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Do you think there's a chance we could get back together?


jeremiahsain

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Literally think we dated the same person except my partner's reason was anxiety. She was spoilt rotten and treated with kid gloves by her parents. A right little madam. She has only now at 28 just started working.

 

Maintain radio silence where she's concerned mate

 

 

It's tough on the parents because I guess they just want to look after their kid, but long term babying her isn't going to help at all. It's a really hard situation though, because obviously they believe their child when she's telling them she can't do things because of her depression. I know the mum in particular gets very annoyed, she used to come home from work and see nothing had been done. My girlfriend actually got annoyed at the mum for thinking she should be doing housework when she is depressed!

 

 

Will do, thanks mate, and everyone else that gave advice. Unfortunately I think it was always going to take me a little time to see things clearly, for the first week and a half I was still totally blinded, romanticising her etc, would have taken her back in a heartbeat to stop feeling the way I was. It is like a drug though and whilst I still don't feel 100%, I can feel myself being able to cope outside of the relationship and can finally start seeing a future (a better one) without her.

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It's tough on the parents because I guess they just want to look after their kid, but long term babying her isn't going to help at all. It's a really hard situation though, because obviously they believe their child when she's telling them she can't do things because of her depression. I know the mum in particular gets very annoyed, she used to come home from work and see nothing had been done. My girlfriend actually got annoyed at the mum for thinking she should be doing housework when she is depressed!

 

 

Will do, thanks mate, and everyone else that gave advice. Unfortunately I think it was always going to take me a little time to see things clearly, for the first week and a half I was still totally blinded, romanticising her etc, would have taken her back in a heartbeat to stop feeling the way I was. It is like a drug though and whilst I still don't feel 100%, I can feel myself being able to cope outside of the relationship and can finally start seeing a future (a better one) without her.

 

Yeah same boat again, i really liked her parents, they were lovely people just too nice and soft on her. They won't have a bad word heard against her either no matter how she treats them/anyone else. A shame as she is a ruined human being due to it. She moved back in with them the last 12 months of our relationship and did the same as your ex, nothing. No cooking cleaning washing, didn't pay any board. They'd come back from work and do everything in the house for themselves and for her as she was too stressed to do anything she would say.

 

As for how you feel initially after the breakup we've all been there, viewing them with rose tinted glasses, would do anything to make it right etc. Thats natural and why i said don't beat yourself up. As the weeks pass you will feel better each week. THere will be sometimes when you miss her but that gets less and less, just accept it for that day and keep on keeping on. You will have a better life from here onwards.

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Yeah same boat again, i really liked her parents, they were lovely people just too nice and soft on her. They won't have a bad word heard against her either no matter how she treats them/anyone else. A shame as she is a ruined human being due to it. She moved back in with them the last 12 months of our relationship and did the same as your ex, nothing. No cooking cleaning washing, didn't pay any board. They'd come back from work and do everything in the house for themselves and for her as she was too stressed to do anything she would say.

 

As for how you feel initially after the breakup we've all been there, viewing them with rose tinted glasses, would do anything to make it right etc. Thats natural and why i said don't beat yourself up. As the weeks pass you will feel better each week. THere will be sometimes when you miss her but that gets less and less, just accept it for that day and keep on keeping on. You will have a better life from here onwards.

 

 

The mum I feel definitely is getting tired of it, she's not happy with her not even trying to get a job and the lack of effort round the house, but the dad is far too lenient and basically allows her to do whatever. It's particularly difficult because the mum has the nan to look after who is ill, she works pretty much full time, but comes back to her 22 year old daughter in PJs having done nothing. Again, I think both the parents were hoping that with her dating me, we'd get a place etc and they could start thinking about retirement. Personally I think they need to sit her down and tell her that she needs to be seeing a professional as it can't go on like this, they might be able to force something out of her whereas I couldn't because I had no power. Again though, it's hard because I guess they're just happy she seems to be functioning.

 

 

Yeah, I'm prepared for the moments of missing her, I still definitely get those and those nasty little gut punches when you remember something you did together. I'm at a stage now though where I absolutely know that is irrational and I can instantly think of a few bad moments where I felt lower than I ever have, particularly during the whole ex situation, honestly I have never felt so worthless.

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You are not worthless just remember that. We can find our own happiness in life.

 

Yeah I know, was just at the time I had no idea she was having any doubts at all (I thought we were great) and then finding out she had confided in an ex that she had feelings for him/doubts for me? Worst feeling I've ever had. First week or so when I was in bits I had numerous occasions where I resisted the urge to message her asking to make another go of it, so I just thought about how she made me feel back then and was able to resist it.

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That's good. She may come sniffing around when she realises her emotional support has gone. Just remember how poorly she treated you.

 

Maybe. I think she's already missing that with all the nonsense of 'I'm on my period atm, can I get a picture of your cat?' etc .. which was downright weird, think she misses that dialogue between us though. I think now I've blocked her on everything though she'll get the message, would be surprised if she reached out even if she became super lonely/unhappy, after all she ended the relationship etc so it would take a lot of swallowing pride to reach out, especially when I have her blocked.

 

I hope so anyway.

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As much as writing all this out could be cathartic, at some point you are just feeding the monster.

It's pretty typical to feel a little obsessive and ruminate during the early stages of a break up.

Do you really want to move on? Take the focus off her. It is a choice and sometimes something you need to practice.

 

True, think I just got a bit carried away in conversation! You're right though, enough said about her, does get a bit obsessive.

 

I've started working out, going to the cinema tonight with friends, signed up to tinder (mainly just out of curiosity..) so I'm making the right steps I think. Definitely feel a lot happier.

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Ok, so she got a friend to pass on a message, which basically said that she would like to be there to exchange pictures/funny stuff and would like to be talking, but she understands that she doesn't have the same right to emotional support that she does before, and she's happy doing whatever makes me comfortable. Basically saying that she hopes one day we can get there and she appreciates the support I was giving her but knows that now we're not together she's not entitled to it. Also said that she hasn't forgotten about the blazer and is going to send me a book she wants me to read with it.

 

Fair play, I guess? Seems like she's being reasonable about it.

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Very common to offer the friendzone after a breakup. 🙄 That may be fine if you want that but how are you going to move forward and find women who are interested in more than "be there to exchange pictures/funny stuff and would like to be talking" Who needs this? 💩

said that she hasn't forgotten about the blazer and is going to send me a book she wants me to read with it.
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Very common to offer the friendzone after a breakup. 🙄 That may be fine if you want that but how are you going to move forward and find women who are interested in more than "be there to exchange pictures/funny stuff and would like to be talking" Who needs this? 💩

 

Yeah, you're right. I appreciate her trying to keep things friendly, but I've told her that I don't think that I'm ready to be friends because the feelings are still there, and she has accepted that. If we were to keep exchanging pictures, talking about our day to day lives etc I just wouldn't be able to move on. She seems to understand that I'm not ready for that, so hopefully she sticks to it and doesn't try to contact me again.

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Why imply that at some point you would be "ready" for that type of manure? And she does not "understand" otherwise she would stop sending these idiotic sentiments through friends. She doesn't respect boundaries and you have none if you are talking to mutual friends about her.

She seems to understand that I'm not ready.
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Why imply that at some point you would be "ready" for that type of manure? And she does not "understand" otherwise she would stop sending these idiotic sentiments through friends. She doesn't respect boundaries and you have none if you are talking to mutual friends about her.

 

I probably should have told her straight up that will never happen, but I feel like it'll be irrelevant in a few months because both of us will have moved on anyhow. She's promised that this is the last time she will send a message through a mutual friend, just that she wanted me to know she understands why I'm not up for that but that she 'just wants me to be happy'. If she breaks boundaries again I will have to delete the mutuals too.

 

I *think* she gets it now that I'm not going to give her what she wants, which is somebody to talk to about her emotional issues etc, someone she can openly talk with. Like you said, while we're doing that I won't move on and I'll never be satisfied with that so it's pointless. She's obviously going through a really tough time with stress from not knowing what to do after Uni, her nan being seriously ill, and obviously the breakup stuff, and reached out to a person she felt she could talk to. I understand it, but it can't work that way and hopefully she gets that now.

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Yeah, you can't be "friends" when you're still making excuses for her selfish and manipulative behavior. Every time you two would talk would give you hope she'll accept you back.

 

The fact that she keeps disregarding and disrespecting your wishes makes it clear she only cares about getting what she wants. Be prepared for her to attempt to use you again.

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you are overthinking and ruminating hard on this as I did in the beginning. Just go full out block and block her friends if you have to. Out of sight out of mind. She ended things so she dont deserve a goddamn thing from you

 

Sadly blocking her friends is hard, because I'm actually friends with them too .. especially the one currently communicating her thoughts, he's one of my best friends. I've told him to stop and he's apologised and said he just felt conflicted about it.

 

You're right that she doesn't deserve anything from me, and to be fair she has said that and is saying she accepts that I don't owe her anything now we're separated. That should be the last I hear from her, she's put the ball in my court regarding staying friends, and I'm not at all interested in that.

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Yeah, you can't be "friends" when you're still making excuses for her selfish and manipulative behavior. Every time you two would talk would give you hope she'll accept you back.

 

The fact that she keeps disregarding and disrespecting your wishes makes it clear she only cares about getting what she wants. Be prepared for her to attempt to use you again.

 

If she does, I will tell the mutuals that if they communicate for her again, I will block them no matter how close we are. She's said her piece, I've told her I'm not interested in that, this should be the end.

 

I don't know if she would use her nan to try and garner sympathy from me, as much as I know she can be selfish and manipulative, I can't imagine her stooping that low? Like did I date someone who would do that for nearly 2 years?!

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Well, she did try to distract you by implying she would commit suicide when you found out she was trying to ditch you for her ex.

 

Do you not find that manipulative and frankly disgusting?

 

 

That is true .. I guess she did that out of fear though? I don't know. I really can't justify it, you're right that it was a sick thing to do.

 

When I think about it though, I can remember tons of times when she was 'sick' where I was really suspicious she was putting it on to have me looking after her/to get attention and sympathy from me. Like some of it really seemed fake and OTT, and the problems would pop up at convenient times. Despite all this though, I can't shake this image of her as somebody flawed but at her core a genuinely nice/sweet person, maybe because that's how she seemed for the first 6 months or so?

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just explain to each person that contacts you about her that you are no longer dicussing anything to do with her as you two are over and any further attempts to will lead to you cutting them out. If they are really your friends they will respect your wishes.

 

I've told both the people who have passed on messages, and they apologised and said it won't happen again. I believe they'll keep to that.

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If her "core" is sweet and nice, she would have been like that more often than a selfish, manipulative user.

 

I'm sure you'll defend her yet again. You're still under the spell of wishful hope. Only by staying completely away will the fog begin to clear.

 

Can I suggest you start a new thread or maybe a journal? The title of this one shows a mindset that you are hopefully planning to change.

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If her "core" is sweet and nice, she would have been like that more often than a selfish, manipulative user.

 

I'm sure you'll defend her yet again. You're still under the spell of wishful hope. Only by staying completely away will the fog begin to clear.

 

Can I suggest you start a new thread or maybe a journal? The title of this one shows a mindset that you are hopefully planning to change.

 

Nah I know you're right, I guess I just don't want to accept that I dated a straight up awful person for two years, it's not a nice thing to have to embrace. If I'm 100% honest though I know she isn't a good person, she alienated tons of people while I was with her and treated me like something she could just discard whenever she wanted. The whole situation with the ex just wouldn't happen with a decent person, the guy was dating her best friend (Who is honestly a really genuine person) so it was wrong on a number of levels. I can honestly name only one time she did something nice for me, which was when she went out and bought a cheesecake when she could tell I was upset about something. Other than that, nothing.

 

The wishful hope has pretty much sapped away, at the moment I'm depressed a lot mixed in with some genuinely decent days. I've got a lot way to go but I'm definitely past the point where I would have taken her back despite everything, honestly for the first week I was convinced I could not function as a person without her. Starting a new thread is probably a good idea, like you say this one has an unfortunate title, and was made when I was panicking and convinced the breakup was a mistake.

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