Should have listened to my brain....

[SD1959]

I was involved in a FWB(Friends with benefits) relationship that was mutually agreed upon. She was an ex coworker who approached me with the offer. Initially I was hesitant because I know where those things can lead and I told her as much but she said she wasn't looking for nothing and I eventually acquiesced.

 

Things started out great but in a couple weeks she wanted me to be her man in a committed relationship. I was hesitant because I liked things the way they were. I reminded her of our agreement and she said she changed her mind. We continued to see each other and play the cat and mouse game but she was starting to get real adamant about me committing because she was starting to feel her mortality and she needed help with her affairs and she was tired of being alone. I don't think it made things easy that we constantly communicated, went out, and did things for each other

 

I'll admit I developed feelings and attachment for her but there were some personal issues and baggage that I couldn't reconcile. I struggle because she was a support.

 

She wants me to make a decision because there are other guys pursuing her. I find out that she was actually going out with another guy after our brief spat for a couple weeks which hurt a bit, but I couldn't be mad at her because we had no commitment. I just wish she would have told me beforehand.

 

Well, she tells me that all I have to do is commit and she will cut him off because she is in love with me and I'm the one she wants. I wasn't there so I began to withdraw and I told her to be with who is going to commit because I just want her to be happy.

 

So I fall to the background, and she tells me that she doesn't want me to drop contact because I was her best friend for like a year.

 

She text me every once in awhile to tell me she was happy and gave me an update on a trip she took with him that I wouldn't take with her.

 

She called me a couple times but the convo was always short and pleasant.

 

She text me again and tells me she is happy and I congratulate her.

 

I never initiate contact and I eventually decide to put some space between us.

 

A couple weeks later she text me and says am I cutting her off because she is happy with the new guy and ask me why I'm not communicating with her. She states that I'm treating her like trash and that she was there for me.

 

I told her that I'm not going to be involved while she is in a relationship and that I have feelings and love for her and that would be a bad idea. She says I was her everything and she would have given her life for me

 

That was our last communication. Fast forward 7 months I reach out to her to see how she doing and to see if we can make peace and she doesn't respond to my text or phone call.

 

Was I wrong for contacting her considering the circumstances?

 

Should I give up on making peace?

[singingstick]

I think so, yes. You’re the one who closed the door by creating space and not agreeing to be in the relationship. I’m not saying you were wrong to do that, but you can see how that would be problematic. She is moving on because you more or less asked her to.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, you need to leave her be.

 

You didn't want anything more with her so she has moved on. Her silence says all you need to know. She's not interested.

[reinventmyself]

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=549895

 

duplicate post

[SherrySher]

You and she are not a match. Let it go, you are both trying to force a square peg into a round hole...it's never going to work. Move on.

[SooSad33]

Things started out great but in a couple weeks she wanted me to be her man in a committed relationship. I was hesitant because I liked things the way they were. I reminded her of our agreement and she said she changed her mind. We continued to see each other and play the cat and mouse game but she was starting to get real adamant about me committing because she was starting to feel her mortality and she needed help with her affairs and she was tired of being alone. I don't think it made things easy that we constantly communicated, went out, and did things for each other

 

I'll admit I developed feelings and attachment for her but there were some personal issues and baggage that I couldn't reconcile. I struggle because she was a support.

 

She wants me to make a decision because there are other guys pursuing her. I find out that she was actually going out with another guy after our brief spat for a couple weeks which hurt a bit, but I couldn't be mad at her because we had no commitment. I just wish she would have told me beforehand.

 

Well, she tells me that all I have to do is commit and she will cut him off because she is in love with me and I'm the one she wants. I wasn't there so I began to withdraw and I told her to be with who is going to commit because I just want her to be happy.

 

- YOU should have stepped up and been honest.. instead of misleading her to think you really did not feel much.

You let her go... to another man. :/.

 

Making peace? I say in order for her to move on and you to heal & accept all of this, to back off totally.

Go no contact.. or that will keep you back.

 

Tell her maybe in another year or so mayb e you two can be 'friends' again- once there are no more 'feelings' for her.

IF she wants that....

 

Sorry.. yah, it stings :/

[boltnrun]

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=549895

 

duplicate post

 

I thought this looked familiar.

 

Why do people create a new account to repost the exact same question? Do they hate the advice they already received and think different people will respond and give different advice? I seriously want to know why people do this.

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.