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Really need support :(


Alob345

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Hello all! I had been with my partner for 4 years, we were engaged and have 2 children together. 7 months ago he came home from work and said that he didn’t love me or the kids, the wedding we had planned was off and he was leaving. He was gone for about 3 months until he came back apologising saying that he was depressed and hadn’t meant it and wanted his family back, so I took him back. Things were quite strained (he has never helped with the kids, his main priority in life is his job which is the only thing he cares about and has told me that multiple times, he told me he resented the kids and that they have ruined his life). I took it on the chin and picked up the slack. Three weeks ago he came home from work and said that he no longer loved me and doesn’t want to be with me. He told me I had until that evening to leave with the kids. He worked and payed the bills and I raised the kids so I had no money and was told if we didn’t leave he would refuse to pay the bills and I would get thrown out. When we first got together and even until our son was born in January he was the perfect man. Adored his family, loved me etc but he has now told me it was all an act. Anyway, he said initially that he wanted to be friends and was texting every day asking about the kids etc. I asked when he wanted to see them and he said he was working, I went by the house to get some stuff and found him sat indoors. I asked if he wanted to see the kids and he said he didn’t care. He saw them for about twenty minutes and then asked us to leave. He earns 4000 a month and has given me £30 for the kids knowing that I have no income. He has since bought a £30,000 car and spent over 2 grand on clothes!! Whilst I’m stressing about affording nappies! (He did this the first time he left too) I then found out that he rented our daughters bedroom out to a man from work. I went round with my mum to empty the house of my stuff and was devastated to find that they’ve been using the house as some sort of sex pad and that he’s been sleeping with women in our bed which he has now admitted to. Our children’s stuff had been completely emptied from the house and packed into the garage, the level of disrespect was unreal. The landlord came round to discuss taking my name off the tenancy and saw the state of the house and that he is illegally subletting and has served him eviction notice. This now means that he has gone absolutely mad at me and is refusing to speak to me at all (not that I want him to). But he has made no contact at all regarding his kids and hasn’t seen them now in weeks. I’m just so hurt and confused. A few weeks ago we were going about normal family life, we had planned a holiday just the two of us, he was doing amazing with the kids, he was writing me love notes etc and now he’s sleeping with other women and refusing to see his kids. How do I explain to them that their dad has gone again? Sorry for rambling just very lost and don’t know how to move forward x

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Very sorry to hear this. You need to immediately file for child support on behalf of your children. You also need to go to social services for support with food, housing, healthcare, child care and employment training/opportunities. Immediately sever all ties, change passwords and close joint accounts.

 

Enlist the help of your friends and family. Get to a doctor asap for STD testing. Be very frank with your doctor about what is happening. Ask for a referral to a therapist. He has been leading a double life whether it's due to drugs, drinking, sex, mental health issues, gambling, whatever. It's been going on a while.

 

Do not contact him. Delete him and all his people from all your messaging apps and social media. Do not take him back. The courts will contact him with the amounts he owes your children. Focus on your kids and Do Not Go near him with them.

7 months ago he came home from work and said that he didn’t love me or the kids, the wedding we had planned was off and he was leaving.

Three weeks ago he came home from work and said that he no longer loved me and doesn’t want to be with me.

I raised the kids so I had no money and was told if we didn’t leave he would refuse to pay the bills and I would get thrown out.

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Very hard situation, clearly his actions are having a great impact on yourself and the kids. He has crossed the line, and staying away 3-months and to give you only £30 and not to love his own children is clearly illogical. What do you think drove him away?

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Very hard situation, clearly his actions are having a great impact on yourself and the kids. He has crossed the line, and staying away 3-months and to give you only £30 and not to love his own children is clearly illogical. What do you think drove him away?

 

Drove him away? Wth?

 

The man is pathological and OP has been keeping her head buried in the sand about it for a long long time. This was never a normal family or a normal relationship. He was always absent so "focused" on work and she shouldn't be surprised to find out that he had had many affairs while they were together. In fact she should check herself for STD's asap. He was never involved with the kids. He really has never behaved as a normal person. Yes, people like him can pretend decency for quite some time until they stop pretending. He has stopped pretending and has discarded you like so much garbage. Again, typical pathological behavior.

 

OP, please do not sit there trying to pretend he is normal or trying to force some kind of a relationship with the kids. That illusion has been shattered and reality is calling you. Get a good lawyer and get ready for a fight and be sure that you protect your children at all costs from him. Once child support numbers hit him, he might just decide he wants full custody even though he couldn't care less about his children or you. Harsh as this is, OP, you need to get through your mind that he is not capable of caring about other human beings. You were nothing more than a girlfriend appliance to him.

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