Being played about with......advice?

[dave_1966]

Before xmas, I went to a friends party and got chatting to a a woman I found very attractive. I'm late 30's, and estimated her to be early 40s. My friends passed information to me shortly afterwards that she really liked me, and after a few weeks later I got round to calling her and going out on a date with her.

 

The date was very romantic, and we ended up in each others arms at the end of it. Wanting to take it easy, we left it at that, agreeing to see each other again. I called her a while later to arrange a second date, but this time she blew me out on a saturday night 2 hours before meeting up explaining that she'd been out with her ex a few days previously, and wasn't in the right state of mind to enjoy our evening together. I was obviously taken aback, but told her it was a real shame as i thought we were getting along fine. Basically, I kept calm. My friends informed me that this 'ex' was a married man, which kind of put a different spin on it. I don't know whether he finished with her, or vice versa, when I asked her about things she wouldn't talk about it. She doesn't realise that I know it was a married man either. I basically gave up on the whole thing, but she would email and suggest meeting up, and on the few occasions we met up we were once again all over each other.

 

About a month ago I was setting up a new website, and as she's a writer I emailed her asking if she would be willing to check the copy on it, I also left a message on her phone at home to the same effect. She had just come back off a holiday with a female friend (not sure I believed that) and she basically blanked me, my response was to think that's that then.

However, she emailed me last week to ask me out for a meal with some mutual friends, and I thought what the hell! I couldn't resist going just to see how she would play the evening. Well, that was last night, she kept quiet when I chatted about the website.....and then dropped the news that she was selling her home. When it came to time to pay the bill, I was so annoyed with her that I made a point of paying just my share. We all walked back together to my car and where my friends and her live, she mentioned that she was thinking of moving abroad. My friends left us chatting by my car, and I pointed out to her that it was a shame she was moving as I really liked her. She responded by saying she was unaware of the fact, which I thought was incredible in the circumstances. I told her that I would have liked something to happen between us, but that I found her difficult to communicate with. I pointed out how she'd blanked my call /email previously, which is a real pet hate of mine. She said she couldn't remember, and felt I was being too sensitive.

 

Before getting in my car and spinning off, I told that it was all irrelevant if she was moving anyway. She was clearly uncomfortable with being confronted on these issues, and made her excuses and bolted. I do really like her, however, and want to know if I made a fool of myself or not? I prefer to be up front with things, and just needed to point a few things out to her. My friends did warn me she was complicated, and I'm thankful that they pointed out to me she was also involved (maybe still is?) with a married man. With this information on board I think I've avoided being hurt as opposed to just annoyed. So, what now?

[annie24]

She's had, or is still having, an affair with a married man. She clearly has no respect for herself, so why should you?

 

I say, drop her, and fast! She's not worth your time. I don't think that you should have e-mailed her with the writing advice - you would have been better off e-mailing anyone else about it. As you see, nothing good came out of it. Like I said - if she doesn't respect herself enough to be in a proper relationship, why should you?

 

....so, you ask, now what? Now, you meet a new, available woman, and you focus your attentions on her.

[DN]

I tend to agree with annie. But since she is moving away anyway, I guess it is all somewhat academic. I wonder why she was bothering to include you in the dinner invitation unless she just wanted to have a male companion so as not to feel like a third wheel.

 

I do believe you were right to tell her how you felt about her treatment of you. It won't help you, but it may make her think twice before acting so carelessly with someone else's feelings. Perhaps what you did will act as a wake-up call.

 

So some other man may have cause to thank you later on. On his behalf -thank you.

[dave_1966]

You guys are absolutely right, and the reason I emailed/called for the writing advice was because:

 

a. I thought a writer would be able to clean up the copy, etc.

b. If she couldn't be bothered, then she could get lost.

 

I went for the meal because i was amazed that she was willing to sit at a table with me without feeling embarrassment, which I think she did. Just wanted to witness it in the presense of friends. She also probably didn't want to feel like a third wheel, as you put it. However, I do find her attractive. I've no doubt that what I said may be a wake-up call for her, but I think she may have the guts to call/email me.....in which case what do I say if she does? It's a fine line between being rude but firm!

[annie24]

she's leaving. who cares what you write. She not very interested in you anyways, from what you said.

 

If she does write, just a short and simple e-mail back like, "Things here are going very well with me. Work is good. Am going to an interesting concert tonight. I wish you the best of luck on your move and your new life. -Dave."