Should I break up my 6 year relationship?

[NitoSL]

There is this lady we have been together for 6.5 years and we have been happy all along. Last year I travelled to a different town and distance came between us for almost 1 year. I never realised what was going on until one day I realised she had been talking to another guy on phone for many hours late night. When I came back to my home town, she never wanted me to visit her, instead she would give me excuses that she was not around. One day I made a surprise visit and I managed to know the guy she had been talking to. I also managed to see her text chats with the guy and there I realised they were more than friends. I did my investigations and found out that the guy had a girlfriend whom she had also lied about, to my girlfiend. I presented everything about the guy to my girl but she would then continue talking to the guy. I threatened to break up with her but she would cry and would not let me go. We resolved everything but soon as I am gone, she would start talking to the guy.

What should I do in this situation.

[thealchemist]

She is having an emotional affair with a guy that has a girlfriend.

 

She refuses to end it when you present everything to her.

 

All you can do is end it or become a doormat.

[ArtyO]

That's a tough situation. You have to ask yourself if you feel you are the Priority with her. Is your relationship growing? You've asked her to stop all contact with him, and you already know they are more than friends. Are you comfortable with this continuing? Because it will under the current situation, tears aside, your girlfriend is ignoring your feelings and damaging your relationship long term.

 

I can't tell you what to do, but if it was me, I would not be comfortable and would end the relationship, and only enter another relationship where I know our bond is the priority.

[Minikimini]

Last year I travelled to a different town and distance came between us for almost 1 year. When I came back to my home town, she never wanted me to visit her, instead she would give me excuses that she was not around.

 

This doesn't make sense---did you move to a different town for a year and it created distance upon your return one year later or did you go on a vacation/business trip last year, came back after a couple of days/weeks and the end result was one year of her distancing herself from you?

 

I never realised what was going on until one day I realised she had been talking to another guy on phone for many hours late night. One day I made a surprise visit and I managed to know the guy she had been talking to. I also managed to see her text chats with the guy and there I realised they were more than friends. I did my investigations and found out that the guy had a girlfriend whom she had also lied about, to my girlfiend. I presented everything about the guy to my girl but she would then continue talking to the guy. I threatened to break up with her but she would cry and would not let me go. We resolved everything but soon as I am gone, she would start talking to the guy.

What should I do in this situation.

 

Dump her. She's involved with the new guy.

[NitoSL]

I went to another town for a contract job, after which I returned to home town only to realise what was going on. Last week I visited her for 4 days of which we talked alot and promised never to mess up our relationship over the guy they met for only 3 months. During this visit I installed some spy app on her phone and now I know she lied to me about not messing up. She talked and texted the guy. I even noticed that they kissed and had some touching while at the guys place, though one thing thats keeping me is the fact that they never had sex..

I appreciate all your advices. I am actually considering quitting though I am certain that it will be hard for me.

[thealchemist]

I went to another town for a contract job, after which I returned to home town only to realise what was going on. Last week I visited her for 4 days of which we talked alot and promised never to mess up our relationship over the guy they met for only 3 months. During this visit I installed some spy app on her phone and now I know she lied to me about not messing up. She talked and texted the guy. I even noticed that they kissed and had some touching while at the guys place, though one thing thats keeping me is the fact that they never had sex..

I appreciate all your advices. I am actually considering quitting though I am certain that it will be hard for me.

She is lying to you now about cutting communication.

 

She has been physical with him.

 

Come on.

 

You need to gain some self respect.

[Minikimini]

I went to another town for a contract job, after which I returned to home town only to realise what was going on. Last week I visited her for 4 days of which we talked alot and promised never to mess up our relationship over the guy they met for only 3 months. During this visit I installed some spy app on her phone and now I know she lied to me about not messing up. She talked and texted the guy. I even noticed that they kissed and had some touching while at the guys place, though one thing thats keeping me is the fact that they never had sex..

I appreciate all your advices. I am actually considering quitting though I am certain that it will be hard for me.

 

If it gets to the point where you have to go to extremes like putting spyware on her phone, then your relationship is over. There is no more trust, so what's the point in being with someone you can't trust?

 

And seriously? So what if it's hard for you? Is being with someone constantly lying in your face somehow easier?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry it's over if it's devolved into this and she's still hanging out with this guy. Do yourself a favor and end it. Nice and clean and simple. Now you're obsessed with your app to monitor her. Think about that. Is it worth it?

During this visit I installed some spy app on her phone

[Andrina]

If I had read this without the time frames, I would have assumed this was a 6 month relationship, not a 6 year one. You even refer to her as "this lady" which sounds more like a stranger than a longterm partner. After more than 6 years together, it sounds like the relationship hadn't made the progression into a stable, loving, mature, healthy partnership needed to live happily every after.

 

She cares more about attention from another guy, rather than sticking with the relationship boundaries you've asked for in order to save your relationship. Can't you see that her actions speak louder than her sobbing through crocodile tears?