Sarah3000 Posted April 14, 2018 Author Share Posted April 14, 2018 Yeh maybe your right, i hope he is a decent guy tho i dont want him to be the same, i like the fact he has no previous girlfriend otherwise i would be comparing myself to her - i dont want to push him away :-( Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 14, 2018 Share Posted April 14, 2018 Yeh maybe your right, i hope he is a decent guy tho i dont want him to be the same, i like the fact he has no previous girlfriend otherwise i would be comparing myself to her - i dont want to push him away :-( Then compare yourself to all the women he crushed on, wanted to date, pursued, dreamed about. You're only going to help yourself with your issue if you work on the issue as opposed to trying to live in a bubble by only interacting with people who are in these unusual circumstances. Work on your issue of comparing yourself to the extent you do to other women (we all do some comparing -I'm talking about your more extreme reaction where you actually think that if he's never had a girlfriend you won't be comparing yourself to his exes). If he's 32 and never had a girlfriend I'd want more information -why? Did he ever want one? What are his long term goals with respect to romantic relationships? Did they change recently? Why? Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted April 14, 2018 Author Share Posted April 14, 2018 I just assumed he couldnt get anyone i never really asked why maybe i should of Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted April 14, 2018 Share Posted April 14, 2018 I just assumed he couldnt get anyone i never really asked why maybe i should of Yeah I think you should ask him a lot of things, why can't you communicate with him? That alone is a big problem. You should *both* be communicating and learning things about each other! As I said, my own dad cheated, if anyone should have trust issues it's me, but I don't because I *choose wisely*, I communicate, I trust men to behave with honesty and integrity and if they don't, I'm OUT! Like immediately! I always try to be the best *I* can be and in turn, that tends to bring out the best in men, and if not, I'm out. I don't snoop through phones, I don't need to, I trust my own judgment and perception, and if I feel suspicious enough about his behavior, then I pay attention to what *my own* intuition is telling me and I leave. I have very high standards, don't tolerate any sort of bs, neither should you (or any woman). You only hurt *yourself* when you do so. Trust yourself to make wiser and better choices --> introspect, read, seek therapy, whatever you need to do to learn to trust "yourself," do it. Trust in your judgment, your intuition, your ability to be perceptive and make wise and good choices. As far as him being 32 and you're his first gf, don't assume it's cause he could never "get" anyone, he could have serious commitment issues, and even trust issues himself! Like attracts like, and if you don't work these trust issues out, you will continue attracting untrustworthy men keeping the toxic cycle going. In short, it's about "you" not them. Exploring and resolving these issues won't be easy, but in the long term, you will be so much happier for it, I promise! Continue posting here if it helps, there is a journal section, we can follow your journey and provide encouragement! I've been seriously considering starting one myself. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 14, 2018 Share Posted April 14, 2018 I just assumed he couldnt get anyone i never really asked why maybe i should of Why assume that? Maybe he chose to focus on another things, maybe he was scared, etc. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted April 17, 2018 Author Share Posted April 17, 2018 I saw his friends on saturday night and they brang up the fact he has never had a girlfriend so i was like this is my chance to reallt find out, so i asked why and they said hes too nice (he has pursuied it but the girl always turns around and says no) Now in becoming paranoid he is losing interest, i messaged him going hey u okay and he replied going hey babe im good just tidying my room u ok? I replied going: ahhh okay yh im good just seeing how u was lol And no reply, so now im like he could of messaged saying something or even later on going night? I feel like before he used to been on my case wanting to call me but its been like 5 months and i spent the weekend with him so all my time was with him but i feel like txts need to still happen or am i becoming paranoid, i keep waiting for the txt waiting for him to dump me as i keep asking to go through his phone and just being annoying i wish i could shake the feeling he is goinf off me, why does he want me for? Why isnt he respondinf to my msgs? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 17, 2018 Share Posted April 17, 2018 How often do you actually go out on dates together, OP? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 17, 2018 Share Posted April 17, 2018 Your message required no response. Do you want him sending you meaningless texts constantly? Don't you see him at work and on weekends? Stop with the asking to go through his phone. If you don't get ahold of yourself you WILL drive him away. I'm starting to think you want to drive him away so you can tell yourself "see, I was right! He IS just like all the others!" On the flip side, I think you chose him because you thought a guy who'd never had a girlfriend would be less likely to leave you... Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted April 17, 2018 Author Share Posted April 17, 2018 I didnt know he never had a girlfriend before until i started seeing him tbh so no that isnt true Yeh i see him at work but we dont talk, we see eachother every weekend Maybe i use txts as a validation to know how much he likes me i dunno im very insecure maybe Link to comment
Cope Posted April 17, 2018 Share Posted April 17, 2018 You have to start focusing on yourself; work on your self confidence.Try not to think about what he wants, try to think about what you want. Better yet,don't think about the relationship at all. Focus on your hobbies, work, friends.Whenever you want to send a text like that or search through his phone, think about what you want to do next with a hobby of yours or something. Distract your mind with the simplest tasks. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted April 17, 2018 Author Share Posted April 17, 2018 Yeh i have no confidence I am sitting here ready to burst into tears incase he wants to end it, i really feel like the lack of txts means he is losing interest, i want him and dont want to lose him hes always awkward with me at work as well like i asked why he didnt respond and asked if he was ok argh my anxiety is through the roof Link to comment
Cope Posted April 21, 2018 Share Posted April 21, 2018 Fear of abandonment; look it up, I think you'll find it helpful. I have that too, it's frustrating, but therapy helps a lot. What will happen if he does leave you? Link to comment
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