The Ruminant’s Almanac

[hidden_kitten]

1 hour ago, dias said:

Where? In the UK or elsewhere? What's on your mind?

UK or Ireland most likely...although if Brexit stuff settles may consider further afield.

Limited myself to this part of Scotland for years, and assumed with my ex it was going to be for the long haul. Now not being linked to anyone feel I should take the leap that I’ve always been scared about. The major draws are London, Manchester or Dublin. Unfortunately most of them are ridiculously expensive but I’ve built up a fair nest egg. I don’t have to make this decision right now. But I’m not happy in the borders, and as much as Edinburgh will always feel like home it doesn’t seem to be offering much right now.

[dias]

It really depends what you are looking for. Dublin and London are expensive indeed. Maybe Dublin is worse than London, I've heard crazy stuff about how expensive it is. 

Manchester is a nice city, quite affordable. You will find a job fairly easily, no need to spend from your savings. 

Good luck whatever your decision. 

[hidden_kitten]

Having been on furlough for most of the previous year I've not had to do much working from home/webcam calls. First time dealing with Teams today, usual tech issues happened! But the particular project concerned is very rewarding and hope we can get it off the ground. All the personalities involved are lovely and very supportive which helps but I'm nervous how much time I'll have to invest. Will just have to get stuck in.

I've deleted and reinstalled dating apps about 3 times trying not to get distracted haha. I do like the attention but find myself pining for interaction when the conversation dies down...but I know I'm not in any place to start a real relationship right now and the guys have been upfront about that too.

[hidden_kitten]

It would be nice to get laid sometime soon…but no leads from any of the apps. I must be doing it wrong…no one is asking to meet up and when it’s me doing the asking I get ghosted. There’s a two fold win if I start up birth control again:

1) more protection if anyone does follow through

2) libido is dulled if they don’t and I stop going crazy 😵‍💫

[dias]

 

6 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

It would be nice to get laid sometime soon…‍

Aww, what a shame we don't live close. 😎 hard times reveal true friends 😎

[hidden_kitten]

Knew I could rely on you Dias! 😁

Last day off before back at work until the weekend. I’m sick of living here. On paper it’s idyllic: countryside, family, big house but just constantly feel that I’m on someone else’s schedule and none of it is really ‘mine’.

I need to decide where to move to. The scary thing is it may mean leaving this job sooner than I thought…and worried about the reaction from the boss. But it’s just a job, they can’t have this hold over me. I’m also putting off taking responsibility for myself and going somewhere completely alone.

Writing up a list of pros and cons.

[dias]

2 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

Knew I could rely on you Dias! 😁

Last day off before back at work until the weekend. I’m sick of living here. On paper it’s idyllic: countryside, family, big house but just constantly feel that I’m on someone else’s schedule and none of it is really ‘mine’.

I need to decide where to move to. The scary thing is it may mean leaving this job sooner than I thought…and worried about the reaction from the boss. But it’s just a job, they can’t have this hold over me. I’m also putting off taking responsibility for myself and going somewhere completely alone.

Writing up a list of pros and cons.

Do not overthink it. Do not make a list, the list will verify that it's not worth it. If you have it all on paper, nothing is worth it, why would you leave your nice comfort zone if you have it "all"? 

You need to see it through the lens of adventure. It's not about weighing up pros and cons, it does not work like that. This way of thinking will hold you back forever. I honestly believe the cost revenue ratio approach is abysmal when it comes to major life decisions.  

If you take the leap, do it because you want a bit of adventure in your life, because you want to improve yourself, because you want to become a stronger person, because you want to learn to be responsible for the outcome 100%, because you want to be the driver in your life, because you want to learn to believe in yourself and be at peace with yourself.

I keep in touch with the gal that organized the meet-up group I used to attend in London. She used to live with her parents (she was 33 at the time I think) until 1 year ago. I don't know if I played a role in her decision (I always motivate people, hopefully I motivated her a bit*) but she moved from her parents' nice house in Sussex to Oxford without knowing anyone. She rented a room, nothing fancy, but this change was enough to stimulate a career change. She found an entry level HR job in Oxford, she passed the first two exams for the HR certificate and she keeps studying to pass the rest of the exams. She struggled with motivation in the past but she is realizing now she can do it, the first steps are the difficult ones. She started organizing meet-ups in Oxford last week as well. She told me she is happy in Oxford and she did the right thing moving there.

What I am trying to say is, do not focus on pros and cons of external parameters, focus on you. Inside-out thinking is the key, not the other way around. 

Stepping outside of the comfort zone can only end up in 2 scenarios:

1)Timid people go back to their comfort zone as soon as possible and continue complaining for the rest of their lives

2)Bold people step outside of their comfort zone until they adjust to the new circumstances. Then they step outside of their new comfort zone. And they keep repeating the same process. It’s not easy and you don’t see the results in a few weeks, it would probably take 1 or 2+ years. It takes many years to build a strong character.

Besides, it is not like you will be thrown in a middle of a war zone lol. The only thing you can lose is a bit of comfort. The moment you manage not to fear the loss of comfort is the moment you realize you are actually "free" and the only person who held you back in the past was yourself.

*In reality nobody can motivate us, everything we do comes from internal motivation. If you don't have intrinsic motivation, external motivation won't have any effect. External motivation is like a pat on the back when you have already been helping yourself. I need a pat on the back sometimes, it is a good thing.

. 

[LaHermes]

3 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

I’m also putting off taking responsibility for myself and going somewhere completely alone.

One is never completely alone HK.  I took off into the relatively unknown at age 20, and if I could do it so can you.

One thing is for sure: if you decide on Dublin (the city of my birth, and also where I was educated) you certainly will not be alone for long. Lol.

Dublin is very expensive (Ireland is the second most expensive country in Europe) but you do not have to live in the city centre and in County Dublin one can still find relatively reasonably priced accommodation.   There is a housing and accommodation shortage which has led to the rising rent prices.  But the city on the Liffey has much to offer and those drawn under its spell find it hard to leave.

 

 

[hidden_kitten]

Thanks both. I still haven’t made up my mind. Work has been a mess really, made headway in some respects and lost the plot in others. Part of my pros and cons list was to be about that job but if I do that now I don’t think I’d turn up for my next shift. Hoping once the summer is out of the way, things will go back to the old way that events were booked and scheduled and not as much chasing of tails.

Talking of chasing tail - that cute guy I was messaging a few months back? I made a new profile on a couple of apps and we ended up matching again, so I’ve been lightly teasing him for not getting back in touch. In response he’s asked to take me out this weekend…however he’s not initiating any planning or confirming that it’s still happening.

I don’t really want to message AGAIN just to be ghosted like last time…so do I just wait for him to get in touch with me about plans?? We live in different towns 25 miles apart so a heads up would have been nice so I know when to travel in, or to make other plans if he’s not interested. I mean, is this fun for some guys just to mess people about? And did he have to be the most friggin handsome one!  

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

do I just wait for him to get in touch with me about plans??

Nah. Put him out of your mind. He may be handsome, but he doesn't sound terribly considerate. 

[hidden_kitten]

Welp, couldn’t get him out of my mind…and we did end up meeting last weekend. But you’ll have guessed, barely heard from him this week. Ah well, I got a couple of snogs out of it which were very nice at the time 🤭.

That will just have to satiate me for the time being.

Work has still been rubbish this week. I know I have to pull my finger out and get something successful for the cv but motivation is still very scarce.

[hidden_kitten]

Still nothing from cute guy who I’ll rename as Casper the not-so-friendly ghost. Won’t be chasing him a third time, he knows how to reach me and that I’m interested. Still gutted though.

Have tentative plans for a date with someone else through in Glasgow on Friday. Honestly I think I only agreed to get it out the way..and need a distraction from the circus in a dumpster on fire that is work. 

[hidden_kitten]

Need. To. Move. Out.

Although my parents give me a lot of space and privacy, and we have loads of room for the three of us here, it really feels like we're getting in each other's way recently.

Like for my morning shift, there's a particular time that I get ready in order to leave the house on time. But lately my parents have been beating me to the bathroom/using the kitchen. But they're retired. THEY HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. Why not stay in bed other ten mins until I'm done aaarggh. Yes I've tried getting up a bit earlier but then those are the days that dad has randomly woken up before me and still gets there first!

Also want to come and go as I please without having to explain to anyone where I am and what I'm doing.

Was in Glasgow yesterday to meet a guy off a dating app. The date was quite nice, we have a mutual love of a certain sport but he was schooling me on a lot (I've only started following the sport again in the last year). Went for coffee then a couple of beers. I'm still pining for Casper.

First world problems: when I left the house in the morning my phone wasn't fully charged. That's ok I thought, grabbed a cable so I could charge it on the way on the bus, and if not, the train through to Glas. Well, the only vehicle with charging ports was my last bus home, so I had to buy a new ticket when boarding because the original was only accessible on (my now dead) phone! Grr.

[hidden_kitten]

Job is still terrible. Basically I don’t know what I’m going to be walking into each day, and it’s been making me reluctant to turn up which obviously is a complete no-no.

I feel guilty for wanting to leave. I was handed this job without an interview and feel like leaving would ruin any reference I wanted from my boss.

However, it seems that this sort of role has a constant baseline level of chaos no matter how organised or prepared I try to be. I guess there will be personalities out there that thrive in that situation, but I definitely don’t. Felt the same when volunteering at a film festival last year.

The job is no longer what I thought I was signing up to (post covid crap) and my personal circumstances have changed - I’m looking at my 34th birthday still living in my childhood bedroom with no social circle nearby and no romantic prospects. So why the eff am I staying.

Sunk cost fallacy. Admitting I’ve failed. Having to explain to people why the 180 when on paper this should be a dream job. I know I won’t act on things for a while but writing it out is helping.

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

The job is no longer what I thought I was signing up to

Just curious: what did you think you were signing up for, and what did you actually end up with?

[dias]

16 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

I’m looking at my 34th birthday still living in my childhood bedroom with no social circle nearby and no romantic prospects.

First things first, there is nothing wrong with living with your parents (as long as you get along with them and they don't get on your nerves  like mine lol). You save a lot of money. 

 

16 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

 Having to explain to people why the 180 when on paper this should be a dream job. 

You really care about what people say, it would be beneficial if you could change this way of thinking, it holds you back. You live for you, not for what other people say, which in the end does not really matter because aside from your family, people don't really care, they will gossip a bit, maybe the will throw some stupid comments but this is it. Don't let some stupid comments hold you back. Again, you live for you, we don't have unlimited time on this earth, remember this!

16 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

I guess there will be personalities out there that thrive in that situation, but I definitely don’t.

This is totally fine, not everybody has the same personality. You need to find something that fits you (within realistic standards of course). 

 

16 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

Sunk cost fallacy. Admitting I’ve failed.

The only person you have to admit this is to yourself so you can move on. There is no reason to give explanations to others. 

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes but there is something wrong when you don't try to rectify the situation. Yes, easier said than done, I know, but this is how things work unfortunately. Failure and success are "concepts", not reality, they don't matter, what matters is living the life you want to live. Living the life you want to live, this is the bottom line. 

I know people who would be extremely satisfied living your life, you are personally not which means you want something more which is great, however, until you take action you will be trapped in this self-torturing mental situation you are now. 

Take care hk 🙂

 

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, dias said:

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes but there is something wrong when you don't try to rectify the situation.

That's a good point. The only time you actually fail is when you stop trying.

[LaHermes]

On 8/7/2021 at 2:20 PM, hidden_kitten said:

So why the eff am I staying.

That's exactly what you must answer, HK. Why? So "feel the fear but do it anyway". Maybe concentrate now on taking that leap of faith.  When you do that, then other yearnings in your life will begin to fall into place.

Bear in mind, HK, that the house is your parents' house, their home (retired or not) and if they want to get up at 3 a.m. or 3 p.m. that is their right and privilege.  It doesn't matter whether they intend to go out for the day or never go out.  And I bet they would never turn you out!  When you have your own place (however small) then you will have that same right.   I honestly think, HK, that at age 34 it is now time to take that leap. S, go for it!

You are lucky to have your parents, and that they are/were the kind (like my own) able to provide a roof and life's necessities and immense kindness and support.  I miss mine incredibly.  Wish I had more them with them. I left home at age 20, but knew their door was always thee, open wide for me. 

 

 

[hidden_kitten]

On 8/7/2021 at 5:18 PM, Jibralta said:

Just curious: what did you think you were signing up for, and what did you actually end up with?

When I was offered the job, I was told that everyone's role was well-defined and with the profit that the venue was making at the time we were able to take our foot off the pedal and not be rushing around all the time. With the pandemic and live events industry being decimated, our freelance staff have left so everyone's chasing their tail trying to implement the same amount of work. My previous retail experience (which my boss and colleagues are well aware of) was very much boss says do this and you go and do it. Whereas now I'm getting mountains of stuff piled on and I don't know how to push back in a professional manner.

I see similar roles advertised now that places are opening up again, but don't know if it's this particular venue that's a dumpster fire and I'd get better support elsewhere, or maybe the whole industry is like this. Tricky considering Scotland is so small to begin with.

Gah I don't know. Maybe every career has crappy stages like this and I'm just a decade behind figuring it all out.

 

[LaHermes]

Time to try a different industry HK. Or train for a different industry. Yes?

[hidden_kitten]

Spent my birthday weekend in the capital. Definitely a buzz around town, and just aimlessly wandered with no plan.

I would like to get more comfortable with doing things alone, like going to restaurants. I went to a thai place I'd wanted to visit for a few years, and got seated before a family of four because I was on my own. Cue evil eyes boring into me while eating, although I think the mum in the group didn't realise how crowded it would be inside (socially distancing is no longer legally enforced here so places are cramming people in).

Put messages out to potential booty calls, and both bailed. Which annoyed me more than it should have. Telling myself I'm not good enough for a quickie, but really I think it's because neither were Casper and I really need to forget him...

[hidden_kitten]

36 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Time to try a different industry HK. Or train for a different industry. Yes?

Possibly! I'm not sure what that would be yet. There's bits of this job that I do know I'm good at and get good feedback from customers so need to research if that's viable

[hidden_kitten]

I have my laptop open at home trying to finish some editing which should have been completed DAYS ago but I can’t make the move to finish it. In an odd position at work where I’m ridiculously behind but doing extra days trying to catch up. Boss is aware of both, so don’t think I’m quite on the firing line, or maybe that’s what I’m subconsciously trying to do to myself.

Had to bail on a date this week. Completely underestimated the time and effort it takes for an exhibition install, so was in no mood to head into town to spend two hours with someone I’d never met just to come home again. Thankfully the guy seemed to understand, and also works in events so is probably no stranger to things overrunning. I get into this thought spiral of hating this town and my job so need to make an effort with my social life again, but I probably have no business doing so until moving out/car is sorted and tht is so boring and tedious!

[hidden_kitten]

On a positive note my weight seems to be staying where it is instead of creeping up again. Under 75kg. Would like to hit 70kg some point soon so need to work on that. Pools are still operating with lanes/timed slots which is way too organised for me.

[hidden_kitten]

Casper changed his photos on his dating app profile. Still annoyingly friggin cute. Attraction is weird. Why can’t I feel this way about any other guy who is actually interested in me?