A red flag ?

[Boo1986]

Well, it's good to learn a lesson and not react so quickly. but I've been burned on that trust till given a reason not to approach as well.

 

it's a balance, you know? go with your gut. And if you do feel you have a lot of walls etc, work on yourself to bring those down. Sometimes we put up walls because we can't trust ourselves to hold up our boundaries.

 

It took me a looooong time to learn boundaries. I was always good at respecting others, but not my own. And that lead to a lot of disappointment for me. I was teaching people (unknowingly of course) that they were more important than I was, to me! And that no matter what they did, I'd be there. Among other problems, like taking responsibility for others... a big no no.

 

Practice asking open ended questions (not yes or answer) before reacting. Like -- how did you get so sick? its a lot less accusatory and will give you more info to make the decision to believe or not. you know?

 

That’s great advice, I never thought to ask questions like that. I have learned so much in this post - totally different from the reason I first posted here!

[Batya33]

"be curious not furious" (the late Dr. Joy Browne)

[Lambert]

"be curious not furious" (the late Dr. Joy Browne)

that's a goodie I haven't heard b4!

[Batya33]

that's a goodie I haven't heard b4!

 

Dr. Joy Browne has many other goodies like that. She died in 2016. I loved her talk radio show and got to meet her once too.

[Lambert]

Dr. Joy Browne has many other goodies like that. She died in 2016. I loved her talk radio show and got to meet her once too.

thanks... I'll check her out!

[purplepaisley]

I'm not going to say much different than everyone else. I think you need to err on the side of positive over negative in these situations, but you also somehow need to create boundaries, so that you don't get locked into these bad relationships, penpal, blown off more often than you're together, etc.

 

You're not psychic, and I think it's best to consider everyone genuine in their excuse at first. Don't burn a bridge over disappointment. Was there a high probability this guy bailed because there was another woman or another activity that took priority? Yes. Was there a high probability this guy was genuinely sick? Yes. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water on some dude you haven't met yet or barely know. You really shouldn't be putting all of your plans in his basket right now anyway. He was rude, yes, and if this is your hill to die on, you can sever a future without lobbing insults. If you choose another chance and if this becomes a pattern? You don't need to lash out and be mean, just say "thanks but no thanks." "When your life is less busy and you're feeling better, feel free to touch base with me again."

 

You can be more forthright if you've been seeing each other longer...the relationship talk and expectations, but for some dude you barely know? It's really not worth the effort.

 

I know it's easier said than done, and my only advice is not to lob anger at the guy. A simple, "Feel better" will do.