Relationship might be coming to an end

[peachytwice]

I'm not trying to fix him because I know I can't, I'm just simply telling him the false narrative he's created is not true. Also when I asked him what I was doing to make him believe I don't want to be with him anymore, he said that it was all in his head and he's not sure why he can't shake the feeling. So he's acknowledged that there's nothing actually going wrong and that he just needs to take some time away to work on himself which is why we're on a break right now. But do you think we'll be okay after he sorts his thoughts out or will this always be an issue that will keep popping up in the future?

[peachytwice]

We're meeting soon, are you saying that I should just give up before our meeting date even comes?

[peachytwice]

This is pretty much what I needed. Thank you for the help, I'll stop overthinking and just wait until he comes back.

[Hollyj]

I'm not trying to fix him because I know I can't, I'm just simply telling him the false narrative he's created is not true. Also when I asked him what I was doing to make him believe I don't want to be with him anymore, he said that it was all in his head and he's not sure why he can't shake the feeling. So he's acknowledged that there's nothing actually going wrong and that he just needs to take some time away to work on himself which is why we're on a break right now. But do you think we'll be okay after he sorts his thoughts out or will this always be an issue that will keep popping up in the future?

 

He has taken two breaks and you haven't even met. Why isn't this a huge, blaring red flag for you. And, it has only been 5 months.

[katrina1980]

First off peachytwice, it is very easy to open up, share yourself, your life, your hopes, your dreams over the internet, there is a certain safety there, and anonymity that allows for that.

 

It’s also very easy to talk about meeting, be excited about meeting, even make plans to meet but as the date to meet looms in, for some people, their anxiety kicks in and it’s that overwhelming anxiety that causes them to shut down, or back off, which it appears your “boyfriend” is doing now.

 

There is also something else you should be aware of in addition to his fear that when you meet in person, you may be disappointed or won't be into him.

 

And that is his fear that he may be disappointed or won't be into you when you finally meet in person, and/or that you and he may not click when you meet in person which happens A LOT.

 

In fact, I know of a couple who had a long distance relationship for over a year, felt they were totally in love, and when they met in person there was literally nothing.

 

I mean like nothing. They felt nothing and parted ways not too long after, both feeling utter disappointment and disillusionment due to how well they clicked over the internet (phone, etc.).

 

So more than his fear that you may be disappointed or not into him, he fears being disappointed as well. He may be thinking, what if I don’t feel anything when I meet her in person, what if I am not attracted to her when we meet in person, what if we just don’t click in person like we do over the internet, what if she's different in person than over the internet??! How will I explain this to her? I don't want to hurt or disappoint her.

 

Physical chemistry is super important, and since you've never met physically, that fear is always there on some level. For some, more so than others.

 

I know that's overthinking, but that is how the overly anxious person thinks, something he would never share with you.

 

All these things start whirling around in his head as the date to finally meet looms in, plans starts being finalized etc.

 

I agree with others, I think his anxiety is too great to overcome all these fears and he’s using this depression as a way to slowly and gently back out.

 

I highly advise you do some research re on line relationships, what I just said above is very very common. It’s just the nature of the beast known as on line dating and cyber relationships.

[katrina1980]

To add to last post, it makes no sense to reassure him, because honestly you have no idea how you will feel when you meet him in person.

 

You may think you know, but you don't.

 

As I said, physical chemistry is so important, and since you've never met, it's literally impossible to know how you will feel.

 

Neither does he (knows how he will feel), and don't think he's not thinking about that too!

 

I am not referring to just looks, it's your energy, how well you jive together in person versus on line. Two entirely different things.

 

So actually, I think his fears are quite legit, it's a shame he didn't start realizing all this until after you became emotionally attached and started finalizing your plans to meet.

[MissCanuck]

This isn't dating if you have never been on a date with him, OP.

 

I know you are emotionally attached to him, but what you have here is not yet a real relationship. You can't possibly place the same expectations on him and your connection when you have spent zero time together in person. In other words, you two have built glass castles in the sky - and you're seeing there is no scure foundation for them.

 

I'm sorry to say that he is trying to deflect by essentially blaming you for his behaviour (claiming you don't like him enough) to avoid being direct that he's losing interest. My guess is that he's grown bored of this online thing, has met someone else locally or is hiding something he cannot continue to hide and is going to call it all off so you don't find out.

 

In the future, please don't invest so much in someone you don't know in real life. It's just not a responsible choice for your heart and mind.

[baileyf14]

I am sorry that you and your boyfriend are going through this. It is good that you are both there for each other. It is so amazing that you are understanding with what your boyfriend is going through. It always helps to have someone there for you. Have either of you talked to another person (a trusted adult) about what you are dealing with? This may help each of you tremendously. Since he is distancing himself, just give it some time and see if it gets better. I hope it does get better!

[Sportster2005]

I've never known a break to be temporary. Put it a fork in it, it's done.