Girl I’m dating cheated on ex boyfriend- should I continue dating?

[Wiseman2]

Always heed the disclaimers and read the fine print. Especially when it comes to your heart.

[katrina1980]

Always heed the disclaimers and read the fine print.

 

Especially when it comes to your heart.

 

Ah, but that's the irony.

 

Heeding disclaimers/fine print is so difficult to do when one's heart is involved, at least for me.

 

Strong attraction and infatuation tends to blind us to certain things, or more easily overlook, justify, forgive, which is what I suspect is happening with the OP.

 

Certainly not judging, I've done it myself. Did not pertain to cheating but, in retrospect, other red flags that I chose to overlook.

 

Good luck OP, I hope everything works out the way you're hoping.

[ShatteredMan]

I'd ask her why she felt the need to tell you about this, why did she do this to her ex and gauge what she says very carefully. If she doesn't want to talk about it again, I would start considering your exit strategy while watching her like a hawk.

 

I think people who have made mistakes can change or not repeat bad choices. On the other hand, knowing what you do about their past behavior adds overhead to the process of building and maintaining trust when starting a relationship. Also, once the honeymoon period is over and you detect signs of lowering attraction levels from her, be careful and make sure you "continue to date her" as you did in the initial stages of the relationships.

 

Good luck and choose wisely.....

[purplepaisley]

There is a PATTERN happening here. It seems to me, she's getting herself all wrapped up in serious, monogamous, and long-term relationships, when she really only wants to be causal and play the field, and she's so worried about losing this guy she's interested in, she'll say what she needs to say, but cannot adhere to the protocol...maybe she's impulsive and lacks the ability exert personal boundaries. She has no ability to exert boundaries and desires, but instead goes with the flow and "monkey branches" as an alternative. We're not talking about ONE mistake. We all make mistakes. You are aware of FOUR indiscretions, four incidents of cheating...there are probably more she hasn't shared, maybe some more benign...but this changes the dynamics considerably.

 

At first I was thinking, not cool, but it was just this one time, and everyone screws up from time to time. This ONE incident doesn't define a person, and it doesn't mean they will be a repeat offender. With a repeated history and pattern...the rules have changed....maybe you'll be the one she sticks with long-term, no indiscretions, or maybe not. She's a serial cheater, serial dater, monkey-brancher, whatever term you attach to her...stick and see where it goes with eyes wide open, or walk away from it before your heart gets ripped to shreds...U-pick...but be realistic on her patterns so far.

 

When someone is so open about their behaviors so fast, I question if they're paving the way for "this is how I am and I told you so" or if they just want to be upfront about their history. Most of the time, past relationships don't blend with your current relationships, so the past is the past. If you're dating within a niche, and friends know friends, gossip, histories, and families and friends intertwine, people talk, it might be prudent to be more open about past indiscretions and mistakes, but in the absence of this intermingling, if you are not inclined to cheat, and this was truly a mistake, why even bring it up? At least not right away. Past mistakes and past relationship complications come up while dating...it's not something necessarily plopped on the table on day one.

 

If a man were to unload on me his MULTIPLE cheating experiences, my thought would be to walk away. We're not talking about ONE affair (in of itself is worthy of walking away); we're talking about a MINIMUM of FOUR incidences you have been made privy to...drop the rope on this one. She doesn't know what she wants.