Saddening ENA reviews

[MurphyB]

I imagine it would be similar in Canada ;) Or globally.

[reinventmyself]

I don't know. On the other hand, if it was doing it's best to be the least possibly awful with every year, there wouldn't be so many bad reviews on moderation and culture.

 

BUT. . . we are still here and though it gets a little bumpy at times, we still keep coming back, right?

 

I checked another forum with less restrictions and monitoring and it was a hot mess. I never went back.

I've seen other forums where the is less than zero activity. This one is busy for the most part. There has to be reason.

 

If is were a store that no one care for, the place would be empty, right?

 

Not everyone is going to hear what they want to hear. Mod's respond in good time, but this is not life nor their career.

 

Somethings have to wait, but they are dealt with.

Glitches in posting and deletion happen. But not often.

 

You opened this dialog admitting that those reviews were people that left here up happy. I've read them. There only a handful and as you said, they were mostly motivated by frustration to write the review to begin with.

[Seraphim]

Thanks, I am aware of that. The fact you have to pay is disgraceful, but fair enough, their site, their rules.. Should a site be found out from charging for this service and not actually delete it, would imagine the legalities would be off the charts esp. in the US.

 

I won't be posting up any new threads ever again on here. But I have greatly appreciated the good advice I was given and taken it all on board. Happy to try and help other's with words of encouragement etc but I'll probably fizzle away from this site in a few days. The genuine request to have my info deleted and it being refused, left a very bad taste in my mouth. Also the moderation is off the charts. But I'm not really bothered about the latter. It's just a forum.

 

Thanks again for your help.

 

Just be aware other forums are much less well moderated and it is like fight club in there. Not really my cup of tea.

[LaHermes]

Reading your OP with interest Firelily.

 

I think (with some reservations) that this is a quite unique site/forum. It can be rather uneven at times. But by and large there are quite a few members on here who do give good advice, and support, to suffering individuals.

Sure, there are beraters, and the downright unpleasant (let's be frank here). But I note that trolls/trolling, and is kept to a minimum and the moderators are watchful. And, to be perfectly sincere, there is a cliquish feel to the place sometimes.

 

Some of these get away with murder, can say anything, but another poster may say something totally innocuous and get an infraction.

 

I have posted on and off here down through the past years, I try to always be even-handed, as that is how I am IRL.

 

Do some get on my nerves. Yes, absolutely! I have a list lol. But I just ignore and don't read.

 

Like any site this one will get good and bad reviews. So do plays, books, films. Not the end of the world.

 

It is important IMO to remember that some of members (me included) are NOT U.S.A./North America. So we do express ourselves differently, see things differently and have a different sense of humour. In passing could I add that a good dose of humour now and then would do this site a power of good.

 

Everyone has troubles, to a lesser or greater degree. No one's troubles are more important than anyone else's.

 

So, in conclusion, to the better quality of advisors on here I just saY: KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

 

lAh

[firelily]

BUT. . . we are still here and though it gets a little bumpy at times, we still keep coming back, right?

 

I checked another forum with less restrictions and monitoring and it was a hot mess. I never went back.

I've seen other forums where the is less than zero activity. This one is busy for the most part. There has to be reason.

 

If is were a store that no one care for, the place would be empty, right?

 

Not everyone is going to hear what they want to hear. Mod's respond in good time, but this is not life nor their career.

 

Somethings have to wait, but they are dealt with.

Glitches in posting and deletion happen. But not often.

 

You opened this dialog admitting that those reviews were people that left here up happy. I've read them. There only a handful and as you said, they were mostly motivated by frustration to write the review to begin with.

 

I don't know these people so this is just a guess. Do you? Know personally the people writing the reviews from some discussions here? Or is it just a guess that it was a frustration rather than feeling genuinely victimized? That's what I can't figure out. There is a handful of opinions (there are never hundreds of opinions on rating portals like that I'm surprised there are even so many) and vast majority are unfavourable, and they say the exact same things. Maybe there are some frustrates, but for me it's not easy to dismiss it only on that. Some of the opinions used more angry language, but some more respectful language for the same arguments.

[LaHermes]

MurphyB.

 

Don't go! L.

 

Leave me here to face the music alone.

 

You are a most honest poster, straight-up person, say what you have to say without dissing anyone. I think you would provide valuable insight and advice to many troubled souls here.

 

That aside, what bothers me is that you feel you would be driven away (never let anyone do that to you) not by the site rules, strange as those might seem, but by snide remarkers.

 

Do stay!

[Wiseman2]

You've found the section: General Forums

It includes the following sub-forums:

Forum Assistance

Off Topic

Journals.

In addition to posting a thread like this for discussion people have the option of starting solo journals, that can be read but not posted in and private journals which can not be seen by the general public. Then there is forum assistance that mostly addresses technical issues.

Generally they won't delete threads but will close them upon request so they can't be posted in and sort of fade into the distance.

You can contact admins via the "contact us" feature or pm. Other options are to put unwanted posters on the ignore list and/or report rude or harassing posts.

Any forum is a collection of opinions and not professional advice.

Would it be possible to have a section of the forum dedicated to feedback and open discussion what could be enhanced here, for these hurt users to have a space for speaking freely?

[Seraphim]

You've found the section: General Forums

It includes the following sub-forums:

Forum Assistance

Off Topic

Journals.

In addition to posting a thread like this for discussion people have the option of starting solo journals, that can be read but not posted in and private journals which can not be seen by the general public. Then there is forum assistance that mostly addresses technical issues.

Generally they won't delete threads but will close them upon request so they can't be posted in and sort of fade into the distance.

You can contact admins via the "contact us" feature or pm. Other options are to put unwanted posters on the ignore list and/or report rude or harassing posts.

Any forum is a collection of opinions and not professional advice.

 

Yup.

...::

[firelily]

Reading your OP with interest Firelily.

 

I think (with some reservations) that this is a quite unique site/forum. It can be rather uneven at times. But by and large there are quite a few members on here who do give good advice, and support, to suffering individuals.

Sure, there are beraters, and the downright unpleasant (let's be frank here). But I note that trolls/trolling, and is kept to a minimum and the moderators are watchful. And, to be perfectly sincere, there is a cliquish feel to the place sometimes.

 

Some of these get away with murder, can say anything, but another poster may say something totally innocuous and get an infraction.

 

I have posted on and off here down through the past years, I try to always be even-handed, as that is how I am IRL.

 

Do some get on my nerves. Yes, absolutely! I have a list lol. But I just ignore and don't read.

 

Like any site this one will get good and bad reviews. So do plays, books, films. Not the end of the world.

 

It is important IMO to remember that some of members (me included) are NOT U.S.A./North America. So we do express ourselves differently, see things differently and have a different sense of humour. In passing could I add that a good dose of humour now and then would do this site a power of good.

 

Everyone has troubles, to a lesser or greater degree. No one's troubles are more important than anyone else's.

 

So, in conclusion, to the better quality of advisors on here I just saY: KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

 

lAh

 

This is close to my personal experience of this forum.

 

I really hope overally it's doing more good than harm to most people, despite what the reviews present.

 

I feel like this forum could be doing a bit more to encourage better quality of advisors. For starters, encourage a safe space for criticism and doubt.

 

Maybe community could set some guidelines for advisors, idk if this would help or not. So idk for example if I'm an experienced advisor and I'm seeing other advisor obviously projecting something, like being super harsh on a cheater because I know them for hating cheaters in every thread due to their personal experience, the community could say to this advisor "dude, ease up a little bit, see rule 12 here: don't be mean to people just because they remind you of someone in your life", etc. But I don't know if that kind of hierarchy and relations wouldn't be the opposite of what this forum needs.

[Seraphim]

This is close to my personal experience of this forum.

 

I really hope overally it's doing more good than harm to most people, despite what the reviews present.

 

I feel like this forum could be doing a bit more to encourage better quality of advisors. For starters, encourage a safe space for criticism and doubt.

 

Maybe community could set some guidelines for advisors, idk if this would help or not. So idk for example if I'm an experienced advisor and I'm seeing other advisor obviously projecting something, like being super harsh on a cheater because I know them for hating cheaters in every thread due to their personal experience, the community could say to this advisor "dude, ease up a little bit, see rule 12 here: don't be mean to people just because they remind you of someone in your life", etc. But I don't know if that kind of hierarchy and relations wouldn't be the opposite of what this forum needs.

 

That is unrealistic. First you would need a MUCH MUCH bigger mod base. Here’s the rub, where do you find people who want to be abused for free?

Better advisors? Uuuuuuhhhh we are all just PEOPLE from everywhere in various stages of healing. Right?

[LaHermes]

I'm with you Firelily.

 

And over the years a whole raft of excellent posters (advisors) just upped and left. Much has changed since the days of the wonderful MHowe. The glory days of this site IMHO.

 

There are no official advisors here (at least I think/hope not). Just other posters who comment on, give support, and even signpost new OPs as and when they appear. Much valuable information can be given here, which is not the same as advising.

[firelily]

That is unrealistic. First you would need a MUCH MUCH bigger mod base. Here’s the rub, where do you find people who want to be abused for free?

Better advisors? Uuuuuuhhhh we are all just PEOPLE from everywhere in various stages of healing. Right?

 

Yes, so it could be forum's role to make sure people with certain stages of healing that in reality act detrimental to someone's elses healing will not be doing that over and over for a long time.

[Seraphim]

Yes, so it could be forum's role to make sure people with certain stages of healing that in reality act detrimental to someone's elses healing will not be doing that over and over for a long time.

 

You would have no forum in about a week . Because who determines that ?

[MurphyB]

MurphyB.

 

Don't go! L.

 

Leave me here to face the music alone.

 

You are a most honest poster, straight-up person, say what you have to say without dissing anyone. I think you would provide valuable insight and advice to many troubled souls here.

 

That aside, what bothers me is that you feel you would be driven away (never let anyone do that to you) not by the site rules, strange as those might seem, but by snide remarkers.

 

Do stay!

 

Ah shucks missus! Thanks for the lovely words :)

 

I'll stick around a bit and try to help others, sure I'm a aul granny now at 44 with lots of ups and downs behind me, and sure I've paid for a month now so can run amok and delete my posts left, right and centre LOL (jokes ;) xx

[Seraphim]

They had a trial of actual professional counsellors. It didn’t work.

[reinventmyself]

This is basically generated by a social media culture. We have to remember that.

It can't possibly be expected to be that tightly regulated by people who donate their time

[Seraphim]

If people want tight regulation then it should be a paid site.

[MurphyB]

This is basically generated by a social media culture. We have to remember that.

It can't possibly be expected to be that tightly regulated by people who donate their time

 

Out of interest, I notice that this site is full of adverts. Who gets the monetary proceeds from these? Should the mods not see some of it?

 

Most forums are voluntary based, run by some who see it as a vocation, and I imagine, by other's who lets face it: have just a lot of time on their hands to do so and enjoy it.

[Seraphim]

Out of interest, I notice that this site is full of adverts. Who gets the monetary proceeds from these? Should the mods not see some of it?

 

Most forums are voluntary based, run by some who see it as a vocation, and I imagine, by other's who lets face it: have just a lot of time on their hands to do so and enjoy it.

 

Ask the admin,kamurj .

[LaHermes]

Re the ads Murphy.

 

They pop up (maddeningly) BEFORE one actually logs in.

 

However, not sure if they are google ads or have anything to do with ENA.

[firelily]

You would have no forum in about a week . Because who determines that ?

 

I'm not sure.

 

I think it's better for help to be limited than wider than to be allowing too much anti-help you know. It's different when you drink coffee with a friend and they give you biased advice, but online there's a certain power dynamics that make people seem as if they are almost like professionals, or know more about life and you should listen to them... I honestly don't know how to solve this. Maybe remind here 200 times a day that it's just regular people who don't know more about life than OPs?

[Seraphim]

I'm not sure.

 

I think it's better for help to be limited than wider than to be allowing too much anti-help you know. It's different when you drink coffee with a friend and they give you biased advice, but online there's a certain power dynamics that make people seem as if they are almost like professionals, or know more about life and you should listen to them... I honestly don't know how to solve this. Maybe remind here 200 times a day that it's just regular people who don't know more about life than OPs?

 

There is always the ability to start one’s own site if they don’t like this one. I have seen people do it .

[MurphyB]

Re the ads Murphy.

 

They pop up (maddeningly) BEFORE one actually logs in.

 

However, not sure if they are google ads or have anything to do with ENA.

 

Ah ok, yes I have seen them inside posts etc. There are a lot of them. Doesn't bother me, just an observation etc.

[Seraphim]

Ah ok, yes I have seen them inside posts etc. There are a lot of them. Doesn't bother me, just an observation etc.

 

Once you reach a certain level you no longer see these.

[LaHermes]

Indeed Lily.

 

I have a few years on MurphB, so been there done that. Very little would surprise me any more.

 

But despite my experience, gained through the years, I could not and would not impose my way as the only way. I've probably had experiences that some OPs never had, been places virtually and in reality where some may never have been. But that is my experience and I could only offer reasonably kindly advice based on what I've seen and known.

 

One can be sort of severe, but the severity can be done in a kindly, and - god help us all - in a NOT know-it-all manner.