Should I ask ?

[Red88]

So lately I’ve been wondering what has been going on in my kids lives. My ex and her new baby’s dad have decided to try and make it work. Fine. That part doesn’t bother me so much, what bothers me is not knowing the dynamic of the relationship he may have with my children. Should I ask about this?

 

I’ve has crazy thoughts for example, is he sleeping in the same bed as my kids. Does he stay over regularly. Is my ex trying to replace me and completely cut me out of the picture. These and similar thoughts have been weighing me down.

 

Thus far, I’ve acted as if he was a ghost. I don’t want her to spill toxic vile onto me. Seems when the ex sees an opportunity to inflict pain, she releases all her poison.

 

Sit back and play it cool? Or, ask questions and deal with the answers ( which are guaranteed to hurt ).

 

All this boils down to me wanting to know what’s goin on around my kids.

 

Red88

[indea08]

If she's as poisonous of a person as you say, you asking her these questions will not be beneficial to anyone. All you can do is go to court, establish your rights as a father, and be the best father you can. Her personal life is not your business, and while I completely understand why you want answers to these questions, she doesn't have to answer them (and therefore likely won't). Just be present with your kids, and if something is affecting them, you will notice. If you're always open with them and make them feel safe, they will talk to you about things. Kids are also very resilient, so try to remember that they will be okay.

 

Being a single father is so difficult, laws always seem to favor mom. I'm sorry you're in this situation, and wish you the best.

[figureitout23]

So lately I’ve been wondering what has been going on in my kids lives. My ex and her new baby’s dad have decided to try and make it work. Fine. That part doesn’t bother me so much, what bothers me is not knowing the dynamic of the relationship he may have with my children. Should I ask about this?

 

Yes it does. You were still in the middle of healing when you found out. You would have to have a heart of stone for that to not bother you.

 

 

I’ve has crazy thoughts for example, is he sleeping in the same bed as my kids. Does he stay over regularly. Is my ex trying to replace me and completely cut me out of the picture. These and similar thoughts have been weighing me down.

 

Thus far, I’ve acted as if he was a ghost. I don’t want her to spill toxic vile onto me. Seems when the ex sees an opportunity to inflict pain, she releases all her poison.

 

Sit back and play it cool? Or, ask questions and deal with the answers ( which are guaranteed to hurt ).

All this boils down to me wanting to know what’s goin on around my kids.

 

Red88

 

No its not, but it should be!

 

For whatever reason you seem to have a hard time accepting where you are in healing at times so you reach out to her or do other reckless things cause youve convinced yourself its ok, or you can handle it, or deep down you arent being driven by your feelings for her, but you are. Healing takes time, its perfectly normal.

 

BUT I can completely understand feeling uneasy about a random man who seems to have popped up over night living in the same household as your children. Youre concerned about your position being usurped, Im concerned about their safety. The risk of sexual abuse alone rises significantly when a non biological parent resides in the household. All of this is such reckless behavior.

 

SO while it is completely, completely understandable your feelings of being replaced by her, you had kids, so you have to put those feelings aside for a bit and be there for your kids.

 

Have you even gone to court and sorted out custody yet?

 

I understand you dont want to move back to her hometown but again shes so reckless, they are going to need stability and its going to be very hard for you to offer it hours away from them.

 

 

Red, this kinda reminds me of your campaign to save your ex and kids from living in her dangerous apartment complex. If you feel your kids are at risk, help them, dont focus on her.

[abitbroken]

I think just observe if the kids come to you for visitation with no hassle from the ex and fed and healthy and relatively happy (its okay that they are sad because they miss you, btw). Don't ask her "how does this guy treat the kids". You could have discussed new love interests in the kids' lives and sleepovers, but if he is the father of their half sister or brother, then that ship has sailed.

 

If they get married, you should meet him so you know who else you are coparenting with and for the sake of the kids.

 

I’ve has crazy thoughts for example, is he sleeping in the same bed as my kids. Does he stay over regularly. Is my ex trying to replace me and completely cut me out of the picture. These and similar thoughts have been weighing me down.

 

 

You are broken up and she has a new guy and has a kid with him. I don't think she can state that its over more than she has. I doubt if he is in bed with the kids -- unless your ex and all the kids share one bed and that is the only sleeping arrangement available which would be highly odd.

[HeartGoesOn]

Your attorney can give you the best advice as to how to handle these issues. Hopefully you have the custody, and child support agreement in place.

[Red88]

I’ll have the legal portion taken care of soon. The only reason I’d ask about the whole situation is because I’m worried/curious about is goin on.

 

I’m just gonna act oblivious. Nothing I can do to change ANYTHING in regards to the circus (my life) I happen to have a season pass to. I’m not playing victim. Me hearing something I don’t agree with forces me to speak my opinion, which usually ends in some type of argument. Not good. So I will sit back and do nothing other than provide and love my kids like I have been.

 

Red88 back again lost as ever :)

[Red88]

Bro I get it and agree. Yes hurt initially but like MissCanuck said it was a blessing in disguise. It got me unstuck. Not even mother Teresa herself could revive this lol it’s done, also has a fork in it :)

 

I hate to see the baby m backslide like this. O well, the wheel in the sky keeps turnin.

 

Red88

[Chris12189]

no need to reach out. Its nothing you can control

[Wiseman2]

Yes. As their father it's fine to ask simple questions but making sure you are not asking your kids to spy, tattle or get caught in the crossfire of adult issues.

 

Ask about their daily lives, activities, etc. but do not interrogate them to get intel on your ex's bf/relationship.

relationship he may have with my children. Should I ask about this?

[tattoobunnie]

The court ordered my buddy that no new partners are to be present when it was the parent's designated time with them until the divorce and custody were finalized. Way too confusing for the kids. Too much drama.

 

Have the lawyer work with you on this. Don't poke around with her. When you see the kids, don't focus on that; they shouldn't have to deal with your ex's romance issues.

[Red88]

Thank you to all that have replied. I appreciate your insight and opinions. I pretty much agree with what everyone is saying. I decided to just forget about it. Like a poster commented, out of my control so why add another monkey to my back. At first, it was a big deal obviously because I made this thread. But, it’s not so much of a big deal now I think because I have kept my composure and self aware of how my heart and mind are not seeing eye to eye. Unfortunately I have learned through mistakes like all, and I’ve been able to dodge many bullets.

 

In good spirits today on a high so waiting for the low but it’s nice to catch a break. I’ve probably just jinxed myself , hope not ha jk. But yea. Thanks for everyone’s opinion. I learn and I’m also reassured on my thinking hearing other ppl saying what I think also. I’m not crazy !!! Again, jk. Hope the best for everyone going through a tough time. I’ve gotten used to the fact it’s gonna take a while to fully enjoy life to its fullest. But, with time it’ll buff out.

 

Also like another poster said, if there happy healthy and safe, it brings me peace because in comparison to a lot of children around the world, I think they have it pretty good. But that does not excuse the fact that I need to be a more present father, I get that. I’ll do my best. That kinda sums it up.

 

Figureitout23 thanks for dissecting and breaking down my post in such a sensible manner.

 

Abitbroken I understand that yes she has stated many times that it’s over and the reasons why are obvious. Like I stated before, Jesus himself could not revive this relationship. So man really , and I don’t really get why...but you always think I’m tryna reconcile. Like really. I’m gonna try to win the heart of my pregnant ex, who’s having a baby with a rando 27yr guy. Now does that sound like one h*ll of a love story ??? I’m telling you, it’s OVER.

 

Stay strong, safe and confident. Body mind spirit. The stuff really works. You will be ok :)

 

Red88