I'm Going on Vacation With My Ex, How Can I Get Her Back?

[abitbroken]

My intention is to be back on terms where we can hold hands, kiss etc. I'm not trying to use that as a catalyst. First and foremost I want this girl back

 

Well ---- that is a bit odd to me -- you want to get back on "holding hands" terms. How does that even matter if you are long distance? You can't hold hands long distnace. You just want to go on a trip and have a woman there to kiss. I can understand that being long distance, you would want to talk fact to face with her and plead your case that you are willing to close the distance gap -- but it should be a meet - with you not staying together in the same room - to talk - and not a fake romantic vacation.

[Wiseman2]

It's odd you don't invite her to visit you or don't offer to visit her. But instead talk about a getaway vacation together. Are either of you living with someone/married?

[MissCanuck]

She's told me that she's really looking forward to the trip and we were speaking just the other day about what we want to do and how amazing it's going to be. It was my idea and she wants to split the hotel bill but I've said I'm fine paying for all of it.

 

I meant that she doesn't seem eager about reconciliation, not the trip.

 

Most people would be excited about a trip - particularly one they don't have to pay for. It doesn't necessarily translate into excitement at the prospect of working things out.

 

Just don't get your hopes too high that this trip means you two will get back together. She has already warned out not to assume that, and she has gone silent for many days at a time. This is why I would err on the side of extreme caution with the outcome of this holiday.

[sr283]

It's odd you don't invite her to visit you or don't offer to visit her. But instead talk about a getaway vacation together. Are either of you living with someone/married?

Nope, we're both 20. If we were ever going to get back together, it would involve me coming to her. She lives in America and I don't. She's visited me twice

[sr283]

I meant that she doesn't seem eager about reconciliation, not the trip.

 

Most people would be excited about a trip - particularly one they don't have to pay for. It doesn't necessarily translate into excitement at the prospect of working things out.

 

Just don't get your hopes too high that this trip means you two will get back together. She has already warned out not to assume that, and she has gone silent for many days at a time. This is why I would err on the side of extreme caution with the outcome of this holiday.

I've not even brought up reconciliation yet. Do you think I should tell her how I feel before I go?

[MissCanuck]

I've not even brought up reconciliation yet. Do you think I should tell her how I feel before I go?

 

I promise you that she already knows.

 

You suggesting and then offering to pay for this entire trip is a pretty obvious clue about your feelings. Even even if we ladies weren't experts at reading between the lines, your feelings about her would be obvious to the blindest of folk.

[sr283]

I promise you that she already knows.

 

You suggesting and then offering to pay for this entire trip is a pretty obvious clue about your feelings. Even even if we ladies weren't experts at reading between the lines, your feelings about her would be obvious to the blindest of folk.

fair, but I have already told her that I'm just coming so we can have a good time because the last time we saw each other in person was a bit messy. There's elements of truth in that but of course my main goal is to get her back. I'm unsure if I should tell her completely how I feel now or not

[abitbroken]

fair, but I have already told her that I'm just coming so we can have a good time because the last time we saw each other in person was a bit messy. There's elements of truth in that but of course my main goal is to get her back. I'm unsure if I should tell her completely how I feel now or not

 

You are lying to her. You want to have a romantic weekend. Admit it. And what do you really want if you 'get back together - living in two different countries. You are a friend who she meets for romantic trysts with at best.

 

Nope, we're both 20. If we were ever going to get back together, it would involve me coming to her. She lives in America and I don't. She's visited me twice

 

Then why not go to her town to visit her -- stay at a hotel and go to dinner with her to have a chat if you both feel you don't want to end on a messy note?

 

so.....something happened in your country and there are no women left?

[sr283]

You are lying to her. You want to have a romantic weekend. Admit it. And what do you really want if you 'get back together - living in two different countries. You are a friend who she meets for romantic trysts with at best.

 

 

 

Then why not go to her town to visit her -- stay at a hotel and go to dinner with her to have a chat if you both feel you don't want to end on a messy note?

 

so.....something happened in your country and there are no women left?

you have no idea what you're talking about lol. we did the whole long distance thing because we were so close as two people that we could see past it. I'm not asking if I should be going or not. I've made my decision on that front

 

She also lives in a small town and New York is a much better setting to meet up when I live 4000 miles away

[katrina1980]

OP, I'm not gonna tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but invite you to think about something.

 

You talk about this relationship like it was the greatest love story since Antony and Cleopatra, while at the same time admitting that while actually "in" the relationship, you were neglectful, didn't call enough, or do the "little things" that one should do to maintain a LDR (your own words).

 

Why was that? If you had such a strong connection, why did you "drop the ball" (again your words) so much so and so often that she ended the entire RL because of it?

 

Now that you don't have her, it sounds like you're romanticizing her, and idealizing this RL. You no longer "have" her and are in this sort of "longing stage." Not uncommon after a breakup.

 

So I have to ask, what changed from when you were *in* the RL, and "dropping the ball" to now? Did you suddenly wake up one morning and have this epiphany that she was "the one"?

 

The distance won't change, she will still be thousands of miles away, what makes you so sure that IF you do get back together, you won't start "dropping the ball" again?

 

You are 20 years old for chrissakes, no disrespect but you are way too young to be so sure of anything, let alone a girl who broke up with you, lives thousands of miles away, and who told you to not expect anything other than friendship.

 

So what are you thinking? Again no disrespect but I don't think you are. You are letting your hormones run the show, which is actually quite "normal" - hell you are 20 years old!

 

You are idealizing her, *longing* for her, which is a very powerful emotion, and why couples *mistakenly* get back together, only to realize once they *are* back together, that the same s*** is happening that caused them to break up the first time! In your case, you dropping the ball, not doing the "little things." Being neglectful.

 

Longing = obsessing, craving someone you "don't" have.

 

Loving = care and nurturing of someone you "do" have.

 

Fact is, when you "did" have her, you weren't "loving" her as evidenced by your dropping the ball, being neglectful, which you fully admitted to.

 

Look, it's okay, it might sound like I am judging but I'm not, I promise.

 

But seriously, with the different times zones, combined with the fact that you will rarely see each other, how feasible is this long term?

 

Just something to think about, with your big head, not your little head lol.

[MissCanuck]

fair, but I have already told her that I'm just coming so we can have a good time because the last time we saw each other in person was a bit messy. There's elements of truth in that but of course my main goal is to get her back. I'm unsure if I should tell her completely how I feel now or not

 

OP, she isn't dense. She knows what this is really about.

 

I would wait and see how this holiday goes. It might be great, but then go back to being friends with long periods of silence from her. How will you feel then?

[Everlong13]

This sounds like a terrible idea IMO. You'd be better spending your money on a trip on your own or with friends.