At my wits end with my boss.

[figureitout23]

Ah I see. I take my mistakes hard, and I beat myself up about it so when someone else also dumps on me I feel even worse. Those are my feelings though. Its nothing concrete it’s my perception because of my own work ethic/sensitivities. At the end of the day, I’ll complain to my friends maybe even some trusted coworkers but that’s where it ends. I’m an adult with bills to pay. I’m not going to like everyone and everyone’s isnt going to like me as long as I can stand by my work that’s what matters.

[Batya33]

Ah I see. I take my mistakes hard, and I beat myself up about it so when someone else also dumps on me I feel even worse. Those are my feelings though. Its nothing concrete it’s my perception because of my own work ethic/sensitivities. At the end of the day, I’ll complain to my friends maybe even some trusted coworkers but that’s where it ends. I’m an adult with bills to pay. I’m not going to like everyone and everyone’s isnt going to like me as long as I can stand by my work that’s what matters.

 

Yes and I think often it's a supervisor's role to point out mistakes -in a tactful, constructive (team-building if relevant) way but if not then at an employee evaluation the employee might be blindsided with what she is doing wrong (even if she beat herself up). It's tough on both ends.

 

And I do feel the same as you about mistakes and for the same reasons.

[thornz]

Thanks for the input. Just for further info to highlight how ridiculous his email was, my mistake was a typo, that he exaggerated to make it sound like a big deal. The fix was simple if time consuming but is resolved now. Irony being he made a mistake in the email to the same effect as mine!

 

Yesterday he was even more critical and sending me more emails. Today he was nice as pie. I overheard someone approach him today with a mistake they had made. He calmly and quietly explained that said colleague should have done x, y, z as he has told us multiple times to do so. He then sent an email reminding everyone to do x, y, z with no mention of my colleagues mistake. That’s the response I would expect.

 

I have been doing all I can to deal with the stress as much as possible to reduce the likelihood of me making a scene and losing it. Also I rarely use headphones after that was mentioned in my promotion interview. My boss regularly wears his headphones, as do my other colleagues, most a lot more than I do.

 

Like you FIO I am very hard on myself when I make mistakes, but everyone makes them and nobody deserves to be made an example of. His criticism was in no way helpful or constructive and tbh his response was just way over the top, given what the mistake was. (Also he gave me grief for doing something we agreed at the time was the best option, as though I had intentionally gone against his wishes). All of us are making mistakes, and plenty of them, we have been under a lot of pressure to meet these deadlines under a limited time frame, occasionally working 14 hour days, I twice rearranged my holiday to meet the deadline. Expecting few or no mistakes is bizzarre, particularly given the context of too much work and not enough staff, so everyone has been working a lot of overtime (an amount I’m not certain is legal!) for the last 6 months.

 

Yes Batya, that is exactly how I’m feeling at the moment, I dread admitting mistakes to him as I just expect a butt chewing even if it’s not a big deal. When I contrast that to my bosses boss when I recently admitted an oversight, his response was, don’t worry, he couldn’t give a rats behind so long as I got the job done, he totally put me at ease and as a result I performed better. You are absolutely correct that the grief I get from my boss is very much affecting my performance negatively. I’m struggling to focus at work as in the back of my mind is, better not get this wrong or I’ll be bollocked, better not construct this sentence incorrectly or I’ll have to redo it and be hounded if it’s not done straight away, oh dear, I realised such a task on part A slipped my mind when I was modifying assembly B.

 

Anyway, my CV is done. Will be posting it on job sites this weekend. Knowing I’ll be leaving soon will get me through the week lol

[Batya33]

I think the time consuming part is the issue not the typo itself. Especially when there’s a deadline. Not sure if understood it right but I would take that into account even if it’s just a typo. I’m glad you’re taking steps to find a job that is a better fit for you.

[journeynow]

Yesterday he was even more critical and sending me more emails. Today he was nice as pie. I overheard someone approach him today with a mistake they had made. He calmly and quietly explained that said colleague should have done x, y, z as he has told us multiple times to do so. He then sent an email reminding everyone to do x, y, z with no mention of my colleagues mistake. That’s the response I would expect.

Do you think someone said something to him? Or is this an example of how he singles you out in a negative way?

 

Good luck to you, may you find a better situation!

[Jibralta]

Jibralta - in your referencing of your past bosses are you sure you are not internalizing her experience? Don’t get me wrong, this guy sounds like a major pr*ck. I just am not seeing any evidence that it’s over the top enough to warrant any extreme actions.

 

What I'm saying is, Thornz has decided that her boss is crossing the line. That's not really for any of us to decide. This is something that I've learned in workplace harassment courses: it's the recipient's feelings that matter, not yours. If the recipient feels like he is being belittled, you are supposed to change your behavior.

 

Also what I am saying is, you can't afford to get beaten down if you want to have a successful career. Taking a beating over and over again, being willing to endure it, doesn't prove that you are tough. What makes you tough is refusing to endure humiliation and intimidation, deciding when enough is enough, and then doing something to change the situation.

 

If I were in Thornz's shoes, I would get out of that department. Would I go to HR? You know, I'm not really sure. HR departments aren't created equal. Some are really good, some suck. When I had trouble at my last company, I went to HR and the woman was useless. I ended up going directly to the guy I wanted to work for and asking him to hire me out of the sh*tty department, which he did. So, there are other options besides HR.

 

But she absolutely should document his actions so that she will be able to fight back if he tries to terminate her unfairly or give her a bad review. It can get that ugly.

[thornz]

I think the time consuming part is the issue not the typo itself. Especially when there’s a deadline. Not sure if understood it right but I would take that into account even if it’s just a typo. I’m glad you’re taking steps to find a job that is a better fit for you.

 

Hi Batya, the deadline has passed before this mistake was picked up (it was checked by another then approved by himself). Before the deadline we were constantly expected to do similar time consuming changes due to oversights, contradictions and mistakes (often by himself).

 

To my knowledge it’s less of a big deal than these issues. Think I will feel a lot better at a new place but the therapy will help in the meantime. I’m just reminding myself that he’s being unprofessional and to deal with him as best I can and work as well as I can.

[thornz]

Do you think someone said something to him? Or is this an example of how he singles you out in a negative way?

 

Good luck to you, may you find a better situation!

 

Thanks, it’s me highlighting I don’t know where I stand, he can be a total A hole and then totally amiable and then switch back to being an A hole again. I was just highlighting that the way he handled that particular colleagues mistake was more professional and I would expect that kind of treatment when I make mistakes. I don’t think anyone has said anything. I don’t think I’m the only one who gets grief from him but the others stick up for themselves more and make him look like an idiot if he accuses them of things that are his fault, or were his decision. I also don’t know if he’s sending them the same snotty emails he sends me but they perhaps respond better?

[thornz]

What I'm saying is, Thornz has decided that her boss is crossing the line. That's not really for any of us to decide. This is something that I've learned in workplace harassment courses: it's the recipient's feelings that matter, not yours. If the recipient feels like he is being belittled, you are supposed to change your behavior.

 

Also what I am saying is, you can't afford to get beaten down if you want to have a successful career. Taking a beating over and over again, being willing to endure it, doesn't prove that you are tough. What makes you tough is refusing to endure humiliation and intimidation, deciding when enough is enough, and then doing something to change the situation.

 

If I were in Thornz's shoes, I would get out of that department. Would I go to HR? You know, I'm not really sure. HR departments aren't created equal. Some are really good, some suck. When I had trouble at my last company, I went to HR and the woman was useless. I ended up going directly to the guy I wanted to work for and asking him to hire me out of the sh*tty department, which he did. So, there are other options besides HR.

 

But she absolutely should document his actions so that she will be able to fight back if he tries to terminate her unfairly or give her a bad review. It can get that ugly.

 

Exactly, I feel his behaviour is not acceptable and I shouldn’t tolerate it. Like you I don’t know if my HR department will be any use (one person in 2 days a week)

 

I’m not convinced he would try and fire me or give me a bad review. When he invited me to apply for promotion he took me into a room and told me about it, that he was hoping I’d apply, then he basically gave me a roasting and pointed out all the things he didn’t like about my performance and ended with saying you’re my first choice so that speaks volumes about how I feel about your performance. I came out like WTH!!! Was that an invitation for promotion or a bad review?

 

Also last month I got a bonus and the month before I got a pay rise, all based on his feedback of my performance to his boss. I got the full 10% bonus and also got a very decent pay rise. Was about 9%. So I get very inconsistent contradictory feedback. Getting the kind of grief I’d expect if I was going to get fired but then I get payrises and bonuses and invited to apply for promotion.

 

Regardless I think I will record it all and make applications elsewhere. I think HR will be a waste of energy that could be put into job hunting. Such a shame as I really love my job I just don’t like the environment cultured by certain individuals.

 

One colleague in another department lost it on Friday and made a big scene so at least I’m not the only one feeling stressed.

[Batya33]

Hi Batya, the deadline has passed before this mistake was picked up (it was checked by another then approved by himself). Before the deadline we were constantly expected to do similar time consuming changes due to oversights, contradictions and mistakes (often by himself).

 

To my knowledge it’s less of a big deal than these issues. Think I will feel a lot better at a new place but the therapy will help in the meantime. I’m just reminding myself that he’s being unprofessional and to deal with him as best I can and work as well as I can.

 

With all respect he is the boss and he gets to decide how important a mistake is and he gets to decide what kinds of edits and changes he wants and if they are time consuming that’s fine too. Certainly if it means you’ll miss or nearly miss a deadline keep him posted as to that but even if it’s time consuming you go with what he views as important. I try to explain all the reasons why I want things done a certain way but I don’t ask my boss to explain - sure some would view her as picky but I just take her suggestions and implement them. Sometimes it is right before the deadline and I do my very best with a positive attitude.

As far as others being stressed just stay out of it. Avoid the temptation to get validated because that often leads to gossip and you divulging too much information. You may need them as references or end up working with them again in the future so appearing pulled together and reasonably confident and productive is important IMO

And yes even if he made the mistake treat it just like it’s your mistake.

And to me all this applies whether you work with him or anyone else. That’s typical of work and typical of working on a team.

[figureitout23]

I agree with Bat 100%

 

Thorns I didn’t realize this was the same boss who told you to put in for a promotion. Then on top of that him rewarding your work with a request to his boss for a pay raise... sorry that’s making it seem even more like you’re internalizing things here.

 

I am just so not a fan of knee jerk reactions, but it doesn’t matter what my impression is this is your life and you have to do what makes you happy. I just hope you remember this expierience and learn from it. In life we’re not guaranteed coworkers we love, we aren’t guaranteed an amazing boss, they’re the sprinkles on top of the dessert called ‘paycheck’.

[journeynow]

the deadline has passed before this mistake was picked up (it was checked by another then approved by himself)

 

Ah, it was not just you, there was a failure on the checker's part and on his part as well. There is a reason for a second or third set of eyes proofing work, and for someone signing off on it. He shared responsibility, and maybe he acknowledged that elsewhere, but not in that email. :-(

[Batya33]

Ah, it was not just you, there was a failure on the checker's part and on his part as well. There is a reason for a second or third set of eyes proofing work, and for someone signing off on it. He shared responsibility, and maybe he acknowledged that elsewhere, but not in that email. :-(

 

And I think that kind of flaw in an email is not harassment/abuse -it's poor managing and no people often don't own their mistakes especially in writing.

[thornz]

I think the whole place is just becoming not a great place to work, even beyond my boss and the culture in my “office”. Boss told me to get two different people to do two different tasks, not my place to tell them what to do, as far as I’m concerned but whatever, I passed on the message, both refused point blank until a task I’ve been given is completed. I feel like the task I’ve been given is never going to get done because time after time it gets put off due to lack of time, staff, parts go missing, the whole item goes missing, it gets used on another job. The enthusiasm I had to do this tasks when I started it 9 months ago (it should have only taken a month to do if that) is very quickly fading.

 

Went downstairs to do some work and had people threatening to quit because they’re so fed up with how things are going downhill. I usually try and bounce of other people when I’m feeling down or fed up in a situation but it seems nobody is in a good enough mood for me to do that. I think it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. It’s just not a nice place to be for 8hrs a day when everyone is at their wits end and uncooperative.

 

FIO, leaving a job that you’ve felt progressively unhappy in for at least 6 months, that is not what you signed up for (I specifically stated I needed a job with little overtime requirements) and that leaves you miserable long after you leave, is not at all a knee jerk reaction.

[figureitout23]

Then you should do you.

 

Curious, what happened with you putting in for that promotion?

 

Seems like an easy fix, you were putting it off, a lot actually based on my memory of that post, did you actually put in for the job?

 

Do you think you'd be frustrated at someone who took 9 months to complete a 1 month job?

 

At the end of the day, you should do whats best for you.

 

The answers to those questions though, is how I reached my conclusion and opinion.

 

I wish you the best of luck in your job search.

[thornz]

Then you should do you.

 

Curious, what happened with you putting in for that promotion?

 

Seems like an easy fix, you were putting it off, a lot actually based on my memory of that post, did you actually put in for the job?

 

Do you think you'd be frustrated at someone who took 9 months to complete a 1 month job?

 

At the end of the day, you should do whats best for you.

 

The answers to those questions though, is how I reached my conclusion and opinion.

 

I wish you the best of luck in your job search.

 

I thought I should go for it as the very least it would be good interview experience. In the interview I wasn’t sure if the role was a good fit. My bosses boss made a comment about seeing me go all the way to the top. I got some useful feedback which I decided I could work on. They offered the job to another colleague. I was partly disappointed and partly relieved.

 

Yes I would, I’m very frustrated myself that it is taking so long but I have no control over how resources are used. I can’t stand in the workshop all day guarding the parts to ensure that they are not taken to be used on another job. My boss has sent many furious emails to that department about how missing parts are causing delays. The job has been nearly completed then has to be restarted from scratch on numerous occasions because the test items were put on a customer order. Naturally that’s really bad news as we are putting unproven items out into the real world. I also don’t get to decide my work load, or that of other people. If my boss says you need to work on this project for 6 months then do the testing, that’s what I have to do. When I’ve got the test stuff ready for the 3rd time in a row and it’s finally all assembled and ive just been informed the deadline to finish testing is next week, but the guys who do the testing have been allocated to a new job I can’t go and tell them to stop and work on my job. The best I can do is attempt to test it myself, which really I am entirely incapable of doing, but what else is there left to try? It’s very very depressing. I’m wondering if I was less validated and proud of my job, if I would feel a lot more relaxed. It pays my bills at the end of the day. It doesn’t define my value as a person.

[DancingFool]

I thought I should go for it as the very least it would be good interview experience. In the interview I wasn’t sure if the role was a good fit. My bosses boss made a comment about seeing me go all the way to the top. I got some useful feedback which I decided I could work on. They offered the job to another colleague. I was partly disappointed and partly relieved.

 

Yes I would, I’m very frustrated myself that it is taking so long but I have no control over how resources are used. I can’t stand in the workshop all day guarding the parts to ensure that they are not taken to be used on another job. My boss has sent many furious emails to that department about how missing parts are causing delays. The job has been nearly completed then has to be restarted from scratch on numerous occasions because the test items were put on a customer order. Naturally that’s really bad news as we are putting unproven items out into the real world. I also don’t get to decide my work load, or that of other people. If my boss says you need to work on this project for 6 months then do the testing, that’s what I have to do. When I’ve got the test stuff ready for the 3rd time in a row and it’s finally all assembled and ive just been informed the deadline to finish testing is next week, but the guys who do the testing have been allocated to a new job I can’t go and tell them to stop and work on my job. The best I can do is attempt to test it myself, which really I am entirely incapable of doing, but what else is there left to try? It’s very very depressing. I’m wondering if I was less validated and proud of my job, if I would feel a lot more relaxed. It pays my bills at the end of the day. It doesn’t define my value as a person.

 

And this is your colossal and quite frankly very very dangerous mistake. You do not take on yourself to do the testing. What you do is send your boss, your boss's boss, the other department's boss, etc. - basically all the people who need to know about the scheduling clash and leave them to address it and handle it. You are literally operating above your pay grade and making decisions, doing things, and taking on things you have zero business to take on. Eventually this will bite you in the arse and you'll get termed for cause....and no offense Thornz, but you'd totally deserve it. Learn some boundaries and how to exercise them and stop carrying the whole project on your shoulders. Not your project, not your company, not your business. May sound harsh, but you need to learn this for your own self preservation no matter where you work. In a better run company, you'd actually get fired immediately for doing what you have no business or expertise to do.

[Annia]

I think the boss handled the situation very badly but since this seems like one of those grey areas (from HR perspective), I'd advise to yes look for a new job if this one makes you miserable, but don't go to the HR complain about this (for now) or badmouth him at work.

[thornz]

I think the boss handled the situation very badly but since this seems like one of those grey areas (from HR perspective), I'd advise to yes look for a new job if this one makes you miserable, but don't go to the HR complain about this (for now) or badmouth him at work.

 

Yes that’s what I’m thinking, I spoke to my therapist about it and she told me I should go to HR or speak to my bosses boss after I showed her the emails and told her about the stuff that goes on but like you I feel it’s too grey if the HR department isn’t very good. There’s plenty of other stuff too that goes on and my boss doesn’t correct it. This particular thing is the tip of the iceberg.

[thornz]

And this is your colossal and quite frankly very very dangerous mistake. You do not take on yourself to do the testing. What you do is send your boss, your boss's boss, the other department's boss, etc. - basically all the people who need to know about the scheduling clash and leave them to address it and handle it. You are literally operating above your pay grade and making decisions, doing things, and taking on things you have zero business to take on. Eventually this will bite you in the arse and you'll get termed for cause....and no offense Thornz, but you'd totally deserve it. Learn some boundaries and how to exercise them and stop carrying the whole project on your shoulders. Not your project, not your company, not your business. May sound harsh, but you need to learn this for your own self preservation no matter where you work. In a better run company, you'd actually get fired immediately for doing what you have no business or expertise to do.

 

I think you’re quite wrong there, I’ve thought in the past that certain things are beyond my responsibility and been told by my bosses boss that I need to take more responsibility in situations like this!

 

My boss is aware I’m on the shop floor trying to build these items and he is happy for me to do so. I was in the process of emailing my boss and my bosses boss etc just as you described when I was informed that I had been beaten to it. My boss got a good telling off and I then sent an email to him and my bosses boss to advise that the practices in the workshop for testing were risking injury to staff and damage to product.

 

My boss today has been slagging off his boss to us! So unprofessional.

[DancingFool]

I think you’re quite wrong there, I’ve thought in the past that certain things are beyond my responsibility and been told by my bosses boss that I need to take more responsibility in situations like this!

 

My boss is aware I’m on the shop floor trying to build these items and he is happy for me to do so. I was in the process of emailing my boss and my bosses boss etc just as you described when I was informed that I had been beaten to it. My boss got a good telling off and I then sent an email to him and my bosses boss to advise that the practices in the workshop for testing were risking injury to staff and damage to product.

 

My boss today has been slagging off his boss to us! So unprofessional.

 

Yes well as long as people can push you and push you into things you shouldn't be doing, they absolutely will. You've got to learn to set boundaries, be clear about what you cannot do and cover your rear in writing at all times. When one of these projects ends up blowing up in your face, as in someone gets hurt - you are going to be blamed 100% and your career will be finished. Guess what - your assorted bosses will still be working. Life isn't fair and people will take advantage if you let them. You can change jobs, but you'll always come across the same thing either in the form of a boss or a coworker. The moment people realize they can push your boundaries and take advantage, they will. You've got to learn how to say no while remaining reasonable and professional.

 

Also, being embarrassed about your boss pointing out your errors within your team isn't a reason to complain to HR. However, being pushed into doing things that are beyond your pay grade, not to mention where there is potential for liability - THAT'S a reason to file a formal complaint with HR and something they should take seriously. At the very minimum you would be covering your rear and your career should things go sideways. It's also a really good reason to get out of this company asap before something bad happens and you get thrown under the proverbial bus.

[figureitout23]

Excellent points dancingfool.