Stay or go

[JacksM13]

Ok so this is long but Ill try to shorten this up ad much as possible. In 2016, I met a girl and fell in love. Im gay and she is “straight.” She told me she had feelings for me and we soon began dating. We were together for 5 months. Immediately after me, she was in a new relationship with a guy. 2 months of no contact and she emails me telling me she still loved me. Her and the boyfriend break up and her and I get back together for 11 months. 2 weeks before she broke up with me, she was telling me how in love with me she was. How all she wanted in this world was me. How she fell for me as a person and that she never thought of herself as bi/gay. We were beyond great. Within those 2 weeks, we both suffered a loss, which to her destroyed her and made her question things. She said she needed time which i gave her. She then again immediately starts dating a guy and lied to me about it. I basically told her to eff off even though we have mutual friends we see atleast once a week. Told her to leave me alone and kept my space which she did for a month. Birthday passes and I tell her i dont care if she contacts me and everyday for 2 weeks after, she would text me all throughout the day. We kinda shared a cat, and she would send me videos/pics of the cat. Ive caught her starring at me whenever shes around me. She still tells me she loves me and misses me but again has a boyfriend. And when she tells me that she loves and misses me, i cant take it because i dont know if shes talking platonic or if she still loves me loves me. She even once waited outside for me for over 15 mintues in 15 degree weather just so her and i could walk into our friends apt together which i thought was really odd. I know i can never take her back, but im wondering if it sounds like she still loves me or if im just overthinking things because i still love her deeply. Its been over 3 months and i havent gotten over her. Ive talked to other girls but really have no interest in any of them because i sadly still love my ex.

[DanZee]

Well, you didn't say what the loss was, and that may have something to do with your girlfriend suddenly deciding to take up with a guy. Was this a mother or a grandmother dying? Without further information, I would say your girlfriend is just confused and she is torn between you and the heterosexual world. She may be feeling pressure from her family to date guys and one day settle down and get married.

 

The question is what's best for you, and the answer might be to just block contact with her. Her constantly texting you and sending you pictures and even showing up where you'll be is just re-opening that wound you're feeling from the break up. Maybe you need to give her an ultimatum: either we get back together or you leave me alone. You don't need a confused hetero messing up your life. Just my opinion. Do with it what you will.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she's bi/polyamorous and loves you both, so you can never have a one-on-one purely lesbian relationship with her.

She still tells me she loves me and misses me but again has a boyfriend.

[DancingFool]

She may be in denial about being bi, but she sure isn't straight. Either way, she has moved on to some else. What that means for you is that you must work doing the same - move on. Three months is really not that long in terms of healing. The fact that you keep in contact and keep seeing each other socially doesn't help you. Do your best to avoid her for a while, quit talking with her and give yourself an honest chance to actually start healing. If that means finding some new friends, branching out, joining new hobbies, so be it. Be good to yourself and stop wondering if she loves loves you. If she really did, you'd be together. It's that simple really.

[catfeeder]

It doesn't really make sense to invest in hope for a dedicated love from someone who keeps taking up with other people. I'd consider her care to be platonic and I'd limit my exposure to being civil whenever your paths cross.

 

Grief sucks, but same is true for everyone. I'd expand my circle of friends to form new friendships outside of your shared circle, and I'd invest in babying myself for a while and forming closer bonds with family and the people in my life who deserve my investment.

 

Head high.