Wiseman2 Posted April 6, 2018 Share Posted April 6, 2018 Why were you on OKC? Are you "ready" to date? Unfortunately, it's not your call whether she's ready to date or not. After a few mos, she wasn't ready to move in with you, get engaged, start arguing about money, etc. She's an adult and does what she does. Let go, she's gone for good. She checked out of the relationship soon after getting there and started trying to leave as soon as your jealousy, controlling attitudes, and possessiveness and money obsessions began. I don't think she is ready to date either. Link to comment
2005TAHOE Posted April 6, 2018 Author Share Posted April 6, 2018 Why were you on OKC? Are you "ready" to date? Unfortunately, it's not your call whether she's ready to date or not. After a few mos, she wasn't ready to move in with you, get engaged, start arguing about money, etc. She's an adult and does what she does. Let go, she's gone for good. She checked out of the relationship soon after getting there and started trying to leave as soon as your jealousy, controlling attitudes, and possessiveness and money obsessions began. I understand Link to comment
archimage Posted April 8, 2018 Share Posted April 8, 2018 It really depends, I think. If the dumper truly believed that they were in a crappy relationship, then they probably wouldn't regret it. I initiated my last break up and I regretted it for the next 5 months even though I knew at the back of my head that I made the right choice. Time really does heal. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 8, 2018 Share Posted April 8, 2018 Thanks, I messed up and saw her on okcupid last week and stupidly looked again last night and she wasn't on there. I know that I shouldn't worry about her but I don't think she is ready to date either. I want nothing more than for her to come back, work on our issues and love each other more than ever. You're seeing who she really is, OP. She dives in head-first, stays while it suits her purposes, then she bounces. She isn't someone you're can expect a long-term, successful relationship with. Link to comment
2005TAHOE Posted April 9, 2018 Author Share Posted April 9, 2018 My problem is that I believe words over actions. All I remember is "im not giving up on you", "im not like the other girls that you have dated". "You are my soulmate" Also, why would she leave our relationship status on her home page of facebook? And keep pictures of things that we have done together on there? Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 My problem is that I believe words over actions. All I remember is "im not giving up on you", "im not like the other girls that you have dated". "You are my soulmate" Also, why would she leave our relationship status on her home page of facebook? And keep pictures of things that we have done together on there? If you analyze every word, you will drive yourself insane. Actions speak volumes. You have to leave the past where it is. Accept her decision,respect it, and move forward. You're gonna hurt! There's no way around it. You have to heal yourself. Do not look at OKC or social media. You just rip that wound wide open again. If she wants to contact you, she will. Link to comment
2005TAHOE Posted April 9, 2018 Author Share Posted April 9, 2018 If you analyze every word, you will drive yourself insane. Actions speak volumes. You have to leave the past where it is. Accept her decision,respect it, and move forward. You're gonna hurt! There's no way around it. You have to heal yourself. Do not look at OKC or social media. You just rip that wound wide open again. If she wants to contact you, she will. I have already driven myself insane, im trying to not look at her social media but I cant stop. Whats going on through her mind? I have been NC, will she forget the bad and remember the good times we had and maybe reach out? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Please get help for the depression, obsessional thinking and repetitive, ruminating thoughts. No one. online or in real life, can assure you that she misses you and will come back. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 I have already driven myself insane, im trying to not look at her social media but I cant stop. Whats going on through her mind? I have been NC, will she forget the bad and remember the good times we had and maybe reach out? I don't know, but you can't worry about it. I know it's so hard, but you have to retrain your brain to focus on something else when these thoughts pop up. You think of the bad. Make a list of reasons it wasn't working and hang it where you can see it. Bad memories most always fade, except in cases of toxic abusive relationships. But good times are not enough to bring an ex back. Most don't get together again. The ones that do usually end again. Most breakups are final. You have to just accept it as best you can because no matter how much you want her, she doesn't want the same. There's nothing you can do to change that. It's her decision. I'm really sorry. Get therapy for coping strategies because you are getting stuck in a bad place here and you don't want to stay where you are with your thoughts. You keep asking the same thing hoping for a different reply and I empathize with you. We are human and our minds drift back and forth but you have to learn to let go. Link to comment
2005TAHOE Posted April 11, 2018 Author Share Posted April 11, 2018 I keep getting strange text from facebook and I'm not even on there any more. They are saying "welcome back", I had a coworker look for my profile and its not on there. I also made the mistake of looking at her phone agin last night and saw her new phone number on an Indeed email. I know it was wrong to look and I have backed up a few steps as far as healing, I want to text her so bad, but I haven't. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 Are you cyber-stalking her because you know her passcodes you obtained by "giving" her a phone on your plan? Supposedly you wanted to keep it to sell it. Link to comment
2005TAHOE Posted April 11, 2018 Author Share Posted April 11, 2018 Are you cyber-stalking her because you know her passcodes you obtained by "giving" her a phone on your plan? Supposedly you wanted to keep it to sell it. This has nothing to do with why I keep getting "welcome back to facebook" text on MY number, not her old phone. I am not on social media. I did glance at the email on the phone and I know that I shouldn't have. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 Why haven't you sold it? I did glance at the email on the phone and I know that I shouldn't have. Link to comment
2005TAHOE Posted April 11, 2018 Author Share Posted April 11, 2018 Why haven't you sold it? I am waiting for a guy at work to get paid, so he can get it. Link to comment
2005TAHOE Posted April 11, 2018 Author Share Posted April 11, 2018 I stole this from KUMATORA. This was exactly our problem, I have been looking for this kind of explanation for a few days: Same here in the United States. Sorry, I was under the impression that she wasn't legal to drive. Must have misread So you're paying for her auto insurance, groceries, clothing, the mortgage/rent all by yourself and she isn't contributing. What I don't understand is why put yourself through this? From what I'm reading, your relationship is more like a parent-child relationship than an adult relationship which is why you are incredibly unhappy. Playing house gets old quickly because codependency destroys a relationship. It's understandable if you are married to her and she is handicapped, severely ill, or mentally challenged. However she is a health adult who has been spoiled by you and possibly her parents (I mean, her expecting you to shell out money for 200 outfit and eat at an expensive restaurant?). People living in that type of environment usually don't change. They need more than just a supporting partner: they need a reality check whether it's harsh or not. Stop catering to her because you're not married. You don't owe her squat and she needs to give the same equal effort for the "lion's share" if she plans to live with you. Be more assertive and quit shying away by letting her know that it's not working out with you and that she needs to start becoming more independent. Say you appreciate her being a nice person, but it's not enough for the relationship to thrive. You need to stand up for yourself if you are unhappy and see no progress in the relationship. She's at an age where she needs to grow up and figure out things for herself or she isn't going to survive in the real world. She can start out by going to driver's school or going to job agencies that can help her prepare for job interviews better. Other than that, focus on your OWN needs first. You won't be selfish if you tell her that he relationship isn't working out because she's not putting much effort into it. That's why I left a 6 year relationship because it got draining and there was NO progress on my ex's part after staying for that long. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 So wipe the phone back to manufacture settings and you can’t look at it. Bingo. Link to comment
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