Would you expect to be taken out by your SO after exam period/finishing uni?

[katrina1980]

I'm still not getting why completing your third year at Uni would be considered cause for celebration.

 

And as such, she or anyone would be "hurt" if bf didn't celebtate it.

 

Like I am seriously baffled by this, could someone explain the mindset?

 

And not to invalidate anyone's opinions about this, but in my opinion it's not a reasonable expectation and also suggests a sense of entitlement.

 

Reasons to celebrate:

Graduation

Promotion

Birth of a child

New Job

Wedding

Anniversary

Winning a big case at trial

 

Obviously there are others, but completing your third year at Uni is not one of them imo.

 

OP, if there is something else, more serious, going on in your relationship that is causing this resentment and hurt feelings, please share!

 

Otherwise, lower your expectations, and stop giving more than you receive in return.

[boltnrun]

Miss Canuck linked the other thread.

 

There definitely is more going on than just "expecting" the boyfriend to take her out.

[Rose Mosse]

It just doesn't seem like she feels valued at all in the relationship. That's a painful place to be. I think the culmination of those issues will eventually lead to a decision to part ways. For reasons unseen to us, we cannot always know why others (as individuals) put themselves in compromising and painful situations when the outcome for pain is nearly certain.

 

I think this is a path that the OP needs to walk and learn and grow from. I thought her question was rather simple and it was fairly clear that there were feelings of insecurity and lack of feeling valued because the question was so simple. I hope she gets to the bottom of it.

[Gary Snyder]

So why didn't you help him and ask him to go out and celebrate with you? Love is a two-way street.

[ThatwasThen]

I totally agree, and I have answered the question on face value.

 

Since there is a requirement to dig deeper into the situation, of which there is no history provided by the OP, and I will not go spelunking on past posts, the OP states in her original post, "It is in the nature of our relationship to celebrate so I took my SO out for a meal when they got a new job." I can reasonably assume that when it comes to other people, friends and family, who did so much as pass a test or graduated 3rd grade, there are bells and whistles coming from the OP's boyfriend (or significant other, SO), but when the OP completed her semester, finally finished her studies, her SO brushed it off or didn't acknowledge this accomplishment.

 

She is justified in feeling hurt.

 

Whatever else is going on is a completely different issue.

 

Question to the Op: Did he celebrate you finishing exams and ending your second year at Uni? If he did and then skipped third year then I would agree with Paisley. If you guys didn't celebrate second year then I have to ask you why you would expect that he do something special for third.

 

... and

It is in the nature of our relationship to celebrate

if it is the nature of your relationship to celebrate milestones together then surely you are feeling valued in general rather than not valued at all... Yes? No?

[catfeeder]

If you happened to be finishing exams and finishing uni after 3 years, would you expect your significant other to acknowledge this and take you out for a meal, surprise you (supermarket flowers) or just a takeaway? just something to say well done or something. especially if it has been tough for you?

 

It is in the nature of our relationship to celebrate so I took my SO out for a meal when they got a new job.

 

would you be upset if this didn't happen?

 

I'm thrown off by 'expect' and 'surprise' being in the same sentence.

 

The only behaviors I'd ever 'expect' of family, friends or a lover is something to which they've expressly agreed in advance.

 

If I want to mark an occasion by celebrating, I'm the one who says, "Ghaaad, I'll be so happy when this is over. Would you be free on Thursday night to celebrate with me?" ...and to me, this would imply that I'M the one who wants to treat the other.

 

I learned long ago that creating fantasies in my mind then expecting anyone else to live up to those is ME sabotaging myself and my own happiness.

 

Skip living in your head, and communicate what you want. You will grow to thank yourself for this mature and straightforward behavior instead of setting people up badly only to feel justified when you've hurt yourself in the process.

 

Head high, and congrAts on your accomplishment.