I think my best friends wife is abusive.

[Jibralta]

Tbh I wouldn’t know unless they had a very obvious tell, or they told me themselves.

 

For all you know, he could go back to his wife and say, "Sweetie, I just told Thornz about how you made me get a babysitter for the kids so that you could go swim, and she thought it was appalling!"

 

But chances are, she has no idea that he is badmouthing her. She just senses that she is unwelcome amongst his friends, so she doesn't want to be around them. Like I said early, my mom didn't find out how my dad was portraying her until they were divorced. And they had an 18 year marriage.

 

What would be an appropriate response if you find out someone had been b*tching about you in your opinion?

 

I think realistically if that’s what someone is like they don’t change so best to distance yourself. Depending on the relationship and the consequences of the breakdown of that relationship I would probably cease all contact and get on with my life.

 

When it's strangers/acquaintances talking smack, I minimize their involvement in my life.

 

If I found out that my boyfriend/husband was badmouthing me to others during the entire course of our relationship, I would probably leave the relationship. I don't want to be with someone who puts me down to others while smiling to my face.

[Batya33]

For all you know, he could go back to his wife and say, "Sweetie, I just told Thornz about how you made me get a babysitter for the kids so that you could go swim, and she thought it was appalling!"

 

But chances are, she has no idea that he is badmouthing her. She just senses that she is unwelcome amongst his friends, so she doesn't want to be around them. Like I said early, my mom didn't find out how my dad was portraying her until they were divorced. And they had an 18 year marriage.

 

 

 

When it's strangers/acquaintances talking smack, I minimize their involvement in my life.

 

If I found out that my boyfriend/husband was badmouthing me to others during the entire course of our relationship, I would probably leave the relationship. I don't want to be with someone who puts me down to others while smiling to my face.

 

Same. I would call it jerky and obnoxious. But not cheating.

[Jibralta]

Is there a debate about cheating?

[Batya33]

Is there a debate about cheating?

 

No debate. Someone suggested he was emotionally cheating on his wife and using her as an emotional crutch. I disagree. He’s a good friend of hers who is confiding in her and so far she’s agreed to be there for him as his friend. There is no romantic interest involved.

[thornz]

Is there a debate about cheating?

 

Apparently a person should mostly confide in their partner/spouse otherwise they are emotionally cheating. As my friend was confiding in me (and others) and I am a female that means he is emotionally cheating.

 

I disagree with this entirely and I believe close (appropriate) friendships with both genders are important and to be encouraged and that you should have a strong support network of friends and family who you can rely on and confide in. Relying predominantly on your spouse, to me, seems very unhealthy.

 

I appreciate that the amount of “confiding” and the content of our discussions was not appropriate or supportive of his marriage and I will no longer be engaging in such talks with my friend.

[thornz]

Yes. I think that having friendships outside the marriage is fine as long as the person (especially of the opposite gender) is supportive of the marriage (and as long as the married person gives the spouse the opportunity to meet the friend)

 

I agree that if he is emotionally cheating with me then he is also emotionally cheating with his male friend who he confides in. It can’t be emptional cheating if we don’t have romantic emotions towards each other.

 

I think that having friendships outside your relationship is absolutely important and healthy and to be encouraged, no matter the gender. If I were to date a guy and find he had no close female friends it would raise concerns with me.

 

I dated a guy when I was young who believed that men were only ever friends with women if they wanted sex with them and hated that I had close friendships of both genders. I would actively encourage him to spend more time with his friends because he believed that we should mostly be close to each other and he was always up my butt and clingy. Not for me thanks.

[thornz]

For all you know, he could go back to his wife and say, "Sweetie, I just told Thornz about how you made me get a babysitter for the kids so that you could go swim, and she thought it was appalling!"

 

But chances are, she has no idea that he is badmouthing her. She just senses that she is unwelcome amongst his friends, so she doesn't want to be around them. Like I said early, my mom didn't find out how my dad was portraying her until they were divorced. And they had an 18 year marriage.

 

 

 

When it's strangers/acquaintances talking smack, I minimize their involvement in my life.

 

If I found out that my boyfriend/husband was badmouthing me to others during the entire course of our relationship, I would probably leave the relationship. I don't want to be with someone who puts me down to others while smiling to my face.

 

I just don’t think she’s a sociable person at all and is introverted whereas he is extremely sociable and extroverted. Because he won’t stay at home all the time doing the stuff she wants she tries to manipulate and control to get her needs met.

 

Yes I think if I was in her position and found out he was complaining to everyone without trying to fully resolve the issue with me first I would be very hurt and consider leaving.

 

When I was in this position myself before I told him if it’s so bad just leave (but it was actually very bad and abusive between us).