Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 I am 24/F and ex is 24/M. My ex is dating a new girl. Says I am better than her in every single way except that I have some impulse control issues and get upset easily. He wants me to fix those things. We also have trust issues from past mistakes. He is now dating another girl who he says he isn’t compatible with long term but he wants to give this relationship his all and let it fail on its own instead of it failing because he backed away too quickly. He is hoping she will change and become more healthy, fit, intelligent, and organized. He says she isn’t his best friend whereas we were inseparable and always hung out and had a great time just as best friends. He says he wants me to work on my issues and in the meantime he would like to just play things out with her because he wants to know what he wants and doesn’t want in a relationship. He says there’s a ten percent chance he would wanna marry her. He says he will text me when they break up and I told him to not reach out to me unless they’re over because that wouldn’t be fair to her. He says I am so much better. That he and I are “elite” whereas she isn’t elite. She isn’t healthy and intelligent and someone who would push him to be a better person. He says I am that person. Yet he says he loves her now. And that is okay. It doesn’t mean he wants to be with her for forever though. He just wants this relationship to run its course and he thinks it will probably fall apart just because they’re not really compatible lifestyle wise but he is thinking maybe she could change but he hasn’t seen any changes yet. TLDR: my ex is seeing someone new. Wants their relationship to run its course to find out what he wants in life. Says I am the best thing that’s happened to him but I need to work on my impulse and anger issues. In the meantime he wants to seriously date someone else. What do I think and do? What do I make of all of this? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 How long have you two been broken up? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 There is no way to know if he has a diagnosable condition. Why are you still holding on after all this time? How many years are you willing to put your life on hold for someone who is in a relationship with someone else? Link to comment
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Does he seem manipulative and narcissistic? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 You create a daily thread on this situation. Why do you refuse to listen to any of the advice? Many of us have answered your question many times. He has a gf. he does not want to be with you. Move on. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Does he seem manipulative and narcissistic? No. He is a jerk. He also seems like a guy who is playing you for his ego. He enjoys watching you desperately holding out for him, after a year's time. He does not care about or respect you. Link to comment
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 You create a daily thread on this situation. Why do you refuse to listen to any of the advice? Many of us have answered your question many times. He has a gf. he does not want to be with you. Move on. Why would he berate her? Make her seem stupid and fat? Say that I am elite compared to her and that he just wants to give her a shot? That ideally he would want to be with me? Link to comment
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 No. He is a jerk. He also seems like a guy who is playing you for his ego. He enjoys watching you desperately holding out for him, after a year's time. He does not care about or respect you. Aren’t jerks manipulative and narcissistic? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Why would he berate her? Make her seem stupid and fat? Say that I am elite compared to her and that he just wants to give her a shot? That ideally he would want to be with me? To keep you hanging on. For some reason you believe it. If he really felt that way about her, he would not be with her. His actions show this. He has no desire to be with you, or he would be. He strings you along for his ego and occasional sex. How much more of your life are you going to waste on this? His words mean zero. He does not want to be with you. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Aren’t jerks manipulative and narcissistic? What does it matter? He does not want to be with you! Are you seeking therapy? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 What makes this guy such a prize?he sounds like a POS! If he is saying such horrible things about a girl he is in a relationship with - and considering marriage - I can only imagine how badly he talks about you. Igori, how have things gotten so bad for you that you allow this man to repeatedly show you such a level of disrespect. You have to know that he is only using you, and has no intention of any future with you. Are you going to waste another year of your life waiting for his phone calls and occasional sex. This is a sad situation. It is also disgraceful to the gf. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 There is no way to know if he has a diagnosable condition. Why are you still holding on after all this time? How many years are you willing to put your life on hold for someone who is in a relationship with someone else? Still wondering about what I asked previously. Link to comment
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Still wondering about what I asked previously. I guess not anymore. He truly is with someone else and doesn’t want me anymore. He told me he only looks at my social media accounts because he knows I can see who looks and he just wanted to make me feel like he still cares. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 I guess not anymore. He truly is with someone else and doesn’t want me anymore. He told me he only looks at my social media accounts because he knows I can see who looks and he just wanted to make me feel like he still cares. How would that indicate that someone cares? That is a ridiculous thing for him to say. It makes no sense. You show someone you care, by treating them with love and respect. You don't cheat with them and string them along. I hope you will finally block and delete him. Link to comment
1a1a Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Why would you want to be with some who would date someone he doesn’t see a future with? He’s lieing to his current partner, he’ll lie to you too. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Why would you want to be with some who would date someone he doesn’t see a future with? He’s lieing to his current partner, he’ll lie to you too. The OP is the ex. She knows him very well. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 OP, at the risk of being blunt, you need to get help with this fixation you have on him. You open thread after thread after thread, always asking the same questions about him. You get the same advice time after time, and you're still beating this dead horse. This isn't about him anymore. It's about you and your absolute refusal and inability to let go. Link to comment
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Why would you want to be with some who would date someone he doesn’t see a future with? He’s lieing to his current partner, he’ll lie to you too. Is he just lying to me to prevent me from freaking out and going crazy? Why spend time with someone who you don’t see a future with? Link to comment
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 OP, at the risk of being blunt, you need to get help with this fixation you have on him. You open thread after thread after thread, always asking the same questions about him. You get the same advice time after time, and you're still beating this dead horse. This isn't about him anymore. It's about you and your absolute refusal and inability to let go. I know. It is just so hard to let go of him when he lies to me. Tells me sweet nothings. I guess he does really love this girl and she must be great despite EVERYTHING he has told me about her being less elite than him. Link to comment
Birdie Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 If you block him and cut contact then he can’t tell you “sweet nothings”. You have to put some effort into moving forward. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Aren’t jerks manipulative and narcissistic? A better question for you would be to ask yourself why you're giving this jerk (to use the technical term) any of your spare thinking time at all. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. On your own admission, you've got a lot going for you and would probably have no difficulty finding a partner who really cared about you - but you won't, while you remain fixated on this guy. Your potential for growth won't be fulfilled by paying attention to what this guy thinks is wrong with you (in other words, how can you twist your personality to suit him?) but by looking at the things in your life which are genuinely holding you back. Your compulsion to hang onto contact with him is one of them. Link to comment
j.man Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 What anger issues is he talking about? Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Aren’t jerks manipulative and narcissistic? NARC's or Manipulators generally lie that there is someone else, while they are playing you... They also want to be with you while in search of their new supply.... Once they hook on to the new supply, they discard the old supply....or backburner them, keep them around for just in case... Usually they flaunt their new supply via social media (they do not like confrontation)....So, they wouldn't be contacting you directly and discussing their new prospect with you like that.... Once they discard the new supply, then they may resurface and try to win you over again...Especially if they have not secured another source.... Link to comment
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 NARC's or Manipulators generally lie that there is someone else, while they are playing you... They also want to be with you while in search of their new supply.... Once they hook on to the new supply, they discard the old supply....or backburner them, keep them around for just in case... Usually they flaunt their new supply via social media (they do not like confrontation)....So, they wouldn't be contacting you directly and discussing their new prospect with you like that.... Once they discard the new supply, then they may resurface and try to win you over again...Especially if they have not secured another source.... He kept me around for months until he really liked this girl. Lied to me about seeing her. He would shame me for moving on. When I told him I was seeing someone new he refused to speak to me for a month to let me sorry my feelings out. Turns out he was getting cozy with this new girl instead. He talks about her. He says she isn’t elite and she is someone who he would be settling for. But he wants to see how it goes. Meanwhile he praises me but says that I have a temper and can overthink things and can get very angry and upset when I feel I am being lied to. Which is true. But why did he hav to lie all the time then? The only reason I knew he was seeing someone else was that I made him an Instagram account so I knew the password. I saw he looked up this one girl multiple times when I felt something was off about him not wanting to speak to me at all for a month. I asked him about it multiple times and he finally told me about her. I deleted the Instagram then because I no longer wanted access like that and he refused to change the password. It would be too painful to know all the details. Link to comment
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