Do you think there's a chance we could get back together?

[boltnrun]

If you remove her from your life completely she cannot treat you like an idiot.

 

But if you insist on continuing to engage with her she will use you and play on your soft spot for her.

 

Only you can put an end to this by stopping all contact and letting that stupid blazer go.

 

What response did you give to her text?

[ninjabib]

Honestly it's not that important in the scheme of things. It's more important all contact ceases with your nutty ex.

[jeremiahsain]

If you remove her from your life completely she cannot treat you like an idiot.

 

But if you insist on continuing to engage with her she will use you and play on your soft spot for her.

 

Only you can put an end to this by stopping all contact and letting that stupid blazer go.

 

What response did you give to her text?

 

I said thanks for the heads up, but I have work and I'm fine. I also said I'd appreciate the blazer being sent ASAP, to which she responded she's sorry it's just been 'one of those weeks'. I ignored that and just said 'Ok, well please let me know when you send it' and then left it at that.

[boltnrun]

I said thanks for the heads up, but I have work and I'm fine. I also said I'd appreciate the blazer being sent ASAP, to which she responded she's sorry it's just been 'one of those weeks'. I ignored that and just said 'Ok, well please let me know when you send it' and then left it at that.

 

So you left her unblocked?

 

She is not going to send the blazer.

 

And what happened to being firm and aggressive? You said your friends told you she's lying in bed watching tv, yet you said nothing? She still turns you to mush and she knows it.

 

I can picture 10 years from now, you're married with kids and you are still in contact with her asking politely for your blazer and her saying "oh poor me, I had the roughest week lying in bed, I'll send it this week!!!"

 

What is this hold she has over you? Is she exceptionally hot or great in bed or something? It can't just be "oh, she's my first love!!!!"

[ninjabib]

How old are you Jeremiah, i didn't really pay much attention to the uni thing but is she your first real love?

[jeremiahsain]

How old are you Jeremiah, i didn't really pay much attention to the uni thing but is she your first real love?

 

21. Yeah, I had a few things at college/school, but she was my first long term, properly in love relationship where I thought about the future etc.

[jeremiahsain]

So you left her unblocked?

 

She is not going to send the blazer.

 

And what happened to being firm and aggressive? You said your friends told you she's lying in bed watching tv, yet you said nothing? She still turns you to mush and she knows it.

 

I can picture 10 years from now, you're married with kids and you are still in contact with her asking politely for your blazer and her saying "oh poor me, I had the roughest week lying in bed, I'll send it this week!!!"

 

What is this hold she has over you? Is she exceptionally hot or great in bed or something? It can't just be "oh, she's my first love!!!!"

 

I politely answered, then blocked her texts. And I don't know what hold she has over me, but I was pretty crazy over her for a long while and she was the girl I wanted to marry for a long time, stupidly.

[ninjabib]

Ok your age and it being your first real thing makes a little more sense as to yoru behaviour but trust me, when things come to an end there is no point trying to right the wrongs of the ex ( keeping your blazer etc) you need to learn to walk away. It happens, its happened now and may happen again in the future with another partner, but a different 'wrong' in your eyes. You won't come out of seriosu relationships crisply and cleanly. You just have to quit while you are ahead because trying to right the wrongs of her behaviour is an unwinnable battle.

[jeremiahsain]

Ok your age and it being your first real thing makes a little more sense as to yoru behaviour but trust me, when things come to an end there is no point trying to right the wrongs of the ex ( keeping your blazer etc) you need to learn to walk away. It happens, its happened now and may happen again in the future with another partner, but a different 'wrong' in your eyes. You won't come out of seriosu relationships crisply and cleanly. You just have to quit while you are ahead because trying to right the wrongs of her behaviour is an unwinnable battle.

 

 

Yeah that's fair. Even though I genuinely do not want her back (Honestly, like I said my own mother would murder me if I even contemplated it) and I know she was a toxic influence on my life, I guess it's a case of still having contact with her feeling familiar and right, and I need to get away from that.

[katrina1980]

This is such a nail biter! OP is she going to send the jacket? Or don't you care anymore?

[jeremiahsain]

This is such a nail biter! OP is she going to send the jacket? Or don't you care anymore?

 

Meh, she reiterated she will do it and apologised for not having done so .. apparently it's been an 'indoors kind of a week'. I don't at all expect her to at this point, it's just excuses stacked up on excuses.

 

I do want it back, but I'm too tired of it to chase anymore.

[jeremiahsain]

Just read through what she said in reply .. again she seems to be trying to emphasise that her mental health isn't great. She said she was having a 'tough week', then made sure to say it was 'just because she's at a bit of a loose end', probably to make sure I understood she isn't feeling bad about the break up.

 

I don't get why if her mental health is in a really poor state, she wouldn't just get her dad to post it for her.

[boltnrun]

Sigh...because she does not do anything for anyone that doesn't benefit her.

 

I know this about her and I have never even met her.

 

She will not send the blazer. She will not. She doesn't care if it bothers you. She probably thinks it's lame of you to keep politely asking.

 

How long do you plan to keep politely asking? How many months do you want this to continue?

[jeremiahsain]

Sigh...because she does not do anything for anyone that doesn't benefit her.

 

I know this about her and I have never even met her.

 

She will not send the blazer. She will not. She doesn't care if it bothers you. She probably thinks it's lame of you to keep politely asking.

 

How long do you plan to keep politely asking? How many months do you want this to continue?

 

I didn't ask, she brought up the job advertisement and then went 'Oh! and I haven't forgotten' again. Seems intent on reminding me that she has it and will do it .. but not actually ever posting it.

 

I am done now. She is blocked on everything (including her mobile!) and I CBA to bring it up with her again. If she wants to send it one day, she knows my address, heck maybe it'll happen.

 

Won't hold my breath .. obviously

[ninjabib]

YOu've done the right thing in the end. She would have toyed with you with that blazer for ages.

 

My ex did the same with me over her daughters things (my step daughter) at my house. "yeah i want them" " dont throw them, i want them" continually throwing breadcrumbs inbetween. She even set a time and date at one point she would collect in person for 6pm the next day. The next day at 6:01pm no contact from her so i know shes playing, i ask her where are you? "oh i totally forgot, im not coming over now". In the end after refusing to be her friend for what seemed like the 37th time and 2 months of being broken up she admitted she never wanted them back and to throw them away. She just used it to keep comms open and try and make me her lame ass friend.

 

Some people are petty and just want to play with you when the relationship ends. That's life.

[boltnrun]

I said thanks for the heads up, but I have work and I'm fine. I also said I'd appreciate the blazer being sent ASAP, to which she responded she's sorry it's just been 'one of those weeks'. I ignored that and just said 'Ok, well please let me know when you send it' and then left it at that.

 

Well, here you did say you asked, but it's really a moot point.

 

She expects you to use the blazer to stay connected and she expects to use it as an excuse to keep you in her back pocket.

 

It would be awesome if you stick to your resolve, stop allowing friends to convince you to contact her and just move on.

[jeremiahsain]

YOu've done the right thing in the end. She would have toyed with you with that blazer for ages.

 

My ex did the same with me over her daughters things (my step daughter) at my house. "yeah i want them" " dont throw them, i want them" continually throwing breadcrumbs inbetween. She even set a time and date at one point she would collect in person for 6pm the next day. The next day at 6:01pm no contact from her so i know shes playing, i ask her where are you? "oh i totally forgot, im not coming over now". In the end after refusing to be her friend for what seemed like the 37th time and 2 months of being broken up she admitted she never wanted them back and to throw them away. She just used it to keep comms open and try and make me her lame ass friend.

 

Some people are petty and just want to play with you when the relationship ends. That's life.

 

I honestly don't think she's deliberately playing with me, I just think she's bored and lonely. She's sat at home all day stewing in her depression, with no friends nearby to meet up with, no job and an incredibly negative attitude towards life. With that being true, she wants me as someone she can be friends with, we used to speak for hours etc and I imagine she's missing that. Not me, but just somebody she can use to occupy time .. only one she really misses is my cat (she's said 3 times every time we spoke 'I miss him'.

 

I don't know if she really thought through the break up. She seemed to think things would get better for her, I don't know if she ended up blaming me for not being able to fix her unhappiness/depression. Now she's having a bad time of it, it feels like she's trying to get me back in her life on a friend basis so she gets the support, the cat pics etc, but doesn't have me having a go at her when she stays in bed all day, or refuses to help me with things etc.

 

She can do one.

[jeremiahsain]

Well, here you did say you asked, but it's really a moot point.

 

She expects you to use the blazer to stay connected and she expects to use it as an excuse to keep you in her back pocket.

 

It would be awesome if you stick to your resolve, stop allowing friends to convince you to contact her and just move on.

 

Did I? Sorry, the way it went was she messaged me about this job, I told her politely thank you but I already have part time work, and she replied with 'Oh ok, by the way I haven't forgotten about the blazer, it's just been a tough week'.

 

I will. I'm done with trying to get the blazer back, I leave it entirely in her hands. She's obviously decided she can use it to justify a conversation, and whilst it exists I think she thinks that I can't fully exit her life.

[boltnrun]

Did you have your cat at uni? Or does she mean when she would visit at your parents' home?

[ninjabib]

I think you are slowly getting there, you are correct. YOu are just a potential asset to her almost in terms of support. If she makes friends of you she gets everything from before and has to give even less in return.

[jeremiahsain]

Did you have your cat at uni? Or does she mean when she would visit at your parents' home?

 

My cat at home, she visited quite a few times (A week 3 times, and then a month over one summer and 2 weeks before we broke up this summer).

[jeremiahsain]

I think you are slowly getting there, you are correct. YOu are just a potential asset to her almost in terms of support. If she makes friends of you she gets everything from before and has to give even less in return.

 

Pretty much. Towards the end we weren't even really a couple, we would just exist in each others company, we weren't having sex or really being intimate .. we weren't even going out and doing things together. When I confronted her about this she said things like 'I just like doing things while you're there, it's nice to have the company'. So basically she just wanted to not be alone, she wasn't appreciating me being there, just somebody.

 

That's what she wants back now .. minus me expecting anything else. Someone to talk to so she isn't lonely, to give her attention/sympathy. To be honest, she wouldn't even be 'friendzoning' me, because she wouldn't even be a friend towards me, she'd just use me to distract herself.

[ninjabib]

Yeah totally, a fake friend is what shes looking for to be her emotional sponge.

[boltnrun]

So it wasn't about you two supporting one another or being equal partners...it was all about you supporting her.

 

I hope you see that wanting that dynamic back isn't healthy. And I hope you stay away not just because you're afraid of what others would think, but because you truly don't want to be that guy anymore.

[jeremiahsain]

So it wasn't about you two supporting one another or being equal partners...it was all about you supporting her.

 

I hope you see that wanting that dynamic back isn't healthy. And I hope you stay away not just because you're afraid of what others would think, but because you truly don't want to be that guy anymore.

 

Pretty much. I don't know how I let it happen, but I basically ended up just existing for her.

 

 

Nah, I don't ever want to be that guy again, to be honest it sickens me how much I was her lapdog and how much I allowed her to get away with. She walked all over me constantly and manipulated me in to playing the role of a carer. Was just pointing out that even if I did want to go back to that utterly ludicrous dynamic, my family straight up wouldn't let me. I'm very glad she didn't end up coming back after a couple of weeks, because I'll be honest with myself and say I would have tried to go straight back to her, but now I'm able to see that she basically offered me absolutely nothing, just took and took and then sat back and complained she wasn't happy.