as he’s making e and my daughters life miserable. He’s just walking past us, I can deal with this as it’s better than being called names but it’s emotional abuse for a you girl. She seen him as a dad for 3 years and now he’s literally pretending she doesn’t exist. I just want him to move out but we are tied to the house. Atleast if he goes we can both move in and start building a new life. I don’t want my daughter to witness anymore verbal abuse as it’s not how I want her to think it’s normal.

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Get a restraining order and he will Have To move out. You are wasting your time making excuses. Keep you child away from him. Why can't your child stay with her father or extended family?

 

You are way too focused on money and not wanting "another failed marriage", playing games with papers. lawyers, etc. all the while causing great harm to your child. Get A Restraining Order

My husband has hit me before on my honeymoon- only once but it was really bad and nearly broke my jaw. All my money is tied in the house but he signed a pre nup and doesn’t get anything.
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Hold on a minute, I am not focused on money! I can’t sell the house! I am focused on protecting mine and my child future as we put all the deposit to the house and will need it for a fresh start! You can’t walk away from £200k.

Her father lives in America and is a great support to us and my parents are in their 80’s and I am already having to help them when I can.

Yes he hit me on my honeymoon but I never reported it back then, so have no real proof or stance! The only proof I have is his verbal abuse that my daughter has witnessed. He’s a clever man and never drops his guard around strangers or other people only myself and daughter see it.

Restraining orders are not so freely given in the UK and as we both own the house by title it hard to force him out! I am speaking to my solicitor and she has basically told me just to avoid him in the house until this all settled and the market is open.

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Has your attorney looked into it? Why bother with an attorney who just tells you to shut up and put up until he decides he wants to leave or feels like signing papers? That's what your husband wants. Is this attorney a friend of his or his attorney?

 

Your post goes on about your and your daughters safety, his son having sex with girls her age, etc. Your attorney seems to have your husband's best interests at heart and doesn't seem to care about your rights or fears. It's not easy or simple, but there are measures you can take and rights you have.

Restraining orders are not so freely given in the UK and as we both own the house by title it hard to force him out! I am speaking to my solicitor and she has basically told me just to avoid him in the house until this all settled and the market is open.

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His son was always a topic for discussion that made us fight before he moved in with us, I used to own my house before he moved in and then he asked for me to sell and we bought a house together, as soon as that happened his son moved in but he knew I was always uncomfortable and told him he couldn’t live in the house I owned myself. I never agreed with him sleeping with younger girls but he just said it was his girlfriend( not in the eyes of the law) and this always made us fight as he seen it as me disrespecting his son. The solicitor said as he is joint owner I just need to sit tight and avoid him. My girl is totally blanking him, she seems tougher than me but I have brought her up to respect elders and I hate seeing her being rude to anyone. He’s been walking past us in the house and even started to ignore the dog! It just makes for the tension to be hard and it’s more mental abuse as the name calling has seized. His son moved out 4 weeks ago but he’s even more angry as he thinks I forced him to leave but it was me giving him a lawyers letter that started a huge argument for him to be told to live with his mum. Which he had been doing previously, so it was no big loss to the son but the damage to my family life was immense.

In all honestly my lawyer started off strong pushing for the agreement but now it has been chased up twice and he just doesn’t acknowledge the letter. He was meant to move out the week he got the letter but refused as he said he had no where to go and then COVID 19 started and everything is halted. I know it looks straight forward to get him out but if he’s refusing then I am kinda tied unless he does something again as he’s just now making life more uncomfortable as if it’s a game to hurt me and my daughter.

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Excellent. You should stop trying to be a family, yet shove papers at him. He is doing the right thing staying out of your way. You and your child need to do the same. Are you sleeping in the same bedroom? Stop clamoring for his love and attention. Stick to only functional communication and basic household tasks. Never teach a child to worship someone who "almost broke your jaw". She should steer clear of him. Never use divorce threats to try to achieve something else like getting his son out or getting more love from him.

He’s been walking past us in the house and even started to ignore the dog!
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I agree with all of this! I have stopped trying to keep it normal and now focusing on getting the house ready, he’s not helping but it’s keeping me busy.

No separate bedrooms and I am finally sleeping again. I agree with you regarding my girl! She has made her mind up and I can see how strong she is and will let her keep her distance. Papers have been resent, so just need his signature now. We are just keeping ourselves out the way and only crossing paths when needed,

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