rtist1512 Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 The thing is, this was so sudden with this behavior. I knew he drank fast sometimes but he never had gotten to this point before where he blacked out and triggered like that. I understand now that I've given it some more time and thought that it isn't his parents. I should not be putting the blame solely on them anymore. I know that. But all of this is just so much to take in in a matter of a few days. And i understand how ridiculous it will sound to some people -- "its only been a year and a half". But its like everything that I thought was going to be is being ripped apart. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 He came over Monday night and when we discussed all of this, he admitted that he had a problem and that he wanted to seek help. I'm currently reading up on Al-Anon because I'm just not personally familiar with the program. Is that something that I could attend by myself just to understand better? What sort of help does he plan to seek, and when? How does he envision your relationship progressing (or not) at this point? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 No, that never even crossed my mind -- him breaking up with me or not loving me if he moved in with his parents. I knew at that tine that this was the person I wanted to build a future with but I knew I couldn't be around his parents that often if he were to move in with them, possibly resulting in us breaking up. I knew we weren't going to build anything if that was going to be the next step. He's not capable of building anything, anyway, that he won't knock right down at any time. You can't build with a wrecking ball, you can only move out of its way. Staying in his life is enabling--look that up. If he doesn't suffer your loss as a consequence, then he'll have no motivation to get the professional help he needs and to work those steps into a stable and reliable future--for himself. Anything he's not willing to do on his own isn't trustworthy, so it makes no sense to invest in a guy who can turn into an abusive drunk on the spot. Link to comment
rtist1512 Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 What sort of help does he plan to seek, and when? How does he envision your relationship progressing (or not) at this point? He told me he'd like to go to an AA meeting. He envisions staying with his parents to be short term and that he would be able to save money to be engaged. But like I said, this isn't an overnight fix and getting engaged right now is far from my mind. I have to balance the facts with my emotions which has always been difficult for me. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 He could go to an AA meeting today if he wanted to. When did he say he plans to go? It's easy to say you're going to do something. But will he follow through and actually DO it? Link to comment
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