I'm literally losing my mind. I need Help.

[Lauren0020]

Very truthful Sweetie!

[airlee]

Hey Airlee! He still has attraction to you and it seems you might deep down inside have one for him somewhere deep, or atleast care and that's ok if u do because you all shared something. Only you know how u truly truly feel. Just go with your heart, if it desires to give this space then do so, remain friends?! Then do so. I think if it as we only get 1 life do what your heart feels as long as you're happy! And no you're not bad for using him as a handyman, that's the least he can do since you did get the apartment, u know.

 

 

No I havent heard from my old sad sack of bones. I'm still hoping I hear from him although I shouldn't be worried about that. Truth is...I am. And each fight I am literally fighting to not contact him. I want to hear his voice. I just want to squash the beef, even if we don't work things out, I just want to know were at a peaceful place and we go out separate ways but knowing he doesn't hate me and we can atleast be cordial.

 

 

I don't think I wanna be friends with him. In future yes, it's possible but not now. It's too early. I think I may still have feelings for him but from what I can see in his actions and how the way he talked to me/ text me, looks like he's moved on already, like he's happy. He is showing that he is enjoying the freedom however he remained nicey nicey and friendly, I perceive his actions as "I still care for you because I am a nice guy and because we have shared something but I am happy that I'm single now and I'm free and because I am a nice guy and I still care, you can count on me as friend"

That's all. I don't sense that he will come back (he brought my things back for god sake)

Because of these, it's kinda made me stronger to accept that we will never be back together.

And made me realized that he isn't really a good or right person to have a relationship with.

From what I can see, i think that he never loves me the way I did and wasn't as interested as I am that's probably why it's so easy for him to move on which again made me think that

He isn't really worthy of my thoughts, in my head is like "WTH! The bastard isn't even bothered and looks happy" so I thought, okay I'll do the same.

 

Your situation reminds me of my breakup with my previous ex 5 yrs ago when he disappeared and stopped messaging/calling me. I went absolutely mental because I didn't know what was his reasons behind on Why he suddenly stopped after being a year together. My mind was constantly looking for an answer. Called/email/text him but no response. It was painful not to know the reasons, All I ever wanted that moment is to know whether he hates me or not and would like us to have closure. Like yourself, I did some things that made me felt good but silly and that I shouldn't have done. But! I needed to get things of my chest went to his place twice, the first time I went, I dropped a letter and second time to get my things back (it was just an excuse) but he was so cold and only opened the door half opened, closed the door in my face and came back with my things. It was awful to experienced such treatment. I never get the chance to talk to him and he never reached out.

 

5 years later we became friends and at one point I was jokingly telling him about how he ignored my messages and letters and completely went incognito. He goes I didn't even bother reading your letters and he said "what's the point of me reading it and reaching out if we're done?! And that he was also hurting and was in the process of moving on hence he didn't reach out, it's how he handled the break up.

 

I was a little annoyed when I've heard it because

If he only knew what I have been trough that time. But it just shows that at that time that I didn't really matters to him, only himself;

 

Reason why I'm saying this is that I know it is painful this is for you but him not talking to you will lead you to get over it sooner than it you have contact with him. Please please don't message him. It won't matter to him I'm afraid.

Please show to him that you can carry on without him. Why is that he's managed to carry on his life without you? Please do the same.

 

 

Talking about no contact. I am a little down lately after my ex came to help me on Monday. I was already doing fine for 2 weeks before he came and now he never leaves my mind and I am now feeling miserable again, I shouldn't have let him come. Too early for us to be friends too early.

 

How is the NC going?

[Kimbles1215]

Airlee, that must’ve been awful. Similar situation happened 2 1/2 Years ago with my last ex. He broke up with me xmas day and never spoke to me again, got a new girlfriend few months later and she was taunting me for months and months until I punched her in the face because she had made so depressed and it took me a good year to get over it. Funny thing is, my recent ex punched the ex I’m referring too only a few months ago because he was telling my recent ex how I cheated on him when I was with him (wasn’t true, my ex, ex, ex told my ex, ex that and that’s why he ended it xmas day) but saw him out a few days ago and he apologised and said he had never stopped loving me and was flirting with me etc and I told him I was over it and not interested 2 1/2 years later! Never thought I’d see or hear from him again. Then Sunday before my recent ex and I ended, my ex, ex called me whilst I was on the train to football game with my dad and said he was drunk last night and sorry but he still misses me and I was shook! Never expected that. Hope this all makes sense btw? Trying not to say names haha. So basically I’ve always had trouble with exes, no matter how long ago they were. Every ex I’ve had has NEVER gotten over me fully and always come back or popped up years later. But I have a feeling this ex won’t come back. He was an arsehole though, I literally just went to message him and stopped myself and told my self NOT TO DO IT. he’s probably blocked me so it won’t send through anyway and what’s the point? For him to ignore me and me get more hurt. It seems so much is happening my old ex popped up and now I’m going through another breakup the same day my ex appeared. Sh** really! Although my old ex I’m not fussed by at all and I was 10000x hurt over him, that was officially a broken heart for me, I went spiralling into depression and couldn’t even get up for college some days. (College isn’t uni in England) so I was only 18 at the time!

 

Anyway, it’s nearly 12:30am and I can’t sleep. Battling with my thoughts so thought I’d talk on here even if it is too long to read. Hope everyone is feeling better today, keep your head up high and don’t not contact the ex!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the advice its helping me massively

[Kimbles1215]

Swear I can never leave one reply always has to be two lol. Really missing my ex, it’s more comfort I guess. Knowing he’s only working down the road until 7am and I’ll be going to work at that time.

 

I’m just shocked he hasn’t contacted me when he’s all alone at work during the night time and he suffers from depression (or so him and I thought) never been diagnosed.

 

He would always say ‘you think I’ll come crawling back but i wont’ and Id say I never expect you to come crawling back! he always thought, I thought I had him wrapped around my finger. He was so paranoid and always thought, I thought badly off him. Weird. But this time around he hasn’t come back, he usually does at some point. I think we’ve both realised enough is enough and it wasn’t going to work, both family’s hated one another and it wasn’t a good relationship. Too many negatives over took the good. That’s what I’m constantly telling myself. I know at work I’ll be struggling tomorrow but I’ll have to try and keep busy somewhat. Sleep well x

[airlee]

Airlee, that must’ve been awful. Similar situation happened 2 1/2 Years ago with my last ex. He broke up with me xmas day and never spoke to me again, got a new girlfriend few months later and she was taunting me for months and months until I punched her in the face because she had made so depressed and it took me a good year to get over it. Funny thing is, my recent ex punched the ex I’m referring too only a few months ago because he was telling my recent ex how I cheated on him when I was with him (wasn’t true, my ex, ex, ex told my ex, ex that and that’s why he ended it xmas day) but saw him out a few days ago and he apologised and said he had never stopped loving me and was flirting with me etc and I told him I was over it and not interested 2 1/2 years later! Never thought I’d see or hear from him again. Then Sunday before my recent ex and I ended, my ex, ex called me whilst I was on the train to football game with my dad and said he was drunk last night and sorry but he still misses me and I was shook! Never expected that. Hope this all makes sense btw? Trying not to say names haha. So basically I’ve always had trouble with exes, no matter how long ago they were. Every ex I’ve had has NEVER gotten over me fully and always come back or popped up years later. But I have a feeling this ex won’t come back. He was an arsehole though, I literally just went to message him and stopped myself and told my self NOT TO DO IT. he’s probably blocked me so it won’t send through anyway and what’s the point? For him to ignore me and me get more hurt. It seems so much is happening my old ex popped up and now I’m going through another breakup the same day my ex appeared. Sh** really! Although my old ex I’m not fussed by at all and I was 10000x hurt over him, that was officially a broken heart for me, I went spiralling into depression and couldn’t even get up for college some days. (College isn’t uni in England) so I was only 18 at the time!

 

Anyway, it’s nearly 12:30am and I can’t sleep. Battling with my thoughts so thought I’d talk on here even if it is too long to read. Hope everyone is feeling better today, keep your head up high and don’t not contact the ex!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the advice its helping me massively

 

 

You're doing great for not messaging him! Well done you! I broke up with my ex for 3 weeks now. It was like mutual (because we just had an argument) but I wasn't ready to end it. The text argument ended with him saying "I feel like we will always argue" to which I replied "oh we will, the moment I express myself and disagree with you" you see this man wants everything to go his way and I can never express my frustration/ things that he's done that made me upset or anything about him that I don't like otherwise he gets annoyed and always show signs of leaving me when he's stress like as he's not concerned at all to lose me. My last text was "you can never respect me and I'm tired being disrespected and not being recognized" he didn't reply. That night I had the feeling that he's gonna leave (as he always shows whenever we argue) I thought, if he will not message me the next morning,and will not help me with my moving (was moving to a new flat) then I thought, well,!that's it!! he's leaving! However, next morning, he's messaged me like everything was normal. It was my moving day. He goes "ready for action"? And he was being chatty and jokey, When I read it I thought it's one of those text arguments that we occasionally have and shrug off next day. Because I thought everything is back to normal, I proceeded my intent to rent a flat and went to the agency and paid all the fees, it was quite a lot of course but was happy as I thought it will be me and him in my new flat, I mean, the whole reason why I took the plunge of renting a whole flat on my own was because of him. Even choose a place that is closer to him so when he goes home to his brother it won't be too far. I have been living in shared house so having a place of my own was a big move and big decision, I thought it was all worth it because me and him will get to spend more time together. Later did I know that on that same night we had a text argument (the night before) he already made up his mind or leaving me. So when he came that night to help me he brought me coffee and chocolates as apparently we need energy lifting stuff. I had no clue that that was just all him being "nice" I only noticed later that night in the middle of moving stuff because I saw he picked up his pair of socks (that he left and I have been using) hanging at my radiator.

 

The Van that I hired was 3 hrs late and I was really stressed out and in panic that it may not turned up, means we would have to take all the things back in plus I just saw he's picked up his pair of socks, popped out so that he won't have to wait the van with me on the same room and was too distant like he wouldn't even sit in bed right next to me so I was very emotional that night but I used the "van" to put my blame on as an excuse.

During these moments, him who I expected to at least confide me and make me calm, Hug, Tao my back or at least talk was just laying in bed staring on the ceiling. Like he's an ice for too freaking cold.

Finally Van came and when we're in the van on the way to my new flat he was telling me about the area of my new flat and how can I enjoy it with my "friends" majority of times he was mentioning "my friends" he was obviously excluding himself which was too insensitive of him as he was aware that I got the flat because of him? And then after we've done all the moving he goes "all this stress of yours we never really had the chance to talk about us" then he started saying that I always blame him, I didn't say anything but by the looks of it he wanted to talk to point finger on me and not for solution. I did not want to talk that night and that was it, we left in there and the whole thing was like break up in silence, it wasn't mutual at all. He wanted out and assumed I wanted it too even thought I dint want us to be over.

 

I realized lately that I was dating with a narcissist. All the facts and sign was correct.

So I did not message him after that and lasted for a week without me messaging him, he message me and was asking if I was alright?

(he obviously expected me to be dramatic and beg for him but because I didn't do non of that, it got him thinking and so he messaged me.

 

My point of my story is that, I realized men will actually want things they can't have or things that doesn't go along their way. I'm sure he is very surprised that I did not message him at all knowing that I was so head over heels with him.

You see- his arrogance puts me off big time and even thinking of him my head shook of disbelief

Like why on earth I've left myself being treasured badly with this arshole.

 

Continue not messaging him and do bit oist anything on social media with cryptic messages /quotes. Do not show that you are affected and measurable. Of course you are, show your anger/disappointment to anyone but him. I suggest to write all the bad things he's done and write them down. When you're feeling down read them so bad memories will flash back.

 

As I mentioned. Silence is the best revenge and enjoying life without them.

 

Sleepy now [emoji42] goodnight x

[Lauren0020]

Airlee maybe you should put alittle more space between you two if you can when he came to help you that brought back some emotions there. Just try to avoid him if u can just for a bit (if u can) might be too early for just friends. That's what I would hope with my ex but deep down I dont want to be buddies I want him as my man. Our minds would tell us that but our speak a different language.

 

NC is still going strong, I was thinking about him alittle more than usual today and even thought about calling from a different number just to hear his voice but I decided against it

[Lauren0020]

Hang in there Kimbels! I'm going thru it right with you. I just hate this. I wish I could pull up to his house and throw an egg lol!

 

I keep saying to myself, Hes a loser! And has some issues and it's not me so it sucks for him and whoever else he end up with (temporarily) it's a cycle.

[Lauren0020]

Swear I can never leave one reply always has to be two lol. Really missing my ex, it’s more comfort I guess. Knowing he’s only working down the road until 7am and I’ll be going to work at that time.

 

I’m just shocked he hasn’t contacted me when he’s all alone at work during the night time and he suffers from depression (or so him and I thought) never been diagnosed.

 

He would always say ‘you think I’ll come crawling back but i wont’ and Id say I never expect you to come crawling back! he always thought, I thought I had him wrapped around my finger. He was so paranoid and always thought, I thought badly off him. Weird. But this time around he hasn’t come back, he usually does at some point. I think we’ve both realised enough is enough and it wasn’t going to work, both family’s hated one another and it wasn’t a good relationship. Too many negatives over took the good. That’s what I’m constantly telling myself. I know at work I’ll be struggling tomorrow but I’ll have to try and keep busy somewhat. Sleep well x

 

Kimbles try to think about his schedule, occupy your mind. I would think about my ex schedule sometimes I still look at the clock and try and guess when hes currently driving, getting out the car, clocking in...lol....when u think about it its obsessive. Obsessive thinking. Hes not thinking about my schedule or when I eat or get to work or the time I get home, if he was he would be calling. To heck with his schedule, I hope he show up late and get written up lol that makes me feel alittle better.

 

Keep your mind relaxed but at the same time busy. Were gonna meet amazing men and get thru this. Night night!

 

His relationship before me FAILED. Ours failed....one thing in common and that's him. Hes the problem. I dont know his ex from a can of peas but were not with him. He needs help and to find himself.

[Lauren0020]

Awww Airlee, I'm sorry that happened, seem like he was looking for a way out and not knowing how to say it but still doesnt seem like hes done because he messaged to check on u so he havent cut all ties. Its better NC because I felt good breaking it for the moment to get things off my chest but the fact that he never responded makes me regret breaking it. So I keep that in mind everytime I'm tempted to break it again, even though I really want to call from a different number. I gotta be strong though, we gotta be strong!

[Kimbles1215]

Thanks for the advice guys! yes, airlee try not to have any contact with him it'll only hurt you more, and it seems he's a narcissist similar to my ex. They're not good for the soul, they make us think it's always our fault when most of the time it isn't.

 

Yes, that's what I'm trying to do Lauren, it's hard but I'm constantly telling myself he isn't someone I should want to be with because he's not a good person. Before we were together he seemed PERFECT. couldn't fault him, always took me out for drinks, meals and we would always be with each other until I decided ok lets give it a go and after a month that's when he changed. 30% of the arguments were me because I became very insecure as he didn't want to go out or do anything, he constantly wanted to stay in and I was getting bored and felt like he didn't want me around all the time and I'd ask if I can see him and he would be like 'up to you' but the majority of the time he would ask me if I was coming round. I got a bit paranoid for no reason really, I just felt he didn't care as much, wasn't telling me he loved me first or anything. but after I had a massive chat with him which resulted in us arguing for days on end because he couldn't understand why I felt that way. Although I explained I wanted him to make more effort and for us to start going out and doing things instead of staying in constantly, he thought I was moaning at him, which I wasn't I was asking for him to participate and make effort. He just took things the wrong way constantly and it always resulted in us arguing. Got to out of hand over the smallest of things!!!! he hasn't had a relationship for a good year or so when he met me, but he's slept around a lot whereas I've always been in relationships I've never slept around apart from one time with his best mate before we were even a thing, which he also found out and called me all sorts of names, broke up with me and went round to his mates house on his motorbike drunk and smashed his door in and threatened to kill him because his mate knew my ex liked me from day 1. CRAZY RIGHT?!

 

Anyway, we all make mistakes we just learn from them, Every relationship I've had has been a massive fail. I just want to know when I will find someone who is on my level and where it'll last longer than a 6 months!!

 

I tried to make it up to him so many times, being nice, coming toi see him all the time, bringing him food, taking him out but as soon as I couldn't see him when HE wanted to see me at a specific time he would break up with me or block me. Was F***** ridiculous!!! so I know im better without. I feel there's so much I have to say its crazy really. Once I start typing I can't stop. So much more happened I just haven't got the time to explain. I guess i'll have to do it in bits.

 

How is everyone today, whats their plan? I'm, currently at work typing this lol

[Lauren0020]

Kimbles that's crazy he has anger issues and he seems to be the one that's insecure. Hopefully the right one is soon around the corner, cant keep having failed relationships. I know its tough, I think the same thing sometimes but I'm trying to remain optimistic and hope for the best. Keep your head held high!

[Kimbles1215]

Thank you! I nearly caved in last night! I went out and had a few drinks and got home and nearly broke NC. I called him to see if he’s blocked me on messages and calls etc. He has! luckily otherwise I would’ve messaged him. Jesus :(

[Kimbles1215]

SOS I tried calling my ex and luckily it was blocked as I said, HE JUST CALLED ME! was eating my breakfast st work and he called me and I didn’t know whether to answer or decline! I left it raining for a while then he called again so I answered and he asked why I rang him last night and if I was out on the ‘piss’ and I wanted to use him for a lift but I’m sure I was blocked?!?! And I said I don’t know why I called you must’ve been an accident and now he’s messaged me asking why I called him.

[SweetGirl28]

SOS I tried calling my ex and luckily it was blocked as I said, HE JUST CALLED ME! was eating my breakfast st work and he called me and I didn’t know whether to answer or decline! I left it raining for a while then he called again so I answered and he asked why I rang him last night and if I was out on the ‘piss’ and I wanted to use him for a lift but I’m sure I was blocked?!?! And I said I don’t know why I called you must’ve been an accident and now he’s messaged me asking why I called him.

 

 

Don't jump on that crazy train again. This battle of push and pull will not heal you.

 

Block him! At least delete him so that you can't reach out so easily. I delete mine after every last text or conversation we have so I can't reach out and he's not even toxic to me. I'm just trying to give him the space he gave us by dumping me months ago lol. He wanted to be free, he is. From me at least .

 

And guys, I don't care the age, they get turned off by drinking and drunk dialing. They lose respect fast for you .

The next time you go out drinking give your phone to a friend so you don't do that again.

[Kimbles1215]

So I’ve been speaking to him on the phone, and he’s turned nasty and emotionally abusive. Calling me a tart, saying it’s always been my fault, he’s never done anything wrong. Saying I’m disgusting etc etc. That it’s always been my fault, he’s never done anything wrong. He’s ing psycho! Trying to make me believe it’s me! I’ve tried calmly telling him he needs to go and see someone because he’s not right in the head and he needs help. I know he’s going to become like my ex who I was with years ago who theeanted me and hit me, neve rleft me alone. Always threatened me. I never thought he’d turn out to be like this. As soon as I hung up and had enough he called me and was calmly spoken then would start being emotionally and mentally abusive to me again. Made me realise why I’m not with him. He makes me sick to the stomach that he honestly believes that I never cared or loved him. It’s crazy how can someone be that blind!

[airlee]

It has been a lonely Saturday night. So down that I feel like I just wanna end everything. You see guys, I don't have people around me. I don't have friends . I have "so called" friends.

 

I have one good friend but I cannot tell her my situation that me and ex broke up 3 weeks ago. She's just met my then bf a week before we Broke up and worried that she and her partner would make a not very nice comment. I remember I told them about my issue with my ex a few years ago and I was being criticized and even until now they use that criticism about me as a joke. Her view in relationship is very different maybe I would say, very cultural. Like she would do and take everything good or bad to stay with her partner as apparently women meant to sacrifice and put up all the "e" of men... to which, I don't agree. So this is the reason why I can't tell her.

 

My other friend only remembers me when she's having troubles with her partner and barely calls me. Whenever she's down, I'm always with her and keep texting her to follow up but she never seem to have time for me now that I need her.

 

And 2 is my friends also don't have time to see or text me to see how I am coping. Tried to reach out but they always have an excuse not to call/see me.

 

I am now starting to doubt myself. I don't think I am a horrible person? I can't seem to find people cares the way I do or at least would do the same thing I did for them.

 

It was so busy in the city earlier, sun was out and I walked past the nice massive park opposite my flat and sadness hits. The city is vibrant and people are out, plenty of things to do. Pub Was packed. there was a fun fare.

I thought I've just moved to this place full of character yet I can't enjoy it because it's just me.

 

It's Saturday night and everyone on the streets/ people on the train are all dressed up for a night out but me no one even messaged me today, my phone is so dry.

 

I came home and my flat still a mess full of things, I thought I should tidy this place up and appreciate that I have my own place and then sadness hits again, this flat meant to be for us and having a flat of my own being single is pointless anyway, I could of have stayed in a shared house. Cheaper and at least there are people I can talk with.

 

I'm alone in London. I don't have any family here. Non even cousins. I have non blood related auntie in Southampton as she is an older friend of mine but she never really calls, I guess cos I am not a family so it's easy for them not to pay attention to me. And I cannot again tell my issue because they haven't met my ex yet. I'm sure they will only tell me "oh cmmon just forget and move on"

 

I am going crazy here too. I wanna do something but it'll most likely just me on my own. I think this what makes it really hard for me compare to other people that is on the same boat as me because I don't have anyone. Literally none. I have been calling people and been telling my problems but I never really receive a call back/text. No one called me and ask how I am coping and whether I would like to have tea with them.

 

Sometimes the thought of him being out and about with his friends tonight also bothering me

It got me thinking that weekends are normally our time together and had we not broken up maybe I am out tonight too with him, I quickly shrug it off and try to get rid that thought.

 

But really, all of these comes down to me being single then being single led me to think about him then led me to think about how he gave up on me then it got me thinking how unfair he was, my emotion suddenly turn to anger. I had a stressful day at work then it got me thinking that I don't have anyone to rant then it reminds me of him.

 

I am lonely. I have been very busy at work, gym, shopping stuff for flat. I am making myself but when you're on your own like literally just you alone is overwhelming.

 

Sometimes I thought what's the point of living when I am sad and alone. I have always been alone for the most of my life and lost contact with friends as I moved to country to county a lot.

 

I thought I have been very strong but lately I'm a mess and today it really hit me.

 

:'(

 

Hope everyone is doing alright and enjoying the Saturday night.

[SweetGirl28]

It has been a lonely Saturday night. So down that I feel like I just wanna end everything. You see guys, I don't have people around me. I don't have friends . I have "so called" friends.

 

I have one good friend but I cannot tell her my situation that me and ex broke up 3 weeks ago. She's just met my then bf a week before we Broke up and worried that she and her partner would make a not very nice comment. I remember I told them about my issue with my ex a few years ago and I was being criticized and even until now they use that criticism about me as a joke. Her view in relationship is very different maybe I would say, very cultural. Like she would do and take everything good or bad to stay with her partner as apparently women meant to sacrifice and put up all the "e" of men... to which, I don't agree. So this is the reason why I can't tell her.

 

My other friend only remembers me when she's having troubles with her partner and barely calls me. Whenever she's down, I'm always with her and keep texting her to follow up but she never seem to have time for me now that I need her.

 

And 2 is my friends also don't have time to see or text me to see how I am coping. Tried to reach out but they always have an excuse not to call/see me.

 

I am now starting to doubt myself. I don't think I am a horrible person? I can't seem to find people cares the way I do or at least would do the same thing I did for them.

 

It was so busy in the city earlier, sun was out and I walked past the nice massive park opposite my flat and sadness hits. The city is vibrant and people are out, plenty of things to do. Pub Was packed. there was a fun fare.

I thought I've just moved to this place full of character yet I can't enjoy it because it's just me.

 

It's Saturday night and everyone on the streets/ people on the train are all dressed up for a night out but me no one even messaged me today, my phone is so dry.

 

I came home and my flat still a mess full of things, I thought I should tidy this place up and appreciate that I have my own place and then sadness hits again, this flat meant to be for us and having a flat of my own being single is pointless anyway, I could of have stayed in a shared house. Cheaper and at least there are people I can talk with.

 

I'm alone in London. I don't have any family here. Non even cousins. I have non blood related auntie in Southampton as she is an older friend of mine but she never really calls, I guess cos I am not a family so it's easy for them not to pay attention to me. And I cannot again tell my issue because they haven't met my ex yet. I'm sure they will only tell me "oh cmmon just forget and move on"

 

I am going crazy here too. I wanna do something but it'll most likely just me on my own. I think this what makes it really hard for me compare to other people that is on the same boat as me because I don't have anyone. Literally none. I have been calling people and been telling my problems but I never really receive a call back/text. No one called me and ask how I am coping and whether I would like to have tea with them.

 

Sometimes the thought of him being out and about with his friends tonight also bothering me

It got me thinking that weekends are normally our time together and had we not broken up maybe I am out tonight too with him, I quickly shrug it off and try to get rid that thought.

 

But really, all of these comes down to me being single then being single led me to think about him then led me to think about how he gave up on me then it got me thinking how unfair he was, my emotion suddenly turn to anger. I had a stressful day at work then it got me thinking that I don't have anyone to rant then it reminds me of him.

 

I am lonely. I have been very busy at work, gym, shopping stuff for flat. I am making myself but when you're on your own like literally just you alone is overwhelming.

 

Sometimes I thought what's the point of living when I am sad and alone. I have always been alone for the most of my life and lost contact with friends as I moved to country to county a lot.

 

I thought I have been very strong but lately I'm a mess and today it really hit me.

 

:'(

 

Hope everyone is doing alright and enjoying the Saturday night.

 

You're in so much pain, I'm sorry :( I'm usually surrounded by couples and it hurts because I want the intimacy yet I just have a barrier I can't let down yet. Lonliness is such a bad feeling and weekend nights can hurt the most.

 

Is it possible for you to move back where you were? There's nothing worse than feeling isolated and alone in a new place.

[Lauren0020]

Omg Kimbles!!!! How do you feel now that you've broken NC?! do u feel better inside? What are you're emotions? Relief? Nervous? Butterflies? Kinda like u want to give it another shot?

[Lauren0020]

I agree Sweetgirl! It's so hard.

 

Kimbles, hang tough doll!

[Lauren0020]

So I’ve been speaking to him on the phone, and he’s turned nasty and emotionally abusive. Calling me a tart, saying it’s always been my fault, he’s never done anything wrong. Saying I’m disgusting etc etc. That it’s always been my fault, he’s never done anything wrong. He’s ing psycho! Trying to make me believe it’s me! I’ve tried calmly telling him he needs to go and see someone because he’s not right in the head and he needs help. I know he’s going to become like my ex who I was with years ago who theeanted me and hit me, neve rleft me alone. Always threatened me. I never thought he’d turn out to be like this. As soon as I hung up and had enough he called me and was calmly spoken then would start being emotionally and mentally abusive to me again. Made me realise why I’m not with him. He makes me sick to the stomach that he honestly believes that I never cared or loved him. It’s crazy how can someone be that blind!

 

Omg Kimbles! Makes me mad to hear how hes spoken to you in such a disrespectful manner! He's disgusting, and a nasty pop tart. What a wacko. Stay strong restart NC again. It'll be for the best.

[Lauren0020]

It has been a lonely Saturday night. So down that I feel like I just wanna end everything. You see guys, I don't have people around me. I don't have friends . I have "so called" friends.

 

I have one good friend but I cannot tell her my situation that me and ex broke up 3 weeks ago. She's just met my then bf a week before we Broke up and worried that she and her partner would make a not very nice comment. I remember I told them about my issue with my ex a few years ago and I was being criticized and even until now they use that criticism about me as a joke. Her view in relationship is very different maybe I would say, very cultural. Like she would do and take everything good or bad to stay with her partner as apparently women meant to sacrifice and put up all the "e" of men... to which, I don't agree. So this is the reason why I can't tell her.

 

My other friend only remembers me when she's having troubles with her partner and barely calls me. Whenever she's down, I'm always with her and keep texting her to follow up but she never seem to have time for me now that I need her.

 

And 2 is my friends also don't have time to see or text me to see how I am coping. Tried to reach out but they always have an excuse not to call/see me.

 

I am now starting to doubt myself. I don't think I am a horrible person? I can't seem to find people cares the way I do or at least would do the same thing I did for them.

 

It was so busy in the city earlier, sun was out and I walked past the nice massive park opposite my flat and sadness hits. The city is vibrant and people are out, plenty of things to do. Pub Was packed. there was a fun fare.

I thought I've just moved to this place full of character yet I can't enjoy it because it's just me.

 

It's Saturday night and everyone on the streets/ people on the train are all dressed up for a night out but me no one even messaged me today, my phone is so dry.

 

I came home and my flat still a mess full of things, I thought I should tidy this place up and appreciate that I have my own place and then sadness hits again, this flat meant to be for us and having a flat of my own being single is pointless anyway, I could of have stayed in a shared house. Cheaper and at least there are people I can talk with.

 

I'm alone in London. I don't have any family here. Non even cousins. I have non blood related auntie in Southampton as she is an older friend of mine but she never really calls, I guess cos I am not a family so it's easy for them not to pay attention to me. And I cannot again tell my issue because they haven't met my ex yet. I'm sure they will only tell me "oh cmmon just forget and move on"

 

I am going crazy here too. I wanna do something but it'll most likely just me on my own. I think this what makes it really hard for me compare to other people that is on the same boat as me because I don't have anyone. Literally none. I have been calling people and been telling my problems but I never really receive a call back/text. No one called me and ask how I am coping and whether I would like to have tea with them.

 

Sometimes the thought of him being out and about with his friends tonight also bothering me

It got me thinking that weekends are normally our time together and had we not broken up maybe I am out tonight too with him, I quickly shrug it off and try to get rid that thought.

 

But really, all of these comes down to me being single then being single led me to think about him then led me to think about how he gave up on me then it got me thinking how unfair he was, my emotion suddenly turn to anger. I had a stressful day at work then it got me thinking that I don't have anyone to rant then it reminds me of him.

 

I am lonely. I have been very busy at work, gym, shopping stuff for flat. I am making myself but when you're on your own like literally just you alone is overwhelming.

 

Sometimes I thought what's the point of living when I am sad and alone. I have always been alone for the most of my life and lost contact with friends as I moved to country to county a lot.

 

I thought I have been very strong but lately I'm a mess and today it really hit me.

 

:'(

 

Hope everyone is doing alright and enjoying the Saturday night.

 

Airlee you are a prize! You are special, dont feel worthless. Those girls are not really you're friends, just call them associates. I dont really have friends and it's ok. People are so fake and cant be trusted. Like Sweetgirl suggested it might not be that easy but can u move or atleast if u cant now just think about moving to a new place wherever u will meet new people as well. Things will change. I'm here anything or whatever you want to talk about.

 

 

I'm considering breaking NC you all. I have a different phone number so I was gonna call from that just to see if he answers not call from my number or anything and not leave any voicemail. He wouldn't know it was me.

 

I can't fight it anymore. I'm calling. It's on my mind too much.

[gonewrong]

So sorry you feel that way. I can relate. If you want to talk, I am here. I am going through something as well so not sure what we can do but cry together.

[Lauren0020]

I'm breaking NC and I'm so scared. My stomach is in knots.

[SweetGirl28]

Airlee you are a prize! You are special, dont feel worthless. Those girls are not really you're friends, just call them associates. I dont really have friends and it's ok. People are so fake and cant be trusted. Like Sweetgirl suggested it might not be that easy but can u move or atleast if u cant now just think about moving to a new place wherever u will meet new people as well. Things will change. I'm here anything or whatever you want to talk about.

 

 

I'm considering breaking NC you all. I have a different phone number so I was gonna call from that just to see if he answers not call from my number or anything and not leave any voicemail. He wouldn't know it was me.

 

I can't fight it anymore. I'm calling. It's on my mind too much.

 

 

No! Don't do that! Omg girlie! You need to dip your fingers in cement so you can't hit those numbers!

You will cause yourself a setback :(

[Lauren0020]

So sorry you feel that way. I can relate. If you want to talk, I am here. I am going through something as well so not sure what we can do but cry together.

 

 

 

So sorry you feel that way. I can relate. If you want to talk, I am here. I am going through something as well so not sure what we can do but cry together.

 

Hey GW, what are u going through? "Come join us" (AA meeting voice) were here!