boltnrun Posted June 14, 2018 Share Posted June 14, 2018 You can tell him goodbye and block him. I'm not sure why you're choosing to continue this. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted June 14, 2018 Share Posted June 14, 2018 You can tell him goodbye and block him. I'm not sure why you're choosing to continue this. I second this, drama for dramas sake. What was the point of asking the question if no resolution was planned. Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 I second this, drama for dramas sake. What was the point of asking the question if no resolution was planned. I just wanted to update u all as I found the truth. I went through his tweets and replies and I found references to father in law and unborn child. He confessed that he is separated and its a part of his past he is not proud of. He said he should have told me and was planning to. That he is struggling with depression and he is seeing a therapist because he feels he failed in life. About the child he told me that the reference was about his cousin that is very close to. I insisted that he told me the truth about all this as I aint stupid nor naive and after all he wanted to follow me on twitter. I asked him why didn't he tell me he said it ended badly and he was really embarrassed. I asked him when was he planning to tell me after he ed me next???? He said he was planning to asap as he wanted to get it off his chest. I told him I would never in a million years do anything with a married guy or one that has a child. He also told me the wedding was not really legal as it happened in a church and there was no registry. He said he wants to meet me and explain everything. I insisted meeting him yesterday but he was away for work. I am absolutely stunned and I don't have a clear head at the moment. I am extremely angry Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 Given that he was acting all lovey dovey and saying that he wants me etc the day before Link to comment
SherrySher Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 Sorry to hear. I still hope he's being honest. I hope if you do continue to date him that he can prove without a doubt that he's not still married. Either way, you need to question how honest this guy is. You sure had to dig hard to find out truths and it's not supposed to be like that. Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 Exactly. He told me he ain't legally divorced. He is separated. I told him I'm extremely angry because of the situation he put me in. What if the wife and his family finds out he is dating me???? I don't wanna be in trouble Link to comment
SherrySher Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 You have reason to wonder that. Separation does not equal divorce and you don't want his wife finding out and causing you trouble. Maybe it's best if you tell him goodbye. Find a man who is actually single and wants to be completely honest with you. Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 He told me he can't divorce as there was no registry at the first place. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 He can't divorce because he isn't legally married, and so therefore, what? If he were intent on leaving his marriage, he would have a solution. Instead, he is making excuses as if he is the victim of circumstance. Let's say he is an honest man. Who is he, then? Someone who is dealing with profound guilt and depression because the end of his relationship has triggered feelings of failure and self loathing. He is unhappy, unaware of his own role in his life, and emotionally unavailable. He is in stages of post-break-up grief. He is involving you, and given his state of mind, that is irresponsible. He avoided responsibility by not telling you. His language reflects a pattern of avoidance, in fact. And if he has a habit of avoiding responsibility, then he may be well intentioned but he is not trustworthy. Being honest with ourselves and others takes courage, sometimes. Or at least, the desire to protect others from ourselves. This man displays neither trait. Break it off. Accept his story without bothering to accept it s true or false. Its irrelevant. Based on what he has told you, he is not yet over the end of his relationship. Tell him you date only men who have become comfortable with their pasts. That you wish him happiness. And go about your life. He is a distraction from your path. Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 Females try to date attached guys all the time because they are ore approved by other females. Not the case for me sorry. Don't need approval Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 I wish I was. But sadly its true Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 Err no. I mean my story is true. And no I don't date attached men Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 Err no. I mean my story is true. And no I don't date attached men Then you told him you won't see him again...right? Rather than try to meet with him "one more time"? Do you WANT to believe his lies? Otherwise, why bother meeting? PS: Sure, he was going to tell you asap! What is his definition of "asap"? It should have been OIYFO...Only If You Found Out. Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 Then you told him you won't see him again...right? Rather than try to meet with him "one more time"? Do you WANT to believe his lies? Otherwise, why bother meeting? PS: Sure, he was going to tell you asap! What is his definition of "asap"? It should have been OIYFO...Only If You Found Out. Yesterday I told him I am really angry and I couldn't continue the conversation and to call it a night because it was so much tension. But he insisted he wanted to meet and explain. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 Yesterday I told him I am really angry and I couldn't continue the conversation and to call it a night because it was so much tension. But he insisted he wanted to meet and explain. Just because he "insists" doesn't mean you have to go along with it. He "has" to earn your trust? Why are you allowing him to decide your own actions? Are you still "hoping"? Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 He told me also that he has to earn my trust. Dunno if I wanna hear him out Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 Yes I said I dunno if I would want to hear him out at all at this point Link to comment
Jibralta Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 But see where it goes is not casual sex. And i never agreed to that. Its getting to know each other. But you didn't know if he was married or not. Why are you moving forward with him if you don't want to date a married man? No i said to him when we began dating i only do long term. The sex part was to get acqainted on more intimate level And continue. didnt agree to anything casual at all. You can say "I don't do casual sex" all you want. But that's not going to stop him from doing whatever he can get away with. What if he only pays attention to you when he wants sex? Will you just continue to dismiss your concerns? You're the one who has to make a stand for yourself, if indeed you want a relationship. You can't just say "I don't do casual" and rely on another person to enforce your boundaries. That's BS and everyone knows it, including him. And you don't even trust this guy! What are you doing? yes i said he told me that 2 hrs before he came over and he also asked if i wanted to wait to see whats gonna happen with the job but he said that he wouldnt move more than a few weeks. We already had arranged to meet up so i didnt want to tell him dont come. I didnt press him for anything. I just asked him what he had on his mind to do. Also he told me that he was not sure if he would accept the job, it was just a thought That's probably him putting on the brakes so that his wife doesn't become suspicious. He probably wasn't going anywhere, and you have no way of confirming that because he won't tell you where he lives. He told you this at the very last moment because he'd built up momentum with you. He knew you were looking forward to having him over and felt certain that you wouldn't call it off. You'd buy it hook, line, and sinker, which you did. Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 But told me he is separated. Anyway. I am not sure if I will even hear him out what he has to say although some of my friends nencouraged me Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 Also I told him if he is moving away we ain't dating Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 Also I told him if he is moving away we ain't dating So moving away, no go. But told me he is separated. Anyway. I am not sure if I will even hear him out what he has to say although some of my friends nencouraged me Possibly married... let's see what he has to say... Like I said drama for dramas sake. You hunted down this information like a blood hound puppy and now that you have it you still haven't made a decision. What was the point of being so adamant you needed to know this information? You are playing the typical role of if I know everything maybe he won't cheat, if I keep tabs maybe he won't lie, but he does, blatantly, he can't get a divorce because he's not legally married, does that statement even kinda sound logical? Again what was the point of asking this question if you never had any intention on doing anything with the information? You have entered this situation allowing him to make all the decisions so what's the point of finding out? Link to comment
Chrys31 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 Because I didn't wanna date a married guy. He told me there was no registry Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 I asked this before but I don't think you answered... Do you WANT to believe him? Do you WANT to be able to keep dating him? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 Because I didn't wanna date a married guy. He told me there was no registry And he's already shown that he hides information. So why rely on him as an honest source of information. Unless...like I asked earlier, you WANT to believe him and you WANT to keep dating him. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 And he's already shown that he hides information. So why rely on him as an honest source of information. Unless...like I asked earlier, you WANT to believe him and you WANT to keep dating him. Excellent point I've said this before, it's an interesting phenomenon, women with trust issues tend to gravitate towards untrustworthy men. I'm no psychiatrist so obviously I don't understand the logic but it's like I don't know a self fulfilling prophecy. Like the only people who are ok with being hounded like a guilty defendant are the guilty. It's a cat and mouse game and it's like even though a person swears up and down they don't want those relationships, it's all they know. That's why I keep asking 'why ask the question?' Is it because you planned to leave or so the cat and mouse game can begin? Link to comment
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