Q for the guys: how faithful are men when they travel?

[Luciana]

I feel very anxious every time my fiance tells me he is travelling somewhere.

 

I think the reasons are two:

1) When we started dating he went on a few business trips and didnt call me frequently.

2) He would not tell me almost anything about the trip: what he did, where he ate, who he saw.

 

3) In the beginning he told me he was in a plane to FL many years before meeting me and sat next to a woman. Once there they spent the weekend together and had sex.

 

 

So even thought the logical part of my brain knows he has been faithful and wouldn't do this to me, the irrational side tells me if the opportunity was too good to pass up and without the possibility of me ever finding out, he could do something. He's VERY secretive about his things and there are many things I knoe he doesn't tell me.

[chai714]

This is a stereotypical question. Men are as faithful as they choose to be. Some say that men are as faithful as their options. Regardless, don't let your insecurities get the best of you. If he is your fiance, then I'm sure you have established a high level of trust with him. Remember, trust and honesty are at the base of every strong, lasting relationship. If you don't trust him, you ought to reconsider marrying him.

[GettingOverIt]

Hello,

You seem very insecure about his feelings for you... Have you talked to him about how you feel when he goes on these trips? If not, then talk to him asap about it... Don't go all 'psycho' or anything, just stay calm and talk to him about it. Let him know just what you let us know here...

 

If you have talked to him about it, what has he said? Is he doing anything to help alleviate your fears??

 

I agree that men will be as faithful as they choose to be....

[Mr Meh]

Well said. If he's going to cheat on you it could be in your own bed. A business trip is usually a long intensely boring string of flights, meetings and sitting in a hotel room alone, which would explain why he doesn;t tell you about them. While it is natural to do what you are doing, it will end up hurting your relationship.

[Luciana]

So none of you guys have seen men trying to cheat on their women while away? I am surprised.

[annie24]

I agree with Chai - people (not just men) are as faithful as they want to be. Yes, plenty of men and women cheat while on vacation. How do I know? I've met plenty of guys having bachelor parties in vegas. 'nuff said. Some go on trips and are faithful, and some don't. But, ultimately, a relationship comes down to trust and respect, don't you think?

[GettingOverIt]

So none of you guys have seen men trying to cheat on their women while away? I am surprised.

 

I already told him how I felt about this, and this time he was good in calling me more and telling me what he is doing.

 

It's just my imagination running large....

 

No, we didn't say that.... I have seen it, but that doesn't mean ALL guys are like that! Those guys CHOOSE to behave that way... They could just as much CHOOSE to be faithful....

 

I'm glad to hear he was responsive to your fears... The key now is to learn that you can trust him when he is away, even if he cannot call you all the time....

[chai714]

So none of you guys have seen men trying to cheat on their women while away?

 

There are men who will cheat while away, while home, or while at work.

 

There are men who will never cheat, regardless of where they are.

 

Each man is different; some make good choices and others bad ones.

[Day_Walker]

"Men are as faithfull as their options . . . .when new vagina chases us we can't run that fast" Chris Rock (paraphrased)

 

It comes down to you knowing the kind of man that you have, If you have the type that is proned to cheating or to put himself in questionable situations then you should remedy the situation.

 

It seems that you have some insecurity/trust issues and you need to know that you are coming off as being needy if you are asking him to check with you periodically to make sure he isnt up to anything bad. Cuz the truth is that he could just lie to you about what he is doing and be cheating anyway. If you want to feel better about the situation then you need to learn to trust instead of letting your insecurities get the best of you. The truth of the matter is that you have no control over him cheating, if he makes that choice then he does, it is out of your control and thats what makes you worry.

[Luciana]

I know. Like I said, I don't think he is the cheating type since in 6 years he did not.

But the fact he NEVER tells he loves me, that he often stares at other women in public and that he most of the time is grumpy and puts me down makes me feel VERY insecure about his feelings. Yes, insecure.

 

When you feel your man loves you, you relax. I have had that feeling before and it's wonderful.

[ComputerGuy]

The situation of men cheating while away from home isnt so much about the away from home part as the guys attitude towards that kind of thing. If a guy is cheater, he is a cheater, there is no degree of cheating.

[hopelessly_devoted]

Hello and may I just say that I know your feelings well sweetheart. But if I must say, I have found that dwelling on the possibility that he MAY do something does nothing but make me nuts and create negativity in my head and life. Think good thoughts. That won't stop him from doing things but it will keep YOU SANE and make your life more positive. When you think the negatives and what if's it only keeps you on edge and that is not healthy for your relationship. believe that you are worthy of his being faithful and it will make him reconsider if he ever considers straying. God bless.

[melrich]

Maybe I am projecting my own desire to cheat on him? Maybe if I were to be somewhere tropical I would let my hair down and maybe get together with some hot guy?

 

Wow, are you really sure you guys should be getting married right at this point. I mean I remember when I was engaged cheating was the last thing on my mind in fact it just wasn't on my mind full stop. Still isn't.

 

I sort of don't get this. Aren't you just so overwhelmingly in love with this guy and he with you?

 

Maybe it's just me.

[melrich]

Oh sorry. to answer your question.

 

I travel away from home at least one night a week. The only thing on my mind is how long to go before I get home to my wife again.

 

I think one of the other posters made the point, if someone wants to cheat they will do it whether they are travelling or not.

[Lewis25]

This is tough. You have to decide whether or not to voice your concerns, possibly straining the relationship, or surrender to the unknown and accept whatever comes. If you choose to trust him(not always easy) then you yourself will actually start to feel less anxious. He in turn, will feel an obligation towards that trust. If you start to question his fidelity, he may subconsciously or consciously, choose to live up to those expectations you have of him. Like I said, it's a tough one. Personally, when I travelled(seven weeks at a time sometimes), I called my girlfriend nearly everyday. I guess I wanted her to feel at ease, plus I just loved hearing her voice. I could never cheat on her. (There's a post about it). My advice would be to surrender to the unknown instead of trying to control it. But that requires enormous strength. Good Luck.

[alpal]

Oh my love,

I can see myself in everything you have said.

My b/f travels overseas frequently and although I don't think he's the type to sleep around, I still doubt him and have the same wild imagination that gets a hold of me sometimes.

It's totally crap because all you are doing is torturing yourself, there is absolutly no way that you can be with him all of the time so try to distract your thoughts and think of positive ones and the nice things that your partner has done to you.

My lack of trust stems from a string of bad experiences in which i fully trusted my partners and they let me down. My partner now is possibly the nicest guy i've ever been out with and I fear because of my lack of faith and trust i'm ruining an otherwise great relationship.It's not his fault all the others were bad guys.

The key problem lies with you and your insecurities. If you can work on them instead of torturing yourself with dark imaginings then you can and build a better trust of yourself and increase your self-esteem.

It's bloody hard when you love someone so much that you fear you might lose them one day. but i think most guys would agree if he's been with you for six years there's a pretty good chance he loves you or he would have left you by now.

Go easy on yourself babe..

[OceanEyes]

Richgabe, you're every woman's dream. What woman wouldn't want their man to be counting down the minutes until their next encounter?

 

Luciana, I don't want to sound horrible or invalidating here, but you and your fiancee just seem totally incompatible. I don't know whether or not he's given you a reason to question his motives, or like you're saying, you worry that you may be suspicious due to your own desires .. whatever it may be, I think that marrying this man would be a disaster of epic proportions. A marriage that starts off on a sketchy distrustful basis will only spiral into misery. I doubt that that extra 'commitment' from marriage will strengthen the trust.