Thoughts on dating with a bit of distance

[Maddyb12]

Hello all!

I recently posted regarding someone who I had thought I ruined my chances with. Turns out I was wrong and we’ve been out a few times since and it has really been really awesome. We’ve met multiple times over the last few years but got to really talking about a month ago at a friends birthday and since then have hit it off. My issue is that he lives about 45 mins (no traffic) but up to 1.5 hours with. I’m incredibly busy, work 45 hours a week and go to school for 16. He works significantly more than me, sometimes 24 hours at a time due to his job. His job also causes him to travel, he’s currently out about 2 hours away until may 18. Because of my busy schedule it doesn’t bother me that I can only see him once a week at most (on a normal week). He asked me to come stay with him this weekend where he is for work which is nice and would be a fun little getaway from my city, so I most likely will.

 

I’m just curious on thoughts on if I’m just setting myself up to get hurt eventually because of that distance? I know it’s not truly that far, but I worry because we have very opposite schedules. We don’t text much but lately he’s been calling almost every night which is very nice and I do believe his intentions are good and feelings are real (we have mutual friends who he’s relayed this too) he mentioned today that he had brought me up to his coworker as well. So all in all so far all good things, I’m just slightly jaded and hoping that I’m not setting myself up to be hurt.

[Capttrae]

2 hours ain’t nothing. That’s just a quick ride up the road. Me and my fiancé live minimum 13 hours apart plus I work offshore and am at work 28 days straight with out getting off

[Cope]

hoping that I’m not setting myself up to be hurt.

 

Isn't that what we are all afraid of? It does seem all good and although I'm not a fan of distance, I'd say 2 hours is nothing, at least in the beginning. I would try to get to know him better, let things come naturally, just try not to invest much too soon. Same advice I'd give others even without the distance; same advice I'm trying to follow lol!

 

Relationships are hard and you seem to already know that. Every "failure" takes us one step back and makes us over cautious about nearly everything, it sucks, but it's how it works.

[Sportster2005]

The longer I was single, the shorter my dating radius became. It's hard enough to fit a lot of activities in without having to spend hours and hours driving when there are plenty of women closer.

 

The only way I would travel is if I was in a small area with few choices.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't make that a dealbreaker. For example, can you meet up at one of your places even though you have to get studying done? My husband and I were long distance the second time around we dated and we also had incredibly hectic schedules like yours and we made the time. Also as you get more serious you'll be spending more days in a row together so the travel time will be amortized over that span of time. When my husband and I were long distance we spoke by phone daily for 20-30 minutes or more, did some emailing. I did not have a cell phone and he had one but not with texting. Why does he need to be in touch by typing out a check in kind of message? Given the schedules I would do a daily phone call or every other day to keep in touch. My husband and I saw each other about every 11 days when we were long distance.

[katrina1980]

Maddy it's very very rare when we meet someone we *truly* connect with, at least it is for me.

 

Assumimg he's that guy for you (at least right now so early in) and it's mutual, what's the alternative?

 

Giving that up because of a mere two hour difference? You make it work!

 

Sure you could meet and date local guys, but if that connection isn't there (again, rare) then what do you have really? A bunch of dates with a guy you're not that into.

 

I am getting to the point where I'd seriously rather be alone than date a man unless I'm feeling that connection.

 

Even though you have someone, it can be a very lonely experience when you don't have that. I'd rather be alone.

 

So jmo but I don't see as you even have a choice.

 

See each other when you can and in the meantime, stay emotionally connected through text, email, phone and video chat and enjoy!

[Jammy Biscuit]

In this day and age with technology distance doesn't mean a thing. I have friend who is dating a guy 2.5 hours drive away. They make it work. Been doing it since last November. Still going strong and going away on holiday soon.

 

So if it feels right go for it I say!

[Batya33]

In this day and age with technology distance doesn't mean a thing. I have friend who is dating a guy 2.5 hours drive away. They make it work. Been doing it since last November. Still going strong and going away on holiday soon.

 

So if it feels right go for it I say!

 

I think in-person time - and regular in-person time - is essential to know if the couple is compatible for the long term. I don't think facetime or texts come close to that. I think phone calls do help more than those do but I don't think technology changes at all how important in-person time is if marriage/long term is the goal.

[Jammy Biscuit]

I know but once certain feelings develop some people chose to close the gap. Another friend of mine in NY was seeing this girl and then she moved to Canada! Like a month after dating. They continued with the distance and eventually she changed jobs and relocated to move in with him. So over time things can grow in those circumstances. Guess it depends if the connection is strong.

[abitbroken]

Where i live 45 minutes is nothing. I think that you can make time for eachother by meeting in the middle for dinner on occasion or you take turns going eachother's way. In fact, 45 minute to an hour is a normal work commute for a lot of people. If you live in a place like NYC or Chicago - 45 minutes could mean that person lives only 4 miles away, you know? Don't dive into boyfriend/girlfriend - just plan the next date. Don't shut him out because you want someone to do something with everyday - you have friends for that. You never know - his schedule could change and he gets off work earlier than you so he can meet you closeby or vice versa. and you won't be in school forever.