Lady D Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Dear good people, my dilemma in a nutshell is this, was with somebody unavailable and emotionally abusive, worked with him ( a senior manager ) and got out... We booked a Christmas holiday, I'm studying and knew it coincided with my course but paid up anyway ( I was actually afraid to say no, at the time was being bullied and couldn't stand up to him ) he made such a fuss when I couldn't come on previous holiday due to my course The time is approaching of the holiday where we are booked to share a room I've been no contact for a month since I left the job I need to tell him I cannot go, how ! I guess write an email and I'm thinking should I just write I've found out I have classes I can't miss and a mock this week, how should I word it? I can't bury my head in the sand any longer and need to say something, what would you write?? We haven't spoken for a month, he was pretty nasty the last time and said " why would I bother to call you if it wasn't about work ", he treated the holiday like a business transaction, showed no enthusiasm, I'm wondering if he had a game plan, I'm unsure whether to keep email brief and unemotional Thanks so much, love LD Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 He thinks you're still going? Did you pay for the room? Link to comment
Lady D Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 Hi Boltnrun, yes I think to both as I haven't said otherwise, I paid a lot for the room...half each Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Whose name is the reservation under? Link to comment
Lady D Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 His name as Lead Passenger.. Link to comment
Lady D Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 It's not the money as much as the telling him...I know I may lose the money Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 It's not the money as much as the telling him...I know I may lose the money What are you afraid he'll do? Do you fear he'll harm you physically? Link to comment
Lady D Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 No but possibly psychologically I am afraid he will get angry and feel guilty for saying no, I don't know how to word it He was extremely controlling, constantly made you feel not good enough, was hostile and critical, if you said no for something you'd pay for it Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Dear ________ I will not be going on holiday with you on (insert date). Sincerely, Me who woke up to what a louse you are. Make it a short and to the point email. No need for any details. Them block and delete so he cant contact you. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Yes, and ask him to respect your wishes and don't contact you. Then, as suggested, block him from being able to contact you. Link to comment
Lady D Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 Lol thank you Melancholy, somebody else suggested the same thing Send, block, delete, I was thinking something similar, nothing fancy Link to comment
Lady D Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 Thank you Boltnrun, I think I'll do something like this... Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Don't make up excuses about classes being the reason you can't go. Put on your Big Girl Pants, and be simple and direct that you are not going. You do not need to give further details. And then as the others suggested, block him. You don't need to face his wrath. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Keep it strictly business. If you want a refund contact the companies and see what you can do. Why contact him at all? So you give him the heads up to find another woman to take that you'll pay for. Say nothing, just don't go. Delete and block him. He hasn't spoken to you in over a month. Keep your emotions out of it. It's over and you don't owe him an explanation. We haven't spoken for a month, he was pretty nasty the last time and said " why would I bother to call you if it wasn't about work " It's not the money as much as the telling him...I know I may lose the money Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I'd try to settle the money/refund separately. I wouldn't contact him again. There's no reason to tell him you're going or not going. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Worrying about the possibility he may take another woman is pointless and keeps you emotionally attached to him. Don't bother yourself about that. Send the simple one or two sentence email and then block him. That's it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 If you are not talking, I think he would assume that you are not going. Leave it alone and take the loss. Link to comment
waffle Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I'm with the others, as long as you're okay with and accept that you're going to lose the money, you don't tell him anything. Unless he's really, really dumb he has already figured it out. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Lol thank you Melancholy, somebody else suggested the same thing Send, block, delete, I was thinking something similar, nothing fancy You're welcome. There's no need to go into any details with this guy. You are not going, that's all he needs to know. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 6, 2019 Share Posted October 6, 2019 Since you already know that the guy in not going to give your money back, why bother notifying him of anything? You've been out of contact for a month, so just keep that going and move on with your life. Link to comment
Lady D Posted October 10, 2019 Author Share Posted October 10, 2019 Hey I just want to say thank you for the kindness of you all...I haven't written anything, I think it's easier to leave it Much love, Lady D XXX Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 Good call in this case.I haven't written anything, I think it's easier to leave it Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.