He suddenly stopped texting & calling. Help make sense

[PLhanoolato]

Jellybeans lol no essays for now and that's cute pact you have with your friend.

 

 

Bluecastle- thanks for your advice. Yeah I plan on giving him few more days and if I don't hear nothing send a text to end it. To be honest I'm questioning if I even want someone who drops off communication like this. What will you recommend I say in that text if it comes to that?

[bluecastle]

Honestly, I'd try to let go of the immediate timetable you just described. Instead, take some time for you, to just detach a bit, to live, to process, to whatever.

 

What you just described is a recipe for anxiety and possible resentment, because it's a "few more days" of spinning in the same spot, waiting from some cue from him to make your next move. You can spin off into a different spot, right now, without anything from him. That's the sweet spot, the one we always need to be able to access emotionally whether we're in a relationship or not.

 

In terms of what to say—well, it depends. Me, I'd probably say nothing and just move on, if that's what I was feeling, needing—my emotional truth. If, for you, you need some kind of bell to mark the end you can send something straightforward and polite: "This is no longer working for me, and I need to move forward searching for something that works. I wish you all the best." And that's that—sent knowing nothing he says in response matters.

 

That said, you want to check your intentions, your feelings, to say nothing of where pride might be rearing its head again. If you need more information, if you're still conflicted about how you feel, you can be straight about that too: "Hey—I've been a bit confused and thrown by the shift in communication between us. Can we talk about it?"

 

There's no shame in that, no weakness. Maybe he surprises you with a response, and what you learn is that, yeah, his communication skills aren't always award-winning but there's more going on than you knew. Or maybe he responds in a subpar way that reinforces those questions you're now asking. You're clearly smart, in touch with yourself—you're not going to get pulled around into some extensive wishy-washy purgatory.

[purplepaisley]

Just because it's a marriage-oriented web site does not, by any stretch of the imagination, mean men/women logging in are ready, available, or want it. There are frauds and lonely people and people that just need some attention. You have determined, after two months of texting and calls, without actually meeting this person and having no ability to spend any valuable time together to make sure he's the real-deal; you have determined that you will be responsible for uprooting your life to move to him. Where is your job, your friends, your family?

 

Now he's pulling the cold shoulder...I'm guessing there is another woman who has captured his interest...someone who is more compliant or desperate; probably has some money.

 

Just because the web site *says* it's for serious prospects, does not weed out jerks and frauds. I'm going to give you a hint: Frauds always live in opposite time zones. Unless you're trying to be a mail-order bride, I suggest you stick to some reality -- someone who lives in your area enough that you aren't completley uprooted and disrupted from your life, ability to earn an income, and separated from your family and support system.

[maew]

Maew- there's nothing other than my pride to be honest. What would you suggest to say if I were to text other than "what's happening"? Etc.

 

I would send a warm greeting in your usual style and then just name what’s been happening, ie “I’ve been feeling a bit worried that I haven’t heard from you in a few days because it’s unusual for you not to reach out... Is everything ok?”

 

Showing concern and expressing your feelings communicates that you care without coming across as being needy or controlling.

[MissCanuck]

To be fair, he's only been a little distant for a couple of days. It could be down to any number of reasons, which may not be related to you at all, OP.

 

Only time will tell if he's still interested. As the others advised, give it a little more time and then drop a line to see how he's doing. Open the floor to a conversation about where his mind is at. The problem is that you two have become attached before even meeting, which is risky. It means that you're invested in an idea without knowing what the reality is like. And it's easy for the less-invested party to detach (which may be the case for him) if something else or someone else comes along.

[Sportster2005]

I don't think there's any reason to wait around and see what happens. Life is too short. You already expressed you missed him, and showed concern for him. His reply, I agree, was indifferent. Time to move on. Be free, there will be other handsome good men in your future.