Any way to salvage this?

[MissCanuck]

I wrote that he doesn’t want something serious right now with anyone bc just out of relationship. However he told me he would like to stay in touch if I am up for it bc he may be ready for something serious in a few months. He said the girl he is seeing knows it is casual and that he is going on other dates.

 

Sorry if my initial post wasn’t clear :)

 

Eh, I would keep exploring other options, OP. Don't hold out for this guy.

[boltnrun]

I wrote that he doesn’t want something serious right now with anyone bc just out of relationship. However he told me he would like to stay in touch if I am up for it bc he may be ready for something serious in a few months. He said the girl he is seeing knows it is casual and that he is going on other dates.

 

Sorry if my initial post wasn’t clear :)

 

Or, he may not be.

 

You really want to be one of many, knowing he is "exclusively" sleeping with a woman who is not you, hoping that when he IS "ready" he will pick you and not the woman he is "exclusively" sleeping with or one of the other women he is casually dating?

[figureitout23]

I wrote that he doesn’t want something serious right now with anyone bc just out of relationship. However he told me he would like to stay in touch if I am up for it bc he may be ready for something serious in a few months. He said the girl he is seeing knows it is casual and that he is going on other dates.

 

Sorry if my initial post wasn’t clear :)

 

At its core Kathy he is telling you, he doesn’t see you as someone worthy of giving up his single status.

 

I’ve sugar coated lines in my life, but looking at the core message and accepting it really helps to keep it moving.

 

At the most tell him if you’re ready for a relationship contact me but I’m not waiting for you.

 

That sets a strong boundary.

 

Sticking around hoping he will one day deem you worthy is handing him your dignity in payment for his love.

 

I would not wait around. If he does in a few months decide he’s ready it will not be because you hung around keeping yourself present. It’ll be because he was telling the truth and worked through whatever he needed to. Keyword telling the truth.

[kathy82]

Thx for the tough love. Guess I was hoping you’d all say that he does really like me and sees me as a serious prospect when he is ready and just doesn’t want to screw things up by dating me when he isn’t looking for something serious. But he had no problem going on dates with me before I said that I’m looking for something serious so clearly that isn’t what is happening here.

[reinventmyself]

Thx for the tough love. Guess I was hoping you’d all say that he does really like me and sees me as a serious prospect when he is ready and just doesn’t want to screw things up by dating me when he isn’t looking for something serious. But he had no problem going on dates with me before I said that I’m looking for something serious so clearly that isn’t what is happening here.

 

If he saw any future potential in the two of you, he would have never said it to begin with. He wouldn't risk losing you over it.

And when you two originally parted, he didn't blink once.

You went into damage control by reaching out, therefore he was led to believe you agreed to his terms.

 

Ultimately he knew that it would be more work than he was willing to put forth.

Don't second guess yourself.

[Capricorn3]

OP, you surely can't be this naive. This guy is stringing you along and you're falling for his crap (sorry), hook, line and sinker. He's keeping you on the back-burner so he has someone to go to when he's bored or gets tired of his current squeeze. Key word for you: self-respect.

[kathy82]

I disagree that he never saw something serious with me. The whole conversation wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t asked him who the last person he slept with was. At least he was honest that he is non-exclusively dating someone and sleeping with her still. Sometime during the conversation, I point blank asked him if this is his way of telling me he doesn’t ever see a serious relationship bw us. He said yes he sees potential But right now he doesn’t want to be serious with anyone- hence he is not even exclusive with a woman he has been spending time with since before we met. I also said I think if someone if really into someone else, it becomes the right time. He said “I understand what you’re saying but I don’t buy that”. This made me think he was being sincere but maybe I’m just naive bc I am always honest about these things - even if I know it’s not what the other person wants to hear.

[figureitout23]

I disagree that he never saw something serious with me. The whole conversation wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t asked him who the last person he slept with was. At least he was honest that he is non-exclusively dating someone and sleeping with her still. Sometime during the conversation, I point blank asked him if this is his way of telling me he doesn’t ever see a serious relationship bw us. He said yes he sees potential But right now he doesn’t want to be serious with anyone- hence he is not even exclusive with a woman he has been spending time with since before we met. I also said I think if someone if really into someone else, it becomes the right time. He said “I understand what you’re saying but I don’t buy that”. This made me think he was being sincere but maybe I’m just naive bc I am always honest about these things - even if I know it’s not what the other person wants to hear.

 

Yes unfortunately our honor code is not everyone else’s honor code, just because you would be truthful doesn’t mean he would and honestly he isn’t being untruthful he’s telling you he doesn’t want a relationship but he will he didn’t say I want a relationship with you after I sort my life out that was your interpretation but he never said that.

 

Look, if Angelina Jolie asked him to be exclusive trust me he’d be ready. He’s dating, he’s putting himself out there, men are not children or wild animals that need to be tricked into monogamy. He’s most likely not going to commit, you asked we answered.

[abitbroken]

I disagree that he never saw something serious with me. The whole conversation wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t asked him who the last person he slept with was. At least he was honest that he is non-exclusively dating someone and sleeping with her still. Sometime during the conversation, I point blank asked him if this is his way of telling me he doesn’t ever see a serious relationship bw us. He said yes he sees potential But right now he doesn’t want to be serious with anyone- hence he is not even exclusive with a woman he has been spending time with since before we met. I also said I think if someone if really into someone else, it becomes the right time. He said “I understand what you’re saying but I don’t buy that”. This made me think he was being sincere but maybe I’m just naive bc I am always honest about these things - even if I know it’s not what the other person wants to hear.

 

If he was serious about finding "the one" - he would have stopped sleeping with her when he realized she wasn't the one and would have lined up a date with someone new. He sees "potential" because its a little awkward to flat out tell someone in front of your face you are not into them. If he can keep you on the backburner, then that probably suits him fine. He was clear that he is not looking for anything serious with ANYONE -- so when he goes on dates -- he is not looking for a future wife. He is looking for Ms. Right Now. You are in denial. Its totally fine if he just wants to date different women -- he is not the man you are looking for