I'm literally losing my mind. I need Help.

[Lauren0020]

I'm a damn mess.

[Lauren0020]

Noo please do not contact him! I did this with two of my previous exes and it made it worse! You feel good for a few minutes then realise it was a mistake especially if they don't answer you or never return your call. I'm going through a super bad breakup (5 days ago) and I recommended going on the forum its on the 'Healing after break up or divorce' thread. And its called 'Post here instead of contacting your ex!' its got about 2000 pages long dating from 2006 right up until present. I found it last night and I read through and your are NOT alone.

 

Hey Kimbles! I'm trying to stand strong when the thought comes I quickly try to think of something else. I feel like I'm border line insane. I just want my happy life back.

 

I've posted on that post before its helpful and reading some people's responses makes me want to hug them and cry with them.

 

How are you doing? Talk to me. Tell me more. How have you been holding up?

[Kimbles1215]

Hello! I’m doing the exact same as you. I’ve been fine for days and it’s starting to hit me like a sack of sh1t now. I know he will be working tonight as he’s security for a firm and works in a building sight just down the road from me from 5pm-7am making sure no one breaks in and I used o go and visit him all the time. I’m starting to feel incredibly lonely, meant to be meeting my friend tonight as I have Every Thursday off but I just feel so . I want o go out but I want to stay in too? I dunno think it’s the loneliness that gets me xx

[GoodGumbo]

Hi guys. Feeling better is not a straight gently sloped line up, it is filled with valleys and hills, then every once in a while you get a mountain. Over time these dark valleys will become less and our hills will become more and we will see eventually our emotions did top the mountain and we are healthy again. Its okay to have those bad days as long as it doesn't turn into action. If it gets overwhelming tell yourself, "ill call him tomorrow". Then don't. It does hurt and it is difficult but the reward of getting through this and getting to the other side is definitely worth it!! Good Luck and go out!! Laugh as much as you can and it will make you feel great. I am going to meet a girl friend out tonight and I plan on focusing on laughing my behind off.

[SweetGirl28]

HI girlies! I want to share my story so you all know that NC is good, even though you're all hurting. Lesson to take away from this: don't be me!!!!

 

When I got dumped, I blew up at him. Funny thing, minutes later we were hugging and kissing and wow how messed up is that right? Anger got me the next day because he didn't even see if I made it home, which he always did before. So what did I do? I blew up his phone with texts. I said the most awful things. No reply. 5 days go by, regret sets in. What did I do? Called. Left a voice msg that was so opposite of what I had done days before. Apologizing, saying please could we talk, please call me. Silence. Two weeks of pure torture and I was a basket case of emotions. So I stopped.

 

Two weeks later, run into him. What happens? Sorry, I'm sorry too, hang out, heavy make out. Didn't hear from him after that. Hurt all over again. Two weeks go by, run into him again. Same thing. Great night, fun, go our own ways, silence. So I decide I'm gonna text. He replied, but was short and distant. The heartache all over again. Falling to pieces. This happened with me initiating about 4 times. He never initiated. So I stopped. Ran into him again s*** show mess! God awful night I don't want to relive. Left me standing there crying in a dirt lot. We weren't at this event together, my friends knew to keep me away from him, I was drinking, everyone was, and bad feelings were made. Other people made a mess for us that night, including my two friends who I had to end the friendships because of betrayal. So...... stupid me......again.......the next day sends a text asking if we can meet to talk and I apologized for the antics the night prior. Dead silence. I let a few hours go by, I needed to stop, I knew this. So one last text "I wish the best for you and your family, I'm sorry, and I'm not mad. This is sincere. You won't be hearing from me anymore. I hope you find what you are looking for " Dead silence.

I didn't want to get him back at that point, I just wanted to apologize for my friends egging things on and try to be friends because I thought I could wean myself off him. I had lost so much and him slipping away was unbearable at that point.

 

I cried, I hurt, I got angry. Wow was I angry. And the anger was pulling me through. Ten weeks later after I stopped, he text. Floodgates opened. All the hurt, anger, everything immediately released. I was going to ignore him. Four months later we still talk, and we talk forevahhhhhhhh just like we used to. But.......it's still an emotional tug of war and some hurt feelings on my end creep up from time to time, but it is what it is. I'm healed enough that I'll get a little annoyed but I bounce back from it fast. I know it's never going to be again, I accept it, and if weren't for myself standing in my own way, I'd be with someone. I just can't find the connection yet. Has nothing to do with him, he's not holding me back.

 

So you girls are doing the right thing. Journal, keep busy, give space because you need it as much as they do.

The urge to contact is strong. Keep them deleted so it's not easy to do. Don't try to put yourself in their path, it can backfire. When time passes and you feel healed, you won't even remember half of why you were so hurt.

[Kimbles1215]

That’s awful, I hope your okay. It’s hard especially as you bump into him! Luckily I won’t be bumping into my ex anytime soon because he works every evening from Wednesday to Sunday. I’m at home on my own and I feel so lonely, all I want to do is go out and be with my friend. It’s awful, the loneliness has all of a sudden hit me HARD. I don’t feel super super sad as I did from my last relationship where it ended badly, I’m just so lonely. I want to keep busy but my one friend might be busy till late so I’m stuck at home with my thoughts and I’m an extrovert so I LOVE socialising and going out. The bar where we go often in our town is the place me and my ex met and i don’t know if I should go there or not. Before I was with him I was out almost every night at a pub or bar with friends chilling. Then I would usually spend most evenings with my ex and see my friend 3 times a week. It’s a lonely time for me, I go to work come home and go to bed. It’s , I want to go out so I can be occupied for a while even if I am feeling utterly . I’ve never been an intovert so it’s hard for me to stay in as it is. What do I do ;(

[Kimbles1215]

As far as it goes for contacting him, that’s impossible. He’s blocked me off everything because I blocked him on Facebook messenger because I’d had enough of the sh** he was saying to me. He wasn’t listening to me. Then he blocked me off everything. I’m shocked he hasn’t contacted me to be honest, he normally comes crawling back. I’m not bothered he hasn’t come back but he’s in a really dark place himself at the moment and I was the only thing holding him together but he was controlling and manipulative so it’s best I left. Like I said, it’s the loneliness I’ve always struggled with my own company, always hated it since I was young. Maybe it’s a personal thing. Wish we could all do a meet up and just chat. I always seem to find sites like this when I’m struggling and it helps for a period of time before I go back to feeling lonely again. Xx

[Lauren0020]

Hello! I’m doing the exact same as you. I’ve been fine for days and it’s starting to hit me like a sack of sh1t now. I know he will be working tonight as he’s security for a firm and works in a building sight just down the road from me from 5pm-7am making sure no one breaks in and I used o go and visit him all the time. I’m starting to feel incredibly lonely, meant to be meeting my friend tonight as I have Every Thursday off but I just feel so . I want o go out but I want to stay in too? I dunno think it’s the loneliness that gets me xx

 

U should still go meet your friend, get out and enjoy...! How long have you two been broken up? I'm lonely too, I find that I talk to myself alot, well nothing crazy just say out loud what I'm about to do or currently doing (i.e. let me wash these dishes....gonna run my bath read my book and get in bed...) I hope that's normal lol. I journaled tonight so that was a little release and I saw my therapist today. That helped too!

[Lauren0020]

Good Dear! Yes go out and enjoy and laugh laugh laugh! Feed your soul laughter! I'm going out this weekend.so I'm going to get all pretty and hit the town. I like the thought of saying "I'll call him tomorrow" just to trick your mind for a moment of peace and distraction and not actually calling, I'll try that if it gets unbearable like before. Have a good time tonight :0) *hug*

[Lauren0020]

SweetGirl thanks for sharing your story. Wow u went thru alot (we all have) that was alot of back and forth and disappointment and mixed feelings. I'm happy you're much stronger and in control of your emotions, you give help and after reading this I know that NC is best. Space is needed even if there is no intent on reconciling that space is meant for you (for us ladies) to regroup and it's funny you mentioned how as time passes you won't remember half of why you were so hurt...as I I journaled tonight I wrote down things I didn't like about him and was settling for and I had a journal before after the 1st breakup but trashed it, my list was longgggggg....this time I was struggling to remember details and what he use to do. I knew it was alot of stuff but I just couldn't remember most of it I was scratching my head like what did he use to do....literally I've started to forget and soon more memories of him will fade and he'll eventually be out of my head.

[Lauren0020]

Kimbles go out and do the things you use to do, I go to work and come home too if I don't have class. My recommendation, push yourself and go enjoy yourself with friends. Try and get your mind off of things

[Lauren0020]

As far as it goes for contacting him, that’s impossible. He’s blocked me off everything because I blocked him on Facebook messenger because I’d had enough of the sh** he was saying to me. He wasn’t listening to me. Then he blocked me off everything. I’m shocked he hasn’t contacted me to be honest, he normally comes crawling back. I’m not bothered he hasn’t come back but he’s in a really dark place himself at the moment and I was the only thing holding him together but he was controlling and manipulative so it’s best I left. Like I said, it’s the loneliness I’ve always struggled with my own company, always hated it since I was young. Maybe it’s a personal thing. Wish we could all do a meet up and just chat. I always seem to find sites like this when I’m struggling and it helps for a period of time before I go back to feeling lonely again. Xx

 

We'll were here, I'm sure were all in different parts of the world but were here virtually. I keep this forum opened I never sign out. ALL OF YOU HAVE HELPED ME, just having you all to talk to is comforting know that you all listen and respond. Appreciate you all! ****group hug****

[catfeeder]

@catfeeder very good philosophy, appreciate that advice. It starts with changing my thought process. I should go to my therapist with a plan of action for self improving myself not just a sob story about the guy with nothing to gain for myself. I think that's what you are saying. Very good! I'll keep that in mind. I also screenshot your last message at the very end to keep in my phone to reread "try backing off....it seems...."

 

Excellent idea. When you can shift your focus away from narrating pain onto constructive goals, you can reward yourself for every baby step you take in the right direction. This doesn't have to mean lofty goals that don't offer payoff in the short term, but rather small and tangible steps that are cumulative and can add up.

 

For instance, people tend to flounder and lose their focus when a huge goal, such as getting a degree, is so far off. This doesn't mean that such a goal isn't 'good', it just means that breaking it down into the smallest steps for a reward will keep you focused on the reward. Finishing a term paper is too big for a daily focus, but telling yourself on Tuesday that completing 3 pieces today of a 10 piece assignment due on Monday will buy you a whole evening of play time? That can work. And if you finish the whole thing by mid-Saturday, you'll get a pedi and have the rest of the weekend to play? That becomes doable and motivating.

 

Same is true for any goal: break it down. If the goal is to work your way through grief after a breakup, write down steps you can take toward feeling better. Allow yourself occasional boo-hoos with a tissue box, but then halfway through you'll find your focus moving toward the things you've committed to accomplishing that day. Add a need to report your progress to a therapist within a week or two, and you'll find yourself staying on track.

 

Saying, "I don't want to be a mess..." isn't a goal. Saying, "I want to behave 'as if' I own the resilience make myself proud..." can move your focus onto doing something productive.

 

Head high, you're smart and you've got this.

[SweetGirl28]

Hey girls! Hope everyone is doing good today! Girl Power!!!!

 

Here's what contact with an ex gets you because most often you're not getting back together! You've been friend zoned lol

 

Me:why do you text me?

Him: you despise me , I text you because I like too lol, we always have something to chat about ur not boring either it's not like I hate you

Me: I don't despise you, and you have no reason to hate me because I'm every bit O'awesomeness

 

That's with four months of contact! Bad replaced with all good. But not much progress lol

 

If you girls ever end up talking with them again and it doesn't go anywhere, realize you're sitting in the friend zone and act accordingly. If that's not for you, then don't keep contact. You see from what I just wrote he does it because I can hold his interest, which I see many men across these boards who are dating not being able to do with someone outside of sex. They still revert back to what they liked about the ex. So they reach out. Filling the void of what's missing with someone else . I'll admit I'm not finding it either. I cannot click with anyone the way I did him. But I will. He makes me laugh so hard he's funny and he's cute and he's also an idiot honestly but there's still a place in my heart he hasn't vacated yet, and that's okay. But in a friendship way. Like he knows I'm here he knows I'll answer, he knows we will go on talking for hours because that's what we do. But that is all we do.

 

Again, I advise just staying NC unless they want to work it out with you and be together. You'll find in time you can bump into them and you might feel a little anxious when it happens for the first time, but you might find you see them and you're just over it, and that will be a really good feeling. That only happens with time and complete healing.

 

I noticed Lauren you said you couldn't remember all the negatives as you were journaling, that's what happens.

And proof here above with the answer from my ex there's no hard feelings even though he keeps telling me I hate him yeah not sure why other than he did some really crappy stuff to me at the end, and when I tell you we were s*** ripping p***** at one another, we were.

 

Kimbles, you keep moving forward and remember the control and manipulation is why you left.

You never accept that behavior. You aren't anyone possession. You can miss him that's normal but you stand your

ground and be strong. Take your power back that he tried to rob you of. You can let him watch your ass wiggle right away head high from him. No looking back. I know the lonliness is hard, keep busy, go out, don't sit home . Even if you just go to a park or coffee shop or something to have people around you, it's being alone at home that the thoughts start to race thru your mind .

[Lauren0020]

@catfeeder Thank You for this advice! I will work on this, such a positive influence!

[Lauren0020]

Hey girls! Hope everyone is doing good today! Girl Power!!!!

 

Here's what contact with an ex gets you because most often you're not getting back together! You've been friend zoned lol

 

Me:why do you text me?

Him: you despise me , I text you because I like too lol, we always have something to chat about ur not boring either it's not like I hate you

Me: I don't despise you, and you have no reason to hate me because I'm every bit O'awesomeness

 

That's with four months of contact! Bad replaced with all good. But not much progress lol

 

If you girls ever end up talking with them again and it doesn't go anywhere, realize you're sitting in the friend zone and act accordingly. If that's not for you, then don't keep contact. You see from what I just wrote he does it because I can hold his interest, which I see many men across these boards who are dating not being able to do with someone outside of sex. They still revert back to what they liked about the ex. So they reach out. Filling the void of what's missing with someone else . I'll admit I'm not finding it either. I cannot click with anyone the way I did him. But I will. He makes me laugh so hard he's funny and he's cute and he's also an idiot honestly but there's still a place in my heart he hasn't vacated yet, and that's okay. But in a friendship way. Like he knows I'm here he knows I'll answer, he knows we will go on talking for hours because that's what we do. But that is all we do.

 

Again, I advise just staying NC unless they want to work it out with you and be together. You'll find in time you can bump into them and you might feel a little anxious when it happens for the first time, but you might find you see them and you're just over it, and that will be a really good feeling. That only happens with time and complete healing.

 

I noticed Lauren you said you couldn't remember all the negatives as you were journaling, that's what happens.

And proof here above with the answer from my ex there's no hard feelings even though he keeps telling me I hate him yeah not sure why other than he did some really crappy stuff to me at the end, and when I tell you we were s*** ripping p***** at one another, we were.

 

Kimbles, you keep moving forward and remember the control and manipulation is why you left.

You never accept that behavior. You aren't anyone possession. You can miss him that's normal but you stand your

ground and be strong. Take your power back that he tried to rob you of. You can let him watch your ass wiggle right away head high from him. No looking back. I know the lonliness is hard, keep busy, go out, don't sit home . Even if you just go to a park or coffee shop or something to have people around you, it's being alone at home that the thoughts start to race thru your mind .

 

Good Morning SweetGirl! Ahhh how Awesome you are :0)

So that text above is that you twos real text convo? He would have a fit if you cut him off completely lol I like how you're in control of the situation and holding the cards!

 

I'm going out tomorrow and having myself a good time, I havent even checked my text to see if he texted which I'm sure he hasn't because he can call and even tho he's blocked I have android and my phone won't ring or no notification will be received but I can see it in my.call log. So I guess it helps just the idea of not knowing.

 

I'm going strong, well trying to. 1 week 6 days since break up and 7 days since I broke NC.

 

Have a good day! And All you beautiful ladies!

(I'm at work on YouTube watching shows and videos to pass the time)

[Kimbles1215]

@Lauren0020 @SweetGirl28

Thank you so much for the replies. I went out in the end my friend came and took me to a pub and we had a few drinks and I came home and watched a movie with my mum and fell straight to sleep as soon as I hit the pillow. Didn’t think about him once in my dreams which really helped.

 

Woke up this morning, cleaned all my wardrobe out and drove to Brighton as it’s finally SUNNY and hot in England (Brighton’s a place near the seafront on the coast of England not sure if you’ve ever heard of it) and I drove home and decided to drive past his house to see if he’s still living at his dads or gone home to his mums (as he got kicked out because his mums an abusive asehole and tried punching me) luckily he hasn’t gone back to his mums which is good. I have a jumper of his I want to give back so I was thinking of leaving it on top of his car but I’ve battled against myself and said no, if he wants it he can get it. He sill has a pillow of mine which I left at his, weird he hasn’t dropped it off yet. Feels good.

 

How is everyone else coping, you guys all ok? Xxx

[Kimbles1215]

We’ve also been broken up a week now. We got back into contact friday just gone and met up at 4am after he finished work and we both had ‘cuddles’ in the car and just told each other how much we love each other. Then Sunday we broke up because I had, had enough of his temper and him ignoring me all morning and being blunt with me and talking to me like after we agreed to sort things out. That’s when I blocked him and he got really horrible and malicious and haven’t had contact since Sunday as we both blocked each other. I’ve unblocked him as I don’t care I don’t constantly check his profile etc and t shows I’m a better person. I’m still blocked on everything on his side though but it doesn’t phase me. I just drove past his and I got a sigh of relief. Cried a little, as we used to spend every Thursday together as we both have it off work but it’s a good cry. Xx

[SweetGirl28]

Good Morning SweetGirl! Ahhh how Awesome you are :0)

So that text above is that you twos real text convo? He would have a fit if you cut him off completely lol I like how you're in control of the situation and holding the cards!

 

I'm going out tomorrow and having myself a good time, I havent even checked my text to see if he texted which I'm sure he hasn't because he can call and even tho he's blocked I have android and my phone won't ring or no notification will be received but I can see it in my.call log. So I guess it helps just the idea of not knowing.

 

I'm going strong, well trying to. 1 week 6 days since break up and 7 days since I broke NC.

 

Have a good day! And All you beautiful ladies!

(I'm at work on YouTube watching shows and videos to pass the time)

 

Yes, that's the real text msgs we sent last night! Funny thing he dropped off after that. No goodnight like usual lol but that's okay. I am a confident person in general and I like teasing him tbh, he takes it well and I know he's laughing plus he's probably feeling a tinge of "OMG this girl is out of control" which makes him come back for more beating lol it's not nice but it just how we get along. It was that way from the get go. My confidence actually kept him attracted he said so I won't let him beat me down too much though I do get a pang of hurt here and there. We can be friends , this is only the second ex I can say that about. The others, pffffttttttt outta sight, outta mind, don't care.

 

Have fun going out! Socializing is good, plus it can make you tired so you sleep better! And it gives the "feel good" sensation that you need. I hope you have lots of laughs and make good memories, not just going out, but every day, no matter what you're doing! Stay strong! ((((hugs))))

[SweetGirl28]

We’ve also been broken up a week now. We got back into contact friday just gone and met up at 4am after he finished work and we both had ‘cuddles’ in the car and just told each other how much we love each other. Then Sunday we broke up because I had, had enough of his temper and him ignoring me all morning and being blunt with me and talking to me like after we agreed to sort things out. That’s when I blocked him and he got really horrible and malicious and haven’t had contact since Sunday as we both blocked each other. I’ve unblocked him as I don’t care I don’t constantly check his profile etc and t shows I’m a better person. I’m still blocked on everything on his side though but it doesn’t phase me. I just drove past his and I got a sigh of relief. Cried a little, as we used to spend every Thursday together as we both have it off work but it’s a good cry. Xx

 

Go ahead and cry, it's a good release for the emotions. Both you and Lauren are very recent in your breakups so the path ahead is still long, but you'll both get there. I'm far out now so I'm good. Don't go back to any situation where a guy cannot control his temper. And how awful about his mom, omg :( you're better off staying away even though it hurts. You can buy a new pillow, he can buy a new jumper. Those are small items. Easily replaceable. I was in an abusive relationship both verbal/physical and I tell you, the very first sign I detect of a temper, I run. Fast. I do not deal with yelling and being in my face. If a man can't respect me by not yelling, I'm not listening. I'm just gone. And I make it clear from the get go to not disrespect me like that. I have such a soft heart and I'll put with a lot, but that's a no no ! You make it clear too, whether it be him or anyone else, that if they raise their voice you're walking away. People don't realize yelling solves nothing. It's best to just stop, take a break until you can talk rationally, otherwise neither person even hears the other one. Take turns talking. Listen. Then you get your chance to reply. It's such a basic concept but in the heat of the moment people just don't stop to think.

[Kimbles1215]

Haha I wish I had a conversation like that with my ex, would be better than him hating me! I was just thinking, the thought of him with someone else actually is horrible. The feeling knowing one day he will meet someone else, could be soon or in the future. Just makes me feel worthless in a way. Anyone else think this way? X

[SweetGirl28]

Haha I wish I had a conversation like that with my ex, would be better than him hating me! I was just thinking, the thought of him with someone else actually is horrible. The feeling knowing one day he will meet someone else, could be soon or in the future. Just makes me feel worthless in a way. Anyone else think this way? X

 

That's normal. Once you find an attraction to someone else and are truly happy, it won't bother you.

When you have a sexual connection elsewhere where you feel loved, you won't think about it.

It hurts to think they are doing things and having fun with someone else, going to dinner, movies, parks, vacation, whatever you did together, but you have to try not to think about it. Focus on the bad and convince yourself the new girl will eventually get treated the same way when the honeymoon phase ends.

 

I was livid at the thought for a long time because the sex was off the charts but now, he didn't follow through on

his fwb offer he put out there to me, so I don't really care. I more think of it as how sad you're out there banging women

not connecting, like pfffttttttt that's his problem not mine! He says he's not but I honestly don't believe him. I mean no guy turns down ex sex especially when it's no strings attached. Yet here I am seeking a fwb too lol but I need a connection.

I have to find out first who they are, what they are about, their past, get tested, all of it. So it's gonna take me a while.

I think he's turning into like a gay BFF to me lol because we actually talk about this stuff. We are "unusual" in that sense.

Like he tells me he can't get hard if he's not attracted. I tell him no guys are getting me wet through a kiss. OMG we are just a mess together but it works for now. There's a definite strong like between us, but nothing else.

 

I went through weeks of being mad on weekends, thinking another woman was riding shotgun with him, getting ready for her date with him, holding his hand, his hand on her thigh when driving like it was with me. Dinner, drinking the wine that was once one to share with him.........lol now I don't care because he's so emotionally unavailable it's like trying to get through a brick wall using a spoon lol

[Lauren0020]

Hey Kimbles! I'm happy you ended up going out and enjoying yourself. Clearing your mind a bit. Yea I wouldn't have left it on his car, he'll call for it if he wants or might not as a way to still have a reason to contact you!

 

I'm hanging in there, time is flying. Thankfully!

[Lauren0020]

We’ve also been broken up a week now. We got back into contact friday just gone and met up at 4am after he finished work and we both had ‘cuddles’ in the car and just told each other how much we love each other. Then Sunday we broke up because I had, had enough of his temper and him ignoring me all morning and being blunt with me and talking to me like after we agreed to sort things out. That’s when I blocked him and he got really horrible and malicious and haven’t had contact since Sunday as we both blocked each other. I’ve unblocked him as I don’t care I don’t constantly check his profile etc and t shows I’m a better person. I’m still blocked on everything on his side though but it doesn’t phase me. I just drove past his and I got a sigh of relief. Cried a little, as we used to spend every Thursday together as we both have it off work but it’s a good cry. Xx

 

Be strong Kimbles :0(

Cry it out if you have to. Its still fresh.

[Lauren0020]

Yes, that's the real text msgs we sent last night! Funny thing he dropped off after that. No goodnight like usual lol but that's okay. I am a confident person in general and I like teasing him tbh, he takes it well and I know he's laughing plus he's probably feeling a tinge of "OMG this girl is out of control" which makes him come back for more beating lol it's not nice but it just how we get along. It was that way from the get go. My confidence actually kept him attracted he said so I won't let him beat me down too much though I do get a pang of hurt here and there. We can be friends , this is only the second ex I can say that about. The others, pffffttttttt outta sight, outta mind, don't care.

 

Have fun going out! Socializing is good, plus it can make you tired so you sleep better! And it gives the "feel good" sensation that you need. I hope you have lots of laughs and make good memories, not just going out, but every day, no matter what you're doing! Stay strong! ((((hugs))))

 

Thank you Sweetie! Will do! I'm actually looking forward to it!

 

***hug***