Ok, its my birthday and ...

[RayRay63]

Alrighty, alrighty.

 

She who dumped me for another guy sent me an email.

 

This was the total biggest piece of BS I have ever received.

 

Happy birthday ?X! Hope you have a lovely day.

 

Cheers

Y

 

Come on girls. I need help here.

 

Tell me why I need to tell this b*tch to f**k right off.

 

Actually, the need for her to tell her story walking is not my problem here. It is more the whole shove it in your face dynamic. I mean really. what could she be thinking?

[yatsue]

Wait, she left you for another guy? Unless there's more information, I thought it was you two broke up because she moved overseas, stayed friendly, then she found a guy there?:

 

"my lady had moved overseas for work temporarily. We "broke up" but the emotional bond continued unabated with frequent emails, skype calls etc. Couple of months ago she fell in love with a guy there"

 

Regardless, if you were communicating before with no indication of you wanting to stop completely or still responded to her, then I can see why she sent you that text. A f*** you would be uncalled for if you didn't. At that point I would send a "I don't want to be friends anymore or want to talk to you further". Then block her so you don't get any further aggrevation from this.

[RayRay63]

Hi yatsue, yes you are right, so as I have said before I had an exit interview when she passed through town.

 

I said no to friendship, no to the reserves bench.

 

So why is she emailing me now and causing me this pain?

[DancingFool]

Probably thinks she is being nice to you doing a nice thing....OR....trying to stay on your radar still in case things don't work out for her where she is.

 

Either way, doesn't matter. If you don't want this pain and don't want to sit on the back up bench, then block her. That will guarantee you no further contact or bs from her again. It's ye olde you can't control what people will or will not do no matter what you say or request from them, you can only control your own actions and reactions.

[SweetGirl28]

Didn't she admit one time she was pretty much keeping you for back up?

Of course she sends this text. You could block her because this really upset you.

Here's a perfect example of why no one should be sending bday wishes nor holiday wishes to an ex.

You don't know the reaction you invoke in them. It's best to just not do it. Do not reply.

 

But anyway...........Happy Birthday!!!! I hope you have a great day in spite of this :)

[RayRay63]

Thanks.

 

Didn't respond.

[sadcapi83]

I wouldn't reply to her at all. She doesnt care if you have a lovely day. She doesnt even care that it was your birthday. She just wanted to be in your head. Drop that broad. Give it some time and you wont even be thinking about her at all.

[SweetGirl28]

Thanks.

 

Didn't respond.

 

Are you cranky? Be happy! I don't feel you're in a very good mood! Don't let anyone ruin your day!

[DaisyMayPorter]

I agree. You cannot let anyone upset you, especially on your birthday! Have a great day, go out and celebrate.

[Wiseman2]

Happy birthday! Good move:

Didn't respond.

[RayRay63]

Thanks for the support guys/gals.

 

Did nothing, so didn't make a mistake, as Superdave would say.

[yatsue]

Hi yatsue, yes you are right, so as I have said before I had an exit interview when she passed through town.

 

I said no to friendship, no to the reserves bench.

 

So why is she emailing me now and causing me this pain?

 

Like I said, if you responded in any way before she could have thought it was ok to. Block her if you want a guarantee to not hear from her again, unless if you don't want that? It's pretty easy to block someone.

[RayRay63]

Like I said, if you responded in any way before she could have thought it was ok to. Block her if you want a guarantee to not hear from her again, unless if you don't want that? It's pretty easy to block someone.

 

I left her one line of communication in case of emergency.

 

I was posting yesterday at the end of a very long lunch. This morning I did the polite thing (I think manners are important) and sent her a "thanks" and shut down the exchange. I don't feel a need to totally block her.

[katrina1980]

RayRay, your response is so interesting.

 

I mean feeling hurt and angry because your ex thought of you on your birthday and sent a nice text wishing you a happy day?

 

Not judging you, we all experience things differently. I'm just confused by you reaction.

 

I just never would have thought that anyone being thoughtful enough to reach out, even an ex, letting someone know they are thinking of them would elicit such an angry reaction.

 

In fact, not too long ago, there was a thread created by a woman, who felt extremely angry and hurt because her ex *did not* reach out on her birthday!

 

Perhaps this is just another difference between men and women and how we respond to things.

 

I don't know what the dynamic in your relationship was, do you think she sent it maliciously?

 

To hurt you?

 

That said, since hearing from her does apparently cause you such pain, why not block her?

 

You say you don't feel a need but then become angry when hearing from her.

 

You sound a bit conflicted to be honest.

[SweetGirl28]

Her text didn't illicit a reply from you, but manners are nice to have. So a thank you was ok.

 

I understand your anger over the text. I see it as a birthday is that person's day, and if you know contact will make them go ???? It shouldn't be done. Its just another day. I mean what keeps them from reaching out on a normal Tuesday to say hi, how are you? Have a nice day. Pffffttttttttt my ex went dead silent on me a month before his bday and I did not contact him. I was pissed at him anyway lol but honestly he didn't even deserve a thought from me. After we made contact again I did wish him a happy belated birthday.

[katrina1980]

I think this is one of those "can't win" situations.

 

I suspect had she ignored your birthday, you'd feel angry and hurt about *that*. At least on some level.

 

Bottom line, you're hurt and angry, which is a stage and perfectly "normal." Honestly, I highly doubt she thought it would upset you.

 

In time, the hurt/anger will pass and when that happens, hopefully receiving a thoughtful text on your birthday or holiday will elicit a more pleasant reaction.

[yatsue]

I left her one line of communication in case of emergency.

 

I was posting yesterday at the end of a very long lunch. This morning I did the polite thing (I think manners are important) and sent her a "thanks" and shut down the exchange. I don't feel a need to totally block her.

 

This is your answer then. No one needs to communicate to their ex for any emergency, even if they're dying. That's what the police and doctors are for. If need be, their family will be prioritized over you. You responded cordially to her, so I am not surprised she kept contacting you at all. You are not shutting anything down, you are encouraging it by responding nicely. It doesn't matter if it's short or not. You either need no response and/or a "please stop contacting me" message, and then block her if it continues. Only then this will stop.

 

I'm going to give it to you straight, if you aren't going to block her or will keep the friendly messages up, then she's going to continue to message you. For some reason you are making excuses to why you can't just cut her off so the lines of communication are complately severed. You even get mad about it after you haven't done this, but blame it on her instead. It seems you still want this, or else this would be simple.

 

FYI, anger towards an ex is an indicator of unresolved feelings, while indifference means you would be over them. This is all the more reason you should instead block her and not respond so you can move on. Or just delay it and make the break harder for yourself - it's your choice.

[RayRay63]

unresolved feelings

 

conflicted

 

Yes, & yes.

 

do you think she sent it maliciously?

 

No, I don't. I think it's what DF said:

Probably thinks she is being nice to you doing a nice thing....OR....trying to stay on your radar...

 

@K80 and sweetgirl - I am glad I did not respond while I was angry.

 

@yatsue - The birthday thing was the first I'd heard from her in a couple of months. At some point she is likely going to find out about a recent death in my family. That may result in another polite email. I don't expect to hear anything else until then, and won't initiate any contact.

[Wiseman2]

When you are over this it won't matter if she sends this or that polite greeting. Focus on that goal.

[abitbroken]

I just never would have thought that anyone being thoughtful enough to reach out, even an ex, letting someone know they are thinking of them would elicit such an angry reaction.

 

To me, someone who broke up with you who sends you a birthday message is insensitive and ripping the bandaid off a wound. That's just me.